War was unofficially declared when Baekhyun and Chanyeol stormed off at the end of a long-winded shouting match at breakfast. Unlike the other members, the two took grudges very seriously and were intent on involving everyone in their little argument. Recruitment for each side had begun, which was how Lay found himself trapped in the bathroom (still clad in his toothpaste-stained pajamas) with a strangely solemn Chanyeol blocking the door.

“You’d never betray me would you, hyung?” Chanyeol said in a low voice that held an edge of menace.  

Lay took a small step back but Chanyeol’s height was no less intimidating. Playing dumb would probably be his safest bet. “Why would I betray you?”

Chanyeol scrutinized him, as if trying to gauge his loyalty using the sheer force of his gaze. Four years as a trainee had taught Lay how to navigate through office politics and he stared back with his most innocent expression. Finally, Chanyeol flashed his usual crackhead smile and clapped him heartily on the shoulder.

“Good to hear! Baekhyun’s gone completely bonkers so you should lay low until he finds his inner peace or whatever.”

Lay flashed a weak smile and quickly ducked under Chanyeol’s arm into the safety of the hallway. Unfortunately, he was cornered again not an hour later as he was rummaging through the fridge for snacks.

“Hyuuuung,” Baekhyun whined, hugging him from behind. “You like me more than that idiot Chanyeol, right?”

Supressing a sigh, Lay replied diplomatically, “I like you both equally.”

Baekhyun quickly released him, his lips curving downwards into a pout. “You of all people should be able to empathize with me.” Memories of his own horrific video flashed through his mind and Lay tried not to shudder.

“Who have you enlisted already?” he asked.

“Well, there’s D.O. and Xiumin for sure. I haven’t asked Tao but I know he’ll say yes because we’re horoscope bros.” Baekhyun tapped a finger on his chin as he continued listing. “The leaders are out because Suho’s been moping around‒no idea why‒and you’d have to pay me to rouse the Lord of Dragons from his beauty sleep.”

“Which means Chanyeol’s got the Three Musketeers and Chen to boot. It’s a lost cause, kid.”

“Not if I have you on my side. Pretty please? For the sake of the traumatic experiences we both share?”

Lay chewed at his bottom lip. D.O. and Xiumin were very nice people, to be sure, but kindness was no use on the battlefield‒especially when the opponent included the five members of the band with the lowest level of maturity. Yet, he was all too aware of Baekhyun’s pain and embarrassment and didn't have the heart to refuse.

“Alright,” he said finally. “I’ll do my best to fend off their attacks but you better get Tao riled up just in case. If he doesn’t find some fighting spirit and unleash his wushu skills, the kid's just going to be sentimental deadweight.”  

*****

“Hey Sehun, I need some intel.”

Now that they were on opposite sides of the war, it was much harder to talk to certain members without rousing Baekhyun’s suspicions. Lay beckoned Sehun over to the kitchen counter, where he was currently under the pretense of peeling tangerines.

The maknae made a face as he approached. “If I refuse, are you going to threaten me again?” he scowled.

“Nope.” Lay slipped him a brochure for the newly opened tea shop a few blocks away. “All-you-can-drink bubble tea and desert’s on me.” As expected, the pamphlet drew a more positive response and Sehun quickly closed his laptop.

“I’m listening.”

“What can you tell me about Kai?”

Sehun raised an eyebrow and gazed at him warily. “We’re all in the same band so I know as much as you do.”

“Ah, but you two went to the same high school, didn’t you? What was he like then?”

Sehun reached across the counter for a tangerine, popping a piece of into his mouth before answering, “Popular. He could dance, he had the looks and rumor was that he was close with The Lee Taemin. It was an arts school, mind you, so you get some respect for being well connected.”

“Meaning he got all the chicks, didn’t he?”

“Pretty much,” Sehun shrugged, propping his chin in his hand as he reminisced. “He’d always be called out to the back of the school for confessions and there would be a huge pile of chocolates on his desk every Valentine’s Day.”

Lay nodded and patted the maknae sympathetically on the shoulder. Kai was their poster child for a very good reason and his popularity came as no surprise. “And did he go out with any of them?” Lay asked casually.

“Naw, things were kind of complicated because of S‒” Sehun paused mid-sentence and hurriedly clamped a hand over his mouth.

“Don’t worry, I won’t breathe a word to Kai.” Lay’s lips cracked into a smug smile. “So her name starts with ‘s’, huh?”

“I admit to nothing,” Sehun replied stonily, but the slight flaring of his nostrils was a dead giveaway. Lay merely chuckled as he stepped forward and tucked the bubble tea coupon in the maknae’s front pocket.

“Doesn’t matter, I got what I wanted. And just so you know, I’m cutting you some slack because you're still a noob. You might think you can keep secrets from me, but I’ll find out‒eventually.”