CHAPTER 4 - In which we learn that love sometimes hurts..a lot

말해줘 내게 What is Love?

 

4:40PM, his watch read as Luhan glanced at it for the nth time today. He was practicing with Jongdae for their recital which will be held in two weeks. He should be concentrating with their song but he keeps getting distracted by his watch.

"Luhan, let's take a break. I'm parched." Jongdae said good naturedly.

"Okay. Five minutes?"

"Maybe you should stop for today." Minseok said from the doorway. Luhan turned to look at his friend who has been watching them practice. Minseok came closer.

"We still haven't covered the bridge part and the recital's in two weeks." Luhan said.

"Don't worry; you still got plenty of time. Look at Jongdae, his other foot is already out the door." Jongdae, who was already going out the door, stopped in his tracks and laughed.

"Sorry Luhan, I am kinda tired. Let's finish it tomorrow." Jongdae said with a sheepish grin.

"Oh, alright." Luhan watched as Jongdae left and then resumed reading the music sheet.

"Aren't you going?" Minseok asked.

"Where?"

"I passed through the Dance department and heard that their showcase was today. Aren't you gonna watch?"

Luhan stopped his reading and looked at Minseok."Oh, was that today?" He feigned disinterest. "I didn't know."

"I thought it was the reason you kept on looking at your watch. But isn't your friend gonna be there? Sehun-ah?"

"Well, yeah." Luhan answered, a little flustered with Minseok's questioning.

"And you're still not gonna watch?"

"I really don't need to watch. I already see him dance every day. Besides, it's already 5pm and the Lee Soo Man  hall is six minutes away from here and it' probably finished anyway. Right?" Luhan rambled.

"It's just 4:50, and if you leave now you'll get there just in time for the main performance." Minseok smiled knowingly.

Luhan abruptly stood up, picked up his bag, and without another word, ran for the door. Luhan heard Minseok laugh as he left. "Say hi to Sehun for me!"

 

 

He was out of breath when he reached the auditorium. The venue was quite full and the people were all standing and dancing in abandon. The last performers just started and the song was so loud he can't even hear himself think. He squeezed his way through the crowd to get closer to the stage. Suddenly someone grabbed his arm.

"Luhan!" Kyungsoo pulled him to his side. "I'm glad you're here! The last performance just started! I thought you weren't coming!"

I thought so, too.Luhan said to himself. The showcase had been on his mind all day. He decided more than a week ago that he wouldn't come. He thought it was time to separate himself from Sehun atleast a bit at a time. But when today arrived, he was plagued by second thoughts. It was so hard to resist coming here. He knew Sehun will be disappointed if he didn't show up. He'll probably not talk to him which will actually serve Luhan's purpose of distancing himself. But Luhan was probably made of softer stuff. Look how easy it was for Minseok to convince him to come.

 "I'm so weak." Luhan sighed to himself. "Anyways, there is still next time."

"What did you say?!" Kyungsoo shouted above the noise.

"Nothing, I was just..." Luhan stopped midsentence as three guys went to the center of the stage for the second part of the performance. A spotlight first focused on their friend Jongin who was in the middle which explained the sudden roaring of the audience and Kyungsoo's painful clutch on Luhan's arm. But Luhan's gaze locked on the man to the left. The guy's hair was brushed up to reveal a slight widow's peak. His expression was fiercely concentrated. Their eyes met and Sehun smiled at him. Luhan's breathe caught.

He watched transfixed as Sehun danced and moved his body sinously with the song. The dance was building to its and Luhan's heart was beating as loudly as the music.

It was Sehun's turn in the spotlight. He executed a complicated set of moves and did it so effortlessly that the audience hollered in approval. All Luhan can do is stare.

He wasn't at all prepared for what happened next. Just before Sehun's turn ended, he stopped in the center of the stage. Luhan heard him call out, "Luhan-ssi!" And then Sehun raised his arms above his head and made a heart. The biggest one so far.

The audience shouted and cheered. Kyungsoo patted Luhan at the back. He felt rooted to the spot. The dance resumed but Luhan didn't notice.

