Bonus: Kai (Part I)

Paper Mâché

Bonus: Kai's Perspective. (Part I)

 

Jongin didn’t want to be a furniture salesman. Through his eyes, a life wasn’t lived if it was filled with smiles lacking authenticity and words too sweet. His father may have survived just fine by using those deceptive tools all the way to exhaustion, but Jongin was not his father.

No matter how much his father wished him to be.

Jongin’s upbringing wasn’t extraordinary and his character streamlined through the average. He studied occasionally, hung out with friends and played community soccer twice a week. The routine bored Jongin but it was what everyone else kept occupied with. Maybe it gets better, were his thoughts, maybe it’s supposed to be this way. So, Jongin continued on with the forced pleasantries and mundane repetitions. 

His maturation came faster than others not only in build, but in mind as well. It first took his notice when the birds and the bees arrived in his health class. The children around him responded to the lesson by squirming and/or laughing. He didn’t quite get what was so strange about s or es or . It was plenty clear that it was important stuff to know, otherwise they wouldn’t have bothered teaching it. But, classmates still exaggeratedly stuck out their tongues and grimaced at the images displayed before them. He couldn’t understand his peers’ reactions and that confusion only grew over time.

The breaking point was when he hit his sixth grade. Jongin watched as a man laughed uncharacteristically with another from afar. He would usually call this laughing man his father, but on that day, Jongin found him unrecognizable. There was no changing the fact that despite the uncanny likeness, the man was his father hiding behind a manipulating façade. It frustrated him, how a person would change themselves for someone else’s benefit. Was it not easier to be truthful? Did it not feel wrong to be disguised as someone else? Sadly, those questions were never voiced and the man continued to laugh with many others as the hours went on. The only truth Jongin saw that day were the smiles his father made once hands shook and deals were sealed.

His view on the world changed. His life’s structure felt like it was held up by well entwined lies that would mold him to meet society’s standards. And Jongin didn’t want that. No, he wanted the freedom to choose how to live his life. So, with no regrets, Jongin broke through the constraints and began to become a breed of his own. He first started by cutting off those he used to call his friends. It was funny to consider them as such despite how much he disliked them. They made him laugh and helped him through complex school work, but there always remained a gooey mess in his conscience whenever they told fables for recognition or put down others to feel importance. With the fear of growing accustomed to such behavior and possibly adapting it himself, Jongin conjured a solution. The distancing and eventual severances of bonds were surprisingly easy tasks to complete and they were met with little resistance. Jongin was pleased that the end results left him nearly weightless.

The next step in his self-cleansing was to cancel his soccer membership at the community centre.  He didn’t like soccer much, not that he had a particular reason to dislike it, but he figured why continue when he had no passion for it. Strange how the loss of a previously thought passion would bring the arrival of a new and much greater one. While walking through a hallway in the community centre, bright colours caught his eye. Through a door’s small window, Jongin observed an art class in session. The different characters within it and their equally unique canvases took Jongin’s curiosity by storm. A week later and Jongin found himself sitting on a not-so-comfortable stool and staring at a blank paper which held an incredible amount of potential. Over time, Jongin was able to manifest that potential more effortlessly and flawlessly than he ever imagined he could.

after , it became an obsession.

Instead of laughing with friends during breaks, Jongin sketched the scenery from the school’s roof. Instead of studying Newton’s Third Law, Jongin read about Rembrandt, Klimt, and Monet. Some may have commented on what a lonely life he led, but he strongly disagreed. His works were his companions, and these companions were never afraid to show their true colours (pun fully intended).   

Even with all the hard work to rebirth himself, Jongin couldn’t seem to find a way to display it before his parents. He supposed that somewhere deep inside, his parents’ view on him mattered a great deal.  A great enough deal that he would act out the attitudes he despised so much in order to keep his father pacified and his mother cheery. His frustrations would later seep out and take form in numerous dark works. Once they were finished, he would instantly dislike the product of his self-hatred. Slowly, he would tear each page apart and toss their remains away.

