jongdae liked to read books. fairy tales were his favourite. people chided him for believing in such nonsense, but jongdae pretended not to care. it wouldn't hurt to believe in happy endings. everyday he would head to the library and sit in the dark corner. he would get lost in his own world, undisturbed by the chattering of other students in the same library. 

sometimes he got jealous. his eyes would flicker about the room when his eyes watered from reading too much and see people of his age happy. smiling. talking. he wished he could do the same, be able to live a carefree life. but he didn't want to trouble anyone with his sign language or furious scribbling. he regretted looking up from his book.

the boy would mouth the words softly, trying to picture how his voice would sound like if he spoke them. all that came out was frustrated grunts and low breaths. he hated it. he hated the fact he couldn't utter a simple apology nor could he sing. teardrops of unexpressed self hatred would stain the yellow pages of the book he was reading, adding another event to the book's history. jongdae would quickly brush his tears away as soon as he realised he was damaging school property and would try to dry the pages that were affected.

-

the librarian liked to sing. the pretty faced male who jongdae had at first mistaken for a fellow student had been newly assigned to the school as a librarian. the singing librarian had caught him offguard, his voice was melodious. he looked so happy and bright and so full of life. be it humming a tune or belting out a note, the occupants of the room would always stop whatever they were doing and listen eagerly to the singer. jongdae was enraptured by baekhyun as a whole.

"hi, i'm byun baekhyun." 

the husky voice snapped jongdae out of his usual trance, startling him. the quiet reader had been engrossed in his book as always, he had always liked reading harry potter, it gave him belief, a reason to believe in magic and miracles and such. the boy would have usually shot an angry glare to the intruder who dared to disturb him from his harry potter appreciation time but the sight of a heavenly smiling baekhyun melted his anger away.

"i'm jongdae" the silent boy had scribbled on a blank sheet of paper of a notepad that he always brought around with him. the fact that he didn't reply like how others would didn't phase the librarian at all, as the pretty male quickly settled himself beside the reading jongdae before peering over his shoulder.

"harry potter? you have good taste, i love harry potter," he had said, and jongdae brightened up even more, as it was the first time someone had complimented his reading taste. usually it was the old "that's so childish" or even "boring" but jongdae didn't care what other people's opinions were, for his own opinions were the most important. 

but baekhyun's opinion mattered to him, the boy was an exception.

-

since that fateful meeting, jongdae's life changed. the boy had learned how to trust others, for he had never let someone else barge into his life, afraid that he would end up troubling the other. baekhyun didn't care that he couldn't talk, the librarian had optimistically said that as long as they could still communicate, he was fine. 

the first time baekhyun tried to sign to him, jongdae was speechless. he couldn't grunt or hum a response, he was surprised that the librarian had went as far as to learning the sign language for him. jongdae had finally teared up, crying silent tears while baekhyun would panic about, wondering what he had done wrong. the silent reader had explained exactly why he was crying sometime during his cryfest and baekhyun had laughed it off, the boy's laughter and bright smile being so contagious that jongdae began to smile more. the wide smile on his face that was etched with tear stains had made baekhyun say that he looked simply perfect. when jongdae asked why he would be dubbed as such, the librarian had replied cheekily, 

"for you look like the happiest person in the world. it's worth it, my desire to communicate with you with sign language, if i get to see you smile like this everyday."

jongdae had cried even more, sniffling loudly into baekhyun's shoulder that the librarian had offered. baekhyun had merely grin like a fool in return, as he was glad to be able to melt the silent boy's walls that surrounded him which were made of ice. that ice had melted to become the tears that jongdae now cried out.

after that, jongdae smiled more, laughed more, even though his laughter was inaudible but baekhyun could see that the boy was loosing up and that was enough. 

