HYUKJAE's POV

(REPOST)

"Hyuk! Are you coming or not?!" Leeteuuk hyung's voice sounded in my room accompanied by his constant knocking.

"Coming," I answered as I grab my iPhone and wallet.

Today is one of the days I like since we didn't have much schedule and Leeteuk-hyung and I just have SuKiRa. We decided to get dinner outside since the other guys already had something else planned. We mounted our van and drove to the Korean Restaurant that our group loved. I plugged my earphone in my ears and put it on maximum. I don’t know why I feel so down lately. I should be happy since I was able rest for almost the whole day, right? Isn't that what I wanted? Tsk. Last night, we watched an interview of Super Junior M. Heechul-hyung was squealing when he saw how close Donghae is with Henry and how they looked adorable together. Leeteuk-hyung was sobbing silently saying he misses them, especially his baby. Sungmin-hyung was laughing when Kyuhyun gave a snarky comment to Hankyung-hyung and when Kyu acted as if he's going to kiss Donghae. Kibum was not around because he have filming. Kangin-hyung was snoring in his sleep. Shindong was eating happily. And I was silent. I watched the entire thing and when it ended I realized my hands are curled in fists. And why? I don't know. Screw this.

A light tap on my shoulder woke me up from my trance and I realized we're already here. 

"Oh look, isn't that Shinee's manager? I guess they're here," Leeteuk-hyung said and true enough, our hoobaes are here, waiting for their food.

"Hyung!" Onew waved and made us sit with them.

"Good evening, kids." Leeteuk-hyung greeted them and I just nodded and smiled.

"Congratulations, hyung! Super Junior-M is really successful in China," Key said while fixing his hair. For some reason, he reminds me of Heechul-hyung.

"Thank you," Leeteuk-hyung just answered with a warm smile.

"You miss them, don’t you?" Jonghyun asked.

"Ofcourse I do. Very much," Leader answered sincerely and I slightly panicked.

"Oh! Please don’t cry here, hyung!" I said, with a hint of teasing and all I got was a thump at the back of my head.

"Ow!"

"Shut up, Hyukjae. I know you miss them too. Especially my baby Hae" 

I stared at him. What did he say?

"See? I know you miss him. You've been talking in your sleep and always saying ‘Hae, Hae..Donghae come back’," he said and stuck out his tongue.

"I did?" I asked dumbly. But he just raised a brow at me.

"Anyway, where's Minho?" Leader asked.

"Oh right. Speaking of that. Minho-hyung is talking to Donghae-hyung in the phone outside," Taemin answered with a smile.

Minho is what? Talking to who?'

Right on cue, Minho appeared and sat down in between Onew and Taemin.

"Evening hyungs," he said with his low voice.

"You were talking to Hae?" I suddenly asked

He looked at me and nodded.

“Donghae-hyung’s been calling me for three days now. He actually told me tell you guys that he misses you a lot but he doesn’t want to disturb you, that’s why he’s not calling often,” he explained.

Three days?

The food came and I ate with silence, again, while they chatted about things and we left for our radio show. He’s been calling Minho when he’s not sparing time to ask if I was okay.

Ofcourse he won’t. You rejected him, remember?

Umm…yes I did…but even…even if I did that…he’s still my bestfriend. We’ve been close for years. Can he forget that friendship we have just because of something like that?

Why are you thinking too much anyway? You miss him don’t you?

Miss him? No! I don’t! It’s just so strange that I wake up every morning without that warm body next to mine or not getting irritated by that silly boy clinging onto me on or off the stage or being tired because of that stubborn attitude when I tell him I was busy or when I snicker every time he gets emotional because of watching Finding Nemo!

Riiiight~ you don’t miss him. You really don’t.

Shut up.

“Hyukjae, can I ask something?” Teukie-hyung spoke while walking at the corridors of the company.

“What is it, hyung?”

“Did you have a fight with Hae?”

I stopped from walking. Looking straight forward. I suddenly remembered that night.

“Disgusting? So me being in love with you is disgusting? Well, I’m sorry if a disgusting person like me fell in love with you. Don’t worry, I’ll forget my feelings for you so as to not make you feel burdened. I have to go, I’m feeling exceptionally well,” Hae said with that cold yet tender voice. How can he even sound like that? My feet was glued to the ground, looking at his back as he made his way to the door, then he spun and I saw those sad eyes that I hated to see. The last time I saw that was when his father died, and I felt myself in pain too whenever I see that expression on his face.

“By the way, I wanted to confirm if it’s true but I guess it is. See you around…

…Colleague” then he gave me one of his famous toothless grin. I’ve always thought that grin suited him well and made him look like an angel, but that moment…that smile still made him look like an angel…a fallen and broken angel.

That memory came back to me and I felt a tear escaping my eye but I quickly washed them away.

Why the hell am I crying? Didn’t I want him to go away?!

