A wave of disappointment ran over me as my sore eyes fluttered opened, to greet the sight of an extremely worried Kai leaning over me. A part of me felt great relief that, hell I was still alive. I couldn't remember much, besides me frantically trying to get out of the water, before everything went black. I had a good memory of what I was trying to do in the first place, and I suddenly felt foolish.
But the other part of me.. felt hollow. My expectations were to see Minho above me, calling my name, but the reality was that the guy I had just gotten into a fight with, was there instead.
"Taemin?" He calls out, voice breaking and eyes looking suspiciously wet and red. "Taemin!"
I can't even groan because it felt like every speck of energy I had was now gone. My head throbs painfully and keeping my eyes open hurt just the same. "K-kai.." I manage to force out, voice raspy and unfamiliar.
"Oh my god, you're okay." He cries out, voice relieved. "Guys, guys! He's okay!"
I don't even know who else is there, but I don't care either.
Because more than my throbbing head, or my rough throat, my heart hurts the most. Minho; did he not care anymore?
Kai and Onew (who I was extremely pleased to see) helped me clean up a bit and then they put me back on my bed back in the room. The youngest left to go get me some snacks, but Onew sat on the bed besides me, face unreadable. "I know, you've been through tough things, Taemin, but what you did there; was very immature, and unresponsible. That isn't the only way to solve things."
"I know." I whisper, not knowing what else to say. He was extremely disappointed in me, I could tell.
"You're not alone here, okay." His tone changes to a caring, soft one. He gently pats my shoulder. "If you have anything you want to say, or do, you have to tell us. I know that you can be responsible sometimes, but it doesn't hurt to depend on others, also."
I don't even know why, but suddenly i'm crying again, the tears rolling effortlessly down my cheeks. "That's the problem! I have depended too much on others! I want to do something on my own for once!"
"Taemin," He sighs heavily, pulling me into a small, gentle hug. "Hey, just stop crying, okay? We're all here for you. Just forget about everything that happened and take a rest now. You've stressed yourself out too much." He then lays me down on the bed, before ruffling my hair lightly, just like the times Minho did. "If you need something, we're here." That simple sentence held so much meaning, and it calms me down a little.
The minute Onew walks out, Kai returns with a bag of chips and a bottle of water. The room suddenly goes tense and awkward, and I shift uncomfortably, turning my back to him on the bed and burying my face in the pillow. I didn't want to talk to him yet. He notices my actions and mumbles, "Do you want me to leave?"
"Right now? Yes." I say honestly, not wanting to even look at him. It would just bring a rush of memories and pain I had tried so hard to forget. "But I can talk to you later."
Kai doesn't say anything, he just leaves the food on the table and walks out of the door. I don't even know what to think anymore. I've ed up everything; where do I even start to patch up?
"Jonghyun," I begin a little awkwardly, just staring at his back. "I.. want to apologize."
He's simply frozen, not even making a move to turn around.
I dug my bare feet into the sand, biting my lip. "For.. being a complete to you. You are right; I should've just been a man and given it a shot.. i'm really sorry, I wish that fight never happened between us."
Jonghyun suddenly stands up, and I have a sinking feeling in the bottom of my heart as he walks towards me; face completely expressionless and body stiff. Is he going to punch me? I frantically think as he stands just a few inches away from me. But he does the complete opposite; surprising me completely by suddenly pulling me into a hug.
"You're an idiot and I hope you're proud of being one." He mutters, and I don't know whether to frown or laugh. But either way, I can feel my heart feel considerably lighter, being embraced by him. He was always there for me; even if he didn't agree to my decisions sometimes, he would always play along. He was the only one who really liked to joke around and tease the other members, especially Key. I miss pissing the hell out of Key with him. It was a foolish mistake to even argue with him in the first place.
"I'm sorry." I mumble again, feeling safe and content. "I'm just too much of a wimp.. but I promise i'll do it after patching things up with others first. I've managed to hurt many people just by being my stupid little self."
Jonghyun sighs, patting the top of my head and pulling back. He gives me a small, but warm smile. "You go do that. Try not to cause any more trouble, okay? Just do what you feel is right." He murmurs caringly. "And just remember, i'm here for you. We all are." It's the same thing Onew had said earlier, and the sentence makes a smile tug at my lips as I nod.
"I know you are."
"You're a little , you know that?" Key says the moment I apologize, before pulling me into the tightest hugs I have ever been. He's practically choking me and smothering me with love at the same time; how is that possible? "I hate you so much but I love you too. Stupid kid. Stupid, stupid. Next time i'm gonna whip your the next time you try to start up a fight with me you ."
Even with the toture he's giving me, I can't help but grin and laugh loudly, trying to get out of his grip. "I'm sorry, okay! I was just in a bad mood!"
"Bad mood my ," Key snorts, tightening his grip when I tried to scramble free. "That was a terrible mood. You were like ing Godzilla."
The grin on my lips widens. That's Key's simple way of showing love; he would constantly throw insults at you and give you his face, but I knew under that was a warm, loving aura. "I wont do that again, I swear."
