Pirate's True Form

I Don't Want To Fall In Love With You!

 

Rain.

 

He hated it.

 

Every little drop that fired into his forehead, that tickled his skin as it raced down his face, that itched constantly until he couldn’t take it any longer and soaked the sleeve of his shirt by wiping it dry, he hated. It was undeniably this type of weather, the suffocating grey sky, the sickening lack of sunlight, the deafening noise of the rain pelting the pavement that was so loud he couldn’t even hear himself think, that he hated most.

 

 

But.

 

 

 

There was something Baekhyun hated more.

 

 

 

Yes, more than water.

 

 

 

And it was right on the other side of the apartment door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“We brought cookies!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No. It wasn’t girl scouts.

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol poked his head out from behind the bedroom door and from the comfort of the lounge chair, Baekhyun caught a glimpse of the giant slinking his way over to the entrance. Baekhyun tried to be unobvious, but there was no way even an oblivious tree like Chanyeol could miss the smaller’s Kyungsoo-replicated death stare and so-not-discreet mouthing of we’re. not. here. He buried his face in his pillow to suffocate his scream as Chanyeol merely chuckled, passing off his funeral as a simple joke (which is was definitely not) and proceeded to answer the door.

 

 

 

He didn’t want them here.

 

He didn’t want them here.

 

He didn’t wan-

 

 

 

“Oh hey Baekhyun, fancy seeing you here,” Kris smiled, as he bro hugged Chanyeol. Somehow, even though he was smiling…he still looked…angry. Talk about genetics.

 

 

 

Baekhyun tried so desperately to hold his mouth shut from replying, I live here you stupid walking talking banana. Of course you’re going to see me and the extra little snap of and you were here for Christmas. He only succeeded for the fact that Chanyeol had pulled the blond into a friendly headlock, earning a slight…greatly supressed frown of jealously from the lonely soul in front of him, melting away into the couch. Baekhyun’s gaze travelled away from the potential love rival…not that he was in love because then he would have to admit he was in love and that calls for thinking and owning up to feelings on Baekhyun’s behalf and his head just kinda went into air-raid siren mode whenever something happened that had remotely to do with Chanyeol kis-adfhsd-ing him or hug-dshjfhjfh-ing him or even touch-hsdsfhjskhf-ing him.

 

 

 

 

He wheezed.

 

 

 

 

He decided to take his mind of it as he noticed Sehun. He’d dyed his hair again – a deep chestnut, walnut and almond and any other nutty flavour that kinda made him just one to nibble on it. Not that Baekhyun would ever ever say it aloud, but he looked mildly attractive. Fairly attractive.

 

 

 

Okay. Just plain hot.

 

 

 

Not that Baekhyun would ever say that.

 

 

 

Because he wouldn’t cheat on Chanyeol that way.

 

 

 

But cheating was for couples.

 

 

 

And they weren’t a couple.

 

 

 

Did he want them to be-

 

 

 

Oh Shut the freaking hell Up!

You thoughts could write a trilogy.

 

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

 

 

He had to remind himself that he didn’t have enough money to surgically remove his brain.

 

 

 

But then he thought.

 

 

 

 

He really didn’t want to end up like Kai anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun groaned at his displeasure as he ignored the new Sehun-statue Kyungsoo must have purchased and placed next to the door and glanced around for the petite angel in disgu- nyaaarggggh.

 

 

 

How did-

 

 

 

How did h-

 

 

 

 

 

“L-luhan, how did you-lounge-next to-how…”

 

 

 

Luhan’s eyes were on creeper mode as he simply stared at Baekhyun like he was hallucinating and he hadn’t  freaking warped from the doorway to the spot on the couch next to him . Baekhyun heart almost leapt out of his chest and he tried to hide the surprise and failed greatly. He only just realised he’d instinctively hopped up onto his feet and was squatting like a frog on the pillows, holding the remote like a Jedi. It didn’t take long for his classic Baekhyun response to kick in and his muscles gave way underneath him. He crashed sidewards into the coffee table and with limbs flailing in every direction possible as he took his rightful position as Floor-King. Wedged comfortably like a hairpin between the couch and table, Baekhyun flushed every shade of red as he felt every single pair of eyes on him. He heard Chanyeol burst into a roar of laughter and he –not so surprisingly- had the biggest urge to flip the table onto the idiot’s face, but everybody in the world, including Baekhyun, knew that he couldn’t even lift a set of weights – as embarrassing as that was. After a few moments of hour-lasting laughter, tears and cramping in awkward places on Baekhyun’s behalf, the paparazzi crew decided to pull him out of his growing-comfortable-by-the-hour spot.

