CHAPTER FIVE:Disgust

The rhythm was pretty contrasting, jumping here and there, breaking halfway thru and still his long fingers were trying to decipher it while drumming on the counter. One, two, one, one, two, three, four. Breakcore music had always called his attention, it was something so complex but surprisingly delightful to his ears. A few weeks ago he had found an underground club where this style of music dominated. Instantly, he fell in love with the dark eerie place.  Not only because they played that kind of music but because in there it seemed he was just another ordinary person.

No one in there knew who Infinite’s Lee SungYeol  was.

Somewhere in the back of his mind a regretful and scared feeling was trying to crawl to his core and bring him back to his senses. Instead of listening to it, SungYeol found himself drowning the sensation with another glass of vodka.

A chuckle flowed from his mouth as remembered his father once told him and DaeYeol that vodka, by law, was an odourless product. Years later, it turned into his perfect ally. Who would've thought his father’s words would be this helpful? He could drink, blur his mind for a while and go back to the dorms with a calmer soul and no trail behind. SungYeol knew that specially that day he had drank a bit too much. But he didn't mind it. Not when his heart was aching and begging to be cured. The pain his soul had received three weeks ago was unbearable now. As days passed, it got stronger. So strong he couldn't just ignore it.

With a quick move SungYeol poured what was left of his drink into his mouth. That was the last vesper of the night. He could’ve kept on going but his vision wasn’t turning blur and his movements had started to get like the ones of a certain klutz he knew.

The pain again.

Going out at night and spending it somewhere else rather than the dorms wasn’t such a big problem for the Infinite members now. The rules had changed and they weren’t kids anymore. He could leave and go to his parent’s place but he decided not to. He didn’t have the key with him and waking up his family wasn’t an option. Crashing at a friend’s place wasn’t a good idea either. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. The only place he could go was to the dorms. But getting drunk and going back there wasn’t the best idea – at least not when they had schedule early tomorrow morning – and he especially didn’t want to get it from SungGyu.

With difficulty, and paying attention to each slow and clumsy movement he made, SungYeol tried to direct himself to the bathroom. He tripped as he met a step. The thought of provoking his vomit to feel better was stuck in the back of his mind.  As he walked, SungYeol cursed at himself for all those drinks he had bought, but the pain he was embracing had begged him for it. Like the body ask for food when famished he couldn’t do anything but listen to his needs.

Before he could reach the toilets something solid impacted on his ribs making him hunch a bit over and whine slightly in pain. Someone’s elbow had hurt him. It hadn’t been that strong to be called intentional, but being blurred by the alcohol and the internal agony he was dealing with, SungYeol, as an act of defence, instantly pierced with his gaze the eyes of the taller man that had hurt him. The man’s features proved he was in his early thirties.

“Yah,” SungYeol was about to snap at him when his words got trapped in his mouth.

The older man was holding way too close by the waist another male with light brown hair. It was pretty obvious what was going on between them. What they were doing shamelessly in a public place. Showing off, being themselves. Too free to care, and even if SungYeol knew the contact had been unintended, the idol – confused and angered – couldn’t stop his words from resounding loudly.

“Seriously? That’s damn sick, get a ing room you filthy faggots,” his voice hissed as his eyes showed the disgust and despise he felt for those two males.

Few people that had heard his words had turned their eyes to the scene but SungYeol left not wanting to keep on seeing them.  He was grossed by the view. How dare they do that in the open? Do it at all. And with another male? Making such unnatural acts. That wasn’t normal. It wasn’t right.

Didn’t they have a conscience?  

SungYeol groaned feeling his own blood boil. He had come to the bar to calm himself yet he ended up meeting a displeasing view.

The young idol needed to cool his head off, the image of both men’s close faces kept appearing in his mind. Those hurt eyes. With exaggerated strength he opened the tap and washed his makeup-less face with the cold liquid. As he kept splashing his skin, the shock and unexpected hatred started to cool down. SungYeol could still feel his words burning his mouth and insides. Had he been he too much?

Yes.

But he had his reasons...

A sigh bloomed from his lips proving he was calmer. His eyes were set down, looking at the flowing water, his hands placed on the sink, holding his upper body.  He was trying to regain conscience of his body and actions when he heard a voice clearly behind his ears.

“Girl’s bathroom is next door.”

The voice was deep and it completely startled him. Lucky him, he didn’t flinch. As he lifted his gaze to the mirror’s reflection, SungYeol caught sight of the person behind him. It was the man from before.

A cold sensation ran down his spine yet he managed to calmly turn around to meet the older man. This time his big eyes were dark, piercing his head just like SungYeol had done a while ago.  The roles were inversed.

“Ah... good you noticed.”

SungYeol controlled himself as he responded in a serene way yet his eyes kept moving from side to side as he tried to find a way out of the small bathroom. Trapped. The idol knew the older man hadn’t come to meet him just to have a small chit-chat. He wasn’t oblivious. SungYeol knew his indirect insult had come to provoke him. It did manage to bother him a bit. Being called a girl was something new for him. Normally SungJong would be the one receiving those words. Now SungYeol knew how awful it felt to be called like that.

