Love it, Hate it

Because I don't know how to love

Hongki was lying on the hospital’s bed while staring at his mother who sat on the chair beside him. Yun Ae hold Hongki’s hand while the other hand caressed her son’s hair lovingly. It has been too long since the last time they met. Her thoughts vividly remembering when his son were little, Hongki was small compared to other boys around his age and Hongki always been mistaken as a girl. She chuckled a bit remembering the moment Hongki always ran to him crying when other boys that he looks like a girl and bullying him to dress like a girl. She also remembered those days when she had hold little Hongki in her embraced, assuring him, giving him warm and love. And she also remembered the day she left, Hongki was crying holding tightly to her arms begging, pleading her not to left him, but she just left, leaving Hongki alone, crying.

Yun Ae never hates his son, she loves his son. But she knew people will misunderstand her as she was the one leaving her son to his father to be raised. She went away when his son was little. She went away when his son needs her the most. She went away when Hongki begging her not to go. Her son, Yun Ae always wants to say that, her son that looks just like her. He has grown up now. Looking just like her. His hair is soft too. Just like her. Hongki resembles her a lot than his father. But Yun Ae still left him. I really am a bad mother. Yun Ae mumbled the sentences in her mind.

“Hongki, Yunho’s father did that because he thought you were his illegitimate son with me. But you’re not Hongki. Your father and I did go for DNA test when you were young. You are ours Hongki. Always are ours. I think you already knew by now from Yunho that I did a mistake with his father. We once have become a lover. But the situation just got worse when we met again. It was a mistake that I made following my young’s heart”

Yun Ae explained and held onto Hongki’s hand, warmly and lovingly. It was a long time since the mother and son met. It was an overwhelmed feeling for Yun Ae to see his son safe and sound.

“I’ve always known that, Umma. No matter how cheesy Appa is, he is my Appa and you always my Umma”

Hongki said smiling, his hand caress his mother’s face. He just really misses his mother. He knew his mother never hate him. He knew that recently. He was wrong to assume a mother ditched his son because his mother hates him. Hongki was wrong all this time. He glad that even the terrifying accident happened, he just glad that this accident make him understand everything more.

“What’s wrong Auntie?”

Yunho asked when he saw Yun Ae was facing down, her hands covering .

“It’s just that… it have been so long since little Hongki call me that. It has been too long. I was selfish for leaving you”

“Umma, don’t cry” Hongki hug his mother and continued “You are not selfish. You were protecting me. Right, Umma?”

Both Yun Ae and Yunho stare at Hongki with their questioning eyes.

“Ermm…at first, I did thought you left me because you hate me. I was coming home from school when you suddenly step outside the house carrying your bags of clothes. I can’t understand anything that time. All I can think was why Umma is leaving me and Appa? That time I saw your eyes. You were holding back your tears. I never noticed that until recently I figured out everything. You left me because you love me. You already divorced with Appa, but you still live in the same house for a few months. People were talking behind your backs. People said you commit adultery and Appa was good enough to have you stayed and lived with us. I was….”

“Hongki, where did you hear that story?”

Yun Ae asked cutting off Hongki’s in a middle of his story.

“Aunty, let him finish”

Yunho said and gave Yun Ae his assuring eyes that Hongki is big enough to understand the family’s secret. Just like Yunho who learned this when he was little. Yunho then indicates Hongki to continue his story.

“Remember our next door neighbor? She has a son name Jaejin. He is my dongsaeng. I befriend with him and he told me everything that he heard when the mothers are gossiping. He hesitated to tell me but I convinced him to tell me everything. He also told me that his mother told him, that no matter what your mother had done before, she always will be your mother. For everything that happened, there must be a reason. And Jaejin also told me that if Amma stay at the neighborhood too long, Amma will end up hurt mentally. And those trashy talks behind our backs will reflect on me and….me that time will hate you. I know I may be disappointed in you, but I will never hate you”

Hongki stopped talking, head down, staring at the intertwine hands. A drop of tear falls onto Yun Ae’s hands.

“So that’s why you left because you didn’t want me to experience the same misery you had. That moment I realized that, it was just too late, I guess. And I actually was a fool child to believe a mother will hate his child”

Yun Ae’s eyes start to flood with tears. She never thought that Hongki will accept his apologizes yet understands her reasons to leave him.