Jongin needed an escape. Every fibre in his being craved to explore and see what other inspirations the world had to offer. As he grew older and his future started to become a concern, a solution was handed to him from a mentor at the community centre.

“Talent shouldn’t be wasted.”

The folded piece of paper stayed within his grasp for days. His imagination went wild with the possibilities spoken in each of the pamphlet’s bullet points. Just like that, his future mapped itself out perfectly. Without his parents knowing, he took the proper preparations and successfully applied to the school where he hoped his dreams would thrive.

All that was left was time with its seconds, minutes, and hours that took too long to pass. His patience wore thin with the world surrounding him blurring into regularities. His art was his only solace and he kept his tools close to prevent his sanity from breaking.

 

Jongin wondered what sort of person he would have grown to be without that cardboard box idly waiting for him on the storage room rooftop. Would he have been bitter? Would he have been selfish? Would he have been happy?  

It wasn’t every day that a person would catch his attention. In his defense, it was hard to miss a glowing boy with a great amount of bounce in his step. Jongin hadn’t seen someone in such an honestly joyful state in a long time. What could cause such happiness, he thought as he followed after the boy. The route the boy walked was familiar and the end location even more so. Jongin watched from afar as the boy climbed up the storage room ladder and disappeared onto the roof. He wasn’t sure what to conclude. The roof was supposed to be his quiet place that held no distractions. After a few minutes of debating, Jongin tightly secured his book bag and also made his way up the ladder.

Bizarrely enough, the boy was nowhere in sight. All that remained within sight was a cardboard box that certainly wasn’t there the day before. Stepping closer to the box, Jongin examined it and found strange cuts on the top. He gave it a light kick impulsively like any teen boy would and gazed around the roof once before setting his sight back onto the cardboard. Could the boy possibly be hidden inside?

If the boy was, he wasn’t going to be much of a distraction, Jongin concluded as he turned and took a few steps back. He settled onto the ground and took his sketchbook out from his bag. The remainder of the lunch period continued as it normally did for Jongin, with the tiny addition of a box sitting in the corner of his eye. 

Once the lunch bell rang, Jongin slowly stretched out and climbed down from the roof.  But, before trekking his way back to his classroom, he hid behind a tree and waited. When the boy from earlier raced down and ran towards the school, Jongin knew his suspicions must have been correct; the boy was in the box.

The rest of the week went by with Jongin’s sketching becoming less and less productive and his curiosity building more and more. The obvious “Why?” flashed across his mind every time he observed the box and the concealed boy within. During one lunch, his hands flowed and created what he imagined to be behind those cardboard walls. Different pages depicted etchings of a curled up boy that would sometimes sleep, sometimes read, and sometimes stare intently at Jongin from the page.

Inspiration hit him hard. He knew he was taking a chance but his artistic spirit demanded he follow through. The tip of a pencil met cardboard and his hand fluidly created a charming home for the boy. He continued on with adding to his design for multiple days, patiently waiting for the boy to make an appearance.  But each day, there was no sign of him and Jongin assumed that the boy must have been rather determined not to make himself known.

Now, Jongin wanted to leave the box boy in peace, but he simply found that he couldn’t. His assumptions of who the boy was only left him with so much, and so much was not enough. Jongin wanted and needed to know more. He was unique. He was original. And Jongin had to meet him. He just had to. So with a lighter in hand and a fairly strong hypothesis, Jongin flicked his thumb and spoke.

“I wonder what this would look like on fire...”

His hand inched closer, eyes not focusing on the flame but on the box. The closer he got, the more nervous he became. The boy couldn’t be sleeping, right?

“No!”  The box was tossed away and the boy frantically placed himself in front of it. “You! Keep that away from my box!”

