DARA

As I sit here inside this big white room, I couldn’t help but to feel nervous. I’m about to give an interview for Vogue Korea. This isn’t the first time I’m doing things like this, but this is my first time to reveal something really private. So my nerves were fluttering, I could also feel  thousands of butterflies in my stomach. I tried to keep my cool by adjusting the strap of my dress and giving this girl—- who’s going to interview me a polite smile. 

“Nervous?” She asked with a smile. 

“Kinda.” I answered, giggling. 

Then I turned my head to the side, naka tayo doon ang buong glam team ko. They all waved at me so I gave them a playful flying kisses, making them laugh. 

When the staffs gave us the cue to start, ay nag simula na rin lumamig ang aking mga kamay. She gave a short introduction then proceeded with asking me the basic questions. Like what’s going to be my next project, and who am I working with? 

Until we got to the part where she asked me about my personal life. 

“You began your career as an actress at a very young age, Dara. The whole nation literally saw you grew up on the TV screen and yet we know so little about you, specifically your personal life. Why is that?” 

“People can’t ruin what they don’t know.” I winked. 

“I agree with you on that.” She chuckles.

“And just like what you said, people saw me grew up on their televisions. So I think it is only right to keep my life off-screen private. I wanna enjoy what I have behind the camera without people talking about it or making rumors about it.” I continue. 

Then I took a deep breath. 

“But today, I am now ready to share a piece of my private life for the people who supported me since day one.” I sincerely said.

“Let’s start with your family, Dara. How was your family growing up?” 

“Kinda messy to be honest.” I chuckled, trying to mask the nervousness. 

My father, that left us for his mistress. It was a painful memory for my mom and my siblings. 

Lumaki ako sa bahay na puro sigawan, araw araw iba’t ibang problema ang pinag aawayan nilang dalawa. It even got to the point where I prayed na mag hiwalay nalang sana sila para sa ika-tatahimik ng buhay naming lahat. 

And then poof! It happened! 

One night, he just packed his things and left. A month later, my mom received the divorce papers. It was painful, pero at least nag karoon kaming lahat ng peace of mind. It was also the reason why I had to work at my early age, to help my mom pay the bills. 

I was twelve when I auditioned for a minor role in a TV series. But I got lucky because I was cast as the main lead, and from then on nag sunod sunod na yung mga offer sakin. 

“I only wanted a comfortable life for my mom and my siblings, but I got more than that. It was never easy, yes. But it was all worth it.” 

I only gave them the sugar-coated version of my story. Because, again, I don’t want my private life to be really open in the public to pry. Kaya naging maingat ako sa mga sinabi ko. Hindi lahat ng tao ay maiintindihan ang mga ganung bagay kaya tama lang na hindi ko sinabi lahat. 

“Maybe that is one of the many, many reasons why you are so blessed, Dara. You have a big heart.” 

“Hindi naman, pero thank you.” I giggled, washing off the negative vibes. 

“Okay, last question before we wrap this up.. Are you in a relationship right now?“ 

The corner of my lips automatically turned up dahil biglang nag flash yung poging mukha niya sa isip ko. My heart is pounding just thinking about him. 

“I am.” Pag amin ko. 

Narinig ko naman ang malakas na pag singhap ng ibang staffs at pati na rin ang pag palakpak nila. It was kinda funny ‘cos everyone in this studio were cheering for me. We were all giggling. 

“Now that’s the tea, guys! You heard it straight from Sandara Park herself, she’s now off the market! So sorry for her fanboys though.” Sohyun, the interviewer said while looking straight to the camera as if talking to the viewers.

“If this isn’t too much to ask, could you give us a clue kung sino siya?” 

“Uhmm, sorry, but he’s a very, very private person.”

I mean, I wish I could say his name here. Pero wala akong karapatan na gawin yun. Dahil sa paningin ng iba, pag ma-may ari na siya ng iba. 

“Ohhh… so you’re dating a non-showbiz guy?” 

I happily nodded.

“How long have you been dating?” 

“More than a year already.” Proud na sagot ko. We just celebrated our first year anniversary last month. 

“Is he a businessman or something? Have we seen him before? I’m sorry pero lulubusin na namin yung tanong kasi baka next time hindi mo na sagutin.“ Biro niya. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Tawa ko. Tama naman siya, huling beses ko ng gagawin ‘to. Sa susunod, hindi na ako sasagot ng mga ganitong tanong. 

“I’m sure hindi niyo pa siya nakikita. Like I said, he’s a very private person.” 

Okay, that was kind of a lie, because I’m pretty sure they have seen him so many times before. Sure din ako na na-interview na nila yun one time.

And he didn’t like it. He said it was awful dahil hindi siya sanay pag madaming camera. He hated it. 

Nang sa wakas ay natapos ang interview ay nag mamadali akong nag paalam sa mga staff sa studio. Nag liligpit pa nga ng mga gamit sila Junsuke ay iniwan ko na. Naiintindihan naman nila kung bakit ako nag mamadali. They were even teasing me. Alam nila kung saan ako uuwi ngayong gabi. Inihatid ako ni Soonho, my manager, sa bahay namin. 

