god, I haven't updated in forever! But don't worry. I won't leave any of my fics open. I'll be sure to complete them v_v And here's the next chapter! Watching some k-drama about a woman getting alzheimers around thirty already helped me a little with ideas and continuing finally!

"Who are you?"

The brunette in front of me, sitting at the table in the kitchen, stares up at me with big, round and curious eyes. He is eyeing me carefully, his brows furrowed just faintly. I just try not to flinch under his strong gaze which wouldn't leave my frame for even a single split second and I start wondering if he maybe thought that he knows me somehow but he just can't figure out how. I glance up at him and bite my lip. He is still the Yoseob I know - at least with his appearance - his lithe form, his round, cute face and the blonde hair falling over his forehead. But his gaze changed, it was once full of hope and joy and now it is hovered over with insignificance.

"I am..." I start and measure my words carefully for a moment, wondering what to tell him, but then I decide to tell him the usual. "...your best friend." I say and grin, my eyes smiling along and I see him breaking out into a soft smile, too. Whether it was because I sounded sincere enough a moment ago or maybe deep down in his heart he knows that I am indeed his best friend and even more. I don't mind, (I never did actually) and all I was hoping for lately was him to accept me every single day of our lives.

He was still living with me, most of the time confused as to where he would be and why he would be there but I had always been there to soothe and comfort him and tell him that he was home and that he didn't need to worry and get scared. I didn't want him to be with other people who had a disease of losing memories and having strangers take care of him. I know they knew how to handle those patients but- I just didn't want him to be alone with strangers if all he had left was me now. And sometimes- sometimes I thought that he might be able to gain a little memory back and even if it would be for just a little moment.

"If you're my best friend, why don't I even know your name?" he asks me and smiles softly, almost sweetly, at me and tilts his head. I feel a light tug at my heart and it hurts, but at the same time I appreciate this moment, because it was not always granted that he smiled at me and was calm. Sometimes he'd call me a robber or a who somehow got into his house and he would throw things at me, being scared for his life and this Yoseob hurt even more. It hurt to see him this way and it hurt how he would behave towards me. It was hard to approach him and talk him out of the bad thoughts. But the next day, he would've forgotten it anyways, so I kept on enduring it.

I pout a little in a playful manner and lean over to take his hand into mine. I don't really have an answer right now to his difficult question. My gaze falls down to our hands for a moment as his thumb caresses mine. Sometimes he would do that, whenever he was the calm Yoseob. Maybe he pitied me, he definitely did. I was well aware of the change in my outer appearance. I got thinner the harder I worked and the less I ate. I got paler and sicker but I never showed it or let it take over me and I always tried my best to be there. I look up at him and I am taken aback at the sad expression in his eyes as his brows are furrowed and the corners of his lips pulled down faintly.

I smile. "Don't worry about me." And he smiles too, just faintly and his whole expression softens. "You seem special to me but I can't figure out why." he murmurs and squeezes my hand and I have to admit that this was the nicest thing he had said in a long while. "I told you. I am your bestest friend!" I say and chuckle and he eyesmiles again and I cherish this moment right now so much, I want him to stay like that forever.

Suddenly I feel tears falling down in little droplets from my chin to the table. I hadn't noticed before until I see couldn’t even see Yoseobs worried expression anymore, vision blurred and he immediately gets up and comes closer to hug me. "N-no." I choke out with a sob and feel myself trembling and shaking against him. He is warm and I take in his smell, closing my eyes and then I try to calm down again. I can't be weak. Not in front of him. I can't break. Not when he is around.

I feel his hand running through my hair and I had missed this. I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him a little closer as I nuzzle into his chest. Please, don't let this moment fade.

Later at night I am lying awake and I take in the features of his beautiful face. His eyelashes are fluttering just barely noticeable and I nudge him lightly, thinking he's having a nightmare but he just nuzzles more into his pillow. I sigh and move way closer to him than I have been just a minute ago, wrap an arm around him and pull him closer. At night is the only time where I can be with him this close. I glance down at him and my gaze falls on his lips, which I haven't kissed in months. I have forgotten the sweet taste already they gave away. My face moved closer and I could feel his breath over my lips. I listened to it for a moment as my eyes fell shut and then I finally pressed my lips against his.

Just once.

 Just once I want to feel the softness of his lips again and taste the syrup-like-sweetness of them. Just once I want to feel the warmth they are giving away against mine for another time.

