May 28 - 12:00 MN

 

**Riiiinnggg. . . . Riiiinnggg. . . . Riiiinnggg. . . .**

 

It had been approximately two and a half hours since he had been lying lifelessly on his bed, his left hand never leaving his ear. 

 

“Come on, pick up. Please. For me.”

 

**Riiiiinnggg. . . . Riiiinnggg. . . . Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system, if you would like to leave a message please —**

 

He sighs heavily, breathing is getting even more and more difficult each day. 

 

But despite all that, Chanyeol still tries his best to survive, to live in this cruel and unjust world that he was living in.

 

“I’m an idiot. I know.” He whispers to himself. His eyes never leaving the sight of the empty ceiling above him. 

 

It’s already 12 midnight, and Chanyeol feels like he is about to jump off the nearest building he can find, one that is as tall as the Eiffel Tower. One swift jump and all of his problems will go away. 

 

And maybe, eventually be able to meet him on the other side. 

 

He was becoming more and more desperate as time ticks by. 

 

Finally giving up, he clicks his phone off, taking it out of his hears, throwing it on the side of his bed, it doesn’t even matter anymore if his phone broke or gets cracked anytime soon, with the many times he has thrown the device back and forth on his bed, a year after what had happened. 

 

He shifts his body to the right, curling like a ball as he hugs his pillow very tightly. Tears were starting to roll down his cheeks, the pain of the loss is still quite fresh, stabbing his heart relentlessly for every single day he tries his hardest to live his life. It felt like he was walking on very painful eggshells, only to find that they were shattered glass, making him bleed out until he has nothing to offer one day. 

 

It had been a year since the incident . Been a year since he was living in a life that he didn’t want anymore, and that everyday was a living hell for him. Sometimes he wished he had the strength and the determination to end it, but just like any other normal human being, he was scared of doing it alone.

 

“I can’t do this without you. You know how weak I am. I can’t do this alone.” He repeatedly says, as if talking to someone whom he couldn’t see or never even existed before.

 

‘Tonight, the skies are clear and there are so many stars coming out pristine and pretty in this night sky! NASA has announced that in a few days the planet Earth will be graced once again with the sight of the ever- glowing Halley’s comet, the one celestial that only appears every 200-years! So all of you astronomy and space-loving ladies and gents, don’t miss out on this one-time rare opportunity to see it in the skies!’

 

Chanyeol had forgotten that his TV was still on, had forgotten even that everything within the four corners of his room or even his whole apartment in general, was a huge mess.

And as much as he wanted to look forward to this once in a lifetime phenomenon, how could he when his heart continued to shatter, his tears continue to fall and his emotional quotient was simply just falling apart every single day that he tries to hold on. 

 

Holding on for him.

 

Holding on for Kyungsoo.

 

May 29 - 07:25 AM

 

“Oh c’mon Chanyeol, please? Pretty please?” He could hear this voice, one that he was all too familiar with. He tries to clear away the blurriness from his vision, only to see that they were outside, the sun was out, warm yet the breeze was very much cozy.

 

Chanyeol looks around, so many cherry blossom trees were surrounding them, petals falling five centimeters per second, floating and flying all over the place. 

 

He couldn’t understand what was going on.

 

Chanyeol remembers the place, remembers exactly where this was, he looks down to his hands, seeing that he was wearing the same brown cardigan, the same inside shirt and the same light blue pants that he chose to wear that day, one because it was the easiest to put on during a cool Spring day and two –

 

It was because Kyungsoo picked it for him.

 

“Yeollie-ah! Are you listening to me?” 

 

Chanyeol looks up to the direction of the voice, and right in front of him is the man that he has been craving to see, desperately, for such a long time.

 

For Chanyeol, a year passed has already been forever to him. 

 

Eyes that turn into crescents the moment he finds sight of the taller man – cheeks puffing in pure pink and innocence, and his smile, one that Chanyeol has always cherished the most, radiant and heart-shaped, only for him and him to see.