 

 

 

 

“Oh, Chanyeol.”

 

 

 

Kyungsoo spoke absent-mindedly as he walked idly out of the bedroom – don’t ask what he was doing in there, and don’t ask why Kai just happened to walk out five seconds after – and ignored Baekhyun’s crushed figure and trotted straight over to the copper haired idiot trying to elbow Kris in the ribs. He handed him a post card without even looking at him, as he sorted through the rest of the mail in his hand. Chanyeol flipped it over.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You are a .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was printed in large, bold angry letters with a messily drawn pretty-pissed-off stick figure holding a gun on the bottom.

 

 

 

 

 

Well.

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t look at me.

 

 

 

 

 

Somebody obviously had enough balls to tell Chanyeol what he had been thinking all along.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This person deserved a medal. Or a cookie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol stared at it with wide moon eyes and a black hole mouth as Kris peered over his shoulder and simply laughed. Luhan’s frown turned upside down, sideways, inside out and then back into a frown. Baekhyun tried to suppress his laughter, but honestly, honestly…

 

 

 

 

 

 

. Yes.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Who the freaking hell sent this?!”

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol waved the postcard around above his head with two fingers, his eyebrows matted into a serious – yet still undeniably hilarious – angry-bird expression.

 

 

Learning off Kris, I see.

 

 

Baekhyun, although looking terribly identical to the Hunchback of Notre Dame right now, laughed until his every bone in his body hurt…which didn’t…take…very... long. Chanyeol glared at him and Baekhyun froze like a deer in headlights.

 

 

“I-I swear it wasn’t m-me,” he choked out between giggles and hideously unattractive snorts.

 

 

Baekhyun hated it when that happened. Just cause he laughed, he was automatically suspected. Not that the constant calling of you’re a freaking jerk and you know you’re a contributed no way to the suspicion at all…

 

 

Chanyeol’s oh-so-you-think-I’m-an-idiot face switched on and he bounded over the lounge chair to where Baekhyun was recovering on the coffee table. Baekhyun’s hands shot up in his defence between his giggling and Luhan simply watched from the safety of the entr- how the hell did he get back over there! He was the devil. Only devils warp. And Luhan…was definitely warped.

 

 

 

 

“Ch-chanyeol! I –ahahaha– swear I didn’t –oh my god not there– send-”

 

 

 

“Liar! This is your handwriting!”

 

 

 

 

“No, I dot my i's  differently!”

 

 

 

 

 

Uh.

 

 

 

 

“And that’s not my handwriting…even though it…freakishly looks…like mine…”

 

 

 

 

This was getting a little scary.

 

 

Baekhyun swore he could see Luhan snickering, and then he realised. His eyes grew wide and his mouth evolved into a vacuum cleaner.

 

 

 

 

 

That.

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol stormed off into his room and Luhan – surprise surprise – followed him chirpily, a comforting hand on his back.

 

 

 

 

 

On the inside: Adshfhdjafhgjdshjghdjshgjhdjfh!! How dare he ugsjkgskdhfg

 

 

 

 

 

On the outside:

 

 

 

 

 

On the inside: What did I ever do to him ashdfjhsdfhkshjfhksaf Oh my god kill him!

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the outside:

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun cried into his hands and jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up, hoping it was God only to find it was the devil.

 

 

 

“Oh, Kris.”

 

 

 

“Hey man, what’s wrong.”

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun swatted the hand away with as little go away you retard attitude as he could, but the Blonde prince simply sat next to him. Baekhyun gave him the stink eye, but retreated as he felt his caterpillar eyebrows wriggling over onto his shoulder or something.

 

 

 

 

“So, what’s up?”

 

 

 

“Nothing.”

 

 

 

“Okay.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Idiot.

 

 

 

You're meant to say, what's wrong? and i'm meant to say nothing and you're meant to know it's definitely not nothing and that i'm having a mid-life crisis piling like an earthslide onto my shoulders because that's how screwed up logic works!

 

 

Ugh!

 

 

 

 

You stupid tall stupid handsome -ugly walking talking -flavoured fruit tingle. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"AFHSDHFSFHDFHDJSHFKLSDJ!!!"

 

 

 

 

Kris stared.

 

 

 

 

"SHDJFh...dfhskjdf....ahdf......"

