The pain was associated with the loss of life she had experienced. The loss had taken a chunk of her soul along with her mother. She knew this for certain. It had made itself known by the migrane setting in and the sting of tears. This kind of pain couldn't be swatted away with a tissue or consoled with words. Chanyeol couldn't know.

---

Chanyeol

I double-checked the bag to make sure nothing had spilled out. Suho was a genuis for suggesting I buy SaEun dinner. It'd be romantic to make food with her, for her. It'd be a nice break from going out. Besides I know she hates going out to crowded places like the park or a restaurant.

I miss the days we use to be able to. The days before the accident.

My phone vibrated in my jacket pocket, the familiar chorus of 'History' echoed down the empty street. "Hello?" I answered to the other end being silent for a moment. "Hello? Are you there?" It was still quiet. I pulled it away from my ear to glance at the caller ID.

"SaEun, you there?" But still no answer. I got hit with the feeling that something was terribly wrong.

"You're scaring me SaE-" the line went dead and I nearly dropped the bag of food. "Hey!" I yelled intot he phone to make sure we had fully disconnected. It was a good thing I was already in front of her apartment building.

I disposed of the phone in the grocery bag and sprinted into the building. The elevator would take to long. the stairs were my best bet.

I fumbled witht he spare key to get it to go into the lock. A small part of me was relieved when the door clicked open. "SaEun?" I asked pushing open the door. The inside of her apartment was dark and eerily too quiet. I sat the bags down and re-locked the door. I peeked my head into the kitchen but she wasn't there. Even the light from the microwave timer wasn't seen.

I tried to turn on a lamp but it wouldn't turn on. "That's strange." I muttered and noticed that the outlet was completely free of plugs. Maybe she fell asleep or something. Telling myself that she just passed out made me worry less.

On the way to the bedroom there was a noise from the bathroom. My hand was hovering opening the bedroom door.

I heard the water turn on in the bathroom across the hall. I moved over to the door but it was locked. "Hey SaEun you in there?" And again I was greeted with silence and running water. "Babe?" I knocked on the door, working on the door knob. Panic hung over the apartment and my heart sank. "Answer me." I pounded a little louder.

"Answer me right now!" I tried kicking the door but I knew it'd be useless. "Please let me in." Small whimpering noises rang out of the bathroom. "Are you hurt? come on. Damn it!" 

There was a knock against the door and the knob started moving. A few clicking sounds later the door slightly opened. I slammed the door open to a room full of steam. I went to turn on the light but a hand ghosted over mine.

"SaEun?" I reached out a got a handful of smooth hair. I recognized the feeling and pulled the head into my chest. 

The sobbing got louder as she slank into the embrace. My hand moved to the back of her neck, giving a slight squeeze to assure her I was here. My other hand glided down her arm to rest on her hip. "What's wrong?" I asked and before she attempted to answer we were sliding down to the floor.

"You're scaring me." I quietly admitted. She didn't seem hurt physically, which was relieving. But as her sobs got louder and she started coughing I knew something was wrong.

She wasn't gonna talk to me about it. I wouldn't force her to tell me until she felt up to it. I leaned back against the wall and she crawled into my lap. With the door open, most of the steam evaporated and it was easier to see now. "Can I turn the light on?" I reached up, feeling around for the light switch.

She shook her head and coughed into my arm. "Shh~" I smoothed her hair down her back, letting my fingers get tangled in it. My thin shirt wasn't a very good barrier between me and her tears. By now I was certain she was drooling on me also. But I can always change later. After I help her any way possible.

"Should I call someone?" It was a stupid question I know. And if it was even physically possible she moved closer to me. "SaEun." My voice cracked and I started coughing too. I stopped trying to talk to her. It was fruitless either way.

Somewhere between her crying and her gasping, she started audibly yawning. I pulled her head back and cupped her warm cheeks. Her blood shot eyes met mine. She looked so exhausted and worn out. Her dark circles are bigger than I've ever seen them. Her rosy cheeks were tear streaked and had little hints of make-up smears.

A yawn escaped my mouth too. I wanted to kiss her and kiss ehr deeply. But I don't think now is the right time and I'm not sure if she wants it. She doesn't even want my help.

I got out of her grip on my shirt and stood up. She started sobbing again until I reached down for her. I hoisted her into my arms and her legs wrapped my waist. I stumbled getting out into the hallway in the dark. It being night outside didn't help either. There was no light anywhere in her small apartment.

I had to let her go shortly to get the bedroom door open. When it was finally open I saw that the closet light was on, illuminating half of the room with soft light.

I laid her down at the end of the bed but she wouldn't let me go. She pulled me down on top of her and squeezed me against her chest. Our lips found eachother but the kiss wasn't passion fueled. I knew she just needed to know I was here and that I wasn't going anywhere. How could I leave her now?

"Ch-chan...yeol." She hiccuped out against my cheek. It was so good to hear her voice even if for jsut this moment. "SaEun I'm here." I knew she knew that but I needed to say it. For both our sakes I hope she stops crying so hard. "D-don't leave m-me." She cried out and burined her face in my arm again. 

"I'm here. I'm here." I repeated over and over and I'd keep repeating it until she understood it. "It's okay not to speak. Save your voice." It sounded like it hurt her in some way to open to talk. She didn't need to speak for me to understand what was wrong finally. The issue was staring me in the face.

On the night stand was a picture of her mother, taken years before the accident. It was tipped over, teetering ont he edge of the night stand. At any moment it might fall to the floor and the frame shatter to pieces. All along I've been stupid. I convinced myself hse was perfectly fine. that nothing had changed.

But I was wrong. Her mother's death took away a lot more than just a loved one or finances. It took away the SaEun I started to fall for. That girl was long gone.

"C-chanyeol~" She whispered and got my attention again. "I'm s-so lonely." She hiccuped again and started pulling us up the bed. "Not anymore I promise." I was stupid to leave her all the time. I would ditch her to hang out with my own friends or go out somewhere. The guilt was enough to make me sick.

"I love you." I mumbled into her hair but I'm sure she heard it. I just needed to say it even if she doesn't say it back. And with that she started sobbing again for whatever deeper reasons I couldn't solve. It'd be better in the morning. Even if that meant staying up all night with her. "I love you."