Pag baba ko sa parking lot ay lakad takbo ako papuntang elevator. Tinawanan pa ako ni Soonho pero hindi ko siya pinansin. Panigurado ay tulog na yun dahil medyo late na rin. Hindi rin siya nag reply sa last message ko sa kanya kanina. 

I miss him. 

At hindi nga ako nag kamali, masarap na ang tulog niya nang buksan yung kwarto. Wala na naman siyang suot na shirt, naka dapa siya kaya kita ko yung nape tattoo niya. Gusto ko na siyang lapitan pero pinigilan ko muna yung sarili ko. I need to wash up first dahil nanlalagkit na ako. Tahimik akong kumilos sa kwarto para hindi ko siya magising saka ako pumasok ng bathroom. 

Pag tapos ko ay tulog na tulog pa rin siya. Hindi manlang nagising sa ingay ng shower at blower ko. He must be really tired. Pero nang tumabi ako sa kanya at yakapin siya ay mabilis siyang nagising. 

“Hey.” He greeted with his raspy voice. 

Ugghh! My Kwon Jiyong!

How come na kinikilig pa rin ako sa kanya kahit isang taon na kami?

“Hey, you!” I said, settling myself on top of him.

“Kanina ka pa? Hindi na yata ako naka reply sayo.”

I pouted. 

“Yeah, you just left me on delivered!” Kunwaring tampo ko. 

He chuckled at saka ako hinatak ng konti pababa sa mukha niya. 

“I fell asleep, was too tired eh.” He murmured against my lips. 

“I know. I understand, babe.” Sagot ko naman habang hinahaplos ng marahan yung cheeks niya. 

Madami siyang ginawa kanina, pero nakaka tuwa dahil nakuha niya pa rin na i-update ako sa gitna ng pagiging busy niya. I know what he did this morning dahil pag dating niya palang ng office, sinabi na niya kung anong schedule niya. I also know where he had lunch at sino ang mga kasama niya. Speaking of that lunch, it made me upset pero hindi ko sinabi sa kanya. 

“You haven't greeted me properly yet, Park.” Sabi niya kaya tumawa ako. 

“I already did! I said hey you, diba?” 

“Is that how you’re supposed to greet your boyfriend, huh? Sandara Park?” Tanong niya habang lumilibot ang dalawang kamay niya sa likod ko. 

“Paano ba dapat?” Asar ko. 

He rolled his eyes. 

“Just kidding!” Tawa ko bago siya              hinalikan. Gusto niya lagi yung ganito, matagal at mabagal na halik. 

 “How’s your interview?” He asked right after our kiss.

“Good! I said something on that interview though.” Sagot ko saka umalis sa ibabaw niya.

Mas gusto kong naka siksik sa tagiliran niya para mas nayayakap ko siya. 

“Really? What is it?” 

“I admitted that I’m currently in a relationship with a non-showbiz person.” He grinned and hugged me even more.

“You should’ve just said my name, babe.” Patawa tawang sabi niya. 

“Yeah, so your parents and Hyo-Jin’s     family can kill you.” I sarcastically replied and he just chuckled. 

It was supposed to be a joke, but we both know that it’s the reality. Our reality.

Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang malungkot. 

“Let’s sleep, baby.” He murmured while kissing the top of my head.

“I don’t wanna sleep yet. I want you.” I whispered. 

“Didn’t I just made love with you this morning multiple times?” 

“I still want you, I missed you all day. Plus, you had lunch with Hyo-Jin earlier. I just want to remind myself that you’re mine, Jiyong.” I’m being territorial again. Ako ‘tong nang a-agaw ng fiancé pero ako pa ‘tong may ganang makaramdam ng mga ganitong bagay.  

“That’s silly, babe. You know I’m only yours.” 

Behind closed doors, yes. 

“Pleaseee? Baby?” I looked up to him and gave him puppy eyes.

Natawa naman siya at saka pumatong bigla sa ibabaw ko. 

“My Dara wants me to her again, huh?” I bit my lower lip, preventing myself to laugh. I like it when he’s being like this, a er. Mas lalo akong na tu-turn on. 

“Yeah. my brains out with your , Kwon.” He only giggled and started to move downwards, in between my legs. 

A few minutes later, we’re both panting and each other’s names when we finally reach our .

Halos hindi ko na mai-dilat ng maayos ang mga mata ko pagkatapos. I need to clean myself up pero mamaya nalang siguro dahil feeling ko nasagad yung energy ko. 

Naramdaman ko nalang nang humiga siya sa tabi ko saka ako hinatak palapit sa kanya at niyakap. Tinaas niya pa yung covers para takpan ang hubad naming katawan. 

“I love you.” Bulong niya. 

“Me too.” 

Inside this dimly lit room, we have uttered our love for each other countless times already. We cannot be seen together outside, so we always have to hide our love here. I’m not even going to lie; our situation is hard. But all the pain was worth it once I got to hug him, but the question is—until when?