 

 

 

Kris tried to aim the remote at Baekhyun's face and switch him to mute and Baekhyun's expression grew dark.

 

 

 

 

“Why are you guys even here anyway.”

 

 

 

Kris shrugged and Baekhyun wanted to smother him with the cushion if it weren’t for the fact that the statue in the doorway was eyeing him creepily and he swore he didn’t want any suspects. Alive.

 

 

 

Kris waved the statue over.

 

 

 

 

“Hey Sehun, come over here!”

 

 

 

 

 

No no no no no no no no-

 

 

 

Ugh.

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun felt himself squished between the two of them – uncomfortable as could be. He wanted to snap that there was actually a whole entire lounge over there, but he couldn’t bring himself to try and communicate with the alien life forms.

 

 

 

 

Silence.

 

 

 

 

Then slowly, but surely…

 

 

 

 

 

Ding!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun jumped.

 

 

 

 

 

How could you be right now. Sure there are two male bodies pres-

 

 

 

 

THAT WAS A LIGHT BULB YOU IDIOT. NO MY D-

 

 

 

Baekhyun wormed his way out of the human sandwich and placed himself on the table facing them, legs crossed, detective face on.

 

 

 

“You two are fairly good friends of Chanyeol right?” He didn’t even know why he was asking when it was obviously carved in their headstones already that Baekhyun may or may not have designed in his spare time…

 

 

 

The pair nodded slowly, unaware of where exactly this was heading.

 

 

 

Baekhyun breathed out slowly.

 

 

 

“I need your help.”

 

 

 

 

Kris squinted his eyes at him and Sehun simply…just…sat there – okay somebody get a refund for this statue it is creepy and I don’t like it.

 

 

 

Baekhyun continued the one sided conversation.

 

 

 

“Chanyeol has this…uh…box…and since you guys think like Chanyeol – to a certain extent to where you may actually be able to think – you need to tell me where it most likely would be.”

 

 

 

Kris yawned a little and shot him a puzzled glance.

 

 

 

“Why don’t you just ask him?”

 

 

 

 

Are. You. Serious.

 

 

 

 

“No! I can’t ask him! He’s not mean to know!”

 

 

 

 

Sehun grabbed on the cushions –grr…Baekhyun’s favourite…- and hugged it while he thought.

 

 

 

 

“If you’re not meant to find it, why are you looking for it…”

 

 

 

 

 

“Fine! Nevermind! I’ll look for it myself! You are no help!”

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun stormed off and had to change his course as his bedroom door was closed and in the end, he closed his eyes and ears and he barged into the lover’s retreat. He held out his hands in front of him, waving them in a crazy manner.

 

 

 

 

“Nope! Don’t want to see. Just get your clothes on.”

 

 

 

 

He heard Kyungsoo’s voice on the bed.

 

 

 

 

“Baekhyun. We’re dressed.”

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun opened his eyes and let out a small oh. He saw Kyungsoo on the bed, with his legs crossed, lazily sorting out some letters and Kai was on the side with a grumpy face, subtly being pushed off by the invaders taking his rightful space.

 

 

 

“What…are you doing?” Baekhyun questioned nervously.

 

 

 

Kai grumbled something under his breath and Kyungsoo simply ignored him.

 

 

 

“That’s okay. I didn’t need to know anyway,” Baekhyun grumbled in return as he perched himself on the floor. It was only then that Kyungsoo glanced at him.

 

 

 

“Get off the floor.”

 

 

 

Baekhyun stared.

 

 

 

 

“Why?”

 

 

 

 

He swore he saw Kyungsoo blush and Kai stifle a giggle. Baekhyun gasped and leapt off the floor, wiping his hands and every other single body part on the walls.

 

 

 

 

“That’s disgusting. You share a bed!

 

 

 

 

Kai seemed proud of himself.

 

 

 

 

“So do you.”

 

 

 

 

That wasn’t the point. So what if Baekhyun accidentally-on-purpose jumped up and down repeatedly on the new bed Chanyeol bought, and the frame had snapped. Sure, Chanyeol had blamed it on Baekhyun being fat and Baekhyun nearly blurted out the truth that it was just weird not to share his bed anymore (even though it was Baekhyun’s to begin with). And it wasn’t like Chanyeol and him actually did anything in it and that was just horrifyingly embarrassing because they just weren’t up to that stage and stages were for couples and they just weren’t a couple and-

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun wheezed again.

 

 

 

 

“Baek, you’re blushing again.”

 

 

 

 

“I think I know that,” he snapped.

