CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN:Antibiotics

 

 

The subtle but continuous movement on his shoulder made him frown in annoyance and close his eyes tighter. He tried to lift his arm to push away whatever was bothering but found no strenght to do so, he was completely worn off. A soft groan deliberately made its way out of his mouth – the only form to express his discomfort – still the constant movement never stopped. In all, it got stronger. Trying to escape from it he turned his face far from the contact yet it didn’t work either.

 

"Come on SungGyu-ya."

 

His ears, being sensible from the lack of sound, found the voice resembling a construction machine. It wasn’t a member as he had first thought, it was JungRyul.  

 

"Not yet," he managed to say noticing his throat was completely soar. It hurt.

 

"Get up, boy, we need to go," as this was said, the light bed sheet was removed revealing his almost torso. The sudden breeze created goosebumps all over his arms and in an instant he hunched to a fetal position. Sometimes his manager was a savage.

 

"Is it time already?" SungGyu fought against the raspy sensation in his throat, before he tried to open his eyes just to meet the light from the summer sun. JungRyul had opened the curtains. Another groan came but this time SungGyu turned face down just to kneel on his bed. Little by little, he started to gain control of his body. He heard his manager questioning about WooHyun not sleeping on his own bed but he decided to ignore it and conclude his stretching. Scratching his ribs from under his wife beater, SungGyu set his feet on the floor. It was cool.

 

"Get dressed, wash your face and let's go," JungRyul ordered helping the young man get on his feet. It was then that SungGyu noticed the manager was talking barely above a whisper. Right, unlike him, the other members were still asleep. It hadn't been not even two hours that they arrived from recording.

 

The need to feel water erasing the sweat and bed sensation was present but SungGyu had no time to do that. He had to leave quickly and quietly. Grabbing the first shirt he saw, he changed into it not even bothering to change his pants. As he was reaching for a bathroom, the image of WooHyun awkwardly sleeping on the sofa entered to his range of vision.

 

"You better fix that."

 

Knowing their reasons or the meaning behind this attitude WooHyun took wasn't that important for the manager. JungRyul couldn't care less. What he cared about was that the group members got good – even if it was short – rest, and the sofa or living room's floor weren't an option.

 

 

As soon as they hit the road, a small Starbuck's paper bag and a venti sized coffee were handed to Infinite's leader. SungGyu thought for a while whether to eat what he supposed was a muffin or not. Whenever his throat hurt he had trouble passing his own saliva, now bread seemed impossible.

 

"Hyung," he suddenly said turning his face from the sidewalk to the driver. "Do you happen to have the schedule for next week?"

 

"Next week? Yeah, it's in the black binder at the back," JungRyul eyed quickly the leader that had taken off the secure belt to reach the passenger seats. "This week's schedules are lighter that last one or next one, seeing you're leaving for Music Core's special edition. For this week you got nice stuff, the group got requested for Sukira, Arirang TV too—"

 

"Speechless MV?" SungGyu interrupted his assigned manager as he saw the first days of the week marked with that text. "It’s about to reach two million views. Why would they schedule another music video?"

 

"You'll do a version B," JungRyul sighed, reaching a red light. "The chairmen, even vice president JiYoung, want the video to be shown on TV, too. Just like the version that's played on the radio. Same second version you’re promoting."

 

"What?" As surprise overcame him, his voice went higher, instantly sending a shock of pain to his neck. On cue, a sequence of dry coughs made their parade.

 

"SungGyu,” JungRyul got worried as the cough didn’t stop. “SungGyu-ya, you okay?"

 

The plan of creating a new video had been pretty readable, but SungGyu didn't think JungYeop would actually go for it.  This time, the CEO had his whole back covered. The directives were by his side. The fact that they were promoting another version of Speechless  was already  uncomfortable for the group, to see a video of Infinite where SungYeol wasn’t  present, it was going to be painful.

 

"Can we not do version B? You know it's stupid, Hyung,” SungGyu said after his coughs ended, not paying attention to the worried expression his manager was giving him. The older man  sighed silently.  

 

"The directives already decided," there was a gentle sourness in JungRyul's voice. "It's all for Infinite."

 

At that SungGyu snorted. In all it seemed they were trying to break the group apart. "SungYeol's part of Infinite."

 

"To be a member of it means you have the group as your priority but right now, SungYeol has other things to worry more about than Infinite," JungRyul caught SungGyu's sharp stare before turning back to the road. "Still, he's so part of the group and Woollim that JungYeop-sshi's on his way to the court."

 

SungGyu's eyes opened in surprise.

 

"Is it today? Already?"

 

"Uhn."

 

How could he forget that? He had no idea the third trial was going to be that morning.  He had known all along, and somehow he still forgot. He should try and give SungYeol a call. At least  to give him some supporting words. No. He should’ve gone there.

