Kyungsoo had persuaded Sehun to go home hours ago, telling him that he'd call him if anything happened. Sehun was worried Kyungsoo wouldn't be able to handle being alone but the elder had so convincingly flicked his forehead and more or less forced him out of the hospital to get some rest.

Kyungsoo placed his head in his hands and took a deep breath, his eyes burning in fatigue. A loud crash had the worried man darting past the doctors, who had specifically told him to wait outside, and into the room where he saw Kai standing in anger.

"Jongin." Kyungsoo said, voice barely above a whisper as he ignored the protests of the hospital staff. 

"Take me home." The boy demanded weakly. "I'm feeling better, I want to go home." 

His appearance, however, stated otherwise. He had dark circles under his blood shot eyes and his stature was shaky and unstable. Not to mention he was bleeding from where he had presumably ripped out his IV drip. 

"Sir, we need to keep you in for at least two more days to observe--"

"No." Kai interrupted the doctor with a glare. "You already knew that this was going to happen. It was expected, we've been through this. Doc, if I'm going to... waste away, I want to do it in the comfort of my own home. Not in a dingy hospital while my boyfriend waits outside without getting a wink of sleep. You don't understand how hard this is for the patient and his loved ones because you're simply doctors who aren't affected by anything that happens to us. You're just spectators who are watching the latest drama. But shows over, I'm going home."

Kyungsoo bit his lip to keep in the cry threatening to tear itself out of his throat. If Jongin can be strong, he thought, then I have no right to cry. "I'll be fine, Jongin. If you want to leave because you're worried about me, I'll go home. Do what's best for your health--"

"Being in this hospital will make me go insane before I become brain dead." Kai didn't bother sugar coating his words and Kyungsoo didn't know whether he should be happy that Kai had enough strength to argue or if he should be upset that he honestly believed there was no hope.

Despite how haggard Jongin's appearance was, he mustered enough strength into his voice and confronted the primary doctor. "Just tell us what to do if this happens again."

And the doctor had no choice but to comply because Jongin had so dramatically threatened to break everything and refuse to eat. They couldn't simply sedate him since it wasn't good for his condition. They eventually agreed(with much reluctance) and the two were huddled up on the couch of their small apartment hours later, silence engulfing them.

"I'm sorry." Jongin said softly and Kyungsoo wanted to slam the youngers head into a table but it wasn't good for his condition and he loved him too much to do it. Jongin wasn't supposed to do that, Kyungsoo thought, it was him who was supposed to be apologizing, not the other way around.

"No, I'm sorry." Kyungsoo interrupted. "I'm sorry for hovering and being stupid and not giving you space to breathe. I was just... scared. And you're probably going to hate me, but be damn sure that I'm going to continue to hover."

"No." Jongin frowned.

"It's either that or I get you a helmet. And I will bedazzle it and you'll be embarrassed but you wont be able to do a single thing." Kyungsoo threatened.

"I love you." Jongin said suddenly, smiling at his boyfriends weak threat. "I love you very much. Thank you for not leaving me."

"I promised I wouldn't." Kyungsoo sighed. "Let's take a shower."

"Together?" Jongin raised his eyebrows in surprise because ever since the last time they showered together(when Jongin took advantage of the smaller male) Kyungsoo had insisted that Kai never go into the bathroom with him again because 'it's a waste of water and a pain in the to clean up the floor'.

"Together."

The hot water was pouring down their bodies in no time and Kyungsoo let out a sigh of content as Jongin massaged shampoo into his hair. He leaned into the touch and Jongin grinned his typical grin, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips.

Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around the tallers waist and pulled him until they were pressed against one another. He placed his head on Jongin's shoulder and buried his face in his neck.

And he began to cry.

The water mixed with his tears and Jongin had no idea and that's exactly what Kyungsoo wanted. He wanted to be able to hold Jongin and cry into him without causing him pain and guilt. He tried to stifle the shaky breaths and keep the sniffles to a minimum. Jongin rocked them back and forth to the music of the shower, caressing his hair.

Jongin knew Kyungsoo was crying. But that was exactly what he wanted. He wanted Kyungsoo to be able to cry into him without feeling guilty or ashamed. "I love you." Jongin murmured gently, holding him closer.

When the youngers soapy hands eventually began to trail southward, Kyungsoo didn't stop him.

They wanted to be together, both as emotionally and physically close as possible, because they both knew this would possibly be their last time.

--

The doctors were right when they said the seizures would get more frequent as time went on. Jongin had to stay home most of the time and all the sharp corners in the house were wrapped and cushioned, or 'child proofed' as the younger liked to call it.

Jongin hated it, but he didn't say anything because he knew it was necessary. In the two months, he had gotten more than many black eyes and split lips from the random violent seizures but he still blatantly refused to wear the helmet. He wanted to keep the last shred of his dignity, he said.

Kyungsoo, like promised, was always around. He managed to catch Jongin when he fell but sometimes it happened so quick that it was impossible to grab him in time.

Jongin was getting quieter, too, and Kyungsoo was pretty sure he knew why.

--

Four months in and Jongin was bed ridden and forbidden from getting up(Kyungsoo had threatened to strap him down to the bed if he tried. Jongin called him crazy. He laughed too hard at that). Now, accompanied with the seizures, his legs and arms would give out and he would fall more often than not.

