Kris looked morosely at himself as he stood in front of the mirror above the bathroom sink, his favorite spot nowadays to contemplate where has his life come to. He's now resorted to waking up an hour earlier than usual just to avoid his young dorm mate who he thinks is resolved to make his life completely miserable.

It's those damn eyes. They're not even that pretty. And those lips. They were the most ordinary ones he has ever seen. But it doesn't seem to matter because Kris always finds himself looking at them whenever the boy talks to him. His every soft Duizhang drives him crazy. He has to stop this, he keeps telling himself.

That's why he's up early every day. He's out of the dorm even before the younger boy wakes up. They don't walk to the university together anymore. And he's been successful in dodging Tao whenever he tries to follow Kris around during his rounds. It meant having to force his vice head to walk with him and shoot him puzzled looks but it was better than having Tao breathing against his ear making him think of not so appropriate thoughts.

Kris bowed towards the sink to wash his face. Finished, he straightened and froze when he felt someone lean into him and then he saw Tao's adorably rumpled reflection in the mirror. As if that wasn't enough, the shorter boy placed his chin on Kris' shoulder and sleepily muttered, "Duizhang, why are you awake so early?"

Kris had an urge to turn and throw Tao out the room and a wilder urge to turn and pull him close. But he did neither because he's actually afraid of what will happen when he gets his hand on the boy. He's barely hanging on to what little self-control he has left. This was not how it's supposed to be. "What are you doing?"

"Hmm?" Tao still has his eyes half-closed. Kris stepped sideways to dislodge the boy from his shoulder. He gingerly pulled at the collar of Tao's pajamas (with cute panda bears all over it, why does he even notice?) and dragged him towards the door. Avoiding skin contact.

Tao turned and somehow ended up wrapped in Kris' arm. Kris asked himself what he did wrong in his past life and why he was being tortured this way. Tao face was just a few inches away and here he was again drowning in the dark depths of the younger boy's languid eyes. As always he can't seem to pull away. He can feel his arm tighten around the him.

"Duizhang." Tao said softly.

With his last ounce of will he pushed the boy outside and closed the door on Tao's face. He leaned his forehead against it and sighed. He already felt exhausted. So much for waking up early.

Tao is almost convinced that Duizhang is avoiding him. Almost. Because even if Kris leaves for school early and now has his annoying assistant doing the rounds with him, Tao still has moments with Duizhang to himself. Like now, when the taller guy has spent the past few seconds just staring at him. Tao was afraid to move or speak lest Kris gets distracted and the moment ends. But he couldn't stop his lips from calling out to him when he felt Kris pull him closer. "Duizhang."

Then he was outside and the door to the bathroom closed. He sighed. He doesn't really understand the older boy. One minute he was pulling him in and the next he was pushing him away. Kris should make up his mind because... because Tao already made up his. It was not that difficult to realize that he was in love with him. Yeah, the wushu god is head over heels. But who can blame him if he falls for the blonde guy?

It's not as if Tao was actually looking for someone. It just happened. Because he realized he missed waking up and finding Kris in the bed across from his. He used to spend those first few minutes watching as the tall boy slept, wondering how anyone can be that perfect. He missed having breakfast with him, eating Duizhang's extra dry toast. He also missed walking to school together because then he doesn't get to hear his daily sermons on what to do and what not to do while in school.

What he missed the most is when Kris' smiles because he rarely does. It breaks the serious expression he wears all the time and makes him more handsome than he already is. Now, all he ever sees is Kris frowning or scowling or looking troubled. It's as if he's frustrated with something but Tao doesn't know what. He would like to help him out but how could he if Duizhang keeps on running away from him?

This has to stop. They need to talk.

Tao was resolved to have it out with Duizhang that afternoon so he went straight to his council office as soon as his last subject ended. He arrived just as a meeting adjourned and the student officers spilled out from the room. Tao waited for them to leave before slipping inside and finding Kris in his table, leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed. He looked tired and Tao wants to take care of him for a change. But first, the talk.

"Duizhang." He saw Kris tense and open his eyes warily. Why are you like this?

"What are you doing here?" He asked, straightening in his chair.