 

There he was, his Kyungsoo, smiling right back at him, beaming like it was the first time they have met in a long time.

 

“Soo?” He calls out to him, extending his hand as he reaches for him, but wonders why he couldn’t touch him.

 

“Let’s watch the cherry blossoms together, just for one last time!” Kyungsoo's gaze soften, his eyes full of life and warmth. 

 

But unfortunately, Chanyeol couldn’t seem to reach him.

 

“Soo? No, please, don’t leave me!!” Chanyeol feels as though he was just running in place, his feet heavy and his hands shorter than its usual length as he witnesses Kyungsoo turning his back on him, walking away. 

 

 

“Kyungsoo, please don’t go!!!”

 

 

**TTIIIIIINNGGGGGG!!!!! TTIIIIINNGGGGGGGGG!!! TTIIIINGGGGG!!!!**

 

Startled by the sound of his alarm, Chanyeol jumps out of his slumber, eyes wide open, his breathing fast paced. He blinks, a one and a two, just to clear his vision and his mind from the awful dream that he just had.

 

Deep within him, he wishes it wasn’t a dream at all.

 

“.” He slams his hand on the alarm, grunting as the sound of it repeatedly rings on his head, leaving a lasting impression on him that alarm clocks will forever be the bane of his existence and he wishes these weren’t even invented.

 

 

‘Yeollie, you have to get up! Work is important and we both need to save money if you want us to buy a house in Japan!’

 

 

Ah, maybe Chanyeol wanted a different kind of alarm to wake him from his senses.

 

He sits up, rubbing his puffy eyes off of sleep, dry tears and out of any dirt that stuck on the crevices of his eyelids or in between, yawning loudly as his other free hand stretches the tension off his muscles. 

 

“Another day to try and survive this . I am honestly just tired.” He finally walks out of the bed, mouth still wide open as he yawns his way to take a cold shower in the morning.

 

He just really wants this day to end and get over with.

 

For Chanyeol, today was just another day that he wished he was dead.

 

May 29 - 10:28 AM

 

“Do you wanna go and have dinner tonight?” One of Chanyeol’s officemate appears, his head popping up from his cubicle. 

 

“Nah, not today, Baek. I’ll pass.” He doesn’t even spare him a glance, Chanyeol just goes on and types away all the work that is needed to be done, his eyes filled with nothing but gloom and irritation, downing himself with as much workload as he needs to forget that he needed to live a life of his own today.

 

“Chanyeol, this is the nth time you rejected my offer to eat. You need to hang out or have friends around you at the very least, a change of pace won’t be so hard for you?” Baekhyun leans his head atop the cubicle. Chanyeol can see from his peripheral vision that the beagle probably was tiptoeing on his seat instead of just legitly walking over to his side of the cubicle, peeking over to check on the taller.

 

“I’ll be fine, Baekhyun. Nothing really to worry about.” He replies nonchalantly, still refusing to turn and look at his officemate.

 

“You’re not okay, Chanyeol. I am not an idiot and it’s obvious.” Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrow, he had been looking out for the man for such a long time, and the fact that they weren’t just officemates but best friends since they were in high school. 

 

“I am, Baekhyun. I really am. Why do you keep saying I am not?” He finally looks up to his best friend, the discontent evident in his face. His mouth was scrunched up and Baekhyun can see how his eyes were so out of life, so dark and with no spark.

 

Baekhyun knows. Of course he has always known. He knew that Chanyeol was just trying to keep up with whatever humanity he had left to breath in this world, and that he was just trying his hardest not to break into a million pieces all at once.

 

“Chanyeol. I know you.” Baekhyun’s answer was simple, but it immediately turned Chanyeol into a soft mesh of emotions. The taller’s eyes then started to water, the small spark in his orbs started to come back, as if the once kind-hearted and expressive Chanyeol had come back even for a short period of time.

 

Baekhyun sighs, remorseful as he watches Chanyeol start to cry right in front of him. He quickly goes down from his seat, his toes probably too tired from reaching the top, quickly wears his worn out crocs before walking into Chanyeol’s cubicle. 