-

baekhyun had introduced jongdae to his large circle of friends one day. at first jongdae was nervous and scared that they wouldn't accept him but he quickly warmed up to them. jongdae had always dragged in his couple of friends as well, kyungsoo was a bit hard to persuade but he could see baekhyun's friend, jongin being infatuated with the blind boy. he could see why baekhyun was friends with the guys who sat at their table everyday, they all had hearts b with good intentions. kyungsoo had confided into him at how he was surprised by how baekhyun and his friends had saw past their disabilities and treated them like normal people.

bit by bit he felt himself falling. falling down a hole with no bottom, similar to how alice fell down the rabbit hole. he just hoped that there was someone to catch him when he landed as he spread out his arms and pretended to fly like a bird. it was time for him to spread his wings and fly.

jongdae became more outgoing, more well known among the student body due to his sense of humour. jongdae had hit it off immediately with jongin, lu han and minseok, their troll natures made it very easy to group up and combine their passion for tricking others. before, jongdae would laugh to himself and swallow the jokes that itched to flow off his tongue - or in his case, hands. but now he had people to share it with, people who would laugh with him. 

-

he dreamt of silence in a world of black and white. no colours existed, no sounds, only him and the mute world. the nightmares haunted him, he felt lifeless. to be deprived of colour, of music and sound was agonising. the boy would wake up and go to school with heavy eyebags that mirrored zitao's panda eyes. 

one day he had enough. he broke down in the middle of class, startling his classmates. the teacher knew what had happened to jongdae before and had instructed minseok who shared the subject with him to help him calm down. the two had exited the stuffy room, jongdae's silent cries slowly escalated into frustrated sobbing and soon minseok found himself wet with tears. 

minseok didn't know why, but he cried as well. cried for the silent pain that jongdae suffered from, cried for his friend who tried to battle with the war against mother nature. the chubby faced boy also didn't know why he had led the sobbing boy to the library, for the library was a place of peace and silence but baekhyun was there and minseok knew that baekhyun was the only who could comfort jongdae. 

the sound of muffled wails and sniffles greeted baekhyun's ears, his face contorted with concern as he raised his head from the paperwork he had been busy filling out. his eyes widened when he saw the two boys stumble into the nearly deserted library with tears running down their face. 

for as long as he had known minseok, he never saw him cry. causing him to wonder what happened that made the strong boy cry. jongdae's guard finally crumbled as he fell down onto the floor on his knees, before curling up into a small ball. the sight was enough to make baekhyun's eyes water, his heart clenched at his close friend in a sorry pitiful state. 

baekhyun ran to the curled up jongdae before hugging him, trying to reassure him that he was there to help him, that he had a shoulder to offer. minseok watched them with an inexplicable hatred in his eyes before he stormed out of the room. 

"i just don't want to live in a monochrome world with no sound," jongdae had splutter out once they had calmed down, as baekhyun had ended up joining the sobfest in the midst of comforting jongdae.

baekhyun swore to himself on that day that he was going to splash jongdae's world with colourful streaks of the rainbow. he made sure to sing as much as he could, for he knew how his voice comforted the silent boy. he tried to fill the silence with his and jongdae's favourite music or maybe meaningless chatter. baekhyun once obeyed jongdae's rule of silence but now that he knew how much the boy hated being inaudible, he decided to be as loud as he could. chanyeol had picked up on this and chanyeol being the loud yet loyal best friend he was, helped baekhyun out by hanging out with them every day and soon, their days were filled with laughter and dirty jokes. 

no silence.

-

the group of twelve young men had been littering about jongdae's mansion. jongdae turned out to be the only child of the deceased musical geniuses that had made korea proud. his mother had been a talented writer while his father was an opera singer and a pianist. jongdae had inherited both of his parents' talents as he had demonstrated his knowledge of piano by playing a couple of songs that the boys had requested. 

yixing had just watched with curiosity, before signing to the pianist on whether he could teach the deaf boy how to play. jongdae shrugged and ended up teaching the dancer some songs. he was surprised at how quick the deaf dancer had learned. 

"told you i'm a natural," yixing had cheekily signed back when jongdae told him about his surprise. the rest of the gang had rolled their eyes, chuckling. 

somehow during their chit chat during school lunches and random shopping trips sponsored by zitao and yifan, the rest of the boys had ended up wanting to learn sign language. they had claimed that they wanted to cheat better during exams, making jongdae and yixing roll their eyes. kyungsoo would just chuckle to himself, as the owl eyed boy had later revealed that he could understand what jongdae and yixing were signing to each other by listening carefully to the sound that their hands made when signing. jongin had been really amazed at how sensitive kyungsoo's ears were. 

however a curious minseok that had been probing around his photo albums had garnered the attention of the group. jongdae and yixing, who had been busy playing the piano, exchanged a brief look before heading towards the middle of the living room in where all of them was sat down, flipping through pages of old photos.

