Chap 5
Diary
August 2nd, 2010.
The 398th day.
" Yoona! we... Let's break up! "
Last night, that memory hauted me again. Panic, i woke up. tears rolled over my face.
Why couldn't i forget it? Why did it like a nightmare hauted me?
Why couldn't i forget every sentences every words of him at that day?
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" Dad, mom! i go to school ! " - Going through the kitchen, i greeted my parents with a tiring face before i went straight to the door.
" Yoong! Don't you have breakfast? " - I heared the voice of my mom spoke up.
" Neh! No, i'll eat at school " - I turned around to reply and kept on going.
" So, Take care of yourself, dear!" - My mom said again while my dad was still paying attention to newspaper in his hands.
Wearing shoes hurriedly and going out. But i still heared clearly the words, which she talked to him.
" Yeobo! Do you know: What occured with my daughter? Seeing her like that, i'm really aching! "
I knew both my parents and my friends, all of them will worry so much for me. But i can't not do like that. Ican't pretend as nothing happened. I'm a human, knowing how is pleasure how is sorrow and moreover, i'm not a actress. Therefore, although i knew everyone will be very sad when seeing me like that. But i can't hide my real feelings.
.
Step into class, swift of footed come to my seat. Seem today, i'm early. It have only several peoples and of course it had Yuri, she always come here very early. Sitting down then burying my face into table. I didn't really have mood to do next the other.
" Yoong! Are you okay? You're sick?! " - Yuri, who sat beside me, peered at me before she asked me worriedly.
I shook my head but not still look up.
" Or you saw nightmare again. " - She asked me again. This time, it liked a more affirmation than question.
Silent, i didn't answer. I must say what, when she was right. Maybe, because Yuri is one of singular, who knew about relationship of me and him. That relationship, which both of my parents didn't also know about... Except, my friends and his. Furthermore, she was my best friend beside Sooyoung, Hyoyeon and Tiffany. Friends always concerned, helped me and beside by me. If it don't have them, i don't know now how am i? where am i? Heaven or Hell?
" Pufffffff......" I heared her sigh.
" Why don't you drop it? I think you should forget it. That's also more than a year already. " - Her that sentence dumfounded me, turned to her but i'm still silent, uttered nothing.
" Drop his hands... Don't cling it anymore. He didn't really deserve with your love. So, Forget all of them. There will be another, who deserve your love more than him. Let's move on." - Forget him... Thinking about it, that tightened my heart. Look at her again, i'm still silent, maybe cause i didn't know what to say?
" Well, you're tired already, let's take a rest..." - She uttered while opened the book to read.
Me, Burying face into table again. That lines, which she uttered, kept on skipping in my mind. That made me must think about it.
And i also heared the voice of Sooyoung, Hyoyeon, Tiffany and the alarm starting class. Class started but tired, i slowly fell asleep... Although i knew that: i was still in class, i didn't care much about it.
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Her that words at this morning, which made me to think so much.
" Drop it " Why can she utter it easely like that? Why can she utter it lightly like that? How can to forget when it's first love, which maybe will impress very deep into mind of the one.
Sometimes, i wished that: He didn't be my first love because i knew clearly: First love usually uncompletes and he will belong to the other girl, but it's sure that girl never is me. That hurt my heart much than everytime thinking about it.
And I'm also used to think : why he don't be my second love or third love, but my first love.
But, the truth still was forever the truth. He was my first love and it uncompleted. I will never forget the happiness and the painfullness, which he brought to me. But Yuri was right, it was more than a year. And i shouldn't be for it to chagrin the ones, who care about me, treasure me. Moreover, i knew that: it kept on occurring, it'll not only me but both of them will be also hurted.
'Drop it, don't cling more and move on' Maybe, i should do like that. But what should i do to forget him? When he taught me the way to love the one. But he didn't taught me how to forget the one.
How must i do to drop it down, Cho Kyuhyun?
Drop his hands, drop first love down.
Don't cling on to that memories anymore.
Forget all of them and forget him.
Although i knew that: it'll be very difficult, i'll try to...
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