Kyungsoo lay next to the sleeping Kai and curled up into his side, whispering empty promises of recovery. He kissed Jongin's shoulder and sighed.

He was exhausted. Mentally, physically and emotionally. He had more control over his tears now and he was better at pretending that he was okay, but it was all just that. Pretend.

Kyungsoo wanted nothing more but to take Jongin's place and take his suffering away. He had said he wouldn't miss Jongin's witty comments and random rants, but he did. He missed it so much and he rarely heard him speak anymore.

"Are you crying?" Jongin's words came out slurred and jumbled as if he forgot how to use his mouth. His voice was rough from sleep and they weeks of silence.

"No." Kyungsoo said. "I'm not crying. Go back to bed."

Jongin shifted and wrapped his arms around the elder, pulling him into his chest and pressing his lips in his hair.

Kyungsoo woke up to Jongin pressed into the sheets, body twisted into weird angles and he bit his lip. He carefully straightened him out as he had for the past months and got up to get a wet rag. He wiped the sweat from Jongin's face and whimpered as he saw the pain contorting his boyfriends thin face.

He was crying now.

--

Five months in and Kyungsoo was sure he was going crazy. He still refused to leave his boyfriends side.

He was just as quiet as Jongin and wouldn't meet anyone other than Yixing and Sehun who visited often.

It was Wednesday morning, Sehun was sitting in the arm chair and Kyungsoo held Kai's hand near his bed.

"I talked to the doctors." Sehun said. "And they said it was best if Jongin was readmitted to the hospital so he could be comfortable when... you know."

Kyungsoo kicked the boy out of the house without a word and slammed the door shut. Sehun didn't visit as often anymore.

Kyungsoo was sure he was crazy.

They brought it up alot, that Kai wasn't going to make it.

They said he would lose what little motor skill he had left.

They said eventually, his major organs would shut down.

They said eventually, he would shut down.

That Kim Jongin was going to seize to exist.

And Kyungsoo was sure he was crazy because he didn't believe a single word. He knew, he knew Jongin would make it. Somehow, he knew that it wasn't just wishful thinking or some desperate plea to the lords because he was completely and utterly sure that Jongin wasn't going to die.

--

Kyungsoo buried himself in books and notes and documentaries about neurology and medicine. In between checking on Jongin and talking to the now mute boy, Kyungsoo did nothing but study.

He wouldn't sleep. He didn't want the nightmares. It had been three days and counting since his last 4 hour nap and the bags under his eyes were taking over his entire face. His cheeks had sunken in and his lips were always chapped and blue.

Jongin, through half lidded eyes, watched as Kyungsoo deteriorated along with him but he couldn't say a thing. He couldn't even wipe away his own tears without struggling.

Unlike Kyungsoo, all Jongin did was sleep. It was his escape. He dreamed of damsels in distress, knights in shining armor, kisses under moonlight, hot showers and Kyungsoo.

Call him crazy, but he knew he wasn't going to die.

--

Sehun visited again with Yixing, the first time in a few weeks. "I'm sorry." Was the first thing the younger said and Kyungsoo accepted it with a curt nod.

"How is he?" Sehun asked gently.

"He hasn't gotten worse, but he hasn't gotten better, either." Kyungsoo said, his voice rough and cracked. "He's at a stand still."

"Don't take offense to this... but when was the last time you ate? Or showered. You look awful." Yixing raised his eyebrows and Kyungsoo laughed. Jongin twitched in his sleep.

"It's been a week. I've just been reading a lot. I lose track of time." Kyungsoo grinned.

"How about you go shower and I'll make you something to eat. I'm sure Jongin won't wake up." Sehun proposed and after a few moments Kyungsoo agreed.

He was drying his hair and walked into his room to find Yixing staring at Jongin with his eyebrows furrowed. He murmured a few things before turning and telling Kyungsoo to eat the porridge on the table. He told him that Sehun had left to work.

"He's going to get better." Yixing said suddenly and Kyungsoo dropped his spoon and looked up with wide eyes. He knew it himself, but no one ever agreed with him.

"I know it's not a sickness that can be cured, but... I don't know. It's crazy." Yixing laughed. "I've told people but they just shrug it off because I have autism and stuff."

"No. You're right." Kyungsoo patted his head. "I know he's not going to die."

Yixing left and Kyungsoo was suddenly at ease.

A few days later, Jongin was rushed to the hospital once again. Fear gripped Kyungsoo's heart but he didn't let it shake him.

He waited for what seemed like days until the doctor came out with news.

"I think there's a way to save him."

And Kyungsoo smiled because he already knew.

so this is short but i couldt make it long because the angst is too much and overboard and its eating away at me but it was necessary but dont worry OTL

i'm sorry for putting you through that. it's rushed and dramatic and ugh but oh well man i'm tired and this is all i can put sob

dont worry yall i made a promise. i said no character death, there will be no character death 8D although i was tempted but i cant go back on my word hahah

comments are loved c:

chaos-

p.s.

i know that like... this was all depressing and stuff... but here

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/269258/inexorable-comedy-fluff-romance-kai-kyungsoo-kaisoo

here's another fic i'm working on 8D
it's fluff and humor and absolutely no angst ever and yay! read this to get all the sadness out of your system!