"aw, you were so cute when you were little," chanyeol's deep voice rumbled as he cooed over jongdae's baby photos. the pianist blushed a tomato red as he joined them, not bothering to stop them from looking through his stuff. he decided it was time to share his history with them, that it was time to tell them the truth.

"wow, you must have been some sort of honour student. wait, you still are. as expected of a son of the two musical geniuses," joonmyeon mused, very impressed as his eyes scanned the trophies and medals that decorated the white walls of the room.

"eh? you used to sing?" sehun murmured out aloud, staring at a photo of a child jongdae singing his heart out while holding a microphone. "wait, isn't that kyungsoo?" lu han added, peering over sehun's shoulder as he pointed to a little owl eyed kyungsoo singing along jongdae.

kyungsoo's ears perked up at the mention of his name. jongdae froze along with the blind boy. the rest of the boys stared curiously at the two who sat side by side. 'should we?' jongdae had wrote on kyungsoo's palm with his slender finger. the blind boy nodded.

-

once upon a time, both kyungsoo and jongdae were singers. they had been famous, after all, their voices were praised upon by critics and judges alike. jongdae had been singing ever since he learned how to speak, making his parents proud. the two had only met at a playground in where kyungsoo had been dancing to an idol group song.

jongdae quickly joined in and soon a crowd of curious bystanders were watching them, clapping along. the two were only eight years old, yet they had natural stage presence and most of all, charisma. their parents were surprised to see their sons having the time of their lives and after that, the two became a singing duo and joined singing competitions together.

they had managed to be signed by a famous music label one day. but on that very fateful day, on that very fateful trip to the music label's headquarters, a limousine crashed into their car. 

kyungsoo and jongdae woke up, to find out that their parents had sheltered them with all their might, getting themselves killed instead. kyungsoo's eyes had been pierced with pieces of glasses resulting from the broken windows which led him to be blind. meanwhile jongdae lost ability to speak because he was too traumatised by the accident. 

they had met yixing then, for yixing happened to be the person riding the limousine. he instead turned deaf. it proved to be an obstacle as yixing was an upcoming dancer, and a dancer that couldn't hear would find it hard to dance according to the beat.

together, they learned how to move on, and they would support each other. they were just grateful that they had each other. 

ever since then, the two once singers never sang. they never touched music sheets anymore. the only noises that emitted from them were sniffles from when they weep for their parents. yixing would weep along, even though he couldn't hear the sniffles but he could see it. he could see the sad dark aura circling them, the three broken boys. 

-

after that, the bond between the group of boys grew even stronger. they worked hard to find a solution for kyungsoo's disability while trying to help jongdae move on from his trauma. jongin would teach yixing some more dance moves, having realised how frustrating it was to be him, a deaf dancer. baekhyun had even offered to move in, and the rest of the boys also followed suit. jongdae shrugged in return, figuring it wouldn't hurt to live with them. 

every morning he would wake up with a smile on his face, the screams and yells that chanyeol and jongin had roused from unsuspecting victims made him chuckle. the two mischevious pranksters had went as far as to waking up everyone with cold water, though an angry yifan accompanied by a glaring zitao who had a wushu stick in hand stopped them from continuing their antics. though they only stopped bothering those two, not the other guys.

this time chanyeol was tickling both him and baekhyun, the two had ended up dozing off while watching a film. baekhyun had made sure to stay by jongdae's side at all time, just incase the nightmares would come back and haunt him. a plastic cup hit chanyeol's head and the trio turned to the half awake sehun. 

"it's too early for screaming," the half asleep boy had claimed before dodging a pillow that chanyeol had thrown at him. 

baekhyun and jongdae watched the two have a pillow fight, their state of being half asleep quickly dissipating as the screams and yells that the rest of their friends roused them from their sleep.

jongdae didn't regret his decision of letting them move in, even though the amount of drama and fighting that the boys brought along sometime made his head ache.

-

"i lost my job." baekhyun had announced softly during dinner. the rest of the guys stopped what they were doing, the sound of silver clattering and water dripping could be heard. 

