CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX:How?

 

 

"Who would’ve thought JiAe would end up doing this good?"

 

DongWoo grinned at Hoya’s words.

 

"It’s good to know our little elephant is doing really good with the other girls."

 

Infinite's rappers were chatting comfortably in the last table of Woollim's cafeteria - place that was well known for being the favourite spot of the company's main group. They both had found some minutes to relax before their busy schedule continued. Friday wasn't over yet. Hoya was already wearing a neat dark outfit while DongWoo was still in the fierce stage clothes they had used for Music Bank. Unlike the younger, his face was free from makeup.

 

After their stage performance, both dancers had scheduled to check on the trainees that were about to debut before Hoya had to leave for Beatles Code. Recording late at night was a common thing for the group. Since the BTD era they got used to promote twenty-four seven.

 

"Today Hyung did lip-sync too," DongWoo said softly before he drank from his reddish iced tea.

 

Hoya eyed him carefully from his own drink. Even if the comment appeared innocent, the younger idol couldn't feel that comfortable with it.

 

"I believe he's the one hating it the most. Leave it to the directives that doesn't want rumors about his raspy voice," finally he said. "But it's stupid, he can't sing live but he can go to talk shows."

 

"He's the best when it comes to entertain," DongWoo shrugged it off. His hands instantly on his flashing smartphone. Someone had sent him a text. "But, don't you think it's weird? It has been weeks and he doesn't get better."

 

"Hyung, if there was something serious going on, our CEO would be the first one to stop Gyu-hyung from promoting," Hoya assured the older male who had a slight frown although his gaze was still stuck to the apparatus. "Let's not worry."

 

"Right..." DongWoo half smiled.

 

"Also, he would've told us," Hoya bitted his straw gently but moments after he released it as his eyes slightly opened. "You know? For a moment, when we were up stage, I wondered if you were going to change the choreography again."

 

Hoya knew his words sounded like a reproach but he didn’t mind it. Ever since Inkigayo, he had kept a close look to DongWoo’s moves. He couldn’t seem to completely relax while performing. HoWon knew the rapper’s nature was a good one – the sake of head from him affirmed his knowledge – but Hoya couldn’t let his guard down now.  It wasn’t nice to not be able to enjoy his performance and DongWoo owned him that.

 

"Now that you say it. I don't know if Hyung would've told us," DongWoo took his time to leave the mobile upside-down on the table before taking his drink again. "Ever since Inkigayo, he's been rather distant with everyone."

 

"Considering what happened I would be too," Hoya pointed out not missing the way DongWoo's eyes evaded him.

 

"Even with that... I’m still not so sure about his actions, but..." The way the older dancer started to talk made Hoya curious so he leaned forward, ready to listen to DongWoo’s words. Somehow the noise from the cafeteria turned thicker. The pause between phrases became too long for Hoya’s like. “I’m trying to understand his reasons.”

 

At that HoWon frowned, pulling back to his place. He should’ve seen that coming.

 

"We are his reasons, Hyung."

 

"Yes, that applies for all of us," DongWoo smiled widely getting a frustrated nod from the younger. "But sometimes it’s not just that—like WooHyun that is mad at Yeol-ah. I’m experiencing a rather similar feeling, though it’s different."

 

The expression on Hoya’s face wasn’t enough to make DongWoo elaborate his words, he just laughed it off.

 

"Hyung, that problem has been fixed already by the company."

 

Hoya was right. That morning, Woollim had sent a message to the media explaining SungYeol knew nothing about the relationship the people involved on the case had. No need to make a press conference or an interview. A simple announcement was enough, for the company felt no need to give it importance.

 

"That's why you fight a lot with WooHyun-ah," DongWoo sighed getting a questioning look from the younger rapper. "It wasn’t the fact that it caused more trouble but that SungYeol didn’t tell him."

 

At those words Hoya groaned. He didn't want to talk about WooHyun and less to try and think like him.

