All This Time
Description
All this time, I chased after you.
I was blindfolded, I was convinced.
What have I even been doing?
All this time, I was stupid.
People say a girl in love is more beautiful. That's not necessarily a lie. But in 100% correct terms, it'd be stated as; a girl in love wants to be beautiful. And if you're smart, you'd probably know that; she wants to be beautiful for the one she loves.
I know how that feels.
The one I like likes skinny, pretty, and smart girls.
I used to be fat, but now, I'm fit and slim. I used to be unfashionable, but now, I actually care about what I wear. I used to never style my hair, nevertheless bother to comb it, but now, I spend 2 minutes every morning brushing and combing. I used to be dumb, but now, I'm smart—academically speaking.
If you paid attention, you'd realize I said academically. That's because I was stupid, and I'm still stupid.
People say a girl in love will do whatever it takes to be with her beloved. That's not necessarily a lie. But in 100% corect terms, it'd be stated as; a girl in love is blindfolded. If you're smart, you'd probably know that; she's blindfolded because she can only see the one she loves, and therefore, there's no point in seeing anyone else.
I know how that feels.
I've chased and been chasing the one I like for 3 years now.
People say a girl in love doesn't doubt herself or her beloved. That's not necessarily a lie, but in 100% correct terms, it'd be stated as; a girl in love is convinced. If you're smart, you'd probably know that; she's convinced because she loves him so much, she can't doubt him. And even if she knows the truth, and even though she just ends up hurting herself, she'll refuse to believe it. Instead, she'll replace the truth with false delusions to cower away from reality.
I know how that feels.
Even though I already know the real, horrible person he actually is, I still chase after him, hoping and believing that perhaps, one day, on a very fateful day, he'd stop running and I won't have to chase him anymore. That perhaps, he'd just go right ahead and accept and return my feelings.
Yeah, that's right. I was actually, really, just a stupid girl who desperately chased after the one she loved even though she already knew the type of horrible person he actually was deep down. Am I still like that? Well, I'm still chasing him. How stupid, right?
Go ahead, laugh. Go ahead and laugh at the stupid person I was and still am.
But, that can change. I can wake up and change. Change not my outer appearance to beautify myself, but change myself as a whole. Or so "that one guy" said.
He told me I can unwrap these blindfolds, that I am not convinced, and that I can use my hard efforts in improving myself and just shove it in his face.
"You chased; you worked hard and tired yourself along the way. You've earned experience and positive changes. He did nothing; what's he got for an award?"
My name is Lee Miyoung, and this is my story.
Foreword
"Ah, there he is," I informed Sunggyu. "That's him. The one I like."
"Oh, so that's him? Straight black hair and pierce free, huh? Heard he's the smartest kid in his grade, but rumors say he's actually no good," Sunggyu paused, and as if reflecting on his words, went on. "But of course, that's not true, right? He looks like a really kind kid. And I guess since he's the one Miyoung-ssi likes, then he must be—"
I cut him off by grabbing Sunggyu's sleeve and dragging him away from the area. Doing so, I spoke up.
"No, Sunggyu-ssi, he's horrible."
"But you like him..."
"And?"
"Wouldn't you like someone who's cool and kind? Horrible is just..."
"I liked him because I thought he was cool and kind. Back in Junior High, he had the total trustable and cool upper classmen personality. And since I was so head over heels for him, on the day before his graduation, I confessed, thinking that I'd never see him again and that this'd be my last chance—since he was going to some smart school and with the brain I had back then, I'd probably never get in. It wasn't until then did I know his true bearings."
We walked on, making our way back to the 2nd years' building from the 3rds'.
"And knowing that, you still like him?"
"Shallow, huh? Isn't that what you're thinking? That I'm a shallow person?"
"No... Not at all."
"I don't blame you, really, if you actually think that way."
He looked at me confused, like he didn't get it at all.
"I mean, I hate it too. Even after knowing so much, how can I still like him? I must be obsessed or something, huh?"
"Obsessed is quite a strong way of putting it. And you call this love?"
"I don't know."
“But you're our grade's smartest student."
"But that doesn’t mean anything."
“It means you’re smart…”
“No, you idiot,” I said while rolling my eyes. I sighed. No, what am I saying? I’m the real idiot here. “It means I’m stupid ‘cause I’m still at it.”
His whole face read I don’t get what you’re saying, I’m confused.
“It means I’m still chasing him.”
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