“You seem to be out of sorts lately,” Sungjong remarked, when Suzy sat down on her chair one Tuesday morning.

“I’m just tired,” she replied.

Her friend scoffed. “I think your body’s in good condition. It’s your heart that’s tired.”

Suzy gazed at Sungjong, who looked away with a slight smile on his face. One reason why she held him close to her was for the fact that he could be quite receptive for a guy.

“Hey,” she called out.

“What is it now?”

She smiled a little, and muttered, “Why couldn’t you be my older brother, instead?”

“I’m not really sure,” he replied. “But I am thankful I wasn’t.”

“Why?” she asked, with raised eyebrows.

“Because,” he began, as he turned his head to stare at her. “If I were your older brother, then you might fall for me.”

Something inside of her trembled, but Sungjong simply kept his honest eyes trained on her. “It’s okay,” he assured her. “I already know.”

“Am I that transparent?” she choked out, defeated.

“I just look into things too much,” he replied.

At that moment Suzy buried her face in her folded arms which were resting on her desk. Sungjong stayed close to her, and placed his handkerchief on her lap. It caught her teardrops.

<:>

“Since when did you find out?” Suzy asked that afternoon. They were in the library, then, looking through books they knew they’d never even bother reading.

Sungjong slid his index finger over a thick spine, and he traced the characters imprinted on it with his eyes. “I think I already knew from the very beginning. I just didn’t want to acknowledge it.”

“But why?”

He smirked. “Simply because you’re Suzy. The more I observed, though, the more I realized the feelings you held towards Sunggyu hyung were true.”

“It’s disgusting,” she whispered.

“And pitiful,” her friend added.

Suzy looked at him. “You really think it’s disgusting?”

Sungjong shrugged. “I don’t know. Do you?”

She looked down on the floor, and helplessly leaned her forehead against the line of books in front of her. “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know and I don’t want to know are two different things,” he pointed out. “I hope you don’t mix them up.”

<:>

Myungsoo froze upon seeing a boy sitting down in front of his apartment’s door. He was wearing a blue baseball cap, and his crisp, white shirt slightly glowed beneath the setting sun. A bumpy, black bag was beside him, and Myungsoo figured it was filled with textbooks. The air was cooler, then, and the dark clouds were starting to gather.

“Why are you here?” he snapped.

“Dad dropped me off because nobody would look after me at home,” the boy replied pleasantly. “You’re my hyung, right?”

The older one scoffed. “Get out of the way, I’m busy.”

Myungsoo walked past him and pulled his key out from his pocket. For some reason, he dropped it, and this caused the younger one to pick it up on his behalf. He glowered down on his half-brother, while the other just looked up with unaffected eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to have an older brother,” the boy remarked. “I’m seven years old. Dad said you’re twenty-one. It must be really cool.”

“I never asked,” Myungsoo shot back, while swiping the key away from him. He unlocked the door and stepped inside, purposefully slamming it behind him. He leaned on the wooden frame after a few seconds, wondering why that man would even think of turning him into a babysitter. He gave the door one last glare, and he was determined to not welcome the young boy in his home. All of a sudden, the thunder crackled, and there came a sudden downpour.

Myungsoo stood there for a few more minutes, and after letting out an agitated sigh, he opened his door again, only to welcome the boy who was already soaked through. The older one grabbed his heavy bag which was still on the ground.

“Get in,” he snapped.

“Thank you,” the boy said with sincerity. He removed his shoes and Myungsoo brought him a towel, together with his smallest set of clothes.

“After drying yourself, run to the bathroom and change,” he instructed. “It’s located upstairs—the one with the red door.”

The younger one bowed, and heeded Myungsoo’s instructions. He heard the sound of running water from upstairs, and finally, he took it easy. Myungsoo sat down on the sofa, only to stare at the blank ceiling.

His mother used to teach him that no matter what, he should keep his house open for the ones in need, no matter who they were. She used to tell him through that, the people who grew grudges and anger in their hearts would soon realize the world wasn’t such a bad place, after all. For his case, however, he was well aware it was him who bore grudges.

He scoffed, and his phone rang. He stared at the screen, which was flashing the name of his dad. Without thinking he turned it off, only to reactivate it again after a few minutes because Sunshine might call him. Myungsoo proceeded to remove the items from his half-brother’s bag, already damp due to the rain. He finally remembered that his brother’s name was Daehyun. While placing the books near the heater, a loose sheet of paper fell out. Out of curiosity Myungsoo picked it up. It was an essay about him. His eyes traced the messy characters written on it, and after reading everything, he inserted it inside the book and went to the kitchen to fix the younger one a cup of hot cocoa.