It was beautiful. He was beautiful. There were such earnest emotions displaying across the boy’s features and it met Jongin’s expectations and more. He was so pleased that the boy responded to his carefully provoking pries. The boy was very much resistant to his advances and Jongin surprisingly took to the challenge.  

He wondered if the novelty would wear off eventually. Kyungsoo was something new, fascinating, and entirely inspirational. The number of pages consisting of Kyungsoo and his box in his sketchbook only grew with every passing day. Was this what they meant when referring to a person as a muse? Had Kyungsoo become his muse?

Jongin grew restless due to the fact that even after their small exchange, their amount of interactions remained null. He had some notions that Kyungsoo would possibly plead for him not to gossip about his box (though Jongin had no one to gossip to), or maybe he would flee away, or maybe even offer friendship. Heck, Jongin didn’t know, he just didn’t predict that nothing would change and Kyungsoo would stay within his box as if nothing happened.  Even his brilliant idea of exchanging food got bombed because Kyungsoo still found a way to share his snacks while sitting in his cube.

Really, what was so special about a box anyways?

And what better way to answer Jongin’s question than by experiencing it first hand? With a flattened box grasped within his hands and a vision in his mind, Jongin set himself to work. At least, he attempted to. He heard footsteps behind him and he cursed internally. His box was supposed to be up and majestically standing before Kyungsoo arrived onto the roof. Kyungsoo definitely wasn’t supposed to stumble across him having a wrestling match with the darn cardboard. He could imagine the boy walking past him quietly but snickering obnoxiously once in his box.

But rather than hiding away, Kyungsoo spoke to Jongin. Jongin could hear the wavering in his voice and took note of his clenching fists. It had been a while since Jongin felt anything remotely embarrassing, but his skin undeniably crawled and his cheeks felt warm at the way Kyungsoo was clearly judging his actions.

It didn’t take long for Kyungsoo to realize Jongin’s intentions with the cardboard. He swooped down and snatched the flattened box from his hands, leaving a faint woodsy smell to overwhelm Jongin’s senses. It brought to mind the moments when Jongin would excitedly open a new sketchbook and inhale its scent before it was masked with the smell of paint and charcoal.  

Once snapped back to reality, Jongin knew that was his chance. He knew he had caught Kyungsoo’s attention and he had to play his cards right or else the box boy would scurry away again. Sure, he maybe shouldn’t have leaned in close in order to get another whiff of Kyungsoo and sure, he maybe shouldn’t have surprised Kyungsoo by using his hands rather than his voice to stop him from fully taping the box. Either way, his beautiful open roof concept became completed with their mixed efforts. Even though Kyungsoo didn’t quite get his masterpiece, the process of changing his mind became Jongin’s new challenge.

Originally, Jongin’s art was a personal affair. He did it alone and he did it for his own pleasure. But then along came Kyungsoo. An unknown motivation erupted within Jongin and his imagination had never been so vivid or driven. He was going to bring out the big guns and show Kyungsoo that he wasn’t someone to turn your back to.

One lunch, Kyungsoo took one long glance at Jongin’s box with obvious discontent and stole a black marker. Jongin’s gut leapt because Kyungsoo was finally taking the notice that Jongin desired.

Manipulation is a harsh word. Jongin merely used the tools known to him in order to bring the two of them closer together. It wasn’t his fault that Kyungsoo allowed himself to be baited by cardboard flowers or colourful paint palettes. It wasn’t his fault that Kyungsoo smelled so nice and felt so warm. It wasn’t his fault that Kyungsoo was so different than anyone else he had ever met.

And let it be known that it certainly wasn’t Jongin’s fault that Kyungsoo reluctantly agreed to go shopping with him after school. Truth be told, he was expecting rejection. Instead, Kyungsoo’s acceptance created a tiny hope that maybe Kyungsoo was also curious about him. 