"Can you come with me later? I need to-" But Kris cut him off.

"I can't I've got lots to do. I'm busy right now."

"I'll wait until you finish here." He said. Duizhang wasn't even looking at him. Tao moved closer in front of the table.

"You shouldn't. I have to go somewhere important after this." Kris was forced to look up when Tao placed his hand on top of the papers he was shuffling on top of the desk.

"Duizhang, are you angry with me? Did I do something wrong?" Tao looked intently at Kris' eyes. Why are you avoiding me?

The taller boy sighed. "I'm not angry with you. I'm just busy."

Tao was disappointed because he can see that Kris was not entirely being truthful with him. He let go of the papers and stepped back. "Okay. I'll leave."

Is this what you really want? Tao waited for Kris to at least say goodbye but there was nothing. He left.

He wanted to get his wushu stick and maybe whack some sense into Kris' head. It's been two weeks since he became like this. He's been extraordinarily distant and cold. Tao was disappointed. This was not the Duizhang he fell for.

Too keyed up to go home and needing someplace to think, Tao decided to go to the place where he relaxes the most.

Kris had been walking aimlessly that he didn't notice where he was until someone bumped into him which jarred him out of his thoughts. Of all the places he could hide into, he had to end up where he couldn't help but think of Tao: The mall.

He really didn't have anywhere to go to after he finished with the paper work earlier. He just doesn't want to be alone with the black-haired boy. He thought that two weeks of distancing himself would diminish whatever this is that he's feeling but it didn't.

He still wanted to put his arms around him and bury his face against the younger boy's neck. He still wanted to kiss him until Tao couldn't open his mouth to order him around anymore. Kiss him until Tao would stop looking at him just as his duizhang. Because that was the crux of the matter. Here he was going crazy over Tao but the boy just sees him as an older brother. One that he can boss around, Kris thought with a sigh.

All Tao wanted was someone who'll run around with him while shopping, someone who'll cook him burnt food or someone who'll order take out when the said burnt food is too much even for his steel stomach. Tao wanted someone who'll wait for him to fall asleep before turning off the lights because he's a little scared of the dark but he can't sleep with them on.

But Kris wanted more than what Tao does so he's resolved to avoid the hell out of him until he stops wanting.

"So Duizhang, this is the 'somewhere important' you have to go to?"

Kris stopped in his tracks and turned. He really shouldn't be surprised that the very same person he wanted to escape from was standing in front of him. Because wasn't it established that the world was against him in this fight?

"I thought you had to be somewhere important?" Tao asked accusingly.

"It's none of your business." Kris said. Tao looked taken aback.

"So you really are avoiding me."

Kris walked towards the exit. What does he want him to say? It was obvious enough.

"Hey." He heard the boy call him but he continued walking.

They got outside before Tao called him again. "Duizhang-"

"Yes! Alright? I am avoiding you. If you were me you'd avoid yourself, too." Kris turned to face the younger boy.

"But why?" Tao asked, genuinely perplexed.

"Why? Because you're a pest, that's why. Wherever I go, you're always there whining and ordering me about. I am not your goddamned babysitter!" Kris stepped closer, venting out all his frustrations. "I regret asking you to be my roommate. I regret it every day. You're making me insane. I wish I'd never known you. I wish you'd just leave me alone!"

Tao's face was devoid of expression but Kris can feel the boy withdraw from him to somewhere Kris probably can never reach.

"As you wish." It was all Tao said as he turned and walked away. Kris' heart clenched in protest as he watched the boy's retreating back. He wanted to go after him but he knew this was for the best. This is what he wanted, right?

He was doing this for both of them. He was saving himself from the pain of falling more for Tao and he was saving Tao from his unwanted affections which will just make them both miserable. He told this to himself again and again but he wondered what the point was if he's hurting as badly as he is right now.

He wanted to be alone before he starts crying. But he can't seem to stop the tears from escaping even with his wushu god control. It really hurts.

Tao walked blindly until he reached the park near his dorm. He sat on one of the many wooden park benches that lined the pathway. It was getting dark and there were just a few people walking here and there so he figured it will be relatively safe for him to cry here. And he did.

