"Get up," I heard a voice say. I rolled over and saw a figure standing in my doorway. I threw my blanket back over my head and mumbled a 'go away'. "God, you're so annoying. It's already 2 o'clock." The blanket was snatched off my body and I rolled my eyes and groaned at my brother as I slowly sat up in my bed. 

"Sehun, can't you go be annoying on any other day that's not today?" I said rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. 

He frowned, probably from knowing exactly what the day meant to me. "You can't just sleep the entire day away."

"I already slept more than half of it away. I don't think 10 more hours of sleep will matter," I said lying back down in bed. 

"Why don't you go out today? I know someone who's been dying to take you out," he said sitting down on the edge of my bed. I already knew who he was talking about. Sehun's group of friends was basically his dance group. Baekhyun used to be in it too. And since my brother and my boyfriend were in it, I knew all of the members pretty well.  

"I don't know, Sehun..." I said sitting back up and facing my younger brother. 

"Ugh, just go out. You've been cooped up in this house too long!" I looked up in surprise, recognizing the familiar voice. My older sister was standing at my doorway. 

"Sooyoung, what are you doing here?" Although she was probably the laziest of the three of us, she was able to move out of the house as soon as she turned 18. I wanted to follow in her footsteps, but something caused a damper on my plans...

"Just because I moved out, it doesn't mean that this still isn't my home! Now go get up and go hang out with that boy Sehun's talking about. I swear, every time I come over here, you're sleeping the day away." 

I stared back and forth between siblings before I gave in with a sigh. "Fine, whatever. Will both of you just get out of my room?" They both smiled in victory as I shoved them out. Even though they could be so annoying at times, I knew that was just their way of caring about me. 

I washed up, got dressed and headed downstairs. "Good morning," I said walking towards the door. "I'm going across the street." 

"Good afternoon to you too," my dad said from behind his newspaper. 

I was about to turn the doorknob when my mom called out to me. "Wait!" She ran over to me with a pot. "Give this to Halmoni, will you?" I nodded as I grabbed the pot. My mom and Baekhyun's grandmother always sent each other stuff. Our families had always been close anyways. My mom and his mom have known each other for their entire life. Kind of like me and Baekhyun. But when Baekhyun passed away, his parents left Korea. I don't know where they went, but all I know is that they left their house for his grandmother to take care of. 

I quickly crossed the street and knocked on the door. Baekhyun's grandmother opened the door and she smiled when she saw me. I smiled back and bowed. "Come in!" She said. 

"Oh, this is from Mom," I said lifting up the pot.

"How wonderful! You can just bring that to the kitchen. Are you here for the usual?" I sadly nodded as I walked into the kitchen. After I placed the pot down on the stove, she said, "Well, his room's in the same place it's always been. I'll be downstairs if you need me." 

I walked up the stairs, down the hallway, and slowly opened his door. His room was the same way it had always been for the past three months. I walked in, closed the door behind me, and inhaled deeply. His room still smelt exactly like him. Right after his death, I would spend hours in his room everyday and I realized the more I came in, the more it started to lose it's importance. I decided then, that it would be best if I only did this once a month. I knew I would probably have to stop this ritual completely, but that would mean that I would have to accept the fact that he really was gone forever. And I wasn't ready to that.

I sat down on his bed and stared around at his room. He always had kept his room fairly neat. His bed was always made, his desk was always organized, and his clothes were either folded in his drawers or hung up in his closet. His room was pretty simple. Unlike me, he only had necessities in his room. His bed was in one corner of his room and his desk and piano were in the other corner. Besides his closet, that was pretty much it. 

I fell back on his bed and laid on my side. The only thing on his nightstand was the picture of the two of us. Almost as soon as I looked at it was when the tears started coming. We used to lie in his bed together. We wouldn't even say anything. We didn't really have to say anything either. Lying in his arms was more than I could ever ask for. 

Lying in his bed alone wasn't really what hurt the most though. It was just that I could never feel his presence. He used to promise me that he would never leave my side. That even if he died, he would always be with me. Where was he now? I thought that if anything he would be in his room, but I can't seem to feel his presence anywhere. It's not fair that he only appeared in my dreams. Dreams will always only be just dreams. Where was he where I needed him most? Not in the real world, thats for sure. 

I heard a loud boom outside and quickly sat up. Baekhyun's grandmother walked into Baekhyun's room and said, "You should probably head home soon. It started raining just now. Better hurry before the storm comes." I knew she had other motives. I couldn't really get a cold just from crossing the street, but it's not like I would ever not listen to her. And I knew she didn't enjoy the fact that I would sit in his room and cry. It was probably better for me to leave anyway because the longer I would stay, the more I would end up crying. 

She opened up his closet and grabbed one of his sweaters from his closet. "Here," she said extending the sweater to me. "I know you only have to cross the street, but this was his favorite sweater. Not only will it keep you warm, but I'm sure it can offer some comfort, right?" I wiped my tears and grabbed the sweater from her. 

"Thanks," I said while standing up from his bed. I put the sweater on and quickly ran back home. 

As soon as I walked inside, my mom walked up to me and asked, "Are you okay?" 

I lightly nodded. "I'll be fine." 

She unexpectedly pulled me into a hug. "I'm so sorry." 

"It's been three whole months. I'm fine, Mom." She pulled away and frowned at me. I knew she knew I was lying, but she let it go anyway. I didn't really like talking about the subject and she knew that. 

