Time for a swim!

The Matchmaker's Masterplan !!

" I love today.Saturday..." sighed Daehyun, as he watered his small bush of unknown, ugly plants in his garden.

" I finally get my wish. I love this. Once I get my money in total, I'm thinking of establishing a Matchmaking company. A big company. It can be called.. J.D Corporation. And I shall be the only one working there" grinned Daehyun, splashing water at a cat who was passing by, mistaking it to be a part of his plant. It yowled and hissed, giving Daehyun a disdainful look before scampering into his house.

" Today my plan shall not fail...I feel it. It's a good feeling...It is--"

" Shut up kid! " came a woman's voice.

Daehyun looked up to see his neighbour, also watering her plants. They were just separated by the fence.

" GRANNY!!!"screamed a kid, pulling the hose out of the hag's hands and spraying Daehyun by accident, before he jumped into the hag's arms.

" my life" muttered Daehyun, hobbling into his house. " Get out " he said to the cat who was inside and threw him out.

***************

" Jung Daehyun. Lovely name. Unusual. Unique. Cool." smiled Daehyun as he walked to Yongguks house. He took in the area. The posh houses and cars, the shiny lake, the snobby kids and their pets. " Horrible..." he said watching as a lady yelled at her chauffeur, for not opening the car door for her quicker. " Why can't the woman get out herself? Oh. This must be the Yongguks house" said Daehyun, as a huge white house  loomed over him.

He stared at it for a while. " Looks shady with all those trees... " . He walked to the gates and was looking about when, " Come in sir." came a crisp voice.Daehyun turned around, to see a man in a black suit, holding open a sidegate to Daehyun, who nodded and walked past the man into the house.

He stared at his surroundings. Is this Neverland or something?.

The hedges were trimmed into horses, elephants, giraffes, zebras etc, there was more than 3 fountains, and a huge chess board with life size pieces was to his right. 

" Come along" said the butler and Daehyun followed, staring all the while, and entered the house. It was grand and elegant, with marble floors, chandeliers, suits of armour, carpeted rooms and maids hurrying about.

"Master Yongguk will be down in a moment. Please take a seat " said the butler, gesturing to the sofa.

" Sofa my . I'll explore this house " said Daehyun after the butler left, starting from the first floor, where he found nothing interesting save the kitchen with the giggling maids, and the butler's room in which he found nothing. Except for 3 black underwear on his bed left to dry. 

The second floor  had about 8 empty rooms, and a family of fish in a tank, plus suits of armour and then came the third floor. 

" How boring. My house which resembles a hut, is more interesting" he scoffed. " Urgh. But I will do this for the chick! " he cried , walking into a large living room.  " This is eyerape" he muttered at the sight that beheld him.

For there, in the living room was Yongguk, in a hot making out session with a chic in a skimpy  dress. She was on top of him and looked as if she was biting his face off. They didn't notice their intruder, till Yongguk began giving her love bites and then he noticed the bored looking Daehyun. 

" Ew." said Daehyun, walking past them  and proceeding down the corridor, that was connected to the living room.  " Why do they make those disgusting noises? I mean, when they broke apart, it sounded exactly like my plug in the bath tub when it's removed to let the water go. Like a sick PLOP "  shuddered Daehyun.  Why was he biting her? he wondered, before opening a door, revealing a huge library.

The shelves were spiral and went around the room.There were ladders to reach high shelves.  Gasping, Daehyun entered the library. This bull has all of this, yet he is a moron thought  Daehyun, blowing dust off a book about mythical creatures. Hmm....he wondered , sauntering around the library,  till a locked wooden cupboard caught his eye. An evil smile spread across his lips, as he walked to it, a pin to unlock it in his hand.

" Hey!!! What are you doing here?" asked a gruff vioce and Daehyun felt himself being pulled back, away from the cupboard.

" Hello Guk. What are you doing here?" asked Daehyun, turning Yongguk's question back to him. Yongguk turned him around to face him.

" Why is this cupboard locked? Is there money in it?" asked Daehyun curiously.

" You don't need to know." Yongguk replied, annoyed. 