So Kris hates him that much? He kept repeating the way duizhang told him to leave him alone in his head. He never meant to be some kind of stalker. It was just great being with Duizhang. And Tao thought the older guy liked being with him, too. He never thought Kris would feel this way.

Now he had to think of where to go. He couldn't stay in the dorm, not after Kris told him in no uncertain terms that he wanted him out. A fresh surge of tears threatened to fall. It's his fault anyway. He shouldn't have pushed the older boy to his limits. It's just he thought there was something there. He thought a lot of impossibly stupid things.

Wiping the dampness on his cheeks, Tao took out his phone with his other hand and dialed Baekhyun's number. He barely has enough battery on his phone but he figured it'll last. He just needed to hear his brother's soothing voice.

"Zitao!" Baekhyun greeted with his usual cheery self.

"Ge." He wanted to tell his brother everything. He wanted to tell how heartbroken he was and how much he needed Baekhyun-ge to hug him right now. But this wasn't gege's problem and he's already, for the nth time,  nineteen. There are things he has to bear on his own.

"Is something wrong?" His older brother is amazing like that. He knows if anything's up with only one syllable. It's because he loves me, he thought and then he remembered again that someone who didn't love him.

"Nothing."

"Are you sure? You sound different. And also when we met the other day, I thought you're entirely too thin. Are you eating properly?" Baekhyun asked with concern.

"I am. Don't worry. I'm just getting taller that's why I look thinner." His shirts were getting quite loose though, so his brother had a point. To distract Baekhyun from worrying, he said, "You're the one getting fat. Your thighs, ge, are humongous. It's good to know though that that giant is taking care of you."

He can hear Baekhyun-ge sputter and he felt a smile curving his lips. He never thought he'd be able to smile so soon.

"Ya, take that back! I'm not fat. My thighs are normal, you hear? Normal."

"Okay, okay. You're so easy, gege." he laughed softly.

"Hmmp, I'm not." Baekhyun paused and Tao can imagine him biting his lower lip and thinking. "But are you sure you're alright? You can tell me anything, you know that."

"I'm perfectly fine." Perfectly fine except for this really painful thing in my chest, gege.

"Okay, if you say so. Let's meet again tomorrow or the next day if you're not busy with school." Baekhyun said. "Take care of yourself, Zitao."

"I will. And also tell the troll you live with I still have my wushu stick at home. He'll understand." Tao joked.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO CHANYEOL? And he's not a troll."

"Nothing, Baekhyun-ge. My phone's gonna die soon. I just wanted to say, I love you. You're the best, gege." He said because his brother really is.

"You brat. I love you, too baby Zitao." Baekhyun cooed and then laughed.

They said their goodbyes and just in time cause the phone died not a second later. Tao felt a bit better after the call. He sighed. He's been doing it a lot lately.

He leaned his back on the bench and stared at the darkening sky. The sky is clearer and more beautiful in Jeju. It's more relaxing to watch the stars when you're on the beach, too. Maybe he'll give his brother a month more then he'll go home. Even if Baekhyun's roommate looks creepy he seems nice enough. He'll take care of his brother. He wanted him to leave anyway.

He didn't know how long he sat there staring at nothing when someone blocked the light from the post beside the bench he was on. "Do you know what time it is?"

Tao looked down at his watch it was half past eleven. He shrugged.

"Why weren't you answering your phone?" Kris asked. Tao couldn't see his face as it was against the light but he can hear that duizhang was angry.

He shrugged again. He was past caring if the older guy was mad or not. The tears he cried earlier already made him quite numb.

"Fine. Don't answer me. Let's go." Kris started to walk away but stopped when he saw that Tao wasn't following. He didn't even stand up. "I said let's go."

"No." He said tonelessly. He was surprised when a hand clamped on to his left arm and pulled him up. Kris dragged him to the direction of their dorm. With just a quick move, Tao knew he can free himself from Kris' hold but he didn't. He was tired.

"I've been looking for you for two hours." The taller boy said, his jaw tense, obviously keeping his anger in check. "Did you know how worried I was when you weren't answering my messages or my calls?"

What's it to you? Tao thought. Didn't you want me to leave you alone?