 

Without hesitation he gave the man a big hug, wrapping his arms around the taller’s shoulders, rubbing his back for more comfort.

 

“There, there. It’s alright.” Baekhyun coos, reassuring Chanyeol that letting all the emotions out instead of hiding them was alright. It was only the both of them working in their department in the morning, most of their peers were off to meetings and venturing out to make more sales that day. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were simply the ones writing and noting down the expenses, making ledgers, journals and making sure they had more return of investments than losses for the month.

 

“I can’t do this anymore, Baek. I just can’t, I am trying, trying so hard.” Chanyeol wails, his cries louder and his breathing even harder for anyone to comprehend. He couldn’t accept it, he couldn’t move on from it, but even so, he had to swallow it painfully since it was the reality of things.

 

 

Kyungsoo was gone.

 

Kyungsoo was no more.

 

 

“It’s been a year, Chanyeol. I understand how devastated you must have felt, and it’s alright to grieve, I am so sorry for your loss.” 

 

 

It had been a year, since Kyungsoo has passed away.

 

 

Kyungsoo, the man Chanyeol was so deeply in love with for over four years, they have been together since their junior year in university. They started off as friends during their freshman year, became lovers in the middle of autumn in their third year together as accounting majors.

 

He would trade anything in the world just to be with Kyungsoo.

 

But alas then, his long-term lover decided to go ahead first, without warning and without hesitation.

 

Kyungsoo died from an attempted suicide. Wouldn’t call it attempted anymore since he finally let loose and did it. Chanyeol found him dead on his apartment one morning, his body laid flat on the floor, dozens of unknown pills scattered across the tiles – 

 

 

And Kyungsoo was pale, devoid of breathing.

 

And Chanyeol ever since that day, blamed himself for everything.

 

 

He blamed himself for not checking up on him enough, blamed it on himself that he was too focused and busy at work, too immersed in reaching the goal of finally buying a house for him and Kyungsoo –

 

Only to realize that Kyungsoo has been hiding the pain from him for such a long time.

 

“Why did he leave me? It was my fault that I wasn’t there, it’s because of me the reason why he died. It should have been me, it should have been me who died!” He was getting physical, Chanyeol was punching his temples alarmingly hard. Baekhyun had to hold him tighter to keep him calm, he was already starting to cry as well.

 

It hurts so much for Baekhyun to see Chanyeol like this. 

 

It even hurts more to realize that Kyungsoo was around to reassure them that things are going to be fine any longer.

 

The man had entirely lost his senses, he had lost the spark in his eyes, the charming smile he once wore, greeting everyone with good vibes every morning as he comes in the office, the cheerful and energetic man who was ready for anything as long as he is up for the challenge was gone, Chanyeol’s usual self had dissipated and never came back ever since his Kyungsoo had left.

 

If only Baekhyun had the power, he would take Kyungsoo back just to see his best friend smile once again. 

 

He loved both of them dearly, Kyungsoo was like a sunflower in their life, the man would often visit Baekhyun’s apartment to help him clean his bedroom, or oftentimes would send him daisies and marigold because those were Baekhyun’s favorites. 

 

It’s the little things, but Baekhyun thinks that’s the reason why Kyungsoo had always been an important part in their lives.

 

Kyungsoo has been pretty much a part of the entirety of his college life, and Baekhyun appreciates the effort he puts in to make him feel loved the same way he does for Chanyeol as well.

 

Baekhyun lost his parents at a very early childhood, he was left to live with his aunt who didn’t want him and gave him almost the bare minimum as he grew older. The beagle had to work multiple part-time jobs just to get to finish his high school, but fortunate enough, Chanyeol’s parents were very kind to cover for his university expenses, and in exchange studied hard and gave them good grades, eventually graduating with the highest distinction in his class. 

