“Chaerin-na, so I’ve got your permission, okay? Don’t fret if she said yes!” Seunghyun affirmed it one more time to Chaerin. YG Sajangnim basically put a high fence on his ‘daughters’ with all these qualifications of what type of guy can even get closer to them and all. Well, if he thought that his boys are the best, then no other guy can actually get close to any of his ‘daughters’ except his own ‘boys’. Don’t mess the interpretation as something uous, because still they’re not blood related.  

But add to Sajangnim’s, there’s another wall called Chaerin. It’s just in addition being the leader, she also protects her unnies and Minzy the maknae like her own sisters. So despite being so casual and cool about everything, she also will be the first in line if anyone hurt her unnies in any way possible. And for that, Seunghyun has to ask her permission first.   

“Yes, Oppa. I won’t be strict anymore because it’s time for Unnie to date. The ban’s over and I have no objection if Unnie date, “ she looked away for a second, “IF she says yes!” and another look away, but when she looked at him back, her voice changed, her chilling threatening voice, “but if you ever dare to hurt her...” 

That look itself can kill a sunny day. But Seunghyun looked solemn and assured.  

“Chaerin, I’m not asking her out because I only want to try how it feels to date her. You know that, right? You know that this is more than that, right?” she looked at him in the eyes. And despite his playful attitude in day to day basis, she does sense his seriousness. Jiyong decided to join in.  

“I can attest that he’s serious, Chaerina. Don’t worry, I’ll be the first one to knock him dead if he ever hurt her.” Jiyong is in anyway, an avid fan of Park Bom.  

“Look whose side you’re at!” said Seunghyun dissapointedly. 

“Hyung! It’s noona we’re talking about. Of course I’ll take her side” he answered back jokingly, “Now you should just be relaxed Hyung. We won’t put anymore pressure to you, but you know exactly why we emphasize this. We all love both of you, but if we have to really say it, we love noona a slight more, so we’ll take her side.” Jiyong bit his lips, smiling. So it’s pretty scary irony to what he’s saying.  

“Now you should go to the practice room, Oppa. Dara has been keeping her busy for about...” she looked at her watch, “15 minutes already. She’ll get bored if this take any longer. Go.” 

And realizing that he’s actually up to do this, it just overwhelmed him. He felt like he was 15 again, confessing to a girl he liked at school, who, despite trying to be cool, can feel his heart beat raised, blood drained from his face and he became pale as a white wall. Jiyong pushed him outside of the studio room. There Daesung and Youngbae was waiting to take him down, such a strange thing it is, he thought. He wanted to confess and the whole people in the building suddenly go and support him. Teddy hyung met him on the hall, then patted his shoulder, ‘It’s about time, Seunghyun-a’.  

Daesung tagged one of his arms and dragged him all over. “Hyung, I’m so happy, you know. I hope that she’ll say yes!” 

“Hyung, if she said yes, we should go to a restaurant and celebrate, and this time you’re not cancelling on us, okay!” Youngbae said jokingly.  

Se7en was actually waiting in front of the practice room. He gave him one of those brotherly hug, Seunghyun actually felt like he’s going to a war or something. Look at all these people!  

Youngbae opened up the practice room. And Seunghyun can see Bom was sitting with Dara, looking bored. One of the ‘pretend’ mike was held down by her, while Dara is still trying to amuse her, pretending that this is something for one of her me2day recording. 

And looking at her face, bare without make up, he can suddenly felt it. All the feelings he’s had. It pumps up blood back to her face. He remembered exactly why he fell for her. Her bubbly personality. While Dara tries hard to be funny, this girl done it naturally. She cried a lot behind all her laughter, but she always brings the best out there. She fell for so many times in chasing her dreams, but she stood up many times more. Despite all of her insecurities, she overcome those and put herself into the test. And the best is, for her being exactly who she is, no pretense. There’s a sense of wanting to protect her against all the odds life could take, such a far idea of course when he’s not even dating her, but she makes him feels that way. Is it love? Is it something more than just liking her? Will they be okay together, if she said yes?  