 

Because of their hectic schedule, SungGyu hadn't been able to be there for during the trial process. Now that he thought about it, none of the members had gone to see SungYeol at court. Not even planning it, their tallest member's life had started to divert significantly from theirs. Although they were still living together, they saw less and less of SungYeol. And now that SungGyu was facing some health troubles, he found out he was diverting too, little by little, but he was. Instead of sleeping like everyone else, instead of assisting to SungYeol's court and support him, he was there, inside JungRyul's personal car, heading to the hospital.

 

 

Sneaking way too early into the building and hiding his face with a cap and the hood from his light hoodie to not grab people's attention, getting an appointment with a fake name by JungRyul, entering Doctor Kang's office skipping the waiting room. SungGyu felt just like a fugitive that was trying to reach safe land – although this land seemed to be filled with mines ready to explode.

 

"You don't look good, SungGyu-ya," there was obvious concern in Doctor Kang's voice. After all those years he had looked after the man's health, he had learned to appreciate his patient like a family member.

 

"I recorded all night," SungGyu shrugged it off before giving a sheepish smile. It got answered by a kind one. "Please watch Beatles Code next week to support us."

 

"I'll try."

 

What seemed a nice and warm atmosphere, turned into a fragile one as soon as the doctor released a helpless sigh. It all went downhill when the man took the displayed envelope on the desk to his hands.

 

Even if SungGyu tried, his sharp eyes couldn't look away from it. The sudden wish to tear it, to burn it, came to his mind. If only it were that easy to make things end, just by dissapearing a paper, SungGyu wouldn't hesitate to do it. But he wasn't a kid and he knew how things worked. He was old enough to differentiate magic from reality. The things created by men and the ones created by something more powerful. This one was one of them.

 

"Those are my final results."

 

SungGyu didn't bother to make it sound like a question. There was no doubt those papers were his and by the way Doctor Kang was holding them, a bad sensation got attached to his insides.

 

"I received them yesterday night. I had to show them to you as soon as possible."

 

"JungYeop-nim, did you tell him first?"

 

"Not yet," there was something in the way he said it that SungGyu didn't like it. He could only snort at the irony.

 

"It's worse than you thought, right?"

 

Helpless. That was the feeling that was slowly crawling into his body.

 

"It's not that is worse," the man's voice was calm, giving the same careful but distant sensation the doctors gave while talking. So cold. "It's just something I certainly didn't expect."

 

Without grace or announcement, Doctor Kang opened the envelope. Some papers with the hospital's sign. Formal texts and a radiography. All those were things that SungGyu wasn't sure he could understand.

 

"At first I thought it was a typical abscess." Doctor Kang continued as he gave the documents to SungGyu, he tried to read them but they made no sense to his ignorant mind.  The documents were mocking him. "With the trace of infection near the thyroid zone I went with the idea of it being a case of thyroiditis but that past diagnostic I gave you wasn’t correct."

 

Too many graphics, too many medical terms.

 

"What is it?"

 

Should he feel happy for not having that illness or should he feel worried about the unknown?

 

"Listen, there's a fistula developing on the left pyriform sinus of your neck. They aren't really problematic but your malformation happens to be located in a complicated passage. The range of possible inflammation is wide and I already told you it's spreading to the thyroid, causing the confusion and wrong diagnostic."

 

A what? Pyriform sinus? Fistula? What was SungGyu supposed to think about that? How was he supposed to feel, react, towards those barely understandable things? The questions and confusion aggravated the soreness from his throat.

 

"In other words, there's still something, potentially dangerous, growing inside my neck?" SungGyu didn't notice his hand moving protectively to said body part.

 

"Yes."

 

"So it's not in my vocal cords?" SungGyu's voice came innocent as a little hope rode his words. It took some moments for the old man to answer.

 

"The fistula is not located in your vocal cords, but in order to get full recovery from this malformation," Doctor Kang leaned backwards, giving himself time to find the right words. His tongue trying to moisture his dry lips. "SungGyu-ya. I know you said you didn't want to, but surgery must be performed.”

 

That word again. Just listening to it made SungGyu feel stressed. He had responsibilities to fulfill, he couldn’t just get into a surgery room and spend days there doing nothing. Let alone, expose his most treasured possession to the unknown. Surgery wasn’t part of his plans.

 

"If you continue to sing like this, the pressure on the vocal cords will be stronger and the contamination of the fistula will worsen."

 

That changed everything.

 

"Then, my... Although it's not there, this, this thing is putting my voice in danger?" SungGyu ran a hand thru his messy hair, completely hating what he was listening. Completely detesting the sensation invading his body.

 

Trapped.

 

"Your vocal cords are already in danger," the flat way Doctor Kang said it worsened the uneasiness. "Your health is, too. I must proceed."

 

"If, if you do it," confusion was overcoming him. What was he supposed to do? "How long will it take for me to sing again?"