<:>

Daehyun and Myungsoo stared at each other while they stayed in the kitchen. A steaming cup of hot cocoa and several pieces of bread, each placed on a saucer, were in front of the young boy. The clothes were a bit too big for him, but it was better than nothing.

“Thank you for letting me stay over, hyung,” he said with a smile.

“Where are your parents, anyway?” Myungsoo snapped.

“They’re busy with work.”

The student scoffed.

“Thank you for the food,” Daehyun said again, before digging in.

Myungsoo stood up to grab a glass of juice.

“They must be proud,” he began, while giving Daehyun a glance. “That you grew up so well.”

There was a short pause, and he replied, “They’re proud of you, too, hyung.”

“I’m not asking that.”

“I just thought I’d tell you,” he returned with a slight grin. “I’m really happy you can play the guitar. I’d love to learn it someday.”

“Have them hire an instructor, then,” Myungsoo replied with bitterness evident in his voice. “You’ve the money.”

“But I’d like to learn from you, and spend time with you,” Daehyun pointed out. “I think that’s something money can’t buy.”

“How old are you again?”

“Seven.”

Myungsoo smirked. “You speak of things kids your age can’t understand.”

“I think it’s because I read many books,” Daehyun replied. “You learn a lot if you read.”

He finished his cup of cocoa, and without saying anything, Myungsoo refilled it for him. Daehyun kept on talking with ease. He told Myungsoo about the books he had read and the video games he played. Daehyun mentioned something about not being able to play basketball or any other games with other kids because he couldn’t interact effectively with them. As Myungsoo listened, he figured the young boy’s interests and thoughts were mature for his age. He figured it was one of the reasons why Daehyun had a difficult time getting along with his classmates.

They ended up watching in silence after a few hours and by nine in the evening, their father knocked on the door. Myungsoo opened it and without speaking, he signaled Daehyun to go.

“I had a nice time playing with you, hyung,” he said brightly.

Myungsoo didn’t reply.

Daehyun gave him a wave of goodbye. “I’ll see you next time!”

Their father smiled at Myungsoo, but he gave away nothing in return.

“I’m so sorry for the short notice, son,” he began.

“It happened already,” Myungsoo answered.

“And thank you for letting him in. The weather earlier wasn’t that favorable.”

“I’m not the type who would abandon a kid,” he retorted, and they both knew what he had meant. “Have a safe trip.”

And with that, he slammed the door shut in front of them.

<:>

“Hello, Sunshine?”

“I’m here.”

Myungsoo clasped the back of his neck. He was in his room, then, walking from one corner to another. “I babysat my brother today.”

“That’s nice,” she replied. “For how long?”

“For just a couple of hours.”

“How old is he?”

“He’s seven years old.”

Sunshine chuckled. “Did you have a difficult time?”

“Not really. For a kid, he’s pretty smart,” Myungsoo replied. There was a slight pause, and he added, “He writes well.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“I think the two of you will get along. He is insanely optimistic.”

“I’d like to meet him one day, then.”

Silence.

“Sunshine?”

“What is it?”

“How are you holding up?” Myungsoo ran his hand against his faded study table, wondering why he asked an obvious question. She was just crying a few days before. Of course she wasn’t okay.

“I heard your voice, and I managed to learn a new side of you,” she replied warmly. “I feel better now. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Have you eaten?” she asked.

“I have. And you?”

“I have, too.”

Myungsoo sighed. “Then goodnight, Sunshine.”

“Good night, Summer.”

Beep.

<:>

Hello, this is Mrs. Kim. I can’t answer the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep.

Beep.

“Hey mom. It’s Myungsoo...again,” he began. “Today I saw my brother. I think it was the third time. I’m not sure.”

Myungsoo stared at his bedroom ceiling, listening to the silence.

“He wrote an essay,” he carried on. “He should write about the person he admires, and he wrote something about me. He said he liked how I can play the guitar, and how I live alone. He said many nice things about me, and it was truly flattering.”

A pause, and then he added, “He said he loves me.”

Myungsoo let the thought sink in, and before he could change his mind—before he could soften his heart—he cleared his throat and said, “Bye, mom.”

Beep.

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
- 1 Timothy 4:12