'It was a really nice evening,' I said when we get back home. 'I had a good time and your parents seemed happy too. Th-…,' I didn’t get to finish with my thanks when he interrupted me.

'Yeah, you did good,' his tone was back in its usual. 'They believed we get along well. Really good job,' and with that said he entered his room.

I was speechless. I got fooled once again. I felt pain in my chest. One more time I forgot that this all is a big lie and got deceived. And I can only be mad at myself for being so stupid and fall for his actions. His warm hands made me believe that he is honest. His slight smile made me believe that this is real. His sweet words and caring tone made me believe that he changed. That he is someone else. That he is another person. But he isn’t. Nothing has changed. As soon as no one sees us he is back to his usual jerkish self, not caring about my feelings, that he hurts me nor even my existence. He only uses me. I’m being used.

All my insides clenched.

Not wanting to think about it more ‘cause I know I would cry, and I don’t want to cry neither, I decided to go straight to bed. But couldn’t fall asleep again. I was just lying in bed wide awake. I tried everything. Even counting sheep was not much of a help. So I went to the kitchen for a glass of water, then sat down at the TV in the living room and, to my surprise, felt sleepy. I think I just need TV in my bedroom.

Jongin’s POV

A loud noise from the living room woke me up in the middle of the night. I looked at the clock. It was 4am. She must be nuts, I thought. I knew it was her, my wife. She often falls asleep on the couch in the living room with TV on. And I was always the one to turn it off. Even if I didn’t want to, I dragged myself to the living room, found remote control and pushed the red button. I was about to go away, lie on my bed and return to the dreamland when I heard a sound I couldn’t identify. I took a few steps back and heard the sound again. I looked at my wife lying on the sofa. Sound repeated. It were sobs. She was sobbing. In her sleep. Is she having a bad dream? I reached my hand to wake her up but withdraw it halfway. Should I wake her up? And then what? But I can’t possibly leave her like that. I touched her arm casually and whispered ‘Wake up.’ No effect.

And she really did a big favor for me when we were visiting my parents.

I poked her arm twice this time. ‘Yah, wake up.’ Still no reaction. I sighed. A little bit grateful and out of pity I bended my knees down and sat beside the sofa. I took her arm in my hand to shake it and looked at her face. At the exact same moment I felt someone stick the needle in my heart. She looked broken. But why? Does she not like our relationship that much? Maybe Luhan was right, that she is not content with this marriage as much as I am. Maybe Tao also was right that we should divorce after she helps me enough.
With finger I gently brushed bangs out of her forehead. “Wake up”, came out of my mouth as a soft whisper.

She began to slowly open her eyes.

Your POV

With half opened eyes I saw Jongin’s face. I felt a warm hand roaming around my forehead. “Wake up.” I heard him say ever so softly and quietly, which make my stomach fill with butterflies. Thinking that this is a dream I smiled, took his hand and pressed it gently on my cheek, with my hand on top. The feeling was so nice that I closed my eyes again. I wanted to cherish this moment as much as I can because it never happened before to me to have a dream about Jongin. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes involuntarily just to see his shocked expression. It wasn’t a dream. I quickly let his hand go and sat down.

He stood up and scratched the back of his head while I hide my face in hands out of embarrassment and not knowing what to say.

Fortunately, he spoke first.

‘Um, you had a bad dream. I guess. So I just… yeah…’ he said and made his way to bedroom. But stopped after few steps. I turned around.

‘Don’t sleep on the couch again,’ he added, not facing me.

It didn’t sound like a threat nor like a cold order, not emotionless . It was soft and there was concern in his tone.

Again, he made my heart react to his words.

I’m falling for you, Kim Jongin.

***

Maybe I misunderstood him this whole time. Maybe he didn’t meant to hurt me with his words yesterday. He actually didn’t say anything bad. He was just saying that I did good so maybe I simply overreacted.

My mind was filled with ‘maybes’ while I was making dinner. Not wanting to destroy the good chemistry between us I tried my hardest to make everything look pretty and taste delicious.

But he again didn’t made it on time and I doze off on the sofa.

A loud noise from kitchen made me snap out of my nap. What was that? Sounded like… well I don’t know what could make a sound like that but thinking that there is no one here accept me made me feel fear. I slowly stood up from the couch and tiptoed to the kitchen and saw something I have never expected to see. It was Jongin. He was just casually standing there and taking out plates and cups from the cupboard. He turned around, looked at me and started to put everything on the table. I looked at it and food I made was gone. Is it possible that he ate all of it?

‘Did I wake you up?’ Would it be rude to say yes? Well, I didn’t even had time to answer because he continued ‘Anyway, good that you are awake. We will be having guests in a few minutes.’