 

"You won't be able to sing high notes," Doctor Kang looked straight into the idol's eyes. No need to lie or give sweet words. "Maybe even sing."

 

Trapped.

 

"Another treatment? An alternative?"

 

Now he was desperately searching for a light. SungGyu couldn't give up.

 

"If I just treat your symptoms and not the cause they will appear repeatedly and a severe case can appear. To end it, I have to eliminate the source."

 

The doctor’s intentions to make the patience change his mind, backfired the moment he said those words. What seemed a painful destiny, SungGyu took it as a window opening.

 

"I can live with that."

 

Doctor Kang looked surprised.

 

"SungGyu, please."

 

"No, Doctor, you don't get it. My group's having lots of trouble and overwork since we're missing a member. We're in the middle of promotions and I'm their leader. I don't have time for a surgery or getting trapped in a hospital room. And more importantly, I'm a singer,” there was something in the tone SungGyu used to say that last phrase that brought calm to his own altered soul. Unlike before, he stopped sounding fearful and insecure. “This is all I've known and all I have and you still want me to sacrifice it?"

 

Gently he shook his head. A sad smile covered SungGyu’s tired face. He believed he wasn’t crazy, and that his decision was the correct one. What he needed was someone to support him, not people taking away his courage.

 

"I can bear this pain and more if that means I can keep singing. Even if it's not complete, even if it’s not perfect, I'll still have it with me."

 

Doctor Kang said nothing, he just kept looking down at the documents in his hand before setting his gaze on the idol. A trace of hesitation impregnated in his orbs.

 

“Stay to receive the antibiotics I’ll prescript you.”

 

 

 

♫

 

 

 

Two ugly red marks. They didn't hurt that much but his pale skin was sensible and the nurse had found some trouble reaching for his vein. Fortunately it just took her two tries to canalize the antibiotics Doctor Kang had prescribed him.

 

SungGyu had spent that morning in a hospital room. He tried not to give it too much thought before he gave in to the sleep he lacked. Better than keeping his eyes locked to the medicine entering to his system by such a small but scary thing. While he rested, JungRyul took the task to inform their CEO about his actual condition. It didn’t surprise SungGyu to be awakened by the same man as he tried to make him reconsider his decision. Just like the doctor, JungYeop wasn't able to change his mind.

 

"Should I get us some soju?"

 

When his ears registered the voice, SungGyu looked up from his abused hand to the desk where SungYeol was seated. A silver mechanical pencil was ungracefully thrown to the still opened english textbook.

 

"What? You need a drink?"

 

"Seems you could use some too," SungYeol shrugged leaving the desk to reach the bed's end. "You have that funny frown that makes your eyebrows look weird stuck to your face."

 

"Yah," SungGyu stretched a leg kicking the youngster right in his lower back before taking a seating position. His police novel already forgotten on top of his pillow.

 

"You aren't denying it, good."

 

"I can't drink today," SungGyu grimaced. "Tomorrow we record early."

 

"Then I'll get drunk for you too, Hyung," the grin on SungYeol's face was kept in place even when a firm punch was directed to his shoulder.

 

Like that, both members ended up in a warm atmosphere. Maybe it was the fact that there was still no air conditioner in his room, but SungGyu felt comfortable with the silence between them. Even if their bodies were centimetres close, it didn't bother him, and surely SungYeol didn't mind. There was no smirk on his face now, only a distant look in his eyes. He was seeing further away from WooHyun's bunk bed. His intentions had been so obvious.

 

"With alcohol or not, you're still gonna tell me, right?"

 

There existed times when the members would join and drink until they weren't able to walk straight just because they were young and wanted to enjoy themselves, but there existed also those moments when they would buy some alcohol and use it as an excuse to share what was worrying them. Soju was the prologue to their opening. The grand finale, a massive hangover the next day.

 

"Same old," leaning backwards, SungYeol held his upper body with his elbows. "Did you know? If I'm sentenced guilty I'll be locked for half my life."

 

"SungYeol."

 

The raw way he spoke made SungGyu feel uncomfortable and surprisingly angry.

 

"I'm tired of this. Why are they taking so long?" SungYeol gave in to gravity, his back finally resting on the mattress. "I just want to get sentenced and over with this."

 

"Things will turn right," SungGyu looked back, catching the sad expression on the younger's face. Even if he wanted to show himself unabashed, it was obvious the young idol was worried about his uncertain future and he was scared. Fear was written all over his body. It had never left him, not since that unfortunate night.

 

Feeling overprotective, SungGyu patted in a brotherly way SungYeol's knee before taking the same position the other was in. It was funny how their breathing was in synchronization. The only two members of Infinite that were still connected.

 

"Hyung,” the called hummed in response. “DongWoo knows."

