DONGHAE’s POV

I squinted my eyes as the sunlight coming from my window is directed to my face. Glancing at the clock which read 9:50am, I grabbed my nemo plushie and buried my face with it, blocking the sun and trying to catch some more sleep.

It’s not a surprise to find Mochi absent in the bed at this time, he is such an early bird; but what surprised me though was when I stretched my hand above my head, I felt soft fur under my touch. What’s this? I continued to brush my hand against it with not bothering to look what it was because it’s so soft and soothing, but suddenly it moved and a rather wet thing my hand that I gasped and bolted to sit down, causing my head to be dizzy so I held it with both my hands.

“Aahhh, head rush…” I muttered and heard someone snicker, a snicker so familiar I swear I can imitate it.

“Morning, Hae,” Hyukjae’s voice sounded that caused me to smile.

“Morning, Hyu--” I raised my head to look at him, but stopped when I noticed the scene in front of me, and something going to my lap. Hyukjae’s sitting at the edge of my bed, still in his pajamas too, and hair a bit messy, but he still looked perfect; what caught my attention though is the adorable brown dog nuzzled in his arms, and him its ear, then I looked at my lap founding another adorable, but white, dog looking up at me.

“We we’re about to wake you up, but Bada here got too excited,” he said, still with that smile. I stared at him and the two familiar dogs, after placing Bada lightly on the bed, and tackling Hyukjae to the bed. Choco jumped off him and joined Bada as I hugged Hyukkie.

“Oh my God! Hyukkie! I---I can’t believe you actually---Thank you!” I shouted, and still hugging him tightly. It never crossed my mind that I’ll still see those dogs. It had been a year since I saw them, and since Hyuk promised we’ll buy them. Smiling brightly as I inhaled his scent, enjoying the closeness; I just hope he’s not uncomfortable with me hugging him, and lying on top of him. As the second clock tick, I sighed, and slowly released Hyukjae, but as I completely let go of him, his arms found their way around my waist. I froze, as he buried his face at my chest, my heart beating rapidly with his weird actions. Hyukjae never did this before, he was never clingy.

“H---Hyuk?” I whispered, but he did not reply so I repeated it, “Hyukjae, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Hae. Just---can we stay like this for a while? I—I really missed you,” he answered, his voice a bit muffled since he’s still burying his face on my chest. I chuckled; it is definitely rare to see Hyuk act this way, so I placed my chin on top of his head as we stayed like that in silence.

I was rather hoping that my heart would slow down a bit because I swear I can hear it, and I know Hyukkie does too, since his ear is practically right where my heart is beating hysterically. I’ve always dreamed of a scene like this, of me and Hyukkie being so close to each other that we can’t be apart for a long time, a scene where it shows how much we care for one another, how much I love him, and how he loves me. But not like the way I do.

Hae, are you seriously fine with the way things are now? A few days time, we’ll go back, you’ll see him, live with him, be eunhae with him; can you really handle everything?

You’ll just make yourself suffer more. You’ll just inflict more pain to yourself

Siwon’s voice came into my mind, reminding me of what he said during our last day in China.

Is this really how I wanted it to end? Us just being best friends? To him being so close yet so far? And me being left behind in the shadow, and try to be happy if ever he found someone he love the way I do to him? Can I really handle something as tragic as that? Am I strong enough to what the future holds? Even if we have to act like a couple in front of the fans, can I hide my feelings well this time?

And is it all worth it? The pain, the tears, the broken smiles, the suppressed feelings, the lies, the restriction, the avoidance and every single moment I share with him from now on, is it really worth everything? Do I deserve that at least since I was the one at fault? I was the one who crossed the line, the one who sinned, who broke the law, the disgusting human being who fell irrevocably in love with his male best friend. So the answer to everything, is Yes.

Yes, this is how it’s supposed to be; this is how it will always be. And yes, everything is worth it; I should bear the pain since I inflicted it on myself, it was never Hyukjae’s fault, none of this is his fault. I am the bad one. I deserve the pain.

“I deserve it,” I muttered.

“Deserve what?” Hyuk asked, raising his head to look at me with curious eyes. Those eyes that captivated me in every single encounter, since when did his eyes become so attractive?

“It’s nothing, Hyuk. Just talking to myself,” I answered, smiling slightly to make the lie less obvious. But it’s Hyukjae we’re talking about.

“Right, you are so bad in lying. But I won’t force it out on you if you don’t want to,” he said. We know each other too well, too well for my own liking.

It scares me how much he knows me, because for sure, it will only take a matter of time before he discover the feelings he thought I was over with, the feelings that brought us apart, so this time, I don’t like the way he can read my mind, while I can’t read his. Realizing this new fact, I loosened my hold on him and sat down properly on the bed, reaching out for Bada to get some sort of distraction, the white dog came to me willingly, and I relaxed as I its soft fur.

“Donghae, I wanted to say something,” Hyuk started, sitting down properly too. Forcing myself to face him, I gave him a What?-look.

“Umm---I---you know, the time when---when you---I mean---when we---how do I say this,” Hyuk stumbled with his words, which is again, a rare occurrence since Hyuk is a DJ and he is wise when it comes to speaking.