But those can wait, right? So he brings himself inside, soft purple sweater he’s wearing. Awkward as usual with his tall big body. Bom looked back, first at him and then the other guys around him, “Hey, what are you guys doing here? Are you going to use this room?” she asked while looking a bit confused.  

“Now, Bommie... don’t get angry to me, but someone needs to talk to you” Dara said while starting to leave. Youngbae coded her to walk fast to the door. Bom looked surprised and animated, her head move around trying to understand the situation. Only Seunghyun who is actually standing frozen in the room. All the others start to run outside like 5 year old kids they are (sometimes YG Family looked like a prolonged high school), locked the door from the outside (Daesung did it with a mischievous smile) and they bare still in front of the door actually trying to work out whatever voice might come out to steal a conversation.  

Bom looked at him suspiciously, “Why are they acting like that, Seunghyun?” she said, “And why are you staying here? What are you guys doing?” 

He stood still, for a moment his mind just went blank and confused. He dated some girls along these years, of course. But part of his heart was simply hers and he never actually got it back. Which makes things way way way more difficult for him. They are good friends, that’s certain. He confides to her things that he rarely tell to other people, and although at times he felt like they’re on this whatever comfortable friend zone, there are also times, when his heart ache thinking that she might ended up with someone else. He just can’t picture it.  

“Noona, I really need to talk to you.” He said finally.  

“You can talk to me whenever, but what’s with this act? What’s going on?” Bom looked pretty much confused.  

“Noona, promise you won’t get angry.” He said.  

“Seunghyun, what should I promise if I don’t even know what it is all about!” she said frustrated.  

“At least, hear me out. And if this went bad, please at least just put this all behind and we’ll stay friends as we are, okay?” she tilted her head, looking at Seunghyun intently.  

“Why? Seunghyun, what is it you’re hiding?” 

He cleared his throat. “Noona, I’m in love with you.” Her faced shocked, like once when she said she got strung by electricity, that’s the face. “Now hear me out first...” 

“Seunghyun, please don’t do this...” his face fall sad hearing that.  

“... why?” she let out a sigh.  

“I... I think that I’ve realized this for quiet a while...” she didn’t look at him in the eyes, “What should I do when you flirt shamelessly like that on stage? You pretend to be cool afterwards, but tell me what should I do, Seunghyun-a?” 

“I... I...” 

“I just... I just don’t want this to break up our friendship, Seunghyun... And, I can’t bear the thought of us ended up hating each other...”  

“But Noona, we never even tried it yet...” 

“Seunghyun, I’d be lying if I say that I’ve never thought about this, but we are so similar... and do you think that it’ll be good for two very similar people to stay together? I don’t think so... “ 

But Seunghyun, whose heart has been bearing this feeling for years, just can’t take it no more. He held to his feelings for years already. Yes he dated some other people, but she stays constantly in his heart. And to realize that she already says no without him even finishing what he thought, is just too saddening. Yes he can be all wild and happy on the stage, or in life in general, but he’d be lying if he says that he never felt lonely. No, he actually felt that at times, those alcohol he drank, half is for having fun, but half is to fill his own emptiness. And he was almost sure, that Bom was one of the person he can actually felt happy with, talking nonsense, confide his secrets to, or just looking at her at times, or watching her gags in 2ne1 tv, sometimes making him laughed like crazy when he watched it on his computer screen secretly at his empty home, she sort of fill him in, and it’s crazy to think that he’s losing her even without trying. So he hurriedly rushed towards her, and hugged her real tight.  

“Noona, please don’t say it... please don’t say it... you’re breaking my heart, you know...” Bom was so shocked, she could barely understood what just stormed in. She can feel his shoulder trembled like he’s ready to break down, strong, happy Seunghyun, now barely capable on holding himself together.  

“I’m sorry Seunghyun, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you like this... but we might not be good for each other...” she didn’t really know what to say, “Please don’t be like this. What if the others hear this, you can’t be like this... Seunghyun...” 