 

But that’s where Kyungsoo goes into the picture, because during his first few years in university, he literally had no one but Chanyeol. Considering that he wasn’t the friendly type compared to his best friend who would often talk a lot, Kyungsoo came into his life one day whilst he was alone eating at the cafeteria, and the tofu-skinned boy just happened to ask him if he wanted company. And ever since then, the two were immediately just like two peas in a pod, and for Kyungsoo to have known about his past, the boy never hesitated for a moment but gave everything that he could to make him feel like he mattered, that he is loved all the time.

 

Without Kyungsoo, Baekhyun thinks life just turned back to being fully on grey, there was no color, and everything around them was just dull.

 

The once bright sunflower of their lives, faded all too soon, and Baekhyun’s chest aches at the thought that yes –

 

Kyungsoo was no more.

 

He pushes his thought away, despite tears rolling down from his face, and instead decides to be the bigger person and opted to keep comforting and be strong for Chanyeol as much as his sanity can still take any of it.

 

He knows how it feels to lose a loved one, one that he has learned to heal from a very early age.

 

“Chanyeol none of these was your fault, this isn’t your fault. You did well. You tried your best to love him as much. If he were here he would never blame you for any of it.” The beagle places his hand on Chanyeol’s forehead, covering the entirety of it so as for the taller to not hurt himself further. He leans his head atop of the other’s, his cheeks gently caressing the curly brown locks of his grieving best friend.

 

“Why would he do such a thing? Why did he have to leave me alone like this? Why. . . Why. . .” Chanyeol was hopeless, he couldn’t and he will never move on from it, the fact that he was carrying the burden of the blame, one that he implanted within himself ever since he found Kyungsoo lifeless in his apartment. 

 

And the fact that he never left a note, Kyungsoo never left a note.

 

That up until he decided to let go of his life, he still chose to hide whatever kind of pain he was feeling from Chanyeol, from everyone else in general.

 

“Let’s take a moment to relax, okay? Deep breaths, deep breaths Chanyeollie.” 

 

The morning hours pass ever so fast, the hours will finally turn into dusk, and whether or not Chanyeol likes it – life still goes on despite his mourning, time will continue to tick forward, and how he wished that for once that clock would stop for him even just for a moment.

 

How we wished time would turn back to when Kyungsoo was still alive and well.

 

June 5 - 12:00 MN

 

**Rriiiiiinnnggggggg. . . . Rriiiinnngggggg. . . . Rriiiiinggggg. . . . Rriiiinggggg. . . .**

 

Chanyeol never really regarded himself as an idiot, he was bright, clever and some of his colleagues even praised him for how physically and mentally good he was in a lot of things.

 

“Please pick up, Soo. I know you’re still there.”

 

But for some reason, when it comes to things that are related to Kyungsoo, he immediately just loses his brain cells altogether, and he just does the dumbest he could ever think of just to cope with his grieving.

 

It had been exactly 11 months and 4 days since he’s been doing this, staying up late in the middle of the night, his phone stuck on his left ear and his hands holding on to it like dear life.

 

He had been calling Kyungsoo’s number every single day ever since he passed away.

 

It started when he was shocked to find out that the latter’s phone was still ringing one night – as he let his intrusive thoughts take him and his depression following suit. He couldn’t understand how and why, but considering that when the medics had took his lover’s body to the hospital, and the police were searching on his place, none of the officers had reported if they had found his mobile phone, let alone gave up the device to Kyungsoo’s parents or to him in that regard.

 

And for some weird reason, Chanyeol also couldn’t pinpoint how Kyungsoo’s phone still hasn’t gone on low battery, let alone battery empty. He had been calling the same number, the same time, the same midnight, and it surprises Chanyeol so much that wherever his phone is, it sure has such a long battery life.

 

‘All astronomy and astrology lovers! Are you all excited for next week? NASA has just announced that Halley's Comet will be arriving on June 12! A breezy and clear Wednesday night!’

 

He stops listening to the continuous ringing on the other line, his senses focusing more on the date that the newscaster had just said, he feels like life was literally playing tricks with him, he couldn’t even swallow his saliva as it only seemed to turn like ice in the middle of his throat, as he recalls the date repetitively on his boggled mind.

