HYUKJAE's POV

I’ve never cried because of a break-up before. I never shed a tear for every girl that decided to leave me because of various reasons, and I never felt like I should beg them to come back to me, because, for me, it’s their loss; it’s their loss for abandoning me, it’s their loss for looking for another person, it’s their loss for not even trying to make the relationship work, it was always, and always their loss, never was it mine.

But it is my loss now.

People said you’ll never really now pain if it wasn’t inflicted by the person you love the most. As a child, I thought it was unbearable pain when my puppy died, when my dad wasn’t home for Christmas because of work, when my mom gets ill, when my sister is away for college, when my parents have a heated fight and I hide under my bed to block the shouting, or when I went away from my family to reach my dream. I thought I felt what pain is because who else would I love the most than my family, right? And I always knew that they are the only one who can bring me pain.

But I am terribly wrong.

Still seated in front of the piano, the tears continued to flow from my eyes and I made no move to wipe them away because I know there’d be no point since it would be replaced with new ones. My hands started running down the now empty space beside me, where my best friend was seated earlier, where he kissed me, where Donghae rejected me. The pain in my chest is starting to intensify as the events a few minutes ago played in my mind in slow motion, as if taunting me.

I don’t anymore, Hyuk.

I don’t feel that way anymore, HyukJae.

I love you, Lee HyukJae!

I’ve been loving you for too long!

And as I continued to love you, I’ve been hurting as well!

It hurts so much that I can’t take it!

It hurts so much that I decided to give up!

Every word cut into my heart like a newly chiseled knife; piercing it’s way deeper making a wound that would forever remain unaided. But above all that he told me, this was what made me feel like dying the most:

I’ve been waiting for so long, HyukJae.

I just feel tired of everything.

Donghae felt tired of me. He was exhausted from loving someone like me. He gave up on loving me because I was stupid, insensitive and a bastard. He left me. He won’t be mine. He will never be mine.

My sobs grew louder and it’s making it take loud intakes of breath as the painful reality made its way into my brain.

I am too late.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Come out now or I swear I’ll break down your door, you dimwit!”

“…”

“I’m counting to three, Eunhyuk.”

Leeteuk’s voice rang from all the corners of the 12^th floor as he tried waking me up for the schedule. But I do not want to wake up; I barely even slept, and I am sure I won’t last a couple of minutes in front of the camera without fainting. I’ve been trying to tune him down as I buried my face into my pillow, wishing that he just go and leave me alone to die from the heartache.

“1…”

“…”

“2…”

“…”

“DONGHAE! Come here and wake HyukJae!”

As soon as his name was mentioned, I kicked the covers away from my body and opened the door, revealing a smirking Leeteuk with his arms folded in front of him; but the smirk faltered into a concerned gaze as he took in my appearance. I’m not sure how I look right now, and I don’t really care, but I guess I do look hideous from the look the leader’s giving me.

“Are you alright, Hyukjae?” He asked, and placed a hand on my forehead to feel my temperature.

“I think you have a bit of a fever,” he announced, fishing his phone out of his pockets as I leaned against the door frame, hands still on the knob and I can feel my legs wobbling.

“You’re excused for the schedules so take a rest. Sorry for waking you up, Hyuk.”

“It’s okay. I’ll just go back to bed,” I mumbled and went inside my room, not closing the door as the leader guided me inside. I closed my eyes as Teuk-hyung covered me, once again, with my blankets, and ruffled my hair a bit before I hear him walking out.

“I’d assign someone to look after you, okay?” he said and I hummed in response, not really hearing what he said as I drifted off to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was in a forest; everything was green and brown, and I can hear birds chirping. Looking around, I suddenly felt arms around me, but I did not scream, because I know very well who the owner of these arms is.

“Donghae.”

There was no response so I tilted my head to the right to see look at him.

But before I can catch a glimpse of his face, his arms are gone and he sprinted into the deeper part of the forest. Following my instincts, I followed him, but he was too fast. When did he become so fast?

“Ya! Hae!”

He continued running, not even looking back as I called for his name.

“Lee Donghae!”

I shouted again, as his figure suddenly became too distant until I can’t see even his silhouette. But I didn’t stop running. I continued leaping forward with the hopes that I might be able to catch up to him, that maybe he stopped and wait for me if I just go a bit more forward. I ran and ran. But I never saw him. And I started panicking.

“Donghae!”

“Donghae!”

“Do—don’t leave me. Come back!”

I shouted at the top of my lungs as I ran, looking for the end of this forest, and after a few more minutes of endless shouting and panting, I finally saw the ray of sunlight and I gladly welcomed the warmth of the sun on my face, but my eyes squinted for the brightness for a bit but adapted just as quickly. I looked around once again, now that I am out in the open. Right now, I am at the beach. The water so crystal blue, it looked so precious, it was breath-taking. But something else caught my attention and soon, realized what I was seeing.

It was Donghae…

Kissing Kyuhyun.

No. No. No!

“Donghae…” I whimpered.

And I felt something damped on my forehead that made me open my eyes.

“HyukJae, I’m here,” Donghae said as soon as I saw his face hovering over me, his eyes full of worry.

“Hae---I---” I said, not sure what I wanted to say.

But of course, this is Donghae. He knows me more that I know myself. He smiled softly and sat on my bed, his warm hand still fixing the cloth on top of my head.

“Nightmare?” He asked.

I nodded.

“It’s okay, Hyuk. It’s just a nightmare.” He tried to soothe me but I didn’t respond. I heard him sigh as he bore his eyes into mine.

“Want to tell me about it?”

“It was---”

“What?”

“I dreamt about you---kissing Kyuhyun.”

The room was dimly lit because of the close curtains and the lights are switched off so I can’t see his face clearly, besides, my vision is a bit hazy.

“It was just a dream,” he whispered and I am not sure if he intended me to hear it.

“I’ll go get your medicine,” he announced and made a move to go, but I caught his hand so he stopped and looked back at me.

“Hyuk---”

“Make it go away, Hae,” I said.

“Make what go away?”

“Make the dream go away,” I finished and I saw his head tilted a bit to the right.

“But how do I make nightmares go away, Hyukkie?” he asked, and I smiled at his childish question, and tone. Without answering him, I pulled his hand towards me until he fell right beside me with a yelp of surprise, and covered him with my blankets, and then wrapped him in my arms. He wasn’t struggling. That’s a good sign.

“Hyukjae, what are you---”

“Make it go away,” I whispered at his ear and I felt him shiver a bit.

“How?” he said in a hushed tone, his breath hitting my neck.

I lifted my face and held his gaze, even in this poorly lit room, his eyes are shinning, dazzling and breath-taking. I can feel him study me as I stare into his brown orbs.

“Will you do it if I tell you how?” I asked.

“If it’d make you feel better, why not,” he answered in his angelic voice.

Lifting my frail hand, I cupped his cheek and it with my finger, enjoying his smooth and warm skin, before answering.

“Kiss me.”

_________________________________________________________________

OMO! I actually updated!

I did not intend this to happen, and I am having a hard time thinking of the next scene but tonight it just popped out... :D

I am not telling that I'd be updating frequently...I'd update out of the blue as a surprise...haha :D

BTW! It's my 18th birthday this friday! Just saying! <3

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