"what?" yixing signed furiously, surprised. he had dropped his cup of hot tea onto joonmyeon's lap as he had been reaching for some sugar. joonmyeon ignored the stinging sensation as he shared the same look of disbelief on his face. the group of males all mirrored kyungsoo's infamous wide eyed facial expression as they stared at baekhyun.

"they found out I was living with you guys. and you know the whole drama ," the once librarian murmured. jongdae paled and quickly signed back, "i'm so sorry. it's all my fault. i'll go apologise to them and say it's my fau-"

"no, i volunteered remember? this was my suggestion after all." baekhyun quickly cut jongdae off. the rest of the group merely sat there silently, for a stern baekhyun was one they didn't want to piss off.

that was how their school year ended, for they attended an international school and followed the western's school calendar. 

lu han had brainstormed a marvelous idea for a summer job, or how sehun corrected him, a summer business. and so baekhyun ended up tutoring old students from the school how to sing. jongdae would teach them how to play the piano while yixing and jongin helped out by holding occasional dance classes. kyungsoo would cook for the students, zitao would teach wushu if he was feeling good and yifan would take care of the advertisement. the rest would search for curious people who wanted their help and their business quickly became well known in their neighbourhood. 

-

one warm afternoon, the two were relaxing at the balcony, enjoying the summer breeze. they had been busy eating the lunch boxes kyungsoo and yixing had made for them, those two were natural cooks. marvelling at how delicious and wonderful the food were, jongdae tried to savour the taste.

"i like you." 

jongdae had choked on his food, which led to baekhyun patting his back harshly and offering him a bottle of mineral water. he couldn't believe his ears, did baekhyun just said what he thought he just heard? 

"what? did you just . . ?" the mute boy had signed back quickly, his hands all over the place. so many questions filled his mind, so many possibilites flickered.

"i think you heard just fine." baekhyun smiled softly, before his eyes turned serious. "will you go out with me?" this time he had signed the sentence.

the young man sat there in disbelief, his throat dry, his eyes watering up due to excessive widening that would definitely make kyungsoo proud. he just couldn't believe it. his brain said no, it would only trouble the friend further, and all of his life he had believed his brain. he nodded hesitantly in a shy manner.

then why did he ignore his brain and listen to his heart instead? 

jongdae knew the answers to the questions lingering on his mind. 

he wanted to try to believe in something that was the epitome of life. 

baekhyun had approached him because he wanted to, he had accepted him for who he was and he had learned sign language for him. the least he could do was reciprocate the feelings.

but most of all, he wanted to love and spend days in that special someone's warm embrace. 

-

the rest of the house boarders had congratulated them, with zitao and yifan sharing knowing looks while jongin being his erted self waggled his eyebrows and asked them very dirty questions. jongdae had pretended that he was too immersed in his conversation with yixing while baekhyun just smiled coyly in return. 

though sometimes, jongdae would wake up at ungodly hours and just sit on the bed he shared with baekhyun and wonder. he would muse over why such an angelic person would bother dating him. he pondered over his insecurities, majorly his inability to speak. nor sing. he would silently trace 'i love you' or hearts on baekhyun's soft pale chest, right above his beating heart. 

no matter how much baekhyun would reassure him that his inability to speak wasn't a problem at all, jongdae would feel restricted, confined with such a trait. he prayed, he prayed that one day he could at least utter the three words he wanted to tell the librarian. for no matter how much he would sign it, no matter how much he would scribble it, no matter how much he would mouth it, he felt like he couldn't fully express his gratitude and love fully to the smiling boy. 

jongdae would choke back his tears whenever he encountered a couple whispering softly their vows to themselves, jongdae wanted that, jongdae wanted to be them. 

-

when he read fairy tales, jongdae would picture him as the damsel in distress and baekhyun as the shining knight in armour. sehun had pointed out that jongdae would be a good damsel in distress and no matter how much jongdae had tried to push that imagery aside, it ended up sticking around.

his dream used to be to be able to sing. he wanted to sing to make his parents proud, he wanted to sing to express his feelings, he wanted to sing to inspire people. 

now he could add another reason to his list of why he wanted his voice back.

he wanted to sing a duet with baekhyun. 

-

whenever he and kyungsoo revisited old videotapes and cassettes of them singing, they wondered how their voices would sound like at the present age. considering how puberty could immensely change someone, proof of this was yifan's growing height and chanyeol's deeping voice, they wondered. 

would their voices crack? would their voices sound girly? or would they end up with a deep voice instead, like yifan's and chanyeol's? or would they be sounding like joonmyeon's dreamy tone or zitao's edgy voice? 

they would just sit there silently, wondering endlessly.