They walked away from the school in silence and Jongin felt more nervous than he probably should have. To calm his nerves, he replaced the silence between them by listening to the soothing tunes of pianos and violins. They boarded a city bus and Kyungsoo didn’t even hesitate to sit next to him and press their shoulders and thighs together. It had been so long since Jongin had felt the warmth of another. He tried to distract himself from focusing on what lay beyond the window. However, rather than staring at the streets, Jongin’s eyes caught the reflection bouncing off of the Plexiglas. For the remainder of the ride, he observed Kyungsoo reading the advertisements placed above them and his heart trembled harshly.

Cute.

Really cute.

Those thoughts only increased when Jongin caught Kyungsoo innocently blowing into multiple pinwheels within the art store Jongin dragged him into. The bent over figure with puckered lips, puffed cheeks, and shut eyes made Jongin’s hands want to reach out and do some questionable actions.

They could have left each other after purchasing the items. They could have gone their separate ways, but Jongin didn’t want the outing to end. It still wasn’t enough. He needed to know more. And Jongin saw the chance when the scent of food caught his attention. Sharing a small booth together, there were two possibilities: silence or conversation. 

When words were voiced and connected, it left Jongin at odds. They were speaking to each other like regular friends would, but the subject matter had a sour note. Kyungsoo was pushing him away and claimed it was for the best, but Jongin knew better. He could see that the undecipherable want he felt was mutual. With only one long meeting of gazes, Kyungsoo’s first barrier finally caved and crumbled.

The pinwheel was a gift to cement their friendship. Or maybe it was because Jongin wanted to withdraw a particular reaction from Kyungsoo. Would he smile as he did the previous night? Would he blush? Would he refuse to take it? No, Kyungsoo only widened his eyes in a comedic manner and dropped his jaw.

Of course, Kyungsoo gave Jongin the sight he desired when the pinwheel was put to proper use. Taped onto Kyungsoo’s cardboard box and its blades blowing with the wind, Kyungsoo’s lips created a serene grin so blissfully content that Jongin’s hands inched to sketch the scene before it disappeared.

He did that, didn’t he? Without his present, Kyungsoo wouldn’t showcase that kind of expression. That smile wouldn’t appear on his lips and those eyes wouldn’t soften without his actions. It was those cause and effect moments that stirred something within Jongin, and he grew to like them so much that he simply wanted more. Then again, the more aspect confused Jongin. He wasn’t quite sure what he wanted more of. He mulled over his thoughts while his hands created a flower very typical to his usual designs.  When the lunch bell rang, Jongin caught Kyungsoo staring at his completed work.

Finally, it clicked.

Recognition.

Jongin wanted Kyungsoo to really look at him. The mask of Kai was a good barrier against the people Jongin couldn’t trust, but he knew Kyungsoo was different from them. Unknowingly, Jongin had found someone he wanted to successfully see past that mask and completely accept him for who he was.

However, that so called acceptance wasn’t easy to achieve. The stubbornness Kyungsoo displayed time and time again did break Jongin up a lot more than it should. But, through the smallest actions, Kyungsoo always seemed to build him back up again.

It was the smell of aerosol paint that reminded Jongin of the first time Kyungsoo broke before him. Familiar words laced with lies seeped from Kyungsoo’s quivering lips as their vandalized boxes lay in the background. His words were firm but his actions unsteady. It was wrong. What was done to Kyungsoo was completely wrong.

“I’ll fix it.”

And Jongin would. He’d find a way, he had to. Kyungsoo was inching away from him just when he was starting to inch forward. It frightened him when Kyungsoo didn’t meet him by the school gates as he usually did. Whispers ran across his ears as people passed and Jongin immediately bolted to the school’s infirmary.

Even with tinges of purple forming under his eye, Kyungsoo still looked much better than he did hours previous. His expression relaxed and his body less strung up. Although unsure of what exactly conspired between Kyungsoo and the other beaten boy, Jongin was pleased to see that the spark in his eyes burned nearly as bright as it usually did.