"My phone battery's dead."

"Why didn't you come home?"

"Do I really have to answer that?" Tao said quietly. Why was duizhang even angry anyway? Shouldn't he be relieved?

They soon reached the dorm and Kris let go of Tao. He waited for the younger boy to enter before he did.

"I'll leave. Just as you want. As soon as I'm sure my brother's completely settled in, I'll go." Tao said his back to Kris.

"What are you talking about?"

He turned to look at the taller boy. "As I said. I'll do as you wish. I'll leave you alone. Just... just give me a few weeks." Tao thought he could be unemotional about this but he could hear his voice crack. He mustn’t show weakness. I don't care anymore.

"That isn't what I wanted." Kris sounded frustrated.

"Really? Because I clearly heard you say earlier-"

"I know what I said, dammit." Tao can see Kris' hands curl into fists against his sides. "But that doesn't give you the right to run around and stay out this late."

"It's none of your business." Tao threw Kris' words back at him. The older boy came closer, looking flushed with anger.

"I'm responsible for you whether you like it or not. You don't get to tell me it's not my business." Kris was backing him into a wall.

He was getting confused and he didn't like it. Duizhang was messing with his mind and his heart and he's doesn't want to take this anymore. He gave him a glare of his own. "You made it none of your business when you told me to leave you alone!"

"I told you that's not what I meant!"

"Then what do you mean? What do you want? I can't understand you, Duizhang. You tell me I'm a pest and you tell me to get out of your life. Then now you're telling me I'm your responsibility and that you're worried about me, like you care what happens to me. Which is it? Make up your mind!" Tao said, his eyes blurring again. The numbness was fading, letting him feel again.

Kris braced his hand on the wall beside Tao's head; his own head slumped as if he's also tired. "I don't know."

"Then let me make it for you." Tao moved to push Kris so he can walk away but the older boy didn't budge. "The reason I was stalking you was because I thought you were my friend. I thought it was okay. I thought we were okay. I didn't know you hated it. That you hate-" He was cut off as Kris tipped his chin and placed his lips on top of his. The younger boy was shocked into stillness.  Kris leaned in closer and the soft touch became a little harder, his lips moving firmly over Tao's.

Tao was about to respond when Kris abruptly broke the kiss and stepped back, a little dazed. He looked at Tao. "Do you see now? Do you understand why I have to get myself away from you? It's because of this." He ran his hand through his blonde hair. "I don't know when it happened but I realized I liked you too much. I didn't just want to take care of you, I wanted you to be mine. But to you... I'm just your duizhang. I'm just an older brother. So I wanted to stop this as early as possible before I'm in too deep and I can't recover anymore. I can't-"

It was Tao's turn to cut Kris off. He reached up and fitted their lips together. He felt the taller boy tense. But soon he returned the kiss and Tao felt a stray tear slip from his eye. He smothered a sob against the elder’s mouth.

Kris ended the kiss but Tao held on to him tight. He didn't give a chance for the boy to step away from him again. "Duizhang, I don't need an older brother. I already have one."

Kris looked torn but pulled him closer and rested his jaw against Tao's forehead. "So you're telling me I worried for nothing?"

Tao felt the taller boy relax against him. "You were worried for the wrong reasons. You didn't know how many times I wanted to hit you because you we're avoiding me. You should have been more worried about that."

Kris let out a short laugh. Tao never knew how much he missed the sound until he heard it again. He just wanted to stay like that in duizhang's arms but there were still things that had to be said.

"You said so many things earlier." He let a little hurt creep into his voice.

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Well, not all of it."

Tao straightened and looked up at Kris who was wearing a small smirk. He looked like his old normal Duizhang. He frowned. "What do you mean not all of it?"

"Well, you do treat me as your babysitter. And you do follow me around everywhere." Kris dragged Tao back in his embrace. "But you were never a pest. And I don't really regret meeting you."

"You better not." Tao said against Kris' chest.

"I still don't know how to go about this, about us, but okay let's do it anyway."

"I love you, Duizhang."

"Yeah, like what you said." Tao hid his smile from the taller guy. Kris needs a lot of work but they have time.