“You should hear him sing!” Kyungsoo hastily brought down a tray of assorted sweet biscuits and a teapot to the table where everyone was gather while forcefully shoving Kai back into his seat when he tried to escape for the seventh time. Kris reached quickly for a biscuit, well, five biscuits and shoved a couple in to his mouth and Kyungsoo cringed as crumbs flew back onto the ones remaining.

 Was he really dumb, or a genius?

‘Cause everybody saw that…

And ain’t nobody game enough be eating those now.

“Is he really good?!” The dumb blond asked between a mouthful of Monte Carlo and Delta Cream.

A crumb screamed as it flew onto the edge of the plate, narrowly missing a lemon crisp.

“No. He sounds like a dog having a seizure,” Kai grumbled.

Kyungsoo slapped him on the arm and the tanned boy winced. Kyungsoo immediately remembered that Kai was –cough cough– supposedly injured and immediately grabbed his head into a tight, painful hug. Kai squirmed with wide eyes, trying to stop his boyfriend from squishing his brain, or worse, stopping him from grabbing that last biscuit.

“It’s not so much he can’t sing,” Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at Kai, “it’s more, he doesn’t sing properly in front of people.”

“Oh…so he can sing well then,” Sehun lisped.

“No.”

Kyungsoo and Kai deadpanned simultaneously.

The door creaked open and Baekhyun  moped in, Chanyeol and Lay chatting happily in tow, completely oblivious to the fact Baekhyun’s life was slowly draining away in the seconds. Kyungsoo smiled and waved.

“Ah! Baekhyun, we were just talking about you.”

“You don’t tell somebody that when you were just insulting them.”

Kyungsoo laughed nervously and smacked Kai on the back, causing him to drop his biscuit just as it reached his mouth.

“We were just joking, weren’t we guys?”

“Yeah dude. You totally don’t sing like a dying dog.”

Thanks Kris...

“You just don’t sing well in front of people.”

Thank you Sehun…

“What are you guys talking about, I was being totally serious…”

Luhan. Go choke on a-

“My ing biscuit!”

And the winner is Kai.

 “Anyway, I don’t care. Lay, go sit down. Eat some chips. Chanyeol, just go…go far away…from me.”

Baekhyun stomped dramatically into the bedroom, causing everybody to stare with bug eyes. He emerged a split second later and made a beeline for the fridge, grabbed a donut and disappeared into the room again, not even lifting his head once at the onlookers.

---

“Okay, what did you do this time Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol held his hands up in protest and stammered to find a response, but with everybody death staring him like that, it was kinda impossible.

Kyungsoo only seemed to notice the new face amongst them now and immediately ran into the kitchen to fetch another plate of biscuits. Before he set them on the table, he passed them around to everybody first, and not so subtly, leaving Kris until last. Lay stood and bowed politely to Kyungsoo, Luhan and Sehun.

“Hi, My name is…”

The group waited.

Kai seemed to snort into his soft drink and coughed immediately as the bubbles flew up his nose.

“My name…is…uh…”

Kris and Kai rolled their eyes and answered simultaneously.

“Yixing.”

“Lay.”

They both snapped their necks towards each other and shot the other an incredulous stare. Lay sunk into the couch between the accumulated stare of every body’s is he a terrorist and furrowed his brow, bottom lip pouting cutely while a more confused and dazed expression crept onto his…already confused and dazed face.

“Uh...guys, why do I have two names?”

Everybody groaned.

Well, Kai groaned loud enough for life in outer-space to hear.

Everybody else just cringed.

And stared.

“You tell us, oh so attractive horse.” Sehun muttered cheekily under his breath and Luhan playfully poked him in the side.

“You told me name was Yixing, for like five years.” Kris narrowed his eyes.

“You said your name was Lay,” Kai narrowed his own eyes back, “…for like…three weeks…” His voiced dropped off, after realising there was no argument. Kyungsoo laughed a little and pulled his boyfriend towards him. Lay…or Yixing or whatever simply stared at the fruit bowl in the middle of the table, wondering if an apple would still taste like an apple if it was in the shape of a banana, the colour green with the skin of an orange, but green…

“I guess I forgot.”

Chanyeol, who had been sitting on the floor quietly, finally snapped.

“Once on the phone, you said it was Sassy Unicorn!!!”

Luhan opened his mouth a little, head tilted to side in confusion.

“And you believed him?”

“…No. Of course no-”

Random ugly laughter erupted from the direction of Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s bedroom and everyone assumed Baekhyun was watching a comedy until he shouted out between bursts of giggles and snorts.

“Hey Chanyeol! My name is y- Beefcake. Pwhahahha-”

They heard a roar of giggles followed by a loud thud followed by a small cry.

Chanyeol rolled his eyes. Luhan snickered. Lay was still thinking.

“Are you guys sure that’s my name? Lay doesn’t sound right. And Yixing, sounds so Asian.”

“You are asia-”

Kyungsoo’s simple fact was muffled out by Sehun’s off-tune singing of that’s not my name. that’s not my name, until Luhan quietly hushed him with a slap to the face with a cushion.

“I guess I my name must be sassy unicorn.”

“How ‘bout I change my name to sassy my-foot-up-your-.”

Everybody stared at Kai and he put his hands up defensively.

“What! Mr-Goldfish here can change his name but I can’t?!”

“Mr-Goldfish was probably hit by a truck on the way here. But I don’t really want to be screaming sassy my-foot-up-your- repeatedly during the night…” Kyungsoo joked as he pulled Kai into a hug in a desperate attempt to shut his idiot-boyfriend up.

“Go away,” Kai grumbled as he pushed Kyungsoo away a little and the older simply stared at him, almost as if he were about to cry. Kai stopped and chose his next words carefully.

“…so…I can…miss…you.”

Somebody muttered a sarcastic nice save under their breath and everybody pretended to not hear.

“Why do I love you,” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

“Because he’s a good ^&*#-er!” A voice shouted from the bedroom.

“What the hell! Did someone give him crack or something! What the hell has happened to him?!”

Kai glanced in Chanyeol’s direction.

“I think somebody should go check on him.”

“No.”

“He could be overdosing and dying as we speak.”

“No.”

“He could have hit his head, and is slowly bleeding to death.”

“No.”

“He could have found the secret stash of lollies in your cupboa-”

“MOVE .”

∞

Lay was doing his best to keep a straight face. If he seemed zoned out, he wouldn’t have to talk to these weird people. If he pretended to forget things, he wouldn’t be asked to do things. If he confused people, well, it was just funny. It was perfect. His life was perfect. Except that problem with Kris and Chanyeol…and that weird little brown haired guy with the Jack Sparrow eye-makeup.

“So what do you think, Lay?”

Lay snapped out of his bubble.

“I'm sorry, what?”

“About Kai’s fabulous idea,” the bug-eyed one muttered sarcastically.

“Sorry. I don’t remember.”

“Ah, never mind then. Kai’s plans are the worst anyway.”

Worked like a charm.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he took it out to answer it.

“Hello? This is Kevin the y Unicorn speaking.”

The resulting glares, were the highlight of his day. 

---

Author's note: 

Don't worry guys. I have a whole stash of BaekYeol up my sleeve.

I'm wearing a singlet. But nevermind. 

I'll see you guys around eh?