NOVEMBER, BAEKHYUN

It was the 27th. Today was Chanyeol's birthday and he was inviting some friends over for dinner.

Baekhyun was nervous because for one, this was the first time Chanyeol had invited his friends over since Baekhyun started living with him. Second, what if said friends don't approve of him? And third--which made him worried as well as depressed--was that he still didn't have a gift for Chanyeol.

He was walking home from the grocery store, remembering what Chanyeol told him last night.

"Don't worry too much about them. They'll eat anything. Especially Jongin and Sehun, they're monsters that will devour anything in their path." Chanyeol patted Baekhyun's head reassuringly.

"But how about Kyungsoo? and the other one.. Lu Han?"

"Kyungsoo.. he's a tough little cookie but he's just that. Little. Much the same as you." Chanyeol teased. "He has his diva moments but he usually reserves it for Jongin. As for Lu Han, he's the nicest of the lot. Older than us dwerbs, so you'll have no problem with him."

"I'm just not so sure about this," he answered, brows knotted.

"They're gonna love you. Well, not as much as I do."

Baekhyun felt a twinge in his heart while recalling those words. That was why he was upset that he couldn't find a gift for Chanyeol. His boyfriend already gave so much to him and he was afraid that he couldn't give something as special in return. He didn't really want to use Chanyeol's money for his present. He thought of making something, but what? Chanyeol seemed content with whatever he had and the only other thing important to him was his guitar. He had been thinking about it for more than two months now but he still came up with nothing. He would just have to--He was surprised to see that he was already at the dorm's doorstep. He entered and looked at the clock. He had three hours to prepare the food for Chanyeol and his friends.

By seven in the evening, Baekhyun thought he already wore out the floor in front of door with his pacing. He just received a call from Chanyeol who told him that he was on his way home with his friends. They would arrive any minute now. Baekhyun chewed on his lower lip and had already imagined a thousand things that could go wrong when the door opened and Chanyeol and his friends spilled in from the doorway.

"Baekhyun! I'm home~" Chanyeol half-shouted, half-sang his greeting. The dark-haired boy went to Baekhyun's side and put his arm around the smaller;s shoulders. "Meet my friends. That brownie with a limp is Kim Jongin, the little boy beside him is Do Kyungsoo. That lost looking puppy's Oh Sehun and of course, the beautiful Lu Han." The beautiful one made a face at Chanyeol's description of him. "You guys, meet the one, the only Baekhyun of my life."

Baekhyun flushed with Chanyeol's introduction. "Nice to meet you all."

Kyungsoo, the little guy, looked at Baekhyun from head to toe. "Well, I don't know what Chanyeol did to get you. You're definitely too good for him," he commented which earned him a glare from Chanyeol.

"I smell food," Jongin quipped.

"Wow, real classy, Jongin," Kyungsoo said with a lift of his eyebrow.

"What? You don't smell it? And besides this sore waist, I've been enduring the sound of Sehun-ah's growling stomach all the way here. I wonder how Lu Han-hyung can stand it." His statement was punctuated with the said stomach's growl. Sehun smiled shyly and moved closer to Lu Han.

Baekhyun smiled at the group of friends. "We can actually eat now. I've prepared a lot so just dig in."

"Thank you," Lu Han answered. He looked to be the calmest of them all. The blonde male walked towards the dining table with the youngest, Sehun, close behind him. Kyungsoo turned to Jongin and held on to the latter's waist and guided him to the table. It was obvious that the short guy with the sassy mouth had a soft spot for the olive-skinned boy.

"Thanks." Chanyeol whispered into Baekhyun's ear as they joined the others at the table.

Baekhyun had fun listening to the stories the guys told. They were so spontaneous and boisterous that Baekhyun felt comfortable speaking and laughing with them in no time. He also found it interesting to study each one's habits and personalities. Kyungsoo--setting aside his big eyes and ever raised eyebrows--was actually a softie who liked to take care of the people around him. Often asking Jongin if he felt comfortable or if he wanted something to eat, Baekhyun felt that Kyungsoo had complicated feelings for Jongin who appeared happiest when he was being taken care of by Kyungsoo. Sehun, on the other hand, wore his heart on his sleeves and anybody could tell that he was in love with Lu Han. Sadly, it seemed Lu Han only saw him as a little brother.

And then there was Chanyeol. The boy who laughed the loudest and bangs his hand on the table in time with his laughter. He was a year older now and he was somehow different but still the same. I love you a lot. Baekhyun thought. Chanyeol leaned towards him and whispered, “Hey, any problem?."