-

in his dreams, never had he spoken at all. he would hear music but he couldn't speak. it made him angry, frustrated even. he wanted to know how his voice sounded like. if even in his dreams he couldn't speak, what are the chances of him actually gaining his voice back? 

baekhyun would pat his back in a comforting manner, whispering sweet reassurances. jongdae would usually ignore such behaviour  and continue sulking but baekhyun was baekhyun and jongdae cheered up in no time.

-

one day, he woke up to find himself audible. jongdae had stood infront of the full length mirror for hours, staring at his reflection as he tried to speak, to talk. the words came out very quiet yet hoarse, but jongdae didn't care, he only cared for the fact that he could finally speak. tears ran down his face, he could taste the blood that was caused by his feverous biting of his lip. 

baekhyun had come home to a crying jongdae, but this time, it wasn't a broken jongdae. it was a fulfilled one, one that finally felt alive. the singer had stood in the door frame, staring at the crying boy. the male only realised that there was another occupant in the room when he turned to face his boyfriend. silence filled the air, a pregnant one that made their ears go deaf. 

the silence surrounded them, enveloping them in their own world. jongdae gulped before saying a 'hi', the greeting accompanied with a sweet shy and teary smile. baekhyun's heavy smoky eyes widened at the sound of an unknown voice breaking the silence. 

baekhyun cried. this time he cried out of happiness, happiness for the fact jongdae finally overcame his traumatic experience that had silenced him, happiness for the fact he could finally hear how jongdae sounded like. he sounded hoarse and broken but baekhyun could detect the warm and melodious tone that would soon be known as jongdae's default voice. 

"hi," baekhyun choked out, the grin on his face mirroring the one on jongdae's. "welcome back," he had said, rushing towards the once mute boy before hugging him tightly to the point of no return.

"i-i-i c-can talk!" jongdae squeaked out, trying to familiarise him with the notion of speaking. his voice still sounded foreign to him but jongdae didn't mind, but it was comforting. the vibration that his voicebox comforted him. 

"i know. i can hear," the singer replied, his tears falling on jongdae's collarbones. 

"i-i'm so happy. i-i've always- i just can't- oh my god- this is-" jongdae stammered over his words, trying to voice his silent feelings, for he could finally speak. there was so much he wanted to say but he was afraid that he'd wake up from this dream and find out that he had lost the only chance to speak. he didn't want to return to the monchromatic world of silence. he tried to talk as fast as he could but baekhyun silenced him with a soft kiss on the lips. 

one thing led to another and soon they were laying down on their shared bed, having finally satisfied themselves. baekhyun had loved how jongdae moaned and shriek and scream during their lovemaking process, he coudn't get enough of it. 

"i love you." jongdae whispered softly into baekhyun's ear, relief washing over him as he finally said what he had wanted to say ever since he had met baekhyun. the feeling of fulfillment filled him, his dream had come true. 

"i know. and i love you too." baekhyun whispered back, a smile snaking its way up onto his tired yet happy porcelain face. 

baekhyun decided that it was worth the wait, it was worth the patience. he had taken a chance with jongdae and it turned out to be an unforgettable experience. baekhyun did not regret spending his time on the once silent boy, he did not regret losing his job, he did not regret anything at all. for the boy laying in his arms was worth everything he had sacrificed for their love.

jongdae finally felt content with his life. he felt genuinely happy, he felt like he was at the top of the world. he felt as if he was a real bird flying high up in the sky. he wouldn't mind falling. because baekhyun would be his shining knight in armour and save him from the cold floor. the hole he had fallen into proved to be a wonderland indeed, leading to jongdae thinking that maybe, just maybe, fairy tales and happy endings do exist in reality. 

you just have to believe in it. 

- 

the rest of the boys had been partially disturbed by the sounds the two had made during their session but they were nonetheless happy for jongdae's voice returning. it offered yixing and kyungsoo a glimmer of hope. 

-

/ / author's note : kaisoo's sideshot is coming up. it's funny though, since it all started with kaisoo but i ended up writing and completing this oneshot first.