DONGHAE

Earlier this morning, Teukkie-hyung asked me to take care of a sick HyukJae, and of course I accepted the duty not because I am free today, but also because I am worried about Hyuk; just because of something that happened yesterday won't erase the factthat I still care about him, he is my best friend afterall, and best friends stick together, forever. I entered his dimly lit room since the curtains are drawn closed, and a sleeping HyukJae was wrapped in his blankets with Choco beside him, watching him, but as soon as Choco sensed me, he ran to my side and started whimpering, as if he understands what's happening to his owner, as if Choco feels his pain. Scooping Choco, I brought him to my room and let him play with Bada, and I left the room to get the necessities for HyukJae. Preparing a lukewarm water, medicine, towel, and a basin I returned to his room and started taking care of my best friend.

Squeezing the drenched towel, I wiped HyukJae's sweaty forehead, until his neck and up again, as I do so, I watched his face relaxing from the soothing touch and I can't help but to smile.

What happened to us, Hyuk?

What have I done to us?

My happy smile turned into a sad as I recalled how I made him cry, how I cried, and how we are both suffering now. If I can just undo everything; if I haven't fallen, maybe we won't end up this way. maybe we're both happy, smiling, laughing and goofing around like the old times.

How badly I miss the old times; the times when I enter your room in the middle of the night just to sleep beside you, the moments when you wake up shocked seeing me clinging to you, and your arms around me, the scenes when we start arguing about the most unimportant things, the memories when we weep and comfort each other, the shared pain, the infectious laughs, the addictive smiles we send to each other. Where did it all go?

I just wanted everything to be normal again.

I know what I have to do; and that is to do the right thing.

I may be childish and all, but there are times that I think of the future, the team's, mine, and especially yours; I always picture us having a future together, I always fantasized being with you forever. But this is reality, HyukJae. What I feel for you is not acceptable, and will never be. And what I don't want to see, is your bright future fading out because of someone like me, Lee Donghae, who is the cause of your downfall I don't want that. Not now. Not in a million years.

Maybe if you actually know what's really going on my mind, you'll get frustrated and reprimand me for thinking of such silly things. But it's not as if I am telling you anything. I won't utter a single word. My lips are sealed. And this time, I am planning to keep this secret forever in me. Until death.

And that secret?

It's that secret that I still love you.

And you don't know how happy I was when you said you loved me too; that you feel the same way.

But I don't want you to love me, HyukJae.

I don't want that now.

I don't want you to suffer because you love me, because I know that you will be put into a lot of pressure, and knowing you, you'll try to keep me away from all that, from all the harm, all the pain, all the responsibilities, I know you'll carry them all because that's how you are; you sacrifice yourself for the people you care about, for the person you love.

But I'll be that person.

I will shield you from the future damage; I will keep you away from destroying your future. I will take all the responsibilities.

I will make you hate me.

_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_

"Kiss me."

His voice sounded so hoarse from the sickness, and I can't help but shiver as his hot breath reached my cheek, matching with his unsteady breathing. I stayed still on my position, willing my heart to shut up, as I closed my eyes, clearing my head now forming all series of scenarios.

“Hae,”

This is it.

I opened my eyes and pushed him gently with my hand, making him lie flat on the bed as I sat up and looked back and stared at him.

Wrong move.

His eyes sowed nothing but hurt, pain, sorrow. I---I can’t…

No. You need to do this Donghae. You have to.

Sending him a soft smile, I started to stand up, but his hand snatched my wrist, stopping me.

“Donghae,” he said weakly.

Don’t get affected, Donghae.

“Donghae, please, just---don’t leave me,” his voice dropped in a whisper.

I took a deep breath.

“Why? What do you want me to do? You want me to kiss you?” I asked him, making my voice intentionally cold.

“No. I---I want to, but if you don’t, I won’t ask again, just please, don’t leave me, Hae. Please,” he pleads. His hand started to shake a bit.

“Fine, just behave and I won’t leave, alright?” I said and he nodded.

He dropped his hand and I picked up the towel earlier to resume my work, trying hard not to look affected by his eyes which are seriously watching me.

“HyukJae, please look the other way. It is rude to stare,” I told him, without looking at him.

“But you’re so beautiful, I can’t take my eyes off you,” he answered back.

Please stop.

“Hyuk.”

“I wanted to touch your perfect face right now.”

Stop it.

“I wanted to stare into your sparkling eyes.”

Shut up.

“I wanted to see your dazzling smile.”

Enough.

“And I want to kiss your lips.”

No.

“Do you know why? Why I wanted to do that?”

I stayed silent.

“Because I love you so much.”

Don’t.

“What part of I DON’T FEEL THAT WAY ANYMORE don’t you understand, HyukJae?!” I shouted, standing up in the process and glaring at him.

You can’t love me.

Please don’t.

Just---feel anything about me. Just don’t love me.

Hate me instead.

“I DO NOT LOVE YOU, the end, final, period. Stop saying you love me because I will never answer back.”

And with that I left the room, slamming the door and running to my room, and as soon as the door is tightly closed, my legs collapsed and I cried silently, saying the words I so wanted to reply, but I know I shouldn’t.

“I love you too, Hyuk. I love you so much.”

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O.M.!~ It's been soooo long!

I am soooo sorry guys! If it's short...

I hope you understood what I wanted to portray in this chapter :)

What am I doing to my characters?! I am sooo bad! :'(

Anyway, THANKYOU for the greetings!

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