"It's nothing. I just love your friends."

Chanyeol beamed at him. "I love you more. Thanks for cooking for us. Everything's great. And thanks for making them feel at home. They don't show it but they like you alot."

"I'm glad. They're great people. I'm happy that you have them," Baekhyun said earnestly, returning Chanyeol's smile.

"You know what would really make me happy?" Chanyeol leaned even closer."If you would come a bit closer, I'll show you."

Mesmerized, Baekhyun moved closer. He saw Chanyeol's lips moving nearer his own. Closer, closer...

"Ahem! Cough. Cough!" Jongin playfully coughed.

"Kids it's getting late, we should probably leave," Kyungsoo said with a smirk.

Baekhyun blushed. He almost forgot that there were other people in the room. It was Chanyeol's fault. The tall guy had an unrepentant grin, not one bit embarrassed.

"But before we go, we'll give you our present." Lu Han handed Chanyeol a small box.

"Shucks guys, you shouldn't have." Everyone laughed at the birthday boy's sudden embarassment.

"I told them we shouldn't have," Kyungsoo said."But they insisted. So there, I have to buy thicker ear plugs after this."

Chanyeol opened the tiny box and inside was a guitar pick. It was expensive looking and engraved with 찬열, his name in hangul. "I don't know what to say. Thank you!"

After a round of thanks and well wishes, Baekhyun said goodbye and watched as Chanyeol hugged his friends and walked with them to the door. He sighed. When Luhan took out the gift, he was reminded that he still didn't have one to give Chanyeol. He again felt down and disappointed with himself.

He was gathering the plates and the discarded cake box on the table when Chanyeol approached him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing. I heard you sigh all the way to the door. What's the matter?" Chanyeol held on to Baekhyun's shoulders, forcing him to look at Chanyeol.

"It's just that you're friends gave you that guitar pick. And I don't have anything to give to you. You've given me so much and I can't even get you a proper birthday present."

"That's what's bothering you? That you don't have a present for me?" Chanyeol laughed.

"You know, it's not that funny." Baekhyun said sulkily.

"It is funny. I don't care if you never buy me a gift as long as we live. Having you with me is enough."

"It is?" Baekhyun was still unsure.

Chanyeol shook his head at Baekhyun. At the corner of his eye, he saw the gold ribbon from the cake box on top of the table and grabbed it. His eyes widened when Chanyeol tied the ribbon loosely around Baekhyun's neck. "There. The best birthday present ever!"

Baekhyun wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. "You make it too easy for me."

Chanyeol tilted his head to the side. "Make what easy?"

"Loving you." Baekhyun raised up on his toes and gave the kiss he wanted to give Chanyeol earlier.

Chanyeol pulled back an inch and tenderly whispered,"Second best birthday present ever."

Then he leaned down again to get the third.

FEBRUARY, CHANYEOL

Chanyeol was holding Baekhyun's hand as they were walking home from a coffee shop that weekend. The streets were wet because of the light rain earlier which gave him the perfect excuse to huddle closer to his boyfriend. IDespite the grey skies, he still felt warm because Baekhyun was beside him. They soon reached the bus stop where they waited for their ride home. Chanyeol saw Baekhyun look closer at a poster. Curious, he leaned for a look, too.

ON CALL FOR AUDITIONS

MARCH 17 AT TBC STUDIOS.

WE NEED BAND PLAYERS (VOCALS, GUITAR, DRUMS, ETC)

BE PART OF THE NEXT BIG NAME IN KPOP.

Chanyeol saw Baekhyun glance expectantly at him, looking adorable in his loose white sweater. "You should audition."

"Me?" 

The shorter boy held on to his hand. "Yes, you. It's your chance. Why not take it?"

"Why not? You know how people react when I play. My friends all wanted to receive earplugs from me for Christmas," he replied, entwining his fingers with Baekhyun's slender ones.

"You know they were just joking around," Baekhyun said reassuringly. "I hear you play everyday. You are great!"

"You're saying that cause you're my boyfriend." 

"I'm saying it cause you have the talent. All you need is a little more practice. That's all." When Chanyeol didn't respond, Baekhyun held on tighter to his hand and said, “Please try this once. Do it for me."

Now how can Chanyeol possibly say no to that? "Alright, but if I don't get it in, don't be too disappointed."

Chanyeol did get through to the first round of auditions. But it was mostly because of Baekhyun's help. Chanyeol almost gave up a lot of times but Baekhyun was always there to cheer him up. Now he was set to go through the final round by the first week of May. He didn't really know how Baekhyun could stand his playing of the guitar and the racket he was making everyday. He sometimes felt that even he'd had enough. But Baekhyun was constantly there hovering over him, bringing him food when he was hungry and massaging his hands every night before going to sleep.