“Hongki, I really love you. You are my only son. I was being selfish for leaving. I thought you will be safe with your father. I really want you to be happy. And for Yunho’s father…”

“Mr. Jung is just like you, Amma. He did that because he wants to protect Hyung. Hyung is his successor. No matter what, if someone knew about me, Yunho-hyung will be in troubled. Mr. Jung did what he thought the best for Yunho. I believe that’s it. Anyway, what’s past is past, Amma. I’m happy you are back now.”

Hongki said smiling sincerely. Deep in his heart, everything that happened was a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding happens just because one don’t know how to love. Hongki had already forgiven Mr. Jung. He just made a silly mistake because he can’t let go of his past. Hongki is happy now. His mother is back for good. Hongki is happy. So does Yun Ae. Both mother and son are happy. Both mother and son hugged each other warmly.

“Our Hongki has grown up”

Yunho murmured and throw his body in the mother and son’s hug. For a while, three of them stay like that for a moment, like a happy family. Feeling happy that the mother reunites with her son again, and the brother happy to have his little brother smiling with happiness again. After a moment, Hongki break the hug first and asking Yunho about Jaejoong.

“So, have you found Jaejoong hyung yet, hyung?”

“I’m still searching for him. I’m really worried. He’s been missing. The school said he took leave for a week”

Yunho answered, his smiling face changed to sad ones.

“You love him, right hyung?” Hongki asked out of the blue.

“Of course I love him!” Yunho answered loudly and proudly.


Hongki asked half yelling. His voice echoed in the room.

“Show my love?”

Yunho asked with his questioning gaze to Hongki.


Hongki showed his ring finger to Yunho and still not volume down his yelling.

“OH! And why are we shouting?”

“I FELT LIKE SHOUTING. Hyung, ring?”

“OH yes, I thought of proposing him after that trip to New York but then –you know”

“Jaejin said, you lost your temper on Jaejoong-hyung”

“Hurm….That night I really was losing my mind. I really can’t think of anything other than your safety. So, I kind of lost my temper and let out my anger on him. I was really cautious to not letting anyone I love get hurt but in the end I hurt the one that I want to share my live with”



Yunho keep his head down, feeling regret for what he had done.


“Yeah! You are right Hongki!”

Yunho answered and flashing his smiles. Hongki understands him alright.

“… and why are shouting again?”

Yunho asked Hongki noticing his brother’s tone keep rising like he was far away from him, despite Yunho was standing in front of Hongki’s bed.

“I just felt I want to”

Yunho felt weird for Hongki’s behavior to keep yelling, but he ignored it. Hongki was known for having his mood swing. Suddenly, Yunho’s phone ringed. Yunho went out to answer the phone’s call as the reception outside Hongki’s room was better. The reception in the hospital was never good to start with.

After the door of Hongki’s room closed, Hongki jumped out his bed like child and went to the door. Hongki take a peek from inside and checked the environment outside. His brother is nowhere to be seen. Hongki closed the door and went back in, now towards the toilet that built inside the room. His brother after all didn’t want Hongki to be treated in any common ward, so he asked the management of the hospital to put Hongki in the VIP room. A very big VIP room that Hongki thought was not even necessary.

“Jaejoong hyung, you can come out now”

Hongki peek inside the toilet and pull Jaejoong out from the hide out. Yun Ae startled to see a beautiful man in front of him. When she came here with Yunho to see Hongki, he never thought that there is someone else in the room. She thought Hongki was alone as he saw Hongki was lying in his bed.

“I didn’t know you were hiding someone in the toilet Hongki”

“It’s a secret, umma. Don’t tell Yunho hyung, okay?”

Hongki said with a wink. Yun Ae chuckled to his son’s childish act.

“My mouth is sealed. So, this is Jaejoong eh?”

Hongki introduced Jaejoong to his mother and Yun Ae just sitting there staring at the beautiful male in front of her. Jaejoong was indeed beautiful. Looking just like a goddess even with the not-so-long hair. Jaejoong was not as tall as Yunho but seeing the man Yunho loves herself, now she understand why Yunho loves this man and can’t let him go that easily. Not because of his looks, the man was surprisingly lovely to look at and well mannered too.