 

Blinking twice, SungGyu turned to face the other. He had been close to ask, but when he saw the serene profile, his mind matched the dots. A stupid knowingly smile appeared in his lips. There was nothing to say so he turned back to look up at the bottom of WooHyun's bed.

 

"Sooner or later I'll have to tell 'em, right?" He said as he supported his upper body with a shoulder, his eyes meeting SungGyu's. "After all, we can't keep secrets forever."

 

Although it was obviously directed to his own secret, SungGyu couldn’t stop from thinking about his own. Fear reached him as he began to wonder if SungYeol actually knew. He couldn’t have  even an idea, right?

 

SungYeol gave him  a careful look. "Hyung?"

 

Before SungGyu could think something, a knock came followed by the door opening widely. Both turned their attention to the source of the sound just to see WooHyun's sheepish grin. Behind him, two mischievous members were standing.

 

"Yeol-ah," WooHyun started, raising the big plastic bag he was holding up. "I bought chicken."

 

SungGyu’s eyes went in search of SungYeol’s face. There was an unreadable expression that slowly changed into a smirk.

 

"Idiot," he snorted while the three members invaded the bedroom. Soon there was DongWoo pulling the tall member out of the bed.

 

"Come on, lets eat," the rapper smiled while the other members started to set themselves on the middle of bedroom's floor. SungGyu arched his eyebrows at the scene.

 

"Where exactly do you think you're to set a picnic?" SungGyu blurted widening the rapper's smile. No one took him seriously, not even the maknae, who was patting an empty spot next to him.

 

"Take a seat, Hyung, there's plenty of food."

 

Chicken. This meal wasn't a usual at the dorms. It wasn't that they didn't like it but it was the actual way the guys used to fix things. Eat, drink and get over it together. That's how it had worked for them. Not always but it usually did. SungGyu was amused to see WooHyun buying some for SungYeol. At least some conscience was growing in him.  That self-centered bastard.

 

"You bought a lot Hyun-ah,” DongWoo said opening one of the three boxes, the aroma of chicken  invaded instantly the bedroom.

 

“It was obvious you were gonna ask for some,” WooHyun said matter of fact, his hands busy opening another box, just to shove it to SungYeol’s chest.

 

“Where’s MyungSoo?” SungYeol asked casually, his eyes searching for the chubbiest chicken leg on the offered box. SungJong was the only one that answered with a shrug.  

 

"Yah! Lee HoWon! Swallow your pride and come eat the chicken I brought! ...I even brought the spicy one," WooHyun clicked his tongue in annoyance, yet the act seemed too amusing to DongWoo who was now grinning at the loud shout that had made SungYeol jump. SungJong, on the other side, plainly ignored it, too busy giving a piece of chicken to SungGyu. Liking the attention, he gave a wide bite to the crispy food.  It tasted like glory, the best part was that it didn’t hurt to swallow.

 

“Aish, I forgot the radish.”

 

DongWoo looked over to see the unpleased expression WooHyun had. “I think we got some left from last time.”

 

“That’s gross,” SungJong groaned.

 

“I’ll go check,” SungYeol offered himself, standing up. Reaching for the door, he bumped into a member that was entering the bedroom. MyungSoo, the one entering, caught his arm  as he moved backwards yet the touch didn’t last long since Hoya pushed both inside the room.

 

“We will please you with our presence,” Hoya said placing MyungSoo between SungJong and DongWoo.

 

WooHyun snorted. “Please us.”

 

“Weren’t you going for the pickles?” DongWoo asked SungYeol who was still at the door.

 

“Ah—yeah,” and then he was gone.

 

SungGyu held carefully the piece of chicken close to his mouth, but his attention was concentrated on the doore where SungYeol had disappeared.

 

"What did you do this time?" he suddenly asked, gaining some looks from the younger members. WooHyun, who knew the question was directed to himself grimaced.

 

"I kind of forced a truth," he shrugged it off while DongWoo directed him an understanding look. Whatever it had been, SungGyu believed it was over.

 

"Truth? What is it?" SungJong butted in not even bothering to take out the chicken bone from his mouth. MyungSoo's eyes went to WooHyun's figure yet the older male said nothing. DongWoo and SungGyu exchanged quick looks.

 

"Does it has something to do with our next week's schedule?" Hoya asked gaining some glances.

 

"Did you see it already?" The leader asked and a quick nod was given in response.

 

"Haven't you all?"

 

MyungSoo questioned them with his eyes but DongWoo was the one that blurted out the question.

 

"What about our schedule?" SungJong looked at them expectantly. WooHyun confused. It seemed no one but Hoya and SungGyu were aware of their promotion's schedule.

 

"Well, it seems we're gonna film again Speechless music video..." Hoya said slowly, somehow not liking to be the one giving the news.

 

"...but SungYeol?" MyungSoo murmured.

 

"Just the six of us."