Here's the song if you want to listen to it:
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Those were the days. The very beginning of our relationship, when everything was beautiful. Until something snapped inside of me, and I had to keep you to myself. You denied doing it, but you were seducing everyone with just simple looks. I couldn't take you anywhere without someone putting their eyes on you. And you just denied and denied it. When I said I was keeping you at home for your own good, you got upset. You told me I was nuts.
But what happened? I let you out once, and there you went, back to your seducing ways. You were my boyfriend. Mine. Why didn't you see that? Why did you keep trying to get with someone else? It wasn't fair to me, not when I loved you as much as I did. My love for you superceded everything else in life. I started to slack off at work, at school, at everything, all because I wanted to be with you. You couldn't understand how angry I was when you tried to get away from me. How could you have done that? I told you time and time again that I loved you and just wanted you by my side.
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
I would come home to you, and you would greet me, but your eyes were so empty. How could they be that way when all I did was try and fill them with my love? Why was it that each passing day, all you did was anger me more and more, as I tried to give you love, and all you did was throw it away. I fed you, I clothed you, I slept next to you at night, and you just hated me? That's not fair at all, you know that, don't you Himchan? The first time I hit you, it felt so nice.
I could literally slap the sense into you. I could make you see how much I loved you and how horrible you made me feel. That's why I did what I did, Himchan. I didn't hit you because I hated you, I hit you because I loved you, but you didn't return anything to me. I tried to tell you that's why I did it, but you never listened. It was as though you were purposefully trying to make me angry, trying to make me blow a fuse, just so you could accuse me of not loving you. I remember finally getting through to you the night I almost drowned you in the bath tub. I saw the look in your eyes as you realized that I loved you. I know you said I was crazy, but I was crazy in love with you!
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
You began to understand that I loved you. You tried to please me, which was only fair after everything I had done for you. But for me, it was too late. I had given you my everything. I didn't have any love left for you, quite honestly. That's when my anger towards became just that, anger. I no longer had any love for you. I just wanted to keep you around because I didn't know how to go through life without you. You were all I had known growing up, and you were all I had known even after we grew up.
You couldn't just ask me to throw you away and try to be by myself. I knew you could live by yourself, hell it was like you already did in high school when we started dating and your family threw you out and you lived on the streets for a few weeks before I found out. Don't you see Himchan? I saved you from the world, and you had saved me from myself. Why would you want to go and mess it all up?
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over
I didn't want to be anything to you anymore. Not when you were clearly more happy to be without me than with me. I grew tired of coming home to someone who would just try and up to me and just piss me off, I grew tired of having to discipline you. I just wanted to get rid of the headache that was you, Kim Himchan. When you had escaped from me, you don't actually know, but I had sat down and sighed in relief. I was more than ecstatic to get a phone call from you days later saying we were through.
I didn't need you anymore, I could easily move on, my heart already had. I was able to go out at night, and meet new people, without having to think about what you could possibly be up to back at my apartment. I didn't have to worry about you ing any of my things up anymore. I didn't have to worry about you at all. I was free. I had never thought I'd be happy without you, which is one reason I tried to keep you by my side, but I was happy without you. I felt things in my life return to normal.
And I don't even need your love
That night at the club, when I saw you with that strange guy. I could see the fear in your eyes when you saw me, and I only glared at you because you were afraid of me. While your heart had moved on from me, your head didn't. Why not Himchan? I was completely over you, and had been for quite a while. I had even moved on, to someone who understood me. And who unlike you, a weakling, was strong. He was a bit on the young side, just 17, but he felt so right for me. While everything about you just seemed so wrong. Jongup actually cared for me, and I was slowly caring for him. I didn't trust trying to give anyone my all after the utter failure things had been with you.
But with Jongup, things were nice. I didn't have to hit him. Instead it was a funny reversal. When he would have a bad day, he'd turn me into his punching bag. But I could feel the love behind his hits. I was fine with everything as long as there were reciprocal feelings. There was a fairness in my relationship with Jongup that I never had in our relationship. When you turned away from me and ran to your new boyfriend, I could feel the unjust hatred in his eyes. He didn't even know me. What had you been telling him? Obviously he had a bad impression of me.
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
I tried to call you that night, but you had changed your number. I guess it's all for the better though. I would just end up angry at you, and you would probably just hate me more. But that's fine. Jongup told me I deserved your hate. And I trusted Jongup's judgment. You see, Jongup told me to just forget you. When I went home to him after the club incident, he wrapped his arms me, and I told him what happened. He said I could try to call you, but he said he wanted to be there. So when I called you, he was there, next to me, holding me, supporting me.
You never supported me. I was doing all of the supporting, I was doing everything for you. I had to resort to taking what I wanted from you. Jongup said that was a bad thing for me to do, but he said he understood. How could a 17 year old understand something that we couldn't? But oh well Himchan, now you're just somebody that I used to know. Someone I don't want or need in my life anymore. So you can just go off with your new boyfriend and stay the out of my life. I have everything I need now. I have Jongup. He's all I need. I love him more than anything. I would do anything and everything for him. All he needs to do is just ask me.
I won't be hung up on you, yeah, you're just somebody that I used to know.
Confusing Yongguk is confusing. Clearly, he's not quite alright. Nope.
But, as we can see, he's moved on.
Hopefully you guys were able to see Yongguk's twisting logic, and how one second he feels one way, and the next, he feels differently.
If you ended up feeling confused by it, I did my job.