L. Joe:

I was tired of hearing them talk about things that hardly mattered to me at all. I just nodded my head where I needed to and laugh when they all did. I was bored out of my mind.

God, somebody just help me!

I think we were there for the whole party, I wasn’t sure any longer. My cheeks had already started hurting from smiling too much. But sometime later, I think my brother had some mercy on me, he excused us from the group only to drag me off somewhere else.

“Where are you taking me now?” I asked.

“We need to discuss something, privately.” He said briskly, pulling me by my arm.

He kept pulling me till we reached outside. He left my arm but still kept walking forward so I followed behind. It was cool outside, the weather here was always so cold but today was a lil bearable. Soon we reached some fountain, he sat on the bench near it and patted the space beside him. I went and sat down beside him.

“What is it?” I asked impatiently. I was feeling unnerving with only the two of us.

“You are still an impatient brat. Didn’t you learn anything at all?” he said laughing out loud.

I just kept quiet and stared at the fountain, trying my best to ignore his presence right now.

“Oh my God! Can’t you take a lil joke? After that day it’s like I can’t even have fun with you anymore. You take everything so seriously.” He said looking at me intently.

I could feel his stare but I still didn’t say a thing, distracting myself and keeping my temper in check.

“At least you learned to control your temper, that’s one good thing. If it was the old you, I think we would have already started to beat each other.” He said letting out a sigh.

“Why did you bring me here?” I asked again.

“Can’t a brother ask for their dongsaeng’s company?” he said sadly.

With that both of us just kept quiet and stared at the fountain. Before it was so easy for the both of us to talk and have fun together. Now I don’t know what to say and not start an argument. I don’t know how long we sat like that. It felt like hours but it was only a few minutes.

I couldn’t bear the silence anymore so I asked “How’s mom doing?”

“She is doing well, she misses you a lot. You were always a mama’s boy.” He said with a soft smile on his face.

“And you were dad’s favourite. Somehow I’m glad to have been sent here, it was getting arduous to keep up out there.” I said truthfully. “It’s so much better here.”

“Are you saying that you don’t want me to interfere in your life anymore? Cause it feels that way.” He said stunned.

“I didn’t mean it that way, I don’t know anything anymore. Shouldn’t we be getting back anyway?” I said trying to escape from here.

“Do you hate me that much?” Hyung said sadly.

My breath hitched. Though we had many disagreement but I still loved him as a brother but it has been hard to express myself these days.

“It’s not like that, you know that I care about you a lot. It’s just hard to forget it so soon.” I tried to make him understand.

“Then why did you hide the truth? Why didn’t you say it was not you?” he asked quietly.

“It was no use and I didn’t want anybody else to suffer cause it was my faulty indirectly. Plus it’s all in the past now.” I said nonchalantly.

“Don’t try to act so tough!” he exclaimed. “Do you know mom was so ashamed that she believe you when you tried to tell the truth and that she wasn’t on your side when you needed somebody by your side.” He said getting more and more frustrated.

“It’s all over now and it did show me who I can count on from here on.” I replied calmly. “You all don’t need to take any more trouble. I’m okay.”

“Why the hell are you so calm?” he shouted loudly. “Why aren’t you angry like you should be?”

“I’m starting anew here. I don’t want to hold any grudges, it becomes a burden which I don’t want nor need. I have my friends here with me who will be there for me till the very end.” I said smiling at him. “You all don’t need to worry anymore.”