Donghae open the ward's door slowly and carefully, not wanting to disturb Hyukjae. He slipped himself quickly and closed the door. It was almost midnight. He couldn't stay home longer than 10 minutes since Siwon dropped him off at hyuk's house earlier after practicing. He just wanted to be with Hyukjae, eventhough he just giving him a visit that afternoon.  So he called a cab and went to the hospital alone.

Donghae approached the bed slowly. Hyuk was sleeping soundly. He put his palm on Hyuk's forehead carefully. He frowned as he found out he still had fever. He was still burning up. Carefully he pull up a chair and sit beside his bed. He took Hyukjae's hand and held it softly.

"You are like this.." Donghae said softly to himself. "Because of me. Forgive me, Hyuk. You've been working too hard. You've been worrying too much because of me, you forgot to take care of yourself. What am I gonna do?"

Donghae traced Hyukjae's jawline with his finger. He always love his firm jawline. Hyuk didn't move a bit. Maybe they given him drugs so he slept deeply.

"Don't you worry, Hyuk. I'm here. I'll be here with you.." Donghae said as he brushed his fringe away from his forehead. "Just get well soon.."

---------------

Hyukjae Open his eyes slowly. It felt so heavy, but he force his eyes to shut open. He tried to move his right arm but something heavy  blocked it. He turned his head slowly to see, and his eyes became widen as he saw Donghae sleeping, his head resting on his arm. Hyukjae smiled and shook his head slowly. How can this creature sleep here? He observed Donghae's face closely. He was always beautiful. His perfect white skin, perfect nose, perfect lips. He always find it cute, the way donghae sleep. He was just like a little kid. His pink lips slightly open, his face really look like an angel.

Then suddenly Hyukjae remember about one thing. Yesterday he almost confesed to Donghae. about his true feeling, about how he felt for him. His smile instantly gone. Suddenly he felt uneasy. He wasn't thinking yesterday. The whole things that had happened force him to do things without thinking. Including trying to confess to Donghae. He didn't think how donghae would react, he didn't think the effect to their relationship if Donghae didn't feel the same way as he did. Things will get awkward between them. It will ruin everything, their friendships, their trust.

Hyukjae let go a big sigh. How can he be so stupid and selfish? Donghae is a straight guy. He had a relationship with girls before. What would Donghae think if he confessed his love to him? Hyukjae shook his head, as if he did the thoughts of losing Donghae will just dissapeared. He closed his eyes tightly and breathe deeply. He just glad he didn't have a change to say it. Thank God Siwon came into his ward that day.

"You're awake.."

Hyukjae oppened his eyes as he heard that voice, and felt donghae's head leaving his arm.

"How are you feeling? feeling better?" Donghae asked as he put his hand on Hyukjae's forehead. " The fever's gone! Thank God!"

"You're here all night?" Hyukjae asked. " I thought you went home with Siwon."

"We did. We also stopped by at the studio for practice." Donghae said." But I got lonely once we got home. So I came here. I wanna be with you."

"Clingy.. still.."

"That's my middle name. Don't blame me." Donghae chuckled. He yawn and streched his body. "So what happened to you?"

Hyukjae shook his head. "Molla.. I told you already yesterday. You keep asking the same question over and over."

Donghae smiled. The sweetest smile he ever saw. Hyukjae's heart pounding. So fast that he had to look away. This is become more awkward, Hyukjae thought. How to overcome this? Just as before things became more awkward, a doctor and a nurse walked in. saved!

"How are you feeling today, Hyukjae ssi ?" The doctor asked as started to examined him.

"Perfectly fine. You are going to send me home today, right?"

"No way."

"why?"

"I'm scheduling you to have MRI. Just in case. You said yesterday that you had headache alot lately. So ... just to make sure."

"But I have lots of schedule...."

"I don't care. Do you see me care?"

Donghae's eyes widen as he heard this young doctor said rudely to Hyukjae. Hyukjae should be mad, but he didn't. He just laughed and hit the doctor's shoulder playfully.

"Some friend!"

"Friend?" Donghae asked confused. This young Doctor is Hyuk’s friend? He never knew until today.

Hyukjae nodded."Donghae, this is my Friend Dr. Kim Yong Ko, he's been a friend since we were little. We used to live in the same neighbourhood. Dr. Kim, this is my co worker Lee Donghae."

"Co worker? really?" Dr. Yong Ko's eyes narrowed as he heard that. On the contrary, Hyukjae's eyes were widen as if trying to tell the Doctor to not saying anything further. "This introduction is not really necessary since I already know who he is.."

The Doctor turned to face Donghae now and offered his hand. "Every nurse in this level keep talking about you two."

Donghae shook the doctor's hand and smile shyly. Typical Donghae.

"So now, I'm taking you to have MRI. No buts, no weining because I'm not going to release you after I'm sure 100% that you are alright."

Donghae nodded, agreeing with the doctor, ignoring the pouted hyukjae completely.

------------------------------------

Hyukjae sat on the bench. Facing the han river. His hands were on his pockets. He stared blankly at the dancing water in front of him. They were so beautiful, but sparkling because of the lights. Far in the sky, fireworks splitting the sky. But still, those beautiful sight couldn't distract his mind.

He was dischanged from the hospital today after the MRI. He should be happy with it. But this shocking news the doctor gave him this afternoon just a few hours after the dischange was so heartbreaking.

"Here.." A man handed him a cup of hot chocolate. He then sit beside Hyukjae.

"So.." Hyukjae started. " How much time do I have?"

The young doctor sipped his drink and look at Hyukjae deeply.

"Don't lie. I hate liar."

"Wasn't going to." said the Doctor calmly. "There's always option."