“So you heard everything? Still want to leave my hyung?”

“I never think of that Hongki. I love him. I always love him.”

“Then again, why are you avoiding him? He did went to your house one hundred twenty four times, wait, urmm....I lost count already. But again, he went to your house every day. He went to apologize.”

“He did. My house has become a rose garden now”

Jaejoong smile to the fact Yunho left millions of roses scattering in front of his house to his front’s lawn.

“And my table at school were fill with chocolate than paper works now”

“See! So you should forgive him and get marry by now”

Hongki exclaimed loudly and tapping Jaejoong’s shoulder. Jaejoong still in his seat next to Hongki’s bed, thinking.

“Well, I want to play with your hyung a little bit more”

Jaejoong said playfully, an evil grin appear along. Hongki laughed to Jaejoong’s statement. Hongki always loves his Jaejoong hyung. Jaejoong always have been like Umma to Hongki. He always there when Yunho being a dorky brother. Jaejoong always protect Hongki from Yunho’s awkwardness. Jaejoong is always there for Hongki and his brother.

“Anyway, you said you want to tell me something earlier before Yunho hyung barge in?”

“Yes, you see, I heard from the boys that, Jonghun is….”

“He is okay, right?”

Hongki cut off Jaejoong’s sentence, feeling worried for Jonghun. Hongki have went to see Wonbin in the same hospital in another VIP room his brother put him in but Hongki never managed to pay Jonghun a visit as they said Jonghun’s parents are always there when Hongki want to go there.

“He is fine. It just that, you told me the shooter kicked his head hard enough to make him vomit more blood. It’s about that. Jonghun sort of lost his memory.”

Jaejoong stop talking and noticed the grip of Hongki’s hand on his. Hongki stare at Jaejoong. Jaejoong really felt sorry for Hongki. He heard from the boys that Hongki confessed to Jonghun that night and Jonghun answered his feelings before he passed out. But, Hongki really need to know this.

“He don’t have any collections of memories of you Hongki”

Jaejoong start to explain to Hongki that the boys told him that Jonghun have some internal bleeding on his head and even through the operation Jonghun woke up with a few collections of recent memories in his mind. He only remembered everything before Hongki came.

“You must be lying. He confessed his love to me. He did that before he passed out. He can’t….”

Hongki start to cry. His mother patted Hongki’s shoulder giving him comfort.

“I need to see him”


Hongki pushed Jonghun’s ward room and walked inside. Hongki stared blankly at Jaejin, Seunghyun, Minwhan and Wonbin who all either sat or standing circling Jonghun’s bed.


Hongki broke the silence and walked to Jonghun and positioned himself in front of Jonghun who is still lying in his bed.

“Who’s this? Omo! You are beautiful!”

Jonghun exclaimed, looking puzzled by the beautiful visitor in front of him. Jonghun scanned Hongki’s figures. Hongki was wearing baggy hospital robes and with a few bandages at his wrist and arms due to some injuries during his hostage time.

“Jonghun, it’s me”

Hongki spoke, his husky voice start to change to sobs.

“Errr, who is he? Do I know him?”

Jonghun asked the others there. He exchanged looks with Jaejin who close enough to him and to MInwhan who standing just beside him.

“Jonghun, I’m Hongki. You said you love”

“I said what? Wait! Seriously, do I know you? You look so pretty even with the bandages. Did you hurt yourself anywhere, pretty?”

Jonghun asked with his concern tone but with the playboy’s looks all over him.

“Jonghun, don’t do this to me. Please. I…love…please”

Hongki can’t hold his tears much longer and break to tears.

“WOAH! Why did you cry? Did I do anything, pretty?”

Jonghun’s face changed to concern as Hongki start to cry in front of him.

“You! Don’t call me pretty! Don’t please….! You always called me princess…you always called me..…”

Hongki was crying really hard. He really just can’t take it anymore. Hongki felt so fragile right now. He want to face this situation with stable emotions but the sadness just taking over him, knowing that Jonghun forgotten all about him make Hongki felt sad. He didn’t want to accept this kind of situation but he already in this room with his overflowing sadness.


Hongki yelled and stormed out from the room, slammed the door hard enough to have it echoed for a while in the silent corridor. When the room became quiet again, Jaejin broke the silence.