 

"This is something else, Hyung. We are not over-dramatic girls. And as far as I understood you had other reasons to act that way."

 

"Well yeah, it’s different but it’s the same."

 

The grin in DongWoo’s face evaporated slowly as he caught the intense glare Hoya gave him.

 

After that neither of them talked for a while. DongWoo seemed too into his own thoughts and drink. Hoya just looked at him as he tried hard to decipher the older’s words, maybe his actions would make him understand his hyung better.

 

"Didn’t it surprise you?"

 

Hoya suddenly asked. The strong blink DongWoo made gave him green light.

 

"You were the last one to know about the new piece of information from Yeol's case."

 

"About those guys’ relationship?"

 

A strong nod was given.

 

"Surprisingly, no."

 

The quick answer took the younger dancer by surprise.

 

"It just helped me tie some knots," DongWoo grimaced. "I have to try and understand. After all I’m a hyung."

 

"As always, Hyung, you make no sense," Hoya patted his sub-unit partner’s shoulder who smiled warmly but dumbly. "Though I have to say it surprised me a bit. It makes me wonder what actually happened that night."

 

DongWoo hummed. "Why don’t you ask Yeollie?"

 

"Have you asked him?"

 

At that DongWoo shrugged although the way his eyes shone made Hoya feel there was more into the rapper's answer. But he got no time to dig for more information since soon he heard their maknae’s voice calling his name out loud. Instinctively, both idols turned their gazes to the entrance just to see the idol being stopped by the formal bow some trainees did at him. Even with the long their maknae still managed to look as young as them.

 

"Hyungs," SungJong finally reached them both.

 

"Is it time already?" Hoya asked not minding that the youngest member took his drink from his hands. Without asking, the youngest drank.

 

“Yeah, I’ll just get a coffee for Gyu-hyung. Geonam-hyung’s already in the van," SungJong pointed at the counter, his lips not letting go of the straw. Another big sip was taken. "Could you get L-hyung, please? He’s in the building."

 

"Sure."

 

The dancer rose from the chair not before he took his frappuccino from the young male's grip. DongWoo laughed at SungJong's unpleased expression.

 

"See you later, Hyung."

 

"Fighting, guys," the oldest member turned his attention to him until Hoya disappeared from their sight.

 

There was no need for SungJong to elaborate where Infinite's visual was, it was obvious for Hoya - or everyone in Woollim to be more precise.

 

Like HoWon, who entered every now and then - better said, whenever he could - to SungYeol's dance practices, MyungSoo would enter to the idol's tough schedule. Being studying english, diction or dancing, L would go. Although his schedule was the tightest, he wouldn't go to the dorms to sleep like SungGyu did. He would go to SungYeol.

 

Ten minutes, fifteen minutes, an hour, he always went.

 

It was a believe, the visual’s actions were a reaction to his friend’s absence after the scandal. The necessity of not losing the older male from his sight could be guessed too. There were different theories that made sense when placed next to MyungSoo’s unique personality.

 

Remembering where he last saw Infinite’s tallest member, Hoya started to search for both idols in the halls of the building. Soon he found were they were.

 

On the third floor, the main practice room was being used but the small one at the far end was playing Run Devil Run. Only one person in the whole company would put that old song. It was obvious SungYeol was in there, and for the fact that the music was easily understood – like a background song in the hall – it only meant one thing. MyungSoo had entered leaving the door half closed like he always did.

 

As he was getting closer to it, Hoya noticed he was right. Just how the dancer supposed, the door wasn’t closed correctly. He could see the bright light from the room illuminating the dim hall. Hoya rolled his eyes at MyungSoo’s clumsiness. That side of him was going to get him in so much trouble in the future.

 

"You trying to act as usual does bother me. I like your intentions. You still being next to me, I like it."