Yes. You wanted him to go away and so he did.

Then why am I crying?!

Do I really need to answer that? Sigh. You really are stupid as they say.

Hey! You’re in my head so if I’m stupid, so are you!

Excuse me for correcting you, but I am not in your brain. I am speaking for your heart and I know things that your scrawny brain doesn’t.

“Why don’t you try talking to him?” Teukie-hyung interrupted when I was having a battle with whoever was the voice inside my head. Hyung placed a hand on my shoulder and we made our way to our studio.

“I can’t hyung. This is not like the fights we used to have before,” I said, growing more upset after realizing that we might not make up at all.

“My Hae is an angel, I am sure he’ll forgive you,” Teukie-hyung assured me, I just gave him a smile then we started our program.

*SUKIRA

EunTeuk : Super Junior Kiss the Radio.

Eunhyuk : Hello everyone, were here again to bring you happiness.

Leeteuk : That is right. And speaking of happiness, are you happy right now, Eunhyuk-ssi? (Why is he asking that kind of question?)

Eunhyuk : Of course, I am because I can feel the love of every listeners supporting Sukira. What about you, Leeteuk-ssi?

Leeteuk : Aaaah. I am not happy. (I raised an eyebrow at him but he’s not looking at me, he’s busy with his phone.)

Eunhyuk : Why is that?

Leeteuk : Because—Ah, yoboseyo? (He wasn’t able to answer since, apparently, someone answered the call he’s been trying to make.)

Leeteuk : Yoboseyo? Are you there? (Hyung tried again.)

Donghae : Ah, yoboseyo? Teukkie-hyung~! (My eyes grew wide after hearing who it was. I looked at Leeteuk hyung but he just smiled at me.)

Leeteuk : Donghae-ah! Hey, try guessing what show you’re in?

Donghae : Oh, you’re calling for a show? Let me see…umm…it’s already late which means… Sukira!

Leeteuk : Ding! You got it right! Come on, greet the listeners.

Donghae : Annyeong haseyo, I am Super Junior’s Donghae. It’s so nice to be on this show again.

(Leeteuk-hyung nudged me since I was silent for quite some time and they might wonder why I’m not speaking.)

Eunhyuk : Ah—Um, so Donghae-ssi, how’s China? (There was almost a 5 second silence before he answered with his usual cheery voice.)

Donghae : It’s really nice here but I miss Korea already. (I can imagine him pouting. Haha) But I’d like to stay here for quite some time.

(Eh? His tone changed. And what did he say? Stay for quite some time? Don’t tell me it’s because of…)

Leeteuk : Yah! Don’t you miss us?! (Hyung whined and I heard him chuckle.)

Donghae : I was kidding, hyung. Ofcourse I miss you! All of you! (He answered, going back to his happy tone.)

Eunhyuk : You’re learning Chinese, right? (Argh! What kind of question is that?! Ofcouse he’s learning! He’s in China! Stupid monkey!)

Donghae : Yup-yup. Moch—I mean, Henry-ssi is really a good teacher. (He almost said Mochi. Tsk. So he’s taking lessons with that kid. Tsk. No wonder they’re very close. Tsk…Why am I even Tsk-ing too much?!)

Leeteuk : That’s good to hear. Donghae-ah, it’s almost time. This call is very expensive. Is there something you want to tell to Eunhyu-ssi? (Huh? To me? I looked at hyung but just like before, he’s not looking at me.)

Donghae : To Eunhyuk-ssi? (Eunhyuk-ssi. Not Hyukjae. Not Hyukie. Just…Eunhyuk.)

Leeteuk : Yes.

Donghae : Ahm…well, Eunhyuk-ssi… (there was silence as I became more anxious to hear him finish his sentence.) I will keep my promise. Stay healthy. (Then, the line was cut.)

Leeteuk : And that’s Donghae-ssi from China. Stay tuned everyone!

*SUKIRA end…

The rest of the show went on in a blur. I wasn’t in the right state after that phone call so I just responded with simple words when Teukie-hyung asks questions and thankfully, he didn’t get mad. When we got back on our dorm, I made my way to my room and slumped in my bed, hugging my pillow.

“I will keep my promise.”

Promise? What promise? Is it the one he said that he wanted to forget his feelings for me? Thinking about it made my chest feel something stingy. As if someone’s poking my heart with a stick…I can’t even describe it. What is this feeling?

Maybe that’s because you don’t want him to forget his feelings for you?

Do I? Is that what I want? Is that why I am feeling this?

You are the only one that can answer that.

Whatever it is am feeling…it’s so new to me that it’s making my head hurt from trying to decipher what it is. Then one possibility came to me:

Perhaps…I have feelings for him too?

Is that even possible?

Yes. It can be possible if that’s what you want.

Do I want it?

It is all up to you now.

How I wish time would go faster. Make it fast forward and make two months pass so that I can see him. And I can confirm what it is I am feeling.