http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlGWOw7movQ

(Saya’s POV)

As soon as HimChan left I heard a knock on my door. I already knew it was JongUp and that he probably had a lecture in store for me.

“Come in~” I called half-heartedly. Sure enough it was JongUp. He sat on the edge of my bed.

“What is it?” I asked.

He took a deep breath and started. “Saya, I know you’re not a baby anymore and you’re convinced you can handle yourself but remember this is HimChan. I know he says he’s different and you enjoy his company and he makes you feel good but just please remember to be careful with him.”

“Oppa –” He held up his hand to stop me.

“I’m not telling you to stop being with him. I can’t do that. It’s your decision. I just want you to be careful and take things slow and remember I’m always here for you if you need me, ok?”

“I understand oppa but HimChan and I aren’t even a couple. We’re just friends.”

JongUp raised his eyebrow.

“Really! We’re not together!”

“Not yet,” JongUp muttered darkly. “But you like him don’t you?”

“Well…sometimes I feel like I still have feelings for him. How stupid is that? I’m so confused.”

“It’s not stupid. He hurt you, but there were times when he was really good to you. That would be confusing for anyone.”

I nodded then decided to let JongUp know how I felt about JunHong. “Oppa…sometimes I really miss JunHong. Why do I always end up liking guys that hurt me?”

JongUp looked thoughtful. “Saya…”

“What?”

“HimChan hurt you but you’re giving him another chance aren’t you?”

I could see where he was going with this.

“So why are you not doing the same for JunHong?”

That actually made a lot of sense. Why wasn’t I?

“Do you know what I think?” JongUp asked. I shook my head.

“I think your feelings for JunHong are more genuine than your feelings for HimChan. If you hadn’t broken up with JunHong would you even have thought about being with HimChan?”

I shook my head again. Before JunHong had cheated on me I had been appalled by the idea of being with HimChan.

“I think HimChan is like your rebound. JunHong is the one that’s still on your mind now. HimChan wasn’t on your mind when you were with JunHong. I think you’re scared to give JunHong another chance because he’s the one you really care about, so being rejected by him is way more frightening than being rejected by HimChan.”

I sat dumbfounded on my bed. JongUp was right. As much as I had tried I couldn’t stop thinking about JunHong. But what was I to do? Get back together with him?

“Oppa, you’re right,” I said, sadly, “But I’m too scared to be with JunHong again. I care a lot for him. I don’t think I could take it if he hurt me again.”

“Well, maybe you could just be friends. You don’t have to jump back into a relationship.”

“There’s so much to undo though! I’m…I’m the queenka,” I said disbelievingly. Had I really done something that drastic to forget JunHong? “And HimChan…I’m supposed to be helping him.” I held my head in my hands. “We’re actually friends, oppa. I can’t just betray him like that.”

“If he’s really your friend…”

“…He’ll understand.

“Exactly.”

I was ready to end this charade. I didn’t want to be the queenka. I didn’t want to have everyone’s eyes on me all the time. I didn’t want to have to talk constantly to a bunch of conceited popular kids. JunHong had liked me just the way I was. And in fact, if I was going to make any real friends I needed to be myself. I shuffled over to JongUp and gave him a tight hug.

“Thank you, oppa.”

“Yah~ don’t thank me. I’m your oppa, this is my job.”

I hugged him tighter. “I love you, oppa.”

“I love you too.”

*************************************************************************************

On Monday morning I cautiously approached HimChan outside school.

“Annyeong, Saya~!” He greeted happily. “Why did you ask me to come early? Is everything ok?”

“Um…we need to talk.”

HimChan’s face immediately fell. “Oh no, what is it?”

“I don’t want to be the queenka anymore,” I said quietly.

“Heol…wae???”

“It’s not who I am. I just want to be myself. Do you understand?”

“But…what about us: the kingka and the queenka?”

“Well everyone knows you’re the kingka now. Surely you don’t need me?”

HimChan sighed heavily. “It’s a lot easier to keep the title of kingka if there’s a pretty girl by your side.”

“There are lots of pretty girls at school, HimChan.”

“But none of them are you, Saya. I like you. I want you to be my queenka. Weren’t you happy?”

“It…it was liberating in some ways but I just…I want to be Saya not Suzy.”

“Would that make you happy?”

“Yes, yes it would.”

He sighed again. “Fine then. I’d rather you be happy without me than unhappy with me…”

“Really?”

“Yeah…”

“But this doesn’t mean we can’t be friends right?”

He gave me a small smile. “Is that all we’ll ever be?”

He took me aback. “HimChan…I’m sorry…”

“It’s ok. I messed up and I deserve this. Let’s…let’s be friends.”

I nodded. “Do I have permission to dye my hair back to its original colour?”

He chuckled. “You have my permission, Saya.”

We hugged and entered the school building together then parted ways. I was still nervous about today though. HimChan was only one obstacle I had taken care of. I still needed to talk to JunHong. What if he didn’t even want to see my face? The last contact we’d had was when I’d accidentally thrown the trash can full of water at him. He didn’t even know it was an accident!

Lost in my thoughts I bumped into someone in the hallway. I immediately apologized then looked up. It was YongGuk.

“Oh, it’s you,” he muttered, starting to walk around me.

“Wait!”

He slowly turned around, looking curious.

“What?”

“Um…do you-do you know where JunHong is?”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Do you want to throw another bucket of water at him?”

“That was an accident!”

He snorted. “Yeah, right. I know where he is but the day I tell you is the day Hell freezes over.” He turned around and walked away.

Great. I was on the bad side of Bang YongGuk. Not a very good place to be.