As unglamorous as it may sound, the idea came to Jongin thanks to it being garbage day.  A stack of newspapers lay outside a shop in the morning, awaiting its time to be picked up and disposed of. Jongin took a few steps past it when a memory struck him. Quickly back tracking, he eagerly gripped onto the string that kept the stack together and ran to school.

After taking a bucket Jongin swore the janitors wouldn’t miss and amounts of glue he shouldn’t have taken from the art room, Jongin was giddy and ready. After painstakingly bringing both the newspapers and the nearly full bucket onto the roof, Jongin persuaded Kyungsoo to leave his box and witness his brilliance first hand.

Disappointment hit Jongin pretty hard, though he tried not to show it. Replacing a showering of thanks and a bright smile he thought would beam his way, Kyungsoo gave him was a look of pure confusion.

Luckily, after a little paper mâché demonstration, Jongin felt himself relaxing when Kyungsoo’s reluctance transformed into hope. Soon, Jongin couldn’t help but smirk at the speed with which Kyungsoo eagerly pasted the glue soaked papers onto his box.

His world shifted. Skin met skin and it shocked Jongin. His eyes looked to the bucket where Kyungsoo’s hand had touched his and slowly followed the arm to its owner’s face. For some reason unknown to him, he couldn’t focus on his art anymore. Instead, certain trails of thoughts were starting up again.

“Cute.”

He thought, or unintentionally blurted out when Kyungsoo smacked a paper heart directly in the center of his newspaper covered cardboard wall. It triggered another thought. There was something Kyungsoo reminded him of. His eyes lazily trailed over the boy next to him. The sunlight shone handsomely down on Kyungsoo’s black hair and the wind lightly feathered through the strands. Kyungsoo’s back faced Jongin in a manner that would be considered defensive, yet receptive.

That’s when he got it. With the cautionary actions and sleek independence, Kyungsoo’s resemblance to a stray cat was striking. Striking enough that the very image refused to leave Jongin’s head in an all too familiar way. Any tools and material would do really, his hands just needed to make the idea a reality. His box may have faced him with a blank and inviting wall, but it didn’t sit right with him.

However, a mere glance to Kyungsoo’s box and it cleared up his confusion. After carefully phrased sentences and persuasively raised eyebrows, Kyungsoo’s box was in his hands and he wasted no time materializing his mentally conceived art piece.

Jongin began to realize that Kyungsoo was a relatively competitive individual. When Jongin explained his cat-like piece and his reasoning behind it, he didn’t expect Kyungsoo to take it as some sort of challenge. Instead of ripping carelessly and pasting on mismatched pieces of newspaper, Kyungsoo’s hands slowed and his undivided attention went to evenly tearing out different shapes. Slowly, Jongin could make out the pieces taking form on the cardboard wall before Kyungsoo.

A sun.

Oh god. The sun, of all things. Jongin tried not to look too much into the possible meaning behind Kyungsoo’s paper mâché art, but his rapidly fluttering heart clouded over any denials.

Being compared to the sun was a good thing, right? The sun was bright and it created warmth. But did Kyungsoo really see him in that way? 

To hopefully ease or end his hopes, Jongin tried his luck and invited Kyungsoo out one more time.

The night sky was an inspiration to many artists and Jongin was one among the many. Through his telescope, he watched the stars twinkle and satellites sail across its dark depths. The feeling of being so small and so insignificant calmed him. Thoughts, actions, and the entire world didn’t matter to him under the glittering night.

His intentions were to share those feelings with Kyungsoo. Maybe then the string tightening his frame would loosen and Kyungsoo would stop shyly sliding away from him. Beneath the stars, he hoped the last barrier Kyungsoo had set up would fall.

Jongin should have known not to be overly optimistic. He should have foreseen that Kyungsoo would walk by him that night and automatically sit inside his box rather than next to him. Even with that bitter acknowledgment, disappointment still sunk in. Jongin moped his way under his box and handed Kyungsoo the telescope through a cut window.