“Jonghun hyung, you shouldn’t do this to Hongki”

“I did for the best. Only this he can be less hurt”

Jonghun respond. His hands covered his eyes, holding back the tears.

“He’s already hurting”

Minwhan blandly said. He really cares for his hyungs. And now he needs to be in this scheme Jonghun made was hard for him to accept. He knew his Hongki hyung is hurting so much inside. And so does his Jonghun hyung.

“I did this so that he will not hurt seeing me go away from him”

Jonghun said with sad tone, now hugging his knees and stare at the blankets covering him.

“Are you an idiot or what? He just confessed to you and you answered his feelings. Accept it! Both of you are madly in love! Yet, you are leaving him for your parents and came up with this kind of story you can’t remember of him at all! What kind of joke you try to imply here Choi Jong Hun?!

Wonbin screamed to Jonghun even with bandages wrapped all over his body.

“I know you can’t accept this. But it was for the best.I need to follow my parents to Australia. They need me there. You wouldn’t understand this. And I don’t expect you to understand this”

Jonghun still hugging his knees, don’t even dare to look at his friend’s face.

“But my parents really need me. We having trouble with the company, they need to go to Australia to settle with the bankruptcy we are dealing here. That’s the only way available. I’m not saying I choose money over Hongki. I don’t care for my parents company at all. But I’m their only son. I need to be with them through ups and down. Even they neglected me all these years, this was the only times that they plead me to be with them. I promised them I will follow them as they promised we will bond as family again”

Jonghun stopped talking and looked at his friend’s reaction. They just stare at him in silence. Maybe, finally they understand him after hearing his side of story.

“As for Hongki, I promise you guys. Seriously I promise you I will come back home. I will come back to Hongki again. I will promise you my love for Hongki will never fade. I will come back and Hongki and I will be happy together”

Jonghun said with assuring tone looking at each of his friend’s face. Jonghun don’t know whether that time Hongki will be happy again to see him. He wasn’t sure to start with. But he already gave his promise. He will make sure that happens. He just had to.

“I hope you keep you promise, Choi Jong Hun or I will be taking Hongki from you. And I promise you I will take care of Hongki while you are gone but don’t expect me to give Hongki to you if you are late coming back for him”

Wonbin said sternly. Wonbin knew he already fall for Hongki now. But it was already too late to notice the feeling. Hongki loves Jonghun and Jonghun loves Hongki. Wonbin don’t want to hurt Hongki any longer. Wonbin had enough playing with Hongki’s heart before. He wants Hongki to be happy. Wonbin rather loves be as Hongki’s hero than hurting him. Wonbin already decide that night during Hongki’s captured, that he want to be Hongki’s hero.

“Hyung, I agreed to Wonbin hyung. If you come back late for Hongki hyung… I…. Song Seung Hyun will be married to Hongki hyung. And we will be happy together. That will happen if you are late”

“What makes you so sure that Hongki want to marry you Bob?”

“Hongki hyung like branded clothing, so I’ll just buy him that and surely he come to me!”

Seunghyun said, puffing his skinny chest out. Wonbin just smirked and went out from the room.


“Finally, I found you!”


Jaejoong was his half way out from the hospital, sneaking out from to be noticed by his boyfriend. Jaejoong’s plan was simple that day. Woke up from the hotel he booked for a few days and went to visit the boys at the hospital. He first visited Jonghun and Wonbin as he knew Yunho will be at Hongki’s room. After visiting his students, Jonghun sneakily went to Hongki’s room with the help of Minwhan and a bit of bribing some samgyetang.

Jaejoong was relieved when he saw Hongki was sleeping alone in his room. Jaejoong managed to talk with Hongki a few minutes before he heard Yunho’s voices outside the room. Hongki then hides Jaejoong inside the toilet and after Yunho went outside, Jaejoong finally able to made his way out. But now, Jaejoong was a few steps towards the exit of the building when pair of hands pulled him into a hug. He knew exactly whose hands this belongs to.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“I…..I’m not”

Jaejoong answered, stuttering.

“I miss you, Boojae. I’m sorry. I really am”

Yunho said while snuggling Jaejoong’s hair.