 

It wasn't really clear but Hoya had recognized SungYeol's voice. The way it sounded caught him off guard. As he started to pull the door open, his hand froze. His eyes had caught sight of something he had never imagined to see.

 

Never.

 

Hoya knew they were close. That whenever the cameras were around they would easily act that intimate, L being the one in search for skinship – MyungSoo loved doing skinship. Yet seeing SungYeol practically cornering the younger was something completely different.

 

Although the song was playful, the air surrounding them was thick.

 

Unwelcoming.

 

"But, could you please stop ignoring my feelings?"

 

SungYeol moved slightly closer and Hoya took a sharp breath feeling his lungs lacked of oxygen. Now their noses were inches away yet none of them moved to give some distance. Even if Hoya felt like screaming, the dancer couldn’t find his voice. He was frozen behind the door.

 

“Make up your mind.”

 

Something strong hit HoWon's insides as SungYeol erased the distance between them.

 

There was a lack of concordance in the dancer's broken thoughts as his eyes found impossible to look away from the sight.

 

What is going on?

 

As SungYeol pulled away, Hoya felt the hair from the back of his neck rise.  The air was missing.

 

Their tallest member had a peculiar expression on his face whenever he played around, it was a trademark smirk that Hoya had seen way too many times. He had hoped for a second to see it again, but the confused look on MyungSoo's face and the slight blush covering SungYeol's cheeks said otherwise. This wasn't a prank the tall member was playing on their visual. It wasn’t.

 

Like a train losing control, Hoya's thoughts came wildly crashing into his mind. The constant fights between the two, their lingering gazes, their subtle comments, their meaningless touches, the scandal. How could he be this blind?

 

A hand carefully went up trying to reach the younger's pale skin but Hoya felt the intense necessity to stop it. His mind was screaming at him. His heartbeat doubled and as he gasped for some air for his collapsed lungs, HoWon opened the studio's door with both hands.

 

The dancer's mind went in blanc for a second, but he fought against the shock managing to concentrate everything he was feeling into a calm look that ended up like an slightly annoyed expression. Hoya’s quick mind decided to act oblivious.

 

"There you are, idiot!" The insult released came out natural. "Everyone's already in the van, MyungSoo."

 

Moving his legs inside was hard. The tension in the place was heavy so acting ignorant to stop the craziness seemed the best for him at the moment. Hoya needed time to think it out. This couldn’t make things awkward. This wouldn't affect them. Not when they were in the middle of promoting.

 

“Is he still bothering you in your practice?”

 

The smile and playful sound in his mouth were all copied from seeing WooHyun’s habit.  Even if he had control of most of his body, his hands were sweating. Still, Hoya didn’t hesitate to take a grip of L’s elbow, pulling him up with easiness. The youngest idol was dozing off.

 

“No.”

 

He heard SungYeol say, but HoWon was busy looking at MyungSoo’s now serene expression. The idol was thinking, sinking deeply into his own mind. When he turned his gaze to the tallest male, the way his brows gently knitted made Hoya feel uncomfortable with his actions.  

 

“We have to go now,” he even smiled apologetically at him before he placed both hands on L’s shoulders. Still nervous of what he had just seen, Hoya pulled the youngster close to his body. Distance, both tall members needed it.

 

MyungSoo eyed him though Hoya found no meaning to the enigmatic look. Turning to SungYeol and feeling like disappearing, he gave his farewell.

 

“Keep the good work, Yeol-ah.”

 

SungYeol nodded twice giving them a side smile.

 

Not wanting to be in the room – and more precisely between both of them – any longer, Hoya pushed MyungSoo out of the suffocating practice room.

 

 

 

♫

 

 

The soft sensation kept lingering on his lips. Hours had passed and SungYeol found he couldn’t stop his fingers from touching were the tingling sensation persisted. His heart beating as fast as it did back then and his mind kept repeating the scene. Over and over again.