Seconds passed as Jongin watched Kyungsoo.

He couldn’t describe it. Kyungsoo…he—

Why was his heart tightening? Why were his hands itching? Why did his mouth go dry? Why couldn’t his eyes leave Kyungsoo? Why was there such a huge and deep want in his gut?

Through the minutes, words, stars, sounds, smells and touches, Jongin realized what he began to want.

There was a line thinning as they sat inside the close quarters of Jongin’s box. That line shrunk as Jongin inched closer and closer, and then, the line snapped. 

A numbing rush raced through his veins for the split second their lips met. He waited for Kyungsoo to shove him away and for the look of horror, the curses, and the inevitable stinging in his chest. But, all Jongin could see was mild disbelief and bafflement.

So he took another chance and pushed Kyungsoo’s bottom lip between his. A familiar exhilaration coursed through him and every passing second made him love it more.

Meeting no obvious resistance, Jongin hoped that the final wall between Kyungsoo and himself had finally vanished.


Yoho and hello everyone!
How is everyone doing? It's been a while, hasn't it? I hope everyone enjoyed this part of the bonus, I still have the other to post (eventually). I've had this idea for a while and it was originally supposed to be a Kaisoo Bday present, but this thing got bigger and bigger and yeah. I was going to wait until I was finished writing it and then post it...but this part is 4,000words. Anyways, I guess this is a valentine's day present. 
I also hope this doesn't ruin anyone's image of Kai in their head. I felt like I didn't explain him as much as I would have liked in Paper Mâché, so yeah, made this. 
THANK YOU to all the new subscribers, people who UPVOTED (wtf, I actually love this new featuring system, so much better than before), commenters and social people who spread this. 
Special thanks to siahna, who edited this for me like the champ that she is. Lemme luv yous. 
And now, for the commenters....I'M SORRY. I have such backlog of comments to reply to and andandI've given up. I'm still SUPPPER happy you guys take the time to write them and I read them all and they mean so much and I  fdjhfsjdsf. Fangirl barf all over my laptop, kay? Like, really T-T If you have a question in regards to Paper Mâché or want to discuss something with me, I am more guarenteed to reply via wallposts and PMs. I'm sorry once more :(
Love you all and thanks for reading >
Random kaisoo spam:

MHMM, look at Kai touching those love handles. Down boyyy <3

ps: I think some people had a hard time imagining a box being big enough for a full grown person to fit inside. So, this is me covering my arse. I work in a postal outlet. I see differently sized boxes regularly, and yes, some are large enough for a person to fit in there. For an example, think furniture and the boxes they come in (SEARS, WHY YOU SEND HEAVY PARCELS?). I actually had a reader tell me how they got a new couch and how the box was huge. But, hey how did Kyungsoo and Kai get a hold of these boxes? Well, Kyungsoo moves a lot. Boxes are needed to pack. A big box could be used to hold a lot of pillows. Huge, but light. And Kai's dad is a furniture salesman, which Kai explained when he got the giant box (I was thinking specificaly a refrigerator sized one). Still don't believe me, well google images is your friend <3  

 

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PurplePluto
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Comments

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Zndjcjaj #1
❤️🩵
tonnettie
#2
Chapter 17: Why did I just encounter this story just now. This is such a gem!
LovelyEonnie
#3
Chapter 17: Thanks for this beautiful story!
LovelyEonnie
#4
Chapter 1: Loner bad boy Kai. Tbis is intetesting!
LovelyEonnie
#5
Chapter 1: This was posted on twitter. So here, i am
blackheartedlove
#6
Chapter 2:
I JUST REMEMBERED THIS FIC TT kaidi 4ever

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8Rm4oQGGdI&;t=287s
hutaoirl #7
coming back to read this again...
Redmintchoco #8
Chapter 2: ❤