“Stop doing that, people are watching. This is hospital, Yunho”

“So, what? As long you with me, I don’t care about anything at all”

“Yunho. Stop this nonsense! I’m leaving!”

Jaejoong quickly released Yunho’s hug and ran outside. Jaejoong ran and not even care to look at his right and left and just went without noticing the red light for pedestrian already blinking at the traffic light.



A loud noise was heard. Yunho was lying on the ground. Jaejoong was almost half lying on the ground resulted from Yunho’s pushes earlier.

“Yunho! You’re alright?”


Yunho said with a broken voice.

“Why did you push me for?”

“I don’t want anything happen to you. I…I rather die than have you leaving me”

Yunho said while his hand holding and caressing Jaejoong’s hands.


Jaejoong hit Yunho’s head without even thinking.

“Ouch! I’m injured Boojae. I’m a patient!”

“You just have been hit by a wheelchair. Remember, we are at the hospital. This is just the pedestrian’s walks trail. No cars are allowed here”

“Oh? I thought it was a car”

“You are just exaggerating, stupid Hunnie”

Jaejoong said while smiling and pick up his boyfriend to stand up on his feet again.

“So, you forgive me?”

Yunho asked cheerfully when he heard the ‘hunnie’ are used again by Jaejoong. It can mean only one thing, his Boojae is forgiving him.

“I want an ice cream, then, I will rethink”

“Since when you love to eat ice cream? I thought you like Katsudon?”

“I want to eat ice cream!”

Jaejoong yelled, stomped his feet, pouted and walked leaving Yunho speechless at his position.

“You have become more and more like Hongki now. But I love you no matter what”

Yunho murmured and went after Jaejoong and seconds later both hands were intertwined, leaving the hospital’s ground. Jaejoong was the one who hold Yunho’s hand first. He just can’t stay mad at Yunho. He knew it from the first time they met. Yunho was his eternal love. No matter what, a few yelling from Yunho can’t break his love for him. Because he knew they are together now because of their struggling past before. Jaejoong always remember his first time meeting with Yunho and all of their struggling for searching the love. Jaejoong knew he can’t back off now, because he already decided to trap himself into Yunho’s trap from the first place. And as for Yunho, he also already decided to make Jaejoong as his forever. Yunho had decides that from the beginning he lay his eyes on Jaejoong.


The final chapter is in editing mode. Sorry to kept you guys waiting. I'm facing problems with the computers. *BOW 90 degrees

Anyway, I want to write another fic about Jongki again. There are two story. But I don't know which one should I made first. I already got some story line.

SAFE AND SOUND - Hongki's parents was dead in a car accident, Hongki was sent to live with his e uncle. Hongki ran away from home and a man (jonghun) found him at the backyard alleys at the restaurant he worked. He took Hongki and raised Hongki but Hongki was afraid of his touch as Hongki is afraid his uncle will came searching for him again. Jonghun learns Hongki's dark past and teach him to be strong and along with it falling for the boy he raised. *Jonghun will be 21 and Hongki will be 16 here.

FAR AWAY - They met once in year. during holiday. they became childhood friends. Jonghun never thought that his childhood friend is actually a boy. he always thought that Hongki was a girl with a boyish personality. But I guess, he can't stop the overflowing feeling he have for Hongki. Even though they were far away, their hearts was actually meant for each other.



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Comments (45)

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XiaUzuri #1
Chapter 11: i have just one word... wow :)
LeeHongki #2
Oooh was a wonderful story
I loved it very much
I will never forget
Thank you very much ^ ^
hehehee that was lovely <3 <3
hope to read more from you ^^
hope can read more story from you in the future dear author nim^^
eveitis #5
I'm really satisfied with the ending...
Everybody got their happiness..
Yunho is such a cutie...
Wish I had a brother like him... LOL
Nice job...
LeeHongki #6
Oooh Please, no no no
Let him know
Why does this-_-"fool
orchid #7
wa finally you re-up. Hope u update soon next chapter !!!
LeeHongki #8
Oh no please do not do
Please, be okay
Not died
Please do not
This is truly a very sad
an_lee #9
The princess finally admitted his love for tha prince.
Oh, Prince Jonghun,,, don't die.
Hhm for Yunho, get back to Joongie.
He ain't the 1 to blame.
Thx a lot for the writer. ^^