" Yonggukie! I'll be back tomorrow!" came a girl's voice and Daehyun managed to catch a glimpse of the girl Yongguk was with, before she winked, waved and disappeared. He gasped.

" The chick was right...You like girls like her!!" he said in excitement. Yongguk who had ignored the girl, smiled at Daehyun in a y manner. " Why? Jealous?" he asked.

Daehyun laughed. " Yeah yeah....Very "

" Mr Bang. You are wanted downstairs. It's your father on the phone" said the butler. " C'mon loser, stay in my room." said Yongguk, pulling daehyun out of the library, pushing him into his room  and shutting the door. Daehyun blinked at his surroundings. " Errrr....Why is there a red glow??" he wondered.

" Ah! Yes. Kyung told me! Red is the colour of passion." he said to himself, before slipping out and sneaking back into the library, making his way to the secret cupboard immediately and picking on the lock. 

Click. 

Daehyun opened the door, a big smile on his face. " Let's see..." he muttered pulling a black book. " Mind Blowing BJ's... What the heck is that? Karma Sutra? Huh? What's this? eeeekk..... Snow bunnies??!!!! " gasped Daehyun at the cover, which had....a half woman. " Is...is this a manga...?? called....Velvet Kiss!!!?---- AARGH!! " he gasped, dropping the scary books as Yongguk pulled him back and pushed him out the library. 

" I thought I told you to stay in there " said Yongguk fiercely, pulling Daehyun down the stairs to the first floor. Daehyun's cockiness had been washed away, as the images of what he saw flashed in  his mind, blinding him. He felt himself being dragged, as if he was floating on bumpy clouds, just as something hard fell onto his head. An angry voice was cursing him from far way.

" God...I swear,  I'll be a good citizen. Just take the images away.." he prayed, until ice cold water was splashed on his face. He sat up startled, to see Yongguk's angry face looming over him, over the couch.

" OH GOSH!!!! THOSE BOOKS!!!MY EYES!!! THEY DIED!!! THEY ARE DEAD!!!" spluttered Daehyun, shaking Yongguk by the shoulders.

" CALM DOWN! Your eyes are....alright." said Yongguk, his voice lost, as he stared down at Daehyun. 

Why is he staring down at me? Is he trying to intimidate me? Bleh.....He's not even blinking...What do I do? Ah ha!

" HYAAAA!!" screamed daehyun, banging his forehead on Yongguk's, making the latter let go of him,  falling back yelling, holding his forehead.

" YOU!! " Yongguk snarled, rolling his sleeves up ready for battle.

Uh oh...Then they say let sleeping dogs lie. This dog is a bullog   thought Daehyun, before springing to his feet and starting to run.

" AAARGH!!! TAKE THAT !!" screamed Daehyun, throwing a vase at Yongguk as he ran.

" You are one dead boy " growled Yongguk, jumping over sofas. 

" NOOOO!!!! " screamed Daehyun, pushing the butler with his pot of coffee at Yongguk. 

Throwing everything in his way, Ddaehyun ran to the kitchen and started to throw vegetables, fruits and a lobster at Yongguk, to keep him away.

" Stop!!" screamed Yongguk,  batting a skinned chicken towards Daehyun with a pan. It hit Daehyun's head and he went sprawling to a corner.

"My chance" grinned Yongguk, approaching Daehyun, with two knives.

I'm trapped....Like a bird, like a fish, like...that chicken" he thought, watching the pink chicken sliding down a table pathetically. 

" Anything you'd like to say? " asked Yongguk, flexing his arms, the knives at his side ready for blood.

Daehyun frowned thinking. He nodded. " What do you gain by reading dirty books? " he asked,out of mere curiosity.

Yongguk scowled at him. " Another question" he said, tapping his knife against his palm imapatiently.

" Hmm..... "

" Begging for mercy would be a good idea" said Yongguk helpfully.

" No. Now what will happen to all of my money? Especially my Swiss account? You don't have a right to it ok." Daehyun firmly stated and gasped as Yongguk's knives sailed towards him, burying themselves on either side of his head on the wall behind him. 