"Like what? surgery?" Hyukjae sipped his drink. It was still hot but he sipped it anyway. The pain on his lips was not comparable with this chaotic feeling inside his chest. " I don't want surgery."

"But it's the best option. The Tumor in your head is still small. But it will grow rapidly in time. Let's do the surgery before it's too late."

"But you said it, I could lose some of my memories. I don't want that." Hyukjae looked at his friends eyes deeply. " I don't want to lose any of these memories I have. I've worked hard to be who I am today. I don't want to lose any of that memories. I don't want to wake up and not remembering about my parents, or about who I am, or about my hyungs and dongsaengs or..."

"Donghae?"

Hyukjae turned his head away. Yes, esspecially Donghae. What if he couldn't remember him? He didn't want to lose him again. Not this way.. or any other way for that matter.

"Have you told him?"

"Told him what?"

"About your feeling.."

Hyukjae shook his head. "After knowing this, maybe never."

"But why?"

"I don't know how he will react. I'm scare of how he will react. I really don't want to lose him. I almost lost him once. I don't wanna lose him again."

"You will never know if you don't tell him." Doctor Yong Ko said. "What if he loved you?"

"What about it? What if he did? and after this i won't remember him, what's the use of confessing? I'm still losing him, and the worse part is that I won't even remember ever have him. So either way I will lose him. And how he would feel? He will be crushed. I know him well."

"You keep talking about losing. Don't you have fate, Hyukjae?" Doctor Yong Ko asked. "You know, life is about taking chances."

Hyukjae didn't say a word. He just stared blanky at the firework on the sky.

"Hyukjae..."

"I can't give you any answer now. Let me think it over. I need time. Just give me time.." Hyukjae finally said after a few minutes of silent. "Just don't tell anybody about this. I have a concert tomorrow. Let me do it. Then I will let you know."

Dr. Yong Ko tapped hyukjae's shoulder and nodded. " You're going to be just fine, my friend. Everything will be just fine."

-----------------

"Hae, you ok?" Hyukjae tapped Donghae's shoulder. He couldn't stay still. He kept rocking back and fort, nervous. The screaming fans at the stadium scared him a little bit. "Hae!"

"I'm nervous, Hyuk.' Donghae confessed. "What if I fail?"

"You'll never fail."

"What if I fall?"

"You'll never fall."

"What if I forgot the lyric? what if I forgot the moves?"

"You have 9 brothers to cover your .."

Donghae laughed. His eyes sparkling. Hyukjae knew he was about to cry. He's always such a cry baby. But he didn't like he used to do. This was his moment. This opening concert was his first comeback after the accident. This concert was everything for him.

"Hug me!" suddenly Donghae said and turned to face hyukjae.

"What?"

"Hug me! I need a hug.."

Hyukjae chucked as he saw donghae was all serious. He looked like a 5 years old kid who lost his parent at the mall. His eyes looked so sad and he already sweaty. So Hyukjae gave him a hug. A long and warm hug. It felt so good to hug Donghae like that. Hyukjae was about to break free when suddenly Siwon, Kyuhyun, Sungmin, Leeteuk and the rest came and made a group hug.

"Donghae - ah.. you'll do great. I'm proud of you." Leeteuk said.

"Ne, Hyung. I'm so nervous..." Donghae said as tears rolled down his cheek.

"Why are you crying? Hyung, you're such a baby!" Ryeowook said as he wiped Donghae's tears off. It made Donghae laughed. He inhaled a deep breath and let go slowly.

"Ready? Let's have fun out there. Let's meet our girls!" Leeteuk said. Everyone was cheering in an instant.

Donghae glanced at Hyukjae. He nodded, no words between them. But Donghae knew Hyukjae will be by his side. Hyukjae would never leave him alone. He would always back him up. So he nodded back and he walked behind Hyukjae, heading to the stage.

So there he was. Standing on the stage. In front of them, thousands of ELF waving their sapphire blue lightstick, caling out his name. It made Donghae shivered. So much love. So much feeling. Everything just overwhelming. The saphhire blue ocean. He finally swam inside it. It really felt like home. He belong here. For the first time he gain his self confidence back.

So he danced, he sang, the best he could do. The pain on his legs was nothing compared to this warm feeling inside his heart. This stage, this love somehow healed him. Donghae was back. Donghae the singer, Donghae the dancer. He was so determined in every moved. The smiles on his face were never off. For the first time every member could tell that donghae was finally happy. They kept gazing at him, keep their eyes on him just in case. Hyukjae was never far, just a few steps away. Everytime Donghae moved, hyukjae would follow, like a shadow, protecting him.

Beautiful Donghae. Dancing so lively on the stage. It made Hyukjae's heart warm. The smiles, those angelic and child like smiles that he misses a lot, they were there. Nothing can stop Donghae, like always. Hyukjae couldn't help himself but staring. He had this urge to hug him and telling him all the feeling he has. But then he remember about his surgery. No, this won't do.

Hyukjae closed his eyes, trying to shoved his thoughts away. He should learn to ditched this feeling toward Hae. He deserved someone better. Not him.

"Hyuk! Hyuk!" Donghae grabbed Hyukjae's hand and both of them ran and stop at the front stage.

"Fan service.." he whispered on Hyukjae's ear. Hyukjae couldn't hear that, but then it was his turn to sing. So he sang. Donghae still hold his right hand. And then out of the blue Donghae kissed him on his cheek. The crowed went wild. Hyukjae glaring at Donghae who was laughing like crazy, seeing Hyukjae was all shock with his action. Then Donghae hug him again, tighly this time, he waved at the crowed as he did. Hyukjae closed his eyes.

"Maybe this is fan service for you Hae, but it's real for me..." he silently said, sad, no one could hear but himself. " This is so real for me... I love you."

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