I feel Yoseob shift under me, humming unappreciatively and then I feel him push me away. I look up at him and stare into his wide opened fearful eyes. "Y-Yoseob..." I murmur and sit up and he immediately tries to start kicking away, not letting me any closer to him. "Sicko! ert!" he shouts and tries to grab something next to him to hit me with it. "Yoseob!" I shout again and pull it out of his hands, throwing it away and pull him close against my chest. "Shh...I'm a friend... not-... not a foe.., please...please stop it. Stop fighting!" I say and try to hold my voice in a stern tone but I can't help whenever it cracks or seems unstable.

I try to keep holding him close to myself until he stops fighting and shouting. His hands are still trying to push me away, pressed against my chest and his head is turned away, face scrunched up in fear I would start trying to kiss him again. He calms down after a while as I keep holding him like that and I lie down onto the pillow, sighing and keeping him close and secure against my chest.

I take a look at him, his eyes seem dull and I hear him panting against my chest, fingers slowly winding into my shirt. I feel his body trembling against mine, or maybe I was the one trembling. Is it out of fear? Or maybe anger? Or regret? Or just because I feel miserable about myself?

I never thought about it before but maybe I indeed sometimes felt regret towards it all. And I am surely frightened because I don't know or can't comprehend of what Yoseob is capable in his state. What if he woke up some day and would decide to choke me or do something else? I am definitely scared, but I can't leave him. I won't be able to live with not being with him, not taking care of him and I would hate myself.

I feel Yoseob relaxing against myself, sleeping soundly again already and I soon gave myself away to the world of slumber, too.

The next morning came rapidly. It is still dark outside and I roll over with a groan leaving my plump, dry lips as I throw a hand over my eyes. A loud, quick sound woke me up but I can't determine what it is. I recognize Yoseobs voice, he is crying and shouting for help. I immediately sit up, eyes wide and my gaze falls to the empty spot next to me. I pull the sheets away and stumble out of bed, running over to him and see him pulling at the doorknob with all his strength, not being able to open it because I locked it several times, so he couldn't get lost and get into trouble if he would leave on his own.

"Help!", he cries out loudly and I pull him away with all my strength, putting a hand over his mouth, frowning deeply and not wanting the neighbors to expect the worst. He was behaving as if I would mistreat him and I know the neighbors could think about me beating him or other stuff. They were creative bastards.

"Stop it, Yoseob." I say and stare into his tear-filled eyes. "Stop it and stop shouting, it's in the middle of the night, stop behaving like a lunatic and let the neighbors sleep." I lecture him, but I am not quite sure how much of it got to him. As he is sure to keep quiet I slowly pull my hand away from his mouth and sigh. "Let's go back to sleep." I murmur and take his hand, pulling him back to bed.

As I come back home from work one day Yoseob is sitting on the floor of the living room. I scrunch up my nose at a sour smell, widening my eyes and pull him up on his feet immediately. "Did you-?!" He doesn't answer nor do I expect any as I pull him into the shower quickly, stripping him from his clothes and kneeling in front of him to wash him up – my own clothes getting all wet. All of a sudden he starts to hit my back with his hands, pulling roughly at my shirt and I assume it is out of frustration he doesn't know why it is there. I endured it, physical pain was easy to endure compared to what my heart had to tolerate until now.

He stops and crouches over my back, crying and sobbing and I stand up backing him up against the shower wall. "Don't cry, Yoseob. Everything will be alright. I'm here." I say and take his hand. "I will be always here for you." I repeat and kiss his knuckles softly.

Later I went out to get groceries and came back with diapers for adults. "You have to wear these." I say as I throw them onto the bed next to him. He picks it up and looks up at me, eyes wide and then he shakes his head, murmuring just a quiet, stern “No.”  "Yoseob, please." He throws them back at me and I was able to duck away. I straighten up and pinch the bridge of my nose, sighing heavily. It's getting harder. It's getting so much harder, I don't know how longer I can be there for him anymore. I let him be and leave the room.

Breakdown. I sit on the couch, legs drawn up and I can feel myself shaking as the tears roll down my cheeks without mercy. I know I can't live like this forever but I can't give him up either. Why do I have to do this on my own? What did we do to deserve this? What can I do to make it all better? I notice from the corners of my eyes that Yoseob is quietly watching me, standing in the doorframe and I wipe my tears away turning to look at him. I smile and choke out a laugh as I see he put the diaper over the pants of his pajamas. He smiles back at me, a soft smile I haven't seen in a long time again, and then he walks over, leaning down to hug me. It was gentle yet firm and loving and I nuzzle into his neck, wrap my arms around his fragile figure and pull him onto my lap.

We just sat like this for a while without me wanting to let him go ever again.