 

Closing tight his eyes, SungYeol erased the perfect face from his vision. He had enjoyed kissing those lips. He wanted to do it again. Again and again. As much as joy overwhelmed him, a sour flavour dirtied his mouth. The confused look on MyungSoo’s face. What was he thinking?

 

Letting go of his feelings had seemed a good idea. At least to make his burden less painful. SungYeol just wanted to express himself, but his actions ended up being selfish.  Without thinking about others, he had given all to MyungSoo and now it was up to the younger to know what to do with those feelings. After this dark hole, he was certain they were going to find the light. Too bad SungYeol had pushed MyungSoo without even telling him in advance.

 

Unlike before, SungYeol was expecting nothing from the serene male. Just acceptation. To let him know his feelings were real and not product of the entertainment industry. Those feelings defined who SungYeol was.

 

Feeling like a mess, SungYeol the side to face the sofa’s backrest. DongWoo’s whine was heard as the remote control fell from SungYeol’s stomach to the dancer that was sprawled on the floor.

 

A sigh flew from SungYeol's lips before the noise from the TV was abruptly shut. The tall man furrowed his brows as he rolled to the other side. Too soon his eyes met DongWoo's questioning ones. Both held a similar expression as a quiet conversation passed between them.

 

After SungYeol opened up to DongWoo, the younger idol had started to be a bit more careful about his actions around the rapper. What SungYeol liked was that the older male kept that sincere smile whenever they would meet. One time he had entered their bedroom when DongWoo was changing. Both had felt awkward but the atmosphere quickly relaxed as the older male laughed it off. There was some distance but it was mainly offered by SungYeol. They were a tad awkward, that's for sure, but DongWoo proved him he wanted to keep treating him like always.

 

SungGyu had been right.

 

The older idol kept looking at him but his gaze turned worried. Gently, SungYeol shook his head. He pushed his upper body forward and snatched the remote control from DongWoo’s hands. Soon the laugh from the talk show they had been watching resounded in their surround.

 

It was weird how Infinite's loudest members weren't making noise. Tiredness was getting the best of them.

 

Some minutes passed when the sound front door opening made DongWoo perk up. Grinning slightly at SungYeol, he stood up from the floor. Unlike DongWoo, he didn't want to move from the sofa but he knew sooner or later he had to. The strong laugh from the dancer was his queue.

 

"How did it go?"

 

"It took longer than expected but, it’s over!" WooHyun's voice sounded happy though tired.

 

SungYeol got to the entrance in time to see the arrived member raise his arms up as DongWoo laughed some more trapping him in a clumsy hug. A soft smile made its way to SungYeol's lips at the image. He was happy WooHyun was finally done with the drama. Their vocalist had done a good job.

 

"Congrats," SungYeol said sincerely but all he got in exchange was a snort.

 

"Only you're here?" WooHyun asked as the oldest idol pulled him to the kitchen. SungYeol followed behind.

 

"Yeah. You know it takes hours to record Beatles Code."

 

“I bet they won’t sleep tonight,” WooHyun sang his words as he sat on the stool from where he saw DongWoo reaching the rice cooker to give him some food. His back directed to SungYeol.

 

“I hope they do.”

 

WooHyun’s tired eyes managed to shine in mischief. “If they’re lucky they will film for five hours.”

 

“SungJong won’t like it,” SungYeol said getting a cold look from WooHyun before ending being ignored.

 

The feeling of an intruder got stuck in SungYeol’s backbone.

 

For the past two days, WooHyun had started to bluntly ignore the tallest member’s words and even making uncomfortable remarks pushing aside. SungYeol  had seen it coming. After the latest news of his scandal ended up being revealed, he had expected to receive a different treatment from the members. And even if their attitude towards him kept being almost the same, WooHyun ended reacting the harsher towards him.

 

“Will you stop it,” SungYeol found himself saying his thoughts out loud.