He suddenly loosens his grip and the smile on his face is now sad, it surprises me. "Hey, i'm sorry too, okay? You were right; Jonghyun did have it worse than me. I was just.. too stubborn to admit it and forgive him; I wanted to hold but a grudge but I realized it's completely useless. How can I hold a grudge on someone i'm completely in love with?"
I smile in relief, and he continues. "I guess I was insulting him and Minho because.. well, I don't know. I wanted them to feel how we felt too. I'm sorry I was a complete . That wont happen again, either. It was a mistake and i'm ashamed." He sighs, running a hand through his hair.
"It's okay, our fight was foolish anyway." I assure him. "But really.. what are you going to do?" His grin falters. "You can't keep him waiting forever." I add quickly.
"I know, I know." There is a shy smile on his lips. "I was thinking about it. I'll forgive him, I swear. But I want to do it when the time is right; when we're alone and without any problems anymore." I nod, but then he stares at me with a suspicious gaze. "And what are you going to do?"
"I promise, i'll do it." I continue before he can interrupt, "I wont break this promise, trust me. There is nothing for me to wait for anymore. It's either I do it or not, but please just let me clear some things first."
Key nods, understanding on his face. "I trust you."
Talking to Yuri was downright a painful, awkward process. Her eyes were narrowed and even though they softened when my first apology slipped out of my lips, I could tell she was still quite judgemental about the whole thing. "I know what I did was wrong and unacceptable. I regret it.. and I just hope you take my apology seriously, even if you're no where close to forgiving me." I didn't want to suger-coat anything or just up to her. We had unspoken, uncomfortable tension and I know that starting a friendship with her was close to impossible. We were fighting over the same man, after all.
"You're right, I wont forgive you." Her words were harsh, but they don't surprise me. "But i'm pleased you apologised. Maybe next time you should think before you act; this entire trip has turned gloomy because of you. And maybe i'm being a little rude but I can't help it. I was happy with him, Taemin-ah."
I can feel my forced smile trembling a little. "I know, and i'm sorry I ruined everything." I whisper, slowly turning around. She doesn't say anything, but I know this conversation is now over.
What's funny is on my way out, as I walk through the hallways, I slam into Kai. It's like I was forced to do my apology right there. So when he winces and apologizes himself for bumping into me, and is about to walk away, I grab his hand and.. well, embrace him.
It might be odd, and judging from the way Kai stiffened almost immediately, it was. "I'm sorry.." I whisper, feeling him relax slightly. But he was still slightly cautious and guarded, and I couldn't blame him. "For ing everything up. For ruining our friendship. For bringing you into this mess. If it weren't for me, you would be smiling without any worries."
"Hey, it's okay," Kai murmurs quietly, pulling away from the hug and sending me a strained smile, which slightly broke my heart. I knew he was still hurt, and it hurt me too. "I've moved on. It's fine, Taemin."
"Let's not get too deep into things. You've apologized and i've forgiven you. We don't want to bring up the mess again, do we?" It's more like a plea and I nod weakly. "I'm just glad you're okay. We've all made mistakes."
"And now it's my turn to fix my own." I whisper, reluctantly taking a step back. "I have something to do.. thank you for forgiving me."
He looks at me for a minute, understanding in his eyes before forcing a smile, "Good luck." He mumbles, and he's already walking away.
It's late at night when Minho finally walks inside our room.
The second he steps inside, the air turns stiff and uncomfortable and I shift awkwardly on my chair. We were alone. Key knew that 'this' was the moment and he dragged away Onew and Jonghyun to god knows where, so we could be alone without any disturbance. Which made me scoff internally. Either way this was going to turn into a big disturbance. God knows what will happen.
I blink in surprise, at how we talked at the same time. I watch as he looks at me, uncertain and hesitant before he gently closes the door and takes a few steps foward. I had a strong urge to run away. I was a coward, but I knew this had to be done. I couldn't keep the three words ing bottled up inside of me for the rest of my life, even if the moment turns out badly.
It seems like all he does is blink incessantly at me and it makes me look away uncomfortably. The silence is almost painful.
I'm finally about to speak, but he starts before I can begin, "I have something.. to say."
I close my eyes, feeling my heart sink. This was it. He was going to unleash all his anger on me. Maybe from swear words to heart-breaking sentences. I guess I can take it all. I deserve it anyway; everything he's about to spit at me, I should just sit and take it like a man. I messed up, I suppose this is my punishment. My confession wouldn't even make sense anymore, and it sends tears pricking to my eyes, the painful throbbing feeling in my chest returning.
"I love you."
My eyes flow open.
I didn't deserve that.
/punched/slapped/bricked/kicked/sent flying to china/
HEYYY GUYS. ;__; 3 I know you all want to murder me, and I allow you to do it because I haven't updated in like eight years. I deeeeply apologize for the ones who really, really like this story. I was in a mix of having no time + not feeling in the mood to write. I kinda forced this chapter, which explains why it is so ty, but I didn't want to delay the chapter even further because I know i'd just procrasinate.
/lays down on the floor
You may kill me as you please.
Next chapter will NOT be delayed, so please stick with me until now. Thank you for those who still comment even though I am the worst, lousiest author there ever is on AFF. I love ya'll, even if ya'll hate me. <3