" Ah.... Not the right question? Well, how bout this? " yelled Daehyun, dodging the angry Guk and running past. Is that the backdoor? I better get out !!! he thought urgently, as Yongguk edged closer. He pulled the door open, to see a big swimming pool.

 " Aaaargh!!!!" screamed daehyun, as he felt someone kick his .

SPLASH!.

Daehyun surfaced and gasped in horror,  to see Yongguk right before him. " Oh hey. Nice weather " commenteed Daehyun, edging away from the angry spectre, till Yongguk lashed at him viciously.

" Whoa!" gasped Daehyun, dodging, till Yongguk pulled him underwater, where they wrestled and resurfaced for air.

Daehyun's eyes widened in anger, as  they landed on Yongguk's hand, on his pelvic area, close to his little buddy.

" You. Dare. Touch. Me..for Revenge eh? Cause I did it to you? Pathetic!!!" yelled Daehyun, splashing Yongguk with great force. He then lunged at Yongguk and they continued to wrestle. 

" AARGH!" grunted Daehyun underwater, kicking and finally managing to push Yongguk away . 

Then he resurfaced and swam to the edge of the pool gasping. " I won again...The coward. Loser. Moron." he gasped, squeezing his eyes shut.

The pool was eerily silent. Daehyun opened his eyes and looked around, at the cold, black still water. Nothing. Did he drown and die? Thank Goodness! But then ... what about the chick? My money!" he thought gulping. There was no sign of Yongguk.

" Uh...Guk? I hope you're inside..." muttered Daehyun.

Suddenly there was a great splash behind Daehyun and he felt a hand on his shoulder. He gasped, as it spun him around with great force and he raised a brow at the VERY angry, trembling Yongguk.

" You want my last words? Well---mmph!!!" he gasped, as he was cut off as, Yongguk's lips crashed onto his, pushing him against the cold tiles of the pool, in the process.

NOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!! THIS WILD BOAR DARE KISS ME!!!!!!!?  screamed all the cells in Daehyun's body, in anguish.

 

 

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Petachi
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Comments

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Dewdropz #1
Chapter 11: I read this story over and over again. Its so funny. I love fiesty daehyun and yongguk and everyone else. One of my favorite stories. ♥ You have written such a great fic. :)
bygjdh #2
Chapter 26: Never get tired of this brutally funny randomly fic
I can say that this is the funniest fanfic that i've ever read and i love it with every little piece of my heart
Usually i dont like Ocs but this fic was the excep, i love the barbarian students (kyung sumin gina ily) the teacher, the janitor, the random boy, dae parents, the monkey huhuhuhuhuhu
damchubiased
#3
Chapter 9: Himchan's answer to the riddle lol
damchubiased
#4
I'm down and stressed. I will read this again to lift up my mood, while I'm waiting for "vindictive people" update.
Your story makes me happy (⌒_⌒)
DumaTrz #5
Chapter 27: Ohgodohgodohgodohgod how didn´t I see this earlier 7u7 You are just.. awesome (more than awesome ;; even) This story is one of the best comedies I´ve read so far. God, I couldn´t stahp laughing all the time, I blame you for that :c
JunYoung1004
#6
Chapter 27: You are awesome ! I spend two whole night with your story and I won't regret it. *crying for no reason* I love it as much I love Zelo. Lol XD
uXknowme
#7
Chapter 27: This story is funny! XD There's no way I didn't laugh!

My favourite part is the splat splat pooping sound in the chapter where Dae hid inside a cubicles X'D VERY HILLARIOUS!
Oh! I have a question! So Dae is really innocent? Till the end?? And at the end he likes Yongguk back right?? Nyahahaha there's mention of but no M rated here
bdz357998 #8
Chapter 26: This was hilarious!!!
proudweirdo
#9
Chapter 26: lol thank god i have read this again after a year. wait.. was it really a year? how could i be unsure :( but ahhh srsly, this is the best story for me. XD i remember i kept re-reading this and i cant stop laughing.. and now.. omfg you really are the best author ;u; the type of story you'll never get bored by re-reading it over and over again. *u*