He loved those moments the most when Baekhyun lovingly soothes his sore fingers. Just like tonight, he was lying in bed exhausted and his hands were really tired from practicing a complicated guitar piece. Baekhyun was sitting beside him in bed, softly caressing his hands. He was drifting off to sleep when he heard Baekhyun sing for the first time.

neol saranghage dwaebeorin nan ije deo isang

I have come to love you now

doragal goshi eobseoyo

There’s no place for me to go back

nalgaereul geodwogasyeotjyo

My wings have been taken away

yeongwonhan sarmeul irheotdaedo haengbokhan iyu

Even if I lost eternal life, the reason why I’m happy

naui yeongwon ijen geudaeinikka

Is because my forever is now you

Chanyeol lay there transfixed by his voice. He turned his head in amazement towards his petite boyfriend. "Your voice... You really are an angel, aren't you? How come I've never heard you sing before?"

"I sing to you, every night,silly."

"When? When I'm asleep? That doesn't count. I can't believe it. You should've done the audition. If they hear you sing, you'll probably be famous. You'll have a lot of fans chasing after you, good-looking fans following you and getting your number and... and... oh, it's actually great you didn't audition," Chanyeol finished. He thought himself selfish but he couldn't bear the thought of sharing Baekhyun with the world. But then didn't Baekhyun encourage him to audition? Wait. Wouldn't Baekhyun be jealous if Chanyeol was the one being chased by screaming fans?

"Wouldn't you be jealous if I was being chased by screaming fans?" Chanyeol had to know.

Baekhyun smiled gently at him, running his hand through the mop of dark hair on Chanyeol's head."I would be. Especially with them screaming they love you. I'll get jealous when you get famous and all the world adores you. But I love you more than all of their love combined so I wouldn't care about them... that much."

Chanyeol sat up. "I'd gladly give up the fame if it meant that you'll never have to worry about me casting you aside. But I'm getting way over myself. I haven't even won yet. What if it's you who decides to leave me if I don't win and you find out that I really am a loser?"

"Never gonna happen." Baekhyun promised.

MAY, BAEKHYUN AND CHANYEOL

It was a flurry of late night practices before the day of the audition finals came around.

Baekhyun was nervous, maybe even more than Chanyeol was. He already polished the other's guitar until it shone but he wanted to polish it again just to have something to occupy his hands to stop them from shaking. He was anxiously waiting for Chanyeol to get dressed. "What is taking you so long?" he called out.

"Careful, your evil side is showing." Chanyeol answered back. "Patience is a virtue. I'm gonna be out in a while."

Baekhyun was about to nod when he suddenly felt his head spin. He had to sit down and close his eyes to steady himself. He heard Chanyeol's familiar steps getting closer to him.

"Baekhyun, are you alright? You look so pale." Chanyeol placed his hand on Baekhyun's forehead. "You're feverish! Let's get you to the doctor!" The taller boy tried to pick him up and carry him but Baekhyun refused.

"What? You're burning up. Damn the audition, I have to get you to the hospital!" His boyfriend's forehead was marred with a worried frown.

"There's no need. I'm just--tired. Maybe it's because of the late nights I was keeping. I just need a little rest and I'll be fine. Don't worry. But you have to hurry or you'll be late." He patted Chanyeol's hand and gave him a small smile.

"Do you really think I'll leave you when you're like this?" Chanyeol asked.

Baekhyun didn't feel well but he wouldn't let it stop Chanyeol from going. "What I think is that you should get going or you'll miss the bus. And if you do, then you'll not be able to win and I'd have been sick for nothing." Baekhyun said, attempting to make Chanyeol feel guilty.

"But Baekhyun-ah...” His boyfriend was still holding onto him tightly.

"I'll never forgive myself if you miss this chance because of me. Chanyeol, please."

Chanyeol finally gave up. "I'll go, but promise me you'll call me as soon as you feel worse. Promise me."

"I will, I promise." Baekhyun said softly. Chanyeol helped settle Baekhyun into bed and covered him with blankets to drive away the chill caused by the fever.

"I promise I'll win today so when I come back home be sure that you'll be better so we can celebrate. Okay?" Chanyeol patted Baekhyun's head and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be back before you know it."

"Okay, be careful. Goodluck."

Chanyeol waved for the last time and left. Now, all Baekhyun could do was wait.