Giving a weird smile to the older man, SungYeol walked slowly close to the wall to get away from there but before he could pass by, he was held by the arm. The grip was strong  making SungYeol bite his lower lip to hold the pain.

“Where do you think you’re going, idol?”

SungYeol’s eyes opened wide as fear flowed thru all his body. He had been caught, in all the senses.  

“I-idol?” Feigning confusion was lame but he was getting desperate.   

“Your acting keeps being lame,” the man said pulling his face closer to the younger man.  “And I wasn’t done talking with you.”

SungYeol hunched himself trying get away from it. His mouth reeked with the strong smell of alcohol.

Whiskey.

“W-well, I was,” he responded trying to release himself with his free hand. He only managed to get the grip tightened. SungYeol was completely scared.

“Oh no, I don’t think so.”

Said that, SungYeol felt his body being pushed into one of the stalls, his back getting hurt with the metal door in the process. He barely perceived the strong noise as a sharp pain in his face made him lose the strength from his legs. Instantly he fell to the cold, wet floor. Unlike the hit he had received back then, this one had been intentional.

As soon as he opened his eyes, SungYeol saw the man’s fist trying to make its way back to his face but he managed to dodge it. The wall behind the toilet was hit instead.

There was no chance he could escape from it again. He was trapped in the stall.

Instinctively, SungYeol screamed as he tried to free himself from the other’s grip but it was useless. He couldn’t hold the man’s arms for so long. He was stronger and older yet SungYeol wasn’t an idiot.

Raising his long leg, he managed to kick the man’s crotch with all his strength. A rush of adrenaline invaded his veins as he started to run out of the stall and bathroom. The alcohol’s effect had disappeared.

SungYeol had to get away from there as fast as he could. He didn’t want to create a scandal or being recorded and he knew the punches he had received were going to stain his pale skin. All the members were going to ask, especially MyungSoo with his silent eyes.

Before he could reach the emergency door he bumped into someone. He almost fell but was caught from the arm. His eyes opened wide in shock as he caught sight of the other male he had insulted. The pressure in his arm got tighter but it wasn’t as strong as the other man’s so SungYeol freed himself away. he wasn’t eager to stay in there.

As he kept running by the unknown streets, he continued to listen to the shouts from both males. They weren’t going to let him go that easily. Asking for forgiveness wasn’t going to work now. And less when alcohol was involved.

His legs were aching with all the running but SungYeol didn’t stop. Couldn’t stop. Quickly he glanced backwards noticing no one was following him.

His breath was heavy and his mind was a mess – he couldn’t even remember he had been almost hurt by a car when he crossed one of the streets. He had to calm himself down and find out where the heck he was. He didn’t recognize a thing; this zone of Itaewon was unknown for SungYeol. With nervousness he ran a hand through his hair, messing with the rather long bangs.
 

“,’ he swore as he leaned on the graffitied wall from an old building.  

He finally got to hide himself in a small alley.  SungYeol had to get a grip of himself before he went to look a busier street to take a cab to go back to the dorms.  Also, he had to wait. If he went out right away and those men were close they might end up chasing him once again. SungYeol couldn’t run forever and he had to get back to the dorms before SungGyu woke up. He was stressing up.

“Stop hiding like a ing cat, idol.”

Fear crept into SungYeol’s veins as he heard that deep voice again.

He had been caught.

This time the older male wasn’t alone. This time they were two and even if they were some metres away SungYeol couldn’t bring his legs to move. He had been paralyzed with the shock and fear. He wasn’t as lucky as he thought. The only thing SungYeol could do was press his body closer to the wall hoping he would just disappear or even wake up.

‘SungGyu, wake me up.’

But SungYeol wasn’t dreaming and he wasn’t in a fairy tale. The punch he received in the stomach remembered him he was completely awake and in the real world.

“JoonSoo, I think he’s scared enough. You should stop.”

SungYeol listened the other male’s voice, it was softer and for a moment he wished the man named JoonSoo could listen to his partner. But he didn’t since another punch was directed in his jaw. Next his ribs.

“Yah! JoonSoo!”

The man with light brown hair pulled the other man's fist away from SungYeol. With the hidden strength and courage the younger male took the opportunity to run away as fast as his long legs could let him.

Turning to the left, some painfully metres way from him, SungYeol could see a pretty small avenue; if only he could manage to cross it.

The light was red.

His legs went faster. SungYeol felt that was his chance, he could be safe on the other side. He had to cross.

The light was flashing, he had to do it quick or he was going to be trapped once again, but his dreams vanished as soon as he felt someone kick his sides. SungYeol whined, tripping but quickly gaining the balance. He had been so close to save himself.  When was this nightmare going to end?

The light turned green.

Another punch came right to his face and just like in the stall, SungYeol dodged it.  Yet this time, the punch didn’t reach a wall. It reached nothing but the air.

As in slow motion the older man passed by SungYeol’s side – his eyes opened wide in shock – before he landed on the street.

“JoonSoo!”

It happened in less than a second. SungYeol saw it all. How the SUV didn’t stop in time. How the empty body was swept away before it stopped lifelessly on the floor. How a person’s life had disappeared from the world.

All thanks to him.