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo patted the bed for Baekhyun to join him and Kai shot him a pissed of glare. Baekhyun glanced back and forth between the bed and him nervously before Kyungsoo sighed with a don’t worry. It’s clean. Baekhyun hesitantly made his way over and sunk into the mattress. He felt Kai poking at his side and he kicked him in the head without Kyungsoo seeing.

 

 

 

Kyungsoo sighed.

 

 

 

“So tell me what’s wrong.”

 

 

 

Baekhyun’s hands shot up.

 

“There is nothing wrong I am perfectly fine and I’m not searching for something!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kai found his way off the floor, holding his cheek and pinched him on the . He was the first to speak.

 

 

 

“Obviously.”

 

 

Baekhyun starfished on the bed, only to receive the glares of Kai-and-Wife. He murmured into the bedspread, his voice muffled by the letters he was crushing.

 

 

 

 

“Luhan asdhfksdfhk Chanyeol ashdfjksahdfkj ahsdfjshf sahdfkhsf...”

 

 

 

Kyungsoo paused.

 

 

 

“I thought that postcard you sent was pretty funny.”

 

 

Baekhyun shot up.

 

 

“I didn’t send it!”

 

 

 

Kyungsoo puffed out a bit of air at being snapped at and stayed silent. They thought amongst themselves for a little while. Kai casually pushed Baekhyun onto the floor and Kyungsoo cried at the sight of his crushed letters. Baekhyun simply died on the floor – until he remembered and sprung up like a cat in water.

 

 

 

 

Silence.

 

 

 

 

Then suddenly…

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun sniffed.

 

 

 

 

And sniffed again, glancing around.

 

 

 

 

Then he realised.

 

 

 

 

His eyes widened.

 

 

 

 

His eyes darted towards Kyungsoo, just to grab his attention.

 

 

 

 

 

And then to Kai…

 

 

 

 

He opened his mouth and screamed. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“KAI JUST FARTED!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo made a massive “O” with his face…mouth and eyes…and glared at Kai. He found a shoe and chucked it at his head, yelling.

 

 

 

 

 

“I specifically said that in the areas in which we live and breathe in, there will be no expulsion of natural gasses into the atmosphere from your , which in your words simply means no farting in the bedroom!”

 

 

 

 

 

“What-”

 

 

 

 

 

Kai looked scared as his eyes darted around. Kyungsoo, with much difficulty, tried to pull him out of the room while Kai thrashed and complained. Once most of his body was outside the door, Kyungsoo slammed it – as best he could – onto Kai’s foot and locked it. Baekhyun cringed as he heard the pained whimper outside, but he knew better than to feel sorry for him. After all, since Kyungsoo had punished him for farting one time during making love, Kai had taken it out on him and secretly crept into his and Chanyeol’s room to release the nature. Luckily – or unluckily – Baekhyun had actually been awake at the time and was going to scream at him, only he’d realised in the dark that Kai obviously was about as natural as a human could be, and he did not want anybody, under any circumstances, turning any lights on.

 

 

 

Baekhyun glanced back at Kyungsoo, who huffed as he fell face first onto the bed. Baekhyun really did feel like owning up to the truth that Kai actually hadn’t farted, but he let the obnoxious teen suffer a little more. After all, it worked well.

 

 

 

 

“I needed to talk to you.”

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo glanced up, a slight scowl on his face. His expression quickly softened as he noticed Baekhyun’s nervous eyes, and childhood habit of lip biting.

 

 

 

 

“Without Kai.”

 

 

 

Baekhyun nodded.

 

 

 

 

“So Kai didn’t fart. It was y-”

 

 

 

 

 

Nobody farted okay! What is it with farts today?!” Baekhyun snapped grumpily, “I swear if I hear the word fart one more tim-”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Fart!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Shut the up Kai!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun threw a book at the door and it hit it with a resounding thud. The following argh my head and beautiful hair and y face and smooth skin and...etc. etc. etc. that followed gave him satisfaction. Kyungsoo sighed at his boyfriend and stared back at Baekhyun.

 

 

 

 

“He’s going to be mad at me now you know.”

 

 

 

Baekhyun shrugged.
 

 

 

“Just cook him a cake and he’ll come running back into your arms….or legs. Whatever you pref-ARGH.

 

 

 

He was cut off by a slap to the face.

 

 

 

 

Okay. He deserved that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kai pressed his ear up against the wood hard. He didn’t want to eavesdrop, he really didn’t but- okay he did. He had no shame. And he was proud of it.