 

Yes, he knew he deserved something like that for the silence and the hidden truths. He had even thought he had no right to go against it or voice his uncomfort because of the problems he had brought to Infinite. But SungYeol hated the indirect way WooHyun was acting.

 

“Why won’t you just tell me why are you so mad at me, WooHyun?”

 

A snort came from named man. “Isn’t it obvious?”

 

“Guys—”

 

“No, Hyung. I don’t like this. Why must I be treated like this by him?” SungYeol  pointed at WooHyun, getting his hand slapped away.

 

“And what? Do we have to accept everything you mess up and act as if it’s okay?”  WooHyun shook his head with a sour smile. “I don’t like it either.”

 

“Then say it. Don’t push me away cuz I’m not Gyu-hyung to give in to your tantrums.”

 

“Yah!” WooHyun hit the table as he stood up. DongWoo went immediately to his side but never reached for him. Not being intimidated, SungYeol moved forward.

 

“Talk so we can get over this.”

 

“I can’t get over this,” WooHyun’s frown deepened. His eyes piercing the younger’s. “Not when I supported you in the freaking radio station but didn’t even know that the guys involved were that!”

 

As if a bucket of cold water had been thrown his way, SungYeol’s angered flame got extinguished.

 

“What?”

 

His voice was barely a whisper.

 

“You didn’t tell us and there we go,” the sarcasm in WooHyun’s voice got accentuated with his gestures. “Like the loyal members we are. Covering your , believing in you blindly—”

 

“Does that really matter?”

 

Although WooHyun didn’t notice, DongWoo caught easily the slight despair in SungYeol’s voice.

 

“People care! I care!” Each time WooHyun’s word got louder.

 

“It’s not that important, WooHyun-ah,” the oldest member tried to calm the other down, but it just ended up being fuel to the fire.

 

“It is! Dammit! He says I should be direct when he won’t even dare tell us the guys involved were  freaking homos!”

 

It had hurt. WooHyun’s words had touched the wound SungYeol was trying to ignore and instead of hiding to keep it from hurting, SungYeol found himself pouring salt in it.

 

“Fine, you want to know that bad?” It was hard for SungYeol to keep his voice straight. “I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything!”

 

The daring look WooHyun gave him made his body ache in pain.

 

“I knew, WooHyun. I knew it, from the moment I saw them that those guys were ing faggots!”  SungYeol’s disgusted and raw tone made WooHyun slightly back down yet he was too blind with anger to pay attention to it. Right then, he was letting all out. “They were shamelessly touching each in public. It was damn sick!”

 

“SungYeol, calm down,” DongWoo did reach for the younger, but he got instantly shoved away.

 

Like last time at the bar, thanks to the memories, his blood was boiling. His mouth and insides were burning with each word released, but SungYeol couldn’t stop himself. Not after what WooHyun had said. Not when his mind was stuck to notice he was only hurting himself. The words kept flowing, like an overflowing river, where nothing was able to make it stop. 

 

“I couldn’t stand it! How dare those bastards act like that! So unhuman and twisted!”

 

“Stop it—” Although DongWoo was trying to calm him down, SungYeol felt heard nothing. His ears kept ringing as the loud words kept resounding in his insides.

 

“It was grotesque! WooHyun! I just wanted them to stop! They were disgusting!  Disgusting! Those filthy—”

 

“SungYeol!”

 

Gasping for air, finally oxygen was allowed to enter to his system. It wasn’t until the ringing sound in his ears stopped and the silence from the kitchen got to him that he noticed someone was sobbing. His unfocused gaze got slightly clearer as he could now see WooHyun’s face. Moments ago it had been full of anger, but now it was pale. It seemed scared. His mouth was slightly open, but there was no attempt to answer back.

 

When SungYeol felt a hand reach his cheek, his eyes wet to meet DongWoo’s gaze. Pain could be seen in those eyes. Why? Why was he looking at him that way? Then he noticed it, something warm was rolling slowly down his face.

 

When had he started to cry?