‘Guests? What guests?’ my eyes widened in surprise and happiness filled me from head to toe.

‘I invited my friends to come over.’

***

The doorbell rang and Jongin opened the door. The four handsome men appeared in front of me and the thought of F4 from drama Boys Before Flowers ran through my mind. So apparently flawless human beings have only friends that are also flawless human beings.  

‘We meet again,’ one of them said and my eyes again met this heartwarming smile.

‘Luhan-ssi,’ I said, smiled shyly and bowed.

‘You know each other?’ Jongin asked puzzled.

‘We happen to bump into each other on the street and I helped her a little with her groceries,’ Luhan explained. ‘Meet others’, he turned to me.

‘This is Kris,’ he pointed to really tall, blonde guy. ‘This is Lay,’ hearing out his name Lay waved to me and smiled, making cute little dimples appear in his cheeks. ‘And our youngest, Sehun,’ Luhan introduced his friends and we all exchanged polite bows.

‘Tao-hyung told me to gave you this,’ the one called Sehun said. I immediately remembered his bewildering stare and how Jongin reacted back then. Now, he only rolled his eyes. And I when I saw little, plush, keychain panda in his hand, couldn’t help myself from smiling like a small child.

‘It’s so cute! Thank you,’ I took a mascot and stared at it. It really was adorable but on the other hand, remembering Tao’s features… It just didn’t match. This cute stuff and his haughty appearance. How? ‘Wait. You know Tao?’

‘There are more of us but they couldn’t make it today,’ Sehun explained. ‘And this is for you, hyung,’ Sehun handed over to Jongin two bags. One full of beer, and another full of food.

***

‘So what is your age order? How old are you all?’ I asked out of curiosity, remembering how Luhan introduced Sehun as the youngest. We all were sitting on the floor around the living room coffee table, drinking beer and eating snacks that guys bought and the one I and Jongin made.

‘ Wu Yi Fan is the oldest,’ Lay motioned his hand to Kris. ‘He is 27.’

‘Yi Fan? Didn’t you say that his name is Kris?’ I looked at Luhan.

‘I’m Chinese. But I was at America quite a time. And when I came back I still used my American name and it happened that we still use it,’ Wu Yi Fan Kris explained.

‘Oh, then welcome in our house,’ I said in my perfect Chinese and bowed.

‘You know Chinese?,’ he asked also in Chinese

‘Yes. My parents told me to learn it.’

‘I’m also Chinese,’ Luhan joined our little ‘all in Chinese’ conversation. ‘And Yixing too,’ he pointed Lay.

‘Yixing?’ I rise my brows in confusion. ‘You said his name is Lay.’

‘Ah, it’s a long story. But I will sure tell you,’ Yixing Lay assured me.

‘Hyung, can you please stop talking in Chinese? I can’t understand anything,’ Sehun wined cutely.

‘Oh, and I was also born in America,’ I said in English and turned my attention again to Kris.

‘I know. That’s awesome!’ he replied back in English and initiated a high-five.

‘Will you please just stop with this multicultural event?’ this time Jongin complained so we went back to Korean.

‘So Kris real name is Wu Fan and he is the oldest with the age of 27, right?’ They all confirmed my words with a nod. ‘Lay’s real name is Yixing,’.

‘Zhang Yixing,’ he corrected me. ‘And I’m 26. Sehunnie here is 24, like Kai. But since Kai was born in January and Sehunnie in April, he calls him hyung.’

‘Kai?’ I asked and right after that I remembered Tao also mentioned this name.

‘That’s how we call Jongin. But this is also part of this long story that I’m going to tell you.’

Oh, that would explain everything. Tao calling Jongin Kai. Being not surprised that I’m his wife. Saying that we have no feelings for each other and our marriage is fake. He already knew all these things. So he was aware of who I am and tried to pick me up anyway?! Woah, he really is something, I thought and looked at the cute panda he gave me. Why is he trying to confuse me so much? I took a small sip of my beer. Really small since I didn’t like the taste of it.

‘And you, Luhan-ssi? How old are you?’

‘How do you think?’ he asked me back playfully.

‘You look like 20-year-old. But you earlier said that Sehun-ssi is the youngest so you must be older than him. Hmm. I don’t know. You don’t look much older. 25? Maybe.’

‘Well, no. But thank you,’ he answered with a smile. I felt a little shy because of this. He really was cute. ‘We actually put a little prank on you. Counting in months, I’m even older than Wu Fan.’

‘What?! Woah! That’s shocking.’

‘Yeah, I know. So you better call me oppa!’

My heart beat race up to this words.

And Jongin spit his beer.