I walked up stairs and to my room. I curled up in my bed and Baekhyun's grandmother was right. His sweater really was comforting. 

"Hey, Luh- Is that Baekhyun's sweater?" Sehun asked as he walked into my room. 

I nodded. "Halmoni let me have it. But what were you saying before that?"

"Luhan said to meet him at his place at 7." I opened my mouth to speak, but he beat me to it. "No, you can't not go. I already told him you're going." I opened my mouth again, but this time Sooyoung spoke. I didn't even notice she was in my room to begin with. 

"You're not allowed to wear that sweater either." 

I rolled my eyes. "I wasn't going to wear it!" They both narrowed their eyes at me. "Okay, maybe I was. What does it even matter? I could wear anything and I don't think Luhan would care." 

Sehun blinked a few times. "She is right, you know." 

Sooyoung slapped him on the arm. "You're not helping the situation. You have to at least look like you care," she said walking to my closet. 

"But I don't ca-" I said as a dress landed on my face. 

---

I reluctantly knocked on Luhan's door. After a few seconds, his door opened and his head poked out. His eyes brightened up when he saw me and he opened the door wider. 

"Hey," he said pulling me into a hug. "You look beautiful, as always," he said tucking a strand of my hair out of my face. I almost flinched from the contact, but his gentle touch was almost soothing and so similar to Baekhyun's.

I don't know really know what happened to me after that. I knew he wasn't Baekhyun, but my poor self had been longing for him so long, that anything close enough to him would do. 

As soon as his hand left my face, I planted a kiss right on his lips. The kiss was far from gentle. It was rough and full of anger and hurt. I could tell he was shocked by the kiss, but I knew he found his bearings when he had kissed back. I pushed him into his apartment and closed the door behind me with my foot. Before I pushed him any further into his home, he pulled away. I looked at him questioningly and he sheepishly smiled. "Shoes," he said pointing down to the floor with his eyes. I rolled my eyes and kicked my heels off. I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach his lips again, and things got even more heated. Clothes were being scattered all over his flat, and soon I was straddling him on his bed with nothing but our undergarments on. 

The more and more I kissed him, the less angry I felt. But that just left me feeling hurt. I didn't even realize that I was crying until I realized Luhan wasn't kissing me back. "What's wrong?" I slowly opened my eyes and faced his concerned ones. 

"I'm sorry," I said, rolling off of him and laying down on his bed. "I just miss him so much," I said wiping the tears that were pouring out of my eyes. 

"It's fine," he replied. I couldn't tell if he sounded sad because of Baekhyun or because I abruptly ended a chance for him to get laid. "I understand. You two were so close. I didn't think anything could have ever come between you two." 

"Well you were wrong," I said rolling on my side to face him. 

"Don't you think you just need closure?" 

I dryly chuckled. "I've been looking for closure for the past three months, Luhan. I don't think I'll ever find it until I find out what they did with his body." 

"You were never able to tell me what happened. ...If you're okay with it of course. You still remember right?"

"How could I ever forget?" 

I stayed with Baekhyun 24/7 in the hospital. I would hold his hand and talk to him. Even if he couldn't reply back to me, I knew he was listening. I would fall asleep to the sound of his heart monitor even though the hospital chairs were remarkably uncomfortable. 

Baekhyun had been in the hospital for 9 days when his mother asked me to go home and get some real rest. I refused her offer at first, but somehow she convinced me to go home. I remember looking in the mirror when I got home. I was a mess. Dark circles were completely evident and they were probably at least 2 inches below my eyes. My hair was a mess, considering that I hadn't washed it in 9 days, and I had clearly lost some weight. After cleaning myself up and getting more than a night of sleep, I returned to the hospital. 

I walked down the white hallways to his room only to find it completely empty. I thought that maybe they had just moved him to a different room. I spoke to a recognizable nurse and she broke the news to me. "He's gone," she said sadly. I remember I couldn't believe it when she told me that. I thought she just meant he transferred to another hospital, but she told me once again with a firmer tone and I knew I had no other choice but to believe it. 

I collapsed to the floor when she told me. I sobbed in her arms for a good 30 minutes. "I never should have left him," I said. "I hate his mother for making me leave him." The nurse told me not to say such things. Hate was probably too strong a word, but if I would have just stayed, I feel like he would still be alive. I wished I would have at least heard the news from his parents, rather than someone who barely knew him for only 9 days, but the nurse told me that his parents left almost as soon as he was gone. I was upset when I heard that his parents just fled the country after their son died. Sure, Baekhyun was an only child and it's extremely heartbreaking, but I was the one that had to break the news to his grandmother. It was extremely irresponsible on their part, and I'm still upset with them to this day. 

No one was even able to tell me what happened to his body. The hospital said that it was information that they could only release to his parents. I even considered breaking into their files and finding out, but there was surveillance all over the hospital and I am a coward when it comes to serious things like that. This only made me despise his parents even more. If they were still in Korea, I would have been able to find out what happened to him, and I would at least have closure. 

Nothing could ever make me forget the feeling of having my entire world so easily taken away from me. 

I really shouldn't be updating this story because I still haven't finished my other one. But I'm having major writers block with that one and well... the opposite for this one. xD hahaha and happy belated to Luhan~ I feel like I have to incorporate HunHan into everything I do... But it's so real T^T So how can I not? lol
Thank you all for your lovely comments <3