Requested by: beongae

Pairing: Zhoury

Theme: disability

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I panicked slightly when I opened my eyes to blackness.  I let out a frightened whimper and I I sat up and blinked rapidly trying desperately to see.

I tensed when warm hands landed on my shoulder, but I relaxed when a familiar voice soothed,

"Okay... it's okay.  I'm here"

He gently caressed my face, wiping away the tears that had begun to fall.  He held me until my heart rate slowed and I calmed as realization came to me. 

The accident... the blindness...

I sighed but I refused to wallow in my self pity.  I had lost my sight four months ago, and every day the darkness scared me, haunted me.  A tug on my arm made me smile and I stood, getting my footing carefully.  He let go of my arm and I made my way to the bathroom.

57 steps straight, 82 steps to the left, 9 steps to the bathroom door.

He was the reason why I didn't just just give up.  He was always there by my side, and without him, I would have been lost in my world of eternal darkness.  I smiled tenderly as I showered, fumbling slightly in my search for the soap.  I stepped out, careful not to bump my leg on the shower door.

"Here, let me help"

I smiled gratefully and I allowed him to drape a fluffy towel around me.  He put his arm around my waist and led me back to our bedroom.  I relaxed and relished the feeling of not having to constantly count my steps, trusting him to lead me to our destination safely.

He sat me down on the bed and began drying my hair gently.  He hummed as he went about his task and I grew a bit teary eyed when I realized it was our song.  I tried my best not betray my feelings, and hid my tears.  I had cried so much, and I didn't want him to see.

Sometimes, I really wondered why he stayed with me.  It was no secret that I had changed, I was no longer the carefree and independent person he fell in love with.  I had been reduced to a bumbling infant, needy and dependent on others.  Sometimes the thought of him hating me or resenting me kept me up at night.

The thought of becoming his burden was my worst fear.  I knew he would never leave me, but I would rather he abandon me than stay just because he felt like he had to.

"Stop it!" I glanced up at the sound of his voice. 

Although I couldn't see him, I could imagine the pained look on his face.  He hugged me, and buried his face into my neck,

"Stop it..." he said again, squeezing me tight.  "Stop thinking that... I don't hate you and I never will"

It was funny how well he knew me, he could read my mind.

"Sorry" I apologized softly, feeling guilty for having doubted him.

"Don't apologize, just don't worry about stuff like that, okay?  I don't know how I can make you understand..."

I felt him move and I knew he was standing in front of me, looking into my eyes more by habit than anything else.

"I love you" he said firmly, "you are not my burden and I don't resent you.  You are my life, and I need you... more than you could ever need me..."

I felt droplets fall on my skin and I knew he was crying.  I scooped him in my arms and held him, like I had done so many times before.  He sniffled and whimpered in a small voice,

"I love you, please, believe me"

I his hair and I shushed him, soothing away his tears.

"I do, I believe you" I murmured, nuzzling the top of his head.  "I love you too"

His arms s around my waist and he hugged me tightly, and I knew he was reassuring me of his devotion.  I smiled and nudged him so he got off of me,

"Okay, enough of this drama.  Let me get dressed, we have to start the day sooner or later"

"Okay!" he chirped and I could imagine the smile on his lips.

He helped me with my clothes, and I warned teasingly,

"I swear!  I better not be wearing stripes with polka dots again!"

He laughed,

"Aww, but it was so funny!  You were getting such strange looks!"

I glared and he laughed again but he assured me,

"Don't worry, you look good if I do say so myself"

I nodded, and hoped that he hadn't dressed me in some ugly shirt. 

"What are we doing today?" I asked while brushing my hair, knowing exactly how to style it by force of habit.

"Hmm... nothing much, I gotta run to the studio"

I nodded, assuming I would be on my own today.  I was startled when I felt him jump on me, his voice whiney and filled with aegyo,

"Come with meee!" he begged, and I bit my lip indecisively.

On one hand, I didn't really enjoy being alone, but on another hand, I dreaded having to go back to the studio I had frequented so much in the past.  I hated when people talked to me, their voices dripping in pity.  I was weighing my options but when he begged again I just sighed and gave in.

He could be such a child and it was usually easier in the long run to just go along with what he wanted.  I sighed and nodded and he immediately grabbed my hand, dragging me out of our apartment.

**********

"!" I cursed, as he sped around another corner at accelerated speeds.  My body lurched forward violently whan he slammed on the brakes.

"We're here!" he announced cheerfully and I glared at him with my unseeing eyes.

"!  I'm blind and I still drive better that you!  It's a miracle we're not dead!"