Chanyeol was still worried as he was walking towards the bus stop. This was the first time Baekhyun got sick and he really didn't know what to do.

"Stupid contest." he muttered. He'd rather stay home and take care of his boyfriend except he promised Baekhyun that he would win so he would really have to win. He planned to give his trophy as a gift for Baekhyun's birthday and... Damn! He actually forgot to greet Baekhyun! He was supposed to greet him when he came out of the room but he forgot about it when he saw how pale Baekhyun was. He had planned to greet Baekhyun and get a goodluck kiss before he went to the contest.

Chanyeol looked at his watch. 11:24 AM. He still got time.

Chanyeol grinned to himself and ran.

Baekhyun was drenched in sweat. His heart was going on at a hundred miles a minute. He couldn't breathe. Something was going to happen. Something bad. He knew it to the depths of his soul. He had to get out. He had to go somewhere. He doesn't know what was happening but he had to go to Chanyeol. He stood up trembling and glanced at the wall clock. 11:24 AM.

"Chanyeol..." Baekhyun went out the door and he ran.

He ran and ran. The one thing on his mind was to get to Chanyeol so everything would be alright and he'd be able to breathe again. Everything was a blur and he had no clue where he was going but he kept on running. He slowed down when he reached the main street, chest impossibly heavy. There were people everywhere. There were the sounds of police and ambulance sirens. Everybody was talking at the same time. It was a miracle that he even heard what they were talking about with his heartbeat thundering in his ears.

"Poor boy," a woman to the left said. "They said he just tried to help the lady being robbed."

"You're right. He was so young," another one said.

"It was a close range shot through the chest." commented an old man.

"No! No no no!" Baekhyun pushed his way through the crowd. "No!"

He was able to break away from the people but his steps halted abruplty when saw the guitar case on the pavement.

He saw it and he knew.

Baekhyun slowly moved closer, afraid but determined to see. Then he saw Chanyeol's prone body just a few feet away. He ran towards him but he was held back by a policeman. "Please, I have to get to him. I know him. Please, officer.. You don't understand." Baekhyun pleaded some more. "Please, sir. He needs me.. I need him.. I need him, please."

"I'm sorry, son, but he's gone."

But maybe because he knew nothing else could be done, the officer let Baekhyun pass when he saw the pleading expression in the boy's eyes. Baekhyun knelt beside Chanyeol and touched his face--that beautiful face he loved so much. He let his fingers trail towards Chanyeol's lifeless lips. He really couldn't see clearly past the tears clouding his vision. "Chanyeollie," he whispered brokenly. "My Chanyeol."

Baekhyun closed his eyes, soul shattering with every breath.

"Father, please save him. Let him live. Didn't I give everything up for him? This life.. it's no life at all if he's not in it. All I ever wanted was to be near him. Why give me this happiness--this love if it would just be snatched away from me?" Baekhyun cried. "Please give him back to me.

"Child, there are some things that had to happen. There are things we didn't expect and things we don't want."

"Please, I'll do anything. I'll give anything. Me, take me instead. I'll give up everything all over again. You don't even have to give him to me anymore... Just give him his life back."

After whar seemed like an eternity, he felt a warmth settle in his chest.

"Are you sure that this is what you want?"

"Yes."

"You do know that you will lose everything?"

"I do. I do...”

"If this is what will make you happy, I will give it to you. But once I do, I will not be able to take it back.  You can never come back."

"I understand." Baekhyun's heart was breaking into even smaller pieces even before he was told the last condition. It already broke in half when he saw Chanyeol lying on the ground. But what does it matter when Chanyeol could have his life back?

Even if that life would be without Baekhyun.

"When he returns, he'll have no memory of you. He wouldn't know who you are; the time you spent together will be erased. It's as if you never existed."

His tears fell for the last time for the blissful days they shared that would never be and the nights in each other’s arms that never were.

MAY, CHANYEOL

Chanyeol was whistling on his way home from the contest. He could barely believe it.

He won.

They said they were going to sign him up and he's start training by next month. He was so happy he hugged his guitar to his chest. Soon enough he reached his dorm room but he hesitated a bit before he entered. Lately, he felt so alone whenever he was inside.

He really couldn't understand it because he had been living alone for the past few years and he had never felt this way. Not until last year when he walked through the park nearby and he felt the same emptiness. It was like the place was emptier, lonelier than usual.

With a resigned shrug, he placed his guitar on the sofa. As if being drawn upon it, Chanyeol turned his head and his eyes came upon the desk calendar.

MAY 6

His eyes clouded and, for no reason at all, heartbroken teardrops fell.