“I don’t understand a thing, Hyuk,” I said, trying so hard not to pounce on him again since he’s acting so cute right in front of my eyes.

“Sorry---I just wanted to ask---Hae?” He cut his sentence again, this time his eyes are filled with desperateness, hesitation and he looked afraid…of what?

“Yes?” I answered back, waiting patiently for him to organize his thoughts.

“Do you---” he took a deep breath and sighed, looking away from me.

“Do I what?”

“Do you---Do you still love me?”

My eyes widened with shock, I completely froze when the words left his lips. Did he just ask what I think he asked?

“I---why are you asking?” I finally found my voice back, being careful with the words I utter.

“I just wanted to know,” he said in a low voice, inching a bit away from me. The tiny movement made everything clear to me now. It’s funny how they call me oblivious but when it comes to Hyukjae, I get very vigilant especially if it’s his body language. And it only meant one thing. He’s still disgusted. Maybe not completely, but partly. So, I answered what I think is the best one to keep things the way they are now.

“Don’t worry, Hyuk. I don’t feel that way anymore,” I smiled lightly back at him then dropped my gaze, watching Bada take deep steady breaths as he slept in my arms. He was quiet for awhile so I looked up to see him staring at me, then he stood up, with Choco in his arms, going to the door, then he looked back at me with his gummy smile.

“That’s good news, Hae. I am so glad you got over that disgusting phase. I am glad to have my old bestfriend back,” he said with a cheerful tone before turning the knob and slipped out.

Staring at the closed door, I stayed silent, biting my lower lip, but to no avail, the tears I thought run out, came rolling down my cheeks. It didn’t stop and my body started to shake, causing Bada to wake up so I placed the dog down, before covering myself with my blanket, not wanting to get out of bed in this state.

I deserve this. Every word he said, everything he meant by those words, I deserve them. I deserve the pain, that scorching stab right at my chest when he said the words.

I am glad you got over that disgusting phase.

It was not a disgusting phase, because what I felt was real, genuine. What I felt for you is like nothing compared to what I felt with my past relationships. But if it is disgusting to you, then disgusting it is.

I’m glad to have my old best friend back.

But I will never be the same, Hyuk. Never; because I am the best friend who harbor strong feelings for you. Feelings that is more than friendship. Isn’t disgusting?

KNOCK.KNOCK.

…..

KNOCK.KNOCK.

Under the blanket, I heard the door re-opened but didn’t care who it was, since I really am not in the mood to see anyone, and they can’t see me like this, so I pretended to be asleep. As the footsteps approached, I tried to keep my breathing equal, trying hard not to sniff from my crying. But suddenly, I was enveloped with strong arms around me right outside the blanket.

“I know you’re not asleep. And I know you’re crying,” Kyu’s soothing voice echoed around the room. He is one of the people who make me feel important, and I really need someone who sees me as me, and not as someone disgusting. I peeked out from the blanket and found his face so close to mine, I was a bit taken aback, but he cupped my face and erased the trace of tears using his thumb and placing light kisses on my eyes. I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment of someone holding me tenderly. But, the pang in my chest chose to remind of what happened, and new tears started to form.

“Shh…Hyung, don’t cry. I’m here. No matter what happens, I’m always here,” Kyu shushed me, trying to dry the tears. He went in my blanket and hugged me properly this time, his hands rubbing my back, and his lips kissing my forehead, while I clung onto him like a lost child.

“It hurts---it hurts so much,Kyu---” I sobbed.

“I know. I know,” he whispered, still kissing my forehead repeatedly.

“I want the pain to go away, Kyu---I want it to go away---I don’t want to be in pain anymore,” I continued muttering words, and this time, the words I said came out as a give-up signal. For me to really let go. Can I really do it this time?

“Hyung, I can take the pain away,” Kyu whispered.

“How?” I asked, curious and eager to know the answer.

“Let me love you, hyung. Allow me to make you feel loved and I promise, I will take all of the pain in your chest fade. I will replace them with nothing but happiness,” he said.

“But, Kyu, I don’t love you that way,” I answered honestly, but he just continued to wipe the tears and smiled at me slightly.

“I know, but I can make you fall for me,” he answered, locking gaze with me as he placed his forehead on mine, while holding my face with his both hands. His eyes showed nothing but sincerity and love, the ones I’ve yearned to see in Hyuk’s eyes.Yet, I see it in another person’s eyes.

“Can you?” I asked in a challenged tone.

“Do you want to try me?” he said cheekily and I smiled slightly.

“Kyu---I don’t know if this is a good idea---”

“Just let nature take its course.”

“But---”

“No more but’s hyung, I will shower you with love and try my best to make you fall for me,” he proclaimed with a confident voice.

“You seem rather confident,” I commented, ruffling his curly hair, but he caught my hand and brought my face so close to his that I can feel his breath in my face.

“I am confident. Because I love you,” he answered as he leaned in slowly, as if he’s waiting for me to push him away, as if he’s giving me a choice. And my choice?

Closing my eyes, I leaned in a bit to close the distance between us, and his arms around me tightened as our lips met.

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And that is Kyuhae for you!!! XD

Sorry again for the late update L Hyukjae is such an A-hole… :I sorry

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