 

‘June 12, the world must really like seeing me suffer like this.’ He internally curses to himself. 

 

He sits up from his bed, this time his attention focuses on the small TV right in front of him. Still holding the phone in his ear, he inhales deeply, feeling nervous for something that he shouldn’t, he closes his eyes for a bit before opening them again, his gaze back at the news flash.

 

**Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system, if you would like to leave a message, you may do so after the tone — BEEP!**

 

“Hey, Soo. There’s gonna be a Halley’s comet on our fifth anniversary next week. Just wanted to let you know.” He started to speak, as if he was talking to someone, when he clearly knew no one would respond to him.

 

“Maybe, you’d like to watch it with me? You know how much I love astronomy stuff. You like them too, right? About the sky, the stars and the moon.” He continues, despite the emptiness on the other end. 

 

He couldn’t remember how many times he cried that day, but tonight was another one of those episodes, Chanyeol’s eyes were rapidly watering, tears welling up endlessly down to his cheeks.

 

It was just way too painful to bear for Chanyeol. He might be a really big man with a big heart, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t feel the anguish that was slowly eating him up every single day that he keeps himself alive and awake.

 

He quietly snivels, his shoulders shaking from another wave of intense emotions, he was starting to have small hiccups in between, but that didn’t stop  him from still putting all of his remaining energy to talking to Kyungsoo on the other end of the line, still wishing that his boyfriend would one day respond to him.

 

“I miss you so much, Kyungsoo. I wish you knew how much I love you, how much your parents love you. . . .” Chanyeol has a tight grip on his phone, he feels his body turning weak the more he keeps sobbing, his head low and his back curving down. 

 

“Why did you leave? You never left a note, you never said anything. The week before you left we went to Japan to watch the cherry blossoms, you were so happy. . . .”

 

Finally giving in, he laid back down on his bed, curled and vulnerable. 

 

“Three days before you left, we went out to dinner. You even said you wanted to try the nearby Italian restaurant that just opened around the block near my apartment.”

 

Chanyeol closes his eyes, his emotional breakdown slowly coming down, but the tears were still streaming to the side of his face. 

 

“The day before you left, you told me the twelve reasons why you loved me so much, and that all those reasons were simple because I was Park Chanyeol.”

 

“On the day you left, the day of our fourth anniversary, you promised that you’ll stay by my side no matter what happens, like how the stars would shine for the both of us at night, and how the moon would glow for us despite the hardships we go through in life.”

 

Chanyeol doesn’t remember what time it was anymore, doesn’t even care or regard if his phone was already in saving mode, let alone does he even care if the battery goes empty the next day. He drowns into his own sorrow, he continues on with his grief, unafraid yet in constant suffering. He knows that he won’t get any good from it if he doesn’t let himself learn how to move on, but for someone who loves so much and gives unconditionally, Chanyeol thinks he won’t be able to recover from this, not too soon – even worse, maybe not ever.

 

“You said you loved me, that there was no other man you would want to love over and over but me, but why? Why did you have to leave me?”

 

His voice was growing hoarse, the hand that was holding onto his smartphone earlier finally let go of the device, letting it fall lightly on his side of the bed, his body slowly giving in to slumber.

 

“Kyungsoo. . . . come back to me.” Was the last thing he uttered before he finally came down to a comfortable and peaceful sleep. His phone stayed on, surely he won’t be able to hear his alarm scream in his ears the next morning.

 

The night was clear and the stars continued to shine from above Chanyeol, even in his dreams, probably in the deepest parts of his subconscious, he wishes that someone or somehow, his answer would be heard, hoping that one day he might just wake up and all of these were just nightmares he just incessantly dreamt one night.

 

That is, if the stars were willing to align for him.

 

June 11 - 08:45 AM

 

Chanyeol was surprised that he woke up really early that day.