"Stop being such a baby" he retorted, unbuckling his seatbelt and running around to open the passenger door. 

I stepped out and I could feel my legs shaking, he really shouldn't be street legal.  He grabbed my hand, and I stumbled after him, my steps becoming more tentative as I was now in unfamiliar territory.  I could walk with confidence in the apartment, having a strong understanding of where I was, but now, I felt more vulnerable than ever.

I gripped his arm tightly and took small hesitant steps.  He slowed his pace and talked to me softly, doing his best to take my mind of my anxiety.  After a while, I relaxed, trusting him to lead me.  I flinched slightly when we stopped to tlak to old aquaintances, each one talking to me as if I was a small ignorant child.

I held my tongue and smiled, pretending like I wasn't insulted by their treatment.  I was pleased that the conversations were short and I was relieved when we stepped into his private office.  I walked towards where I remembered the couch to be, hitting my leg on the coffee table.  I cursed but finally reached the couch, and I collapsed on it.

"So why did you want me to come so badly?" I asked, rubbing my sore calf.

"I wanted to try something out, but I needed your opinion"

I smiled slightly at his sweetness.  I nodded and leaned back, waiting.

I heard him test out his instrument, fiddling with the strings and adjusting the tension until he got the sound he was looking for.  There was a short period of silence then the room filled with the sound of beautiful music. 

I was breathless as I heard him manipulate the instrument to illicit such pure sounds.  I had always loved when he played for me, and I always loved the music he created, but this was the first time hearing him play since my accident.  Since I could no longer fix my gaze on him and observe him, the sound of the music was much more potent.

My sense of hearing seemed to be so hightened that I could almost feel the silky notes caress my skin lovingly.  As he reached the crescendo my heart beat faster and I went completely still.  The complex melody slipped from the strings like it was nothing, and I marvelled at his mastery.

The tempo slowed, and he held the final note till goosebumps rose on my arm.  When he was done, the echo of the music still resonating through my body.  I broke the silence as I clapped, still in awe.

"Good?" he asked, sitting down beside me.

"Amazing" I replied, leaning my head on his shoulder.  We sat for a while, just enjoyng each other's company.

"Zhoumi..." he started.

I lifted my head and turned towards him.  I hummed in response.

"I..uh... I-i was just w-wondering..."

I arched my eyebrow at his nervousness,

"Spit it out" I prodded gently amused by his awkwardness.

"Umm, w-would you maybe... uh... m-marry me?..."

My eyes opened wide, adn although I couldn't see him, I could tell he was blushing.

"WHAT!?" I squaked, not understanding what was going on.

"M-marry me... p-please" he mumbled, sounding more worried.

I didn't know how to respond.  I knew I would never want anyone but Henry, that was a fact, but could I really take his future from him?  Being with me would have it's limitations, and although I wanted to do nothing more than to scream "YES!" at the top of my lungs, I had to be sure he knew.

"Henry... you know what you are asking for, right?  I can't see you, and I can never see you again.  I can't enjoy the scenery with you, and I will never see you grow old.  I can never be the same as I was, and I can't give you much in return"

"Zhoumi, I know all that.  I don't care, I love you and that means I love all your limitations.  I don't want anything in return... all I want is your love.  So please, marry me"

My eyes filled with tears, and I covered my face.  He pulled my hands away and held them in his own.  I didn't even realize I was shaking until I felt how still his hands were.

"Please..." he whispered, and I broke down.

I cried.  I cried for him, I cried for me, I cried for us.  I cried becasue I knew I would burden him, and I cried becase I knew he could never do all the things he wanted to do.  I cried for all these things, but I cried the most because of my weakness...

I was too weak to say "no" and let him live his live to the fullest.  I was too selfish, and I cried because no matter how much I tried, I knew I couldn't do it.  I needed him and there was no way I could live without him.

I sobbed as I nodded, giving into my weakness and trapping the one I loved most to a future where I knew he would be in pain.

"Y-yes" I sniffed, hating myself.

Then, he was crying with me.  Hugging me tight and whispering over and over,

"Thank you, thank you, I love you so much... you have no idea how happy I am"

Hearing the pure love in his voice made me smile through my tears because he gave me hope.  He gave me hope that maybe, just maybe I wasn't a limitation...

that maybe me and my love was enough for him...

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I hope this wasn't too sad... the middle part was fluffy and I thought the end was happy...

Aish!  I don't even know anymore...

Anyway, hope you liked this beongae!

Next I have some Kyuwook for redpurplewine, Yay!