 

 

 

After all, Baekhyun had blown his cover.

 

 

 

He was on his sixth consecutive silent-fart and now he had to start all over again.

 

 

 

The tanned teen shuffled around on the floor, trying to get a better grasp of the secret conversation Baekhyun was trying to have with his boyfriend. So far he’d only manage to get:

 

 

 

 

1.       Box

2.       Chanyeol

3.       Ex-boyfriend

 

 

 

As dumb as Kai was, there was certainly no way he didn’t know what was going on.

 

 

 

Chanyeol had a box. And an ex-boyfriend.

 

 

 

 

Kai smirked to himself. Then paused.

 

 

 

 

Maybe Chanyeol’s ex-boyfriend had a box.

 

 

 

 

Or maybe, Chanyeol’s ex-boyfriend was in a box.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe Chanyeol’s ex-boyfriend was a box.

 

 

 

Kai furrowed his brow. Too much thinking made his brain – or whatever resided in his head – hurt. But whatever Baekhyun was hiding…

 

 

 

 

Super nosy Kai would seek it out!

 

 

 

 

 

Kai sprung to his feet and bounded into the lounge-room, spotting Kris and Sehun awkwardly waiting on the sofa.

 

 

 

“Uh…you guys can turn on the TV you know. It’s not a crime.”

 

 

Kris stared at him.

 

 

 

“Or…maybe it is…from whatever planet you come from…”

 

 

 

Kai turned away slowly…then a light-bulb went off.

 

 

 

Maybe…just maybe…these idiots could help him find what Baekhyun was looking for before him.

 

 

 

“Sehun…my bro…” Kai casually leapt onto a couch next to the mortified brunette, and swung an arm around him. “That hair colour looks tasty…”

 

 

 

Sehun tried to worm away from him, but Kai dragged him closer.

 

 

 

 

“Do you wanna go on a treasure hunt?”

 

 

 

 

 

---

 

Author's Note:

 

Now. If there's somebody you would like to take out all your frustration on, I suggest wowphantasticbaby.

Why? Because she is the absolutely worst dongsaeng ever. Worse than Kai. Worse than your little sister. 

I full on give you permission to hit her over the head with a frying pan, toaster, car I don't care.

 

But anyway, wowphantasticbaby - here's your chapter that you've been constantly pestering me about. 

I hope you read this. Cause i'm going to kill you soon.

 

 

To everybody else,

 

thank you for being so patient and i'm so sorry but it seems that at least I have something to work with now. I was at total loss at

where everything was heading, but it seems my ship is back on course. Kekeke...no pun intended.

 

Anyway - comments would be nice and give me some suggestions!

 

Love you all - except wowphantasticbaby - Ha.

 

This is Abbie.

 

OUT!

 

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Thank you!
RaisonDetre
Awww I foud somebody who made a picture for "I Don't Want To Fall In Love With You!"

Comments

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glances
#1
Chapter 14: Lol I never knew that I really miss these idiots.
glances
#2
Chapter 5: I read this again. I wonder if you're going to be back to update this. But anyway, take your time. :)
Yarden657
#3
Please update author nim
byunsbunny #4
Chapter 35: lol what the hell ?????
baek_has_chan
#5
Chapter 9: Ajka8cyMxnnfijsna so ING CUUUUUTE AHHHHHHHHHH MY HEART >_<
baek_has_chan
#6
Chapter 3: LOL Baekhyun has such bad luck hahahha
thepeachills #7
Chapter 29: LOVE THE TAORIS MOMENT
JannDG
#8
Chapter 2: Oh my God, Baek.
A_B_Raven #9
OML THIS FANFIC- *breaths*
It's helped me.
I've been feeling so sad this week and omfg i read this and everyday id finish a few chapters. I absolutely ADORE your characterizations! Baekhyun and Channie are just- *cacklin* HILARIOUS AF!!! Their thoughts made me laugh so hard, and made me so happy. The ust and in-denial-ness of the two make me frustrated yet amused, and im glad i stumbled upon this cute sorta crack-y, fic! I love it so much, and I don't want to pressure you, that's not my thing, so even if i REALLY WANT YOU TO UPDATE... i'll just say that i hope you wont abandon this hilarious story!
P.S. i rarely read stories i know are still on going, because waiting for new chapters make me impatient and not happy, but for this fanfic? I'd wait as long as i could! :D
heungsoonshipper
#10
Chapter 51: i hope you'll comeback :')