 

He was already up and running by 7:15, the sun wasn’t even in the sky at that time. He doesn’t know why and how, but the moment he got out of bed that morning he was fully energized, he didn’t feel weak nor did he even feel like he was blue at all either. 

 

He felt like a really heavy weight just suddenly got off his shoulders, even just for a day.

 

It was odd, yes. But he didn’t really question it, wanting to take all of it in before the sadness gets ahead of him once again. For the first time, he thinks that Baekhyun’s advice was right afterall – to live a little. 

 

Chanyeol began his day with a cup of his favorite latte. Didn’t really pay much attention to the fact that aside from waking up feeling light and a little happy, he woke to a somewhat clean bedroom? He doesn’t know how that happened or maybe the night before, he probably out while trying to tidy the four corners of his once messy bedroom. His files were fixed on a neat box, his table was organized, the pens that he used to scatter around before were now in one place, his clothes were either neatly hung in the rack o inside his closet –

 

He was quite disconcerted about what happened, but he still chose not to question it. He knew to himself that sometimes when goes down after a crying session, he would often be in a state of daze, quite confused or disoriented, somehow he spaces out but still manages to finish tasks without him even realizing it.

 

He moves on to the office with his coffee on hand, greeting everyone a good morning like how he used to a year ago. Even everyone around him was concerned, eyebrows raised and their mouths curved into bewilderment seeing Chanyeol quite happy for the first time in a long time.

 

“Did you eat something weird today?” Even Baekhyun was confused. His head popping out from above Chanyeol’s cubicle as per usual, leaning to it as he stares down at his best friend, hoping to probably find answers by just looking at him.

 

“I had a cup of coffee? And a churros stick. Haven’t had proper breakfast in months if that’s what you’re asking.” Chanyeol shrugs, still sipping onto his half-empty coffee cup as he types away all the figures that were needed to be inputted for the day.

 

“No, what I mean was, are YOU okay? You seem off?” Baekhyun comes down from his seat, deciding that it was best to talk about this as he walks into Chanyeol’s space as per usual.

 

“Off? What do you mean off?”

 

“Chanyeol, you don’t seem – sad??”

 

“Yeah? And what about it?”

 

“Why?? What changed, what happened to my gloomy and depressed giant?” 

 

Chanyeol, for the first time in about 5 months in, laughed wholeheartedly. He covers his mouth, so as to not make so much noise, his other hand clutching tightly onto his stomach, whatever Baekhyun had said was already way too funny for him. Took him a few more seconds before recovering and for Baekhyun to answer with his eyes wide and his mouth agape.

 

“Y-You’re laughing??” Was what the beagle can only muster in speech.

 

“Is laughing something humans don’t do anymore? Is this something new to you Baekhyun?”

 

“Stop treating me like an idiot, you Dumbo, you know what I mean!!” Baekhyun pouts, lightly slamming his foot on the floor like a spoiled kid that was never given what he wanted.

 

“Alright, alright! I was kidding!” Chanyeol raises both arms in defeat, turning his swivel chair around to finally meet eye to eye with Baekhyun.

 

“Are you okay, Chanyeol? I mean, I did say that you should try and move one, but I didn’t expect it to be this – fast??” Baekhyun makes weird hand gestures in the air, trying to emphasize his question for Chanyeol to understand further. 

 

“I haven’t moved on, Baek. I still pretty much am hurting about the loss.” He leans his back on the rest of his chair, his hands above his head.

 

“Then? What’s the change of the mood all of a sudden?”

 

“You said it yourself, to live a little. And for some reason today I felt like I needed to do that. I didn’t feel as sad as I thought I should be.” 

 

The two friends just stared each other down for a while, one figuring out how to respond and the other was waiting for his input, Chanyeol taking note that maybe Baekhyun was trying to find the right words to tell him.

 

“Did you dream about him again?” 

 

“Come to think of it, I haven’t. The last time I ever dreamt about him was more than a week ago.” Chanyeol slouches back, his elbows resting on top of his knees. He realized that he has never really had dreams about Kyungsoo anymore after that one where they were still on their Japan trip during Spring. He thought that maybe that was Kyungsoo paying him a visit before formally bidding him farewell.

