Thump thump.

There goes my heart again, beating the same way every time I see him.

No, I need to stop this. I need to erase every single memory that has to do with him. I bowed at him and continue walking down the stairs.

But he caught my wrist.

Breath. Yes, keep breathing.

I grip on the hem of my skirt and look down at the floor to prevent myself from crying. I should have pulled my hand back, but I let him hold it.

“Are we…really doing this?” he spoke. His voice was so soft yet haunting. I bit my lip when tears start foaming in my eyes.

“Are you….really not going to talk to me anymore?” he merely whispered.

I blink my eyes rapidly and shut them tight so the tears won’t flow out. He pulled my hand which causes me to turn around and face him. He took a step down until we were standing on the same level on the stairs. I slowly open my eyes and lifted my chin. There he was standing right in front of me, having the most hurtful expression I’ve ever seen from him.

A tear fell from the corner of my eye before I could stop it. He sighed and reached his hands out and wiped the tear away with his thumb.

But his hand remains on my cheek.

I wasn’t sure whether I was fantasizing or it was really happening. He brought his face closer to mine until I could feel his hot breathe on my face.

His breathing was uneven. Just like mine.

“Stop…” he exhaled. “Stop doing this.”

I couldn’t look into his eyes so I looked down. But my eyes landed on his lips.

Those lips…..Those soft lips that used to kiss me to sleep whenever I have nightmares.

He caressed my cheek with his thumb. “Talk to me.”

I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I need to give him up, for everyone’s sake. I need to surpass this selfishness of mine so that he could be happy with her.

He tilted his head to the side and whispered into my ears, “I miss you.”

I wanted to wrapped my arms around him and tell him I miss him too. But I just stare in straight into space right behind him.

Our awkward moment was interrupted when his friends were calling his name. I took this opportunity and pulled away from him.

Before he could grab me again, I ran down the stairs as fast as I could. I finally made it to the girls’ washroom and lock myself inside a stall, muffling my cries with my blazer.

I’m sorry, Kyung Soo. I’m sorry but I can’t talk to you anymore. If I do, I might want you back again. I’ve promise to be out of your life and return to our normal days where you don’t know my existence. When I said I love you, I was telling the truth. And I still do. Our relationship was fake anyway. And now you’re going to get marry to her, your long time crush. Shouldn’t you be happy? Why are you looking so hurt every time you see me? Is it because you’re sorry for using me?

Don’t be, Kyung Soo. Because I enjoyed every single moment we spend with each other.

Even if you were just acting.