"I have to go." He told Kyungsoo.

"What? Where are you going? It's gonna end soon..."

"No. I just…“Luhan turned away and made his way through the crowd. He didn't stop walking until he came outside and reached the gates. He looked back at the building and saw that people were also coming out as the performance already ended. Luhan continued walking, hoping that it will help clear his mind. What Sehun did back there was so.. so... outrageous! He fumed.It was also so, so beautiful.

He felt the shield guarding his feelings collapse. And Luhan felt sad. Who would protect his heart now?

"Luhan! Luhan!"

Luhan stopped and saw Sehun running towards him. He was amazed on how his friend was able to gain on him since they were already in the neighborhood park which was some distance away from the school.

"Wait!" Sehun shouted. Luhan stopped and waited quietly for Sehun to reach him. Sehun stopped infront of Luhan and wiped his brows. "Why did you go?"

"I.. I don't know." Luhan said hesitantly.

"Was it because of what I did?" Sehun asked. " Were you... embarassed?"

"No. It wasn't that. It's just..." Luhan lifted his hand, palm up, wishing that the explanation will appear in his hand. "You shouldn't have done it."

"But why? You know... Everybody knows." Sehun took a deep breath. "I love you."

"Stop saying things that you don't know about." Luhan said. "You're still young and ignorant, what do you know about love?"

Sehun looked as if Luhan slapped him. "I may be young but I do know that I love you and all I've ever wanted was you." Sehun tried to touch Luhan's face but he stopped when Luhan turned away.

"There you go again, speaking as if you know things, as if you mean what you say. But the truth is you really know nothing. You don't love me. One day you'll wake up and realize that someone better is out there..."

"No, I won't." Sehun said, his eyes hurt.

Luhan shook his head. "Please, we should just forget what happened and return to the way it was."

"Return where? There was never a time since I met you that I didn't love you." Sehun reasoned.

"I told you. This is not love. What this is is a joke." Luhan said cruelly even as he felt his heart constrict. What you are is the most precious person in the world to me but I can't do this.

"This isn't a joke for me. This is something I never joke about. I love you. You don't know how much courage I have to scrape up to say these words. But I don't care cause this is important to me. You are important to me.  Please." Sehun reached for Luhan's hand.

"I can't. Can we just leave this alone?" Luhan can't bear to look at Sehun's eyes. He doesn't want to see there the same tears that are threatening to fall from his own.

"You know, everytime I'm near you, I feel the happiest but there are times I also feel the saddest. Cause sometimes I think you forget that I have feelings and I get hurt. It hurts when I see you with someone else. It hurts when you look embarrassed when we're seen together. It hurts when we get to be close together but I can't call you mine." Sehun let go of Luhan. "But the most painful thing of all is when you won't even give yourself the chance to love me. Am I not really worth it?"

Luhan saw Sehun move further away. He wanted to say something to stop him but he was at a loss himself.

"I think I'll rest for a while. This love thing sure is exhausting... I'll just see you around then." Sehun waved and continued walking down the street, leaving Luhan with a painful lodge in his throat.

Stupid kid. And finally, Luhan let the tears fall. Stupid me.

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YoungWoo17
This is so embarrassing

Comments

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thatweirdyeoja
#1
Chapter 13: omg i loved this so much what have i been doing the past years missing out on this cute fic ㅠㅠ
xXxDeViLiNwHiTexXx
#2
Chapter 13: omo!
loved this story
mistymountains 193 streak #3
Nice story!
CoupsHannie
#4
(^ω^)
k4is00
#5
Congrats kei ^^ i’m waiting for new fic from you . Im your fan
kawaiikimbap
#6
Chapter 13: Crying... This took me through so many emotions. The poem at the end really made me laugh though. So cute. ;u;
ellip-sism
#7
congratulations! i miss listening to that song
RedPrincessRen
#8
Chapter 13: Omg this is gold,
LuHan's poem is so fluffy, you're awesome author nim.
But is it weird that I got a second hand embarrassment? ^^