“How can you say that what I felt will mean nothing? People try and they fail but they can also succeed. My feelings for you is real, why can’t that be a guarantee enough for you?” 

“Because if you are at my age, you’ll know that love might not be enough, Seunghyun...” he let go his arms, looked at her, a bit angrily. 

“Then what will be enough, Noona?” she looked the other way. 

“I don’t know...” and they felt into silence.  

“Seunghyun,” she talked first, “I have to say, that you are important for me. I don’t know in what context, or whatever, but I’ll be lying if I say that I don’t love you in some other way, “ he tried to say something, “wait, let me finish. I don’t know if it’s a brother like feeling, or a best friend feeling, I’m not sure myself. But the truth is, you do mean a lot to me. But... for now, I just can’t make up what that actually is. I’m afraid to lose you, but I’m not sure about having you as a lover” that word itself pierced a piece of his heart, “but I’ll be devastated if I see you leave. That’s what I think. But, for now, we have our work laying in front of us. Do you think you can focus with us in your mind, while you busy conquering the world? And what about me, 2ne1 ... they’re very important for me now... and I love the girls and I want us to make it... I’m sacrificing so many things now, but I love what I do, and I think that you yourself can’t let go and ruining Big Bang when they need you the most now. A few years from now, you guys might have to enrol to the military, and God knows what will happen next, but this time is your moment...” he looked at her, “and we can’t be selfish... you know that...” 

They stayed quiet for a while. Seunghyun’s mind became calmer now, they noticed that they’re sitting on the floor now, holding hands like two kids playing some elementary school games or something. Bom’s face looked solemn but also sad. And then his stubbornness comes along. 

“So there’s no way, we can even date?” at this, cheer came back to Bom’s face.  

“Hahaha... Seunghyun, you’re not giving up, huh? After all that I said?” 

“No” he said firmly.  

Bom took a very deep breath. He can see her mind wandered into some thinking.  

“If... “ and by the word if, his eyes glistens, just like that, “oh my God, look at you. You’re so easily pleased...” she said teasingly, “If, we even date, I can’t give you promises... I won’t held it up too strong because I’m not even sure of what we’re doing and how long it can actually last...” she took a pause, and then looked at him in the eye, “And you know that I will put 2ne1 as my top priority, and you, Big Bang. I’d hate you if you don’t” his eyes became hopeful. “What do you mean anyway, by dating? We spend most of our time together, anyways...” she said helplessly.  

“I mean, I can treat you a little more than friends, Noona. I’m not asking much, I just want to have a chance to show you what I feel inside here...” Bom really wanted to trust these eyes.  

“You do?” she said, looking up to see whatever truth she can find there, “So you’ll give me even bigger presents, call me even more often, think of me while we’re apart, those stuff?”  

“Well, I have always been thinking about you while we’re apart, nevertheless, there’s nothing new on that anyways...” she blushed because of that thought.  

She patted his hands, playfully. “Well then, I think that we can have it a go. But really casually, mind you. No rushing whatsoever. You know our priorities. And I only want you to promise one thing, that no matter what, and I mean it, we’re best friends first and foremost. That’s all I ask for.” His face beams with happiness and for the second time, he hugged her again. Saying thank you in the most sincere way he can do it. He knew that it might go right, or it might go wrong. But people take chances in life. People dare things for the sake of happiness, no matter how small the chance is. And it’s for someone he cares so much as well, so whatever. He’ll take whatever he can take.  

Bom laughed, and told him to let go. They sneaked to the practice room’s door and abruptly Bom yelled while knocking it, ‘Ya! I know you’re all listening, so you better open up so I can kick your asses!”  

They walked outside, Daesung, Se7en, Youngbae and Dara asked around curiously, but they just answered vaguely although they did have the altogether dinner they planned to do beforehand. The future can wait, Seunghyun thought, right now, your smile is something I’ll cherish, no matter how short, or lengthy it will be. We’ll rest our worries for tomorrow. But today, I’m just happy to have you by my side.