 

But wouldn’t those kinds of dreams make you emotional? He remembers when his mom had told him of how his grandfather visited her in her dreams, and that he was wearing everything in all white, there was a shine at the back of his head, like a halo of some sort, and that he looked younger and happier than he was before he passed away. He recalls how his mom woke up crying, as his grandfather had told her that he had found peace and a place to rest, telling her to take care and enjoy life to the fullest before waving goodbye.

 

Kyungsoo wasn’t in those categories of dreams.

 

Chanyeol remembers well how Kyungsoo looked like in the last dream he had. That was the day when they visited Kyoto, their favorite place to visit especially when it is Spring. Kyungsoo wasn’t even wearing anything white in his dream, he was wearing his usual black sweater, navy blue pants and he always brought either a beanie or a snapback with him. He could clearly remember his smile, he didn’t even look like he was going to say goodbye, it seemed as though he was still asking Chanyeol to take him around the park filled with blossoms.

 

Japan was their most favorite destination for travel. They had planned that out even before the year had started, and Kyungsoo was so ecstatic to see the cherry blossoms for another year. It had been their favorite thing to do since their first year in a relationship, and they have visited Japan for more than ten times during their supposedly four years together.

 

But alas, Kyungsoo didn’t even wait for them to celebrate their anniversary last year, as Chanyeol lost him mid-afternoon, just right after lunch time, after Kyungsoo had called him while he was eating at the company’s cafeteria.

 

He could still remember the last conversation they had that day, the day where he completely lost him forever.

 

“Promise me one thing, Yeollie?” He could hear Kyungsoo sniffing on the other end, but he decided not to ask, wanting to let his lover to keep talking.

 

“Yeah? What is it, sweetheart?”

 

“Promise me that you’ll continue to live your life happily, you’ll keep moving forward, you’ll keep working hard until we are able to buy that dream house we wanted in Japan.”

 

“Soo, what are you talking about? Who said I am giving up? Of course I’ll keep that promise! I am going to let our dreams come true! We are going to do it together right?”

 

At that time, Chanyeol didn’t understand why Kyungsoo gave him the silent treatment for a few minutes, back then, he thought that maybe the latter was just too flustered and shy to answer, that maybe Kyungsoo was smiling from ear to ear on the other end.

 

But, now that he had the time to go back to it, he realized that was the sign that Kyungsoo was already giving him his parting words.

 

 

“Soo?”

 

“. . . . Yeah. We’ll be together to witness our dream house come to life.”

 

“So excited! I already have the interior designs in mind, I want the living room to look like –”

 

“Chanyeol?”

 

“Yes, Soo?”

 

“Promise me you’ll love yourself. That you will continue to keep loving the people around you.”

 

“Of course, Soo, of course I will continue to give love to everyone.”

 

“And Chanyeol?”

 

“Yes, sweetheart?”

 

“Will you always remember me?”

 

“Soo, what are you talking about?”

 

“I am just being a little sentimental as always, that’s all. Just answer the question for me, please?” 

 

 

Chanyeol at that time was so confused, but knowing Kyungsoo, he felt like the latter was just asking for reassurance, he knew that sometime his boyfriend would often feel very insecure and small about his abilities and his physical features – but Chanyeol would always be glad to keep giving him assurances and that all of Kyungsoo’s worries and doubts are valid, and that there should be nothing he has to worry about.

 

 

“Alright, Soo.”

 

“Will you always remember me?”

 

“Until the end of my days, Kyungsoo. Until my hair grows white, and until the day I won’t be able to speak or stand any longer, I will always keep you in my heart, my mind and my soul.”

 

He remembers hearing Kyungsoo’s breathy yet hearty laugh, what Chanyeol did not expect was, that was the last time he would ever hear that from him that day.

 

“Chanyeollie?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I love you. Never forget that, okay?”

 

“I love you too, Soo. Of course, I will always remember.”

 

“Chanyeol?”

 

“Yes, sweetheart?”

 

“Goodbye.”

 

 

And that was the last time Chanyeol has ever heard of Kyungsoo. There was a growing feeling in his gut at that time, that something was wrong, something must have happened for Kyungsoo to be this sentimental in the noon, but instead of following his instincts, he decided against it, saying that he trusts Kyungsoo enough that he could handle whatever that is, and that he knows that if Kyungsoo needed help, he would always call Chanyeol right away.

 

Chanyeol closes his eyes in thought, as regret was starting to seep into his system. If only he trusted his instincts more, there would’ve still been a chance that he might’ve saved Kyungsoo, a minute or an hour early was just the key. He could’ve just ed his lunch and his work schedule in the afternoon, and instead opted to rush to Kyungsoo’s apartment that day, and maybe he would’ve still seen his lover on the floor, but there was a chance of living. 

 

But then again, all he could ever do is just reenact all of these at the back of his head, at the deepest corners of his mind. 

 

It was all too late now. 

 

It’s been a year. Kyungsoo’s gone.

 

How we wished he could turn back time to fix things. To turn back to the day Kyungsoo attempted, to the day where he pushed his guts aside and decided that today will be another normal day.

 

Chanyeol wished he could’ve done something different.

 

And that up to this day, no matter how many times people tell him –

 

He will still blame himself for the death of his lover, no matter how much convincing it needed to tell him otherwise.

 

“Ya, from Earth to Park Chanyeol, are you still listening to me?” Baekhyun snaps him out of his dilemma, one that Chanyeol had to flinch a bit as he felt the coldness of his best friend’s palms on his cheek as he landed a light slap on his face.

 

He blinks his eyes for a bit, trying to get back to the reality of things, as he tries to sit up straight on his seat.

 

“Sorry, I was just, spacing out as usual. What was it you wanted to say, Baek?” 

 

“I was asking since you said today is the day you wanted to live a little as you said you would, want to go out for dinner and maybe, have a drink I guess? Like the old times?” Of course, Baekhyun, given the chance, would still go and try his shot of asking his best friend to get out of his misery, just so Chanyeol would at least cut some slack and enjoy even for a little bit.

 

“Hmmmm. . . .” Now that Chanyeol was thinking about it, Baekhyun thinks at least there is progress in the many months that he has been inviting the man out to eat. 

 

“C’mon Chanyeol, I know this is still a really sensitive topic for you, but after Kyungsoo passed, you barely ever had time to hang out with me, let alone our college friends even.” Baekhyun shrugs, leaning at the edge of the cubicle.

 

There was an unreadable expression on Chanyeol’s face, but he didn’t seem to feel irritated, even so he didn’t feel offended at how his best friend had worded it out. He knew the beagle was just, at the end of the day, looking out for him and his well-being as usual.

 

“We both know Kyungsoo doesn’t want any of this for you, or any of the both of us right?” 

 

Baekhyun was right. Even if Kyungsoo was here or not, he wouldn’t even want to see Chanyeol in this state for far too long. 

 

Chanyeol thinks, that maybe this once, he should give himself a chance to breathe.

 

June 12 - 12:00 MN

 

“Ughhhh. . . . My head is heavy and spinning, I need water.” 

 

Chanyeol lays flat down on his bed, his gaze up in the empty ceiling of his room. His right hand, nursing his aching headache, rubbing his forehead, hoping that would ease his problem. 

 

But his left hand apparently, was still in its usual business. 

 

**Riiiiinnngggggg. . . . Riiinnggggg. . . . Riiinnnggg. . . . Riiiinnnnnggggg. . . .**

 

Park Chanyeol, intoxicated, head spinning and is about to throw up, maybe anytime soon –

Still found the time, and will make the time still for Kyungsoo.

 

He places his phone close to his ear, so used to the melody of the beeping, the silence on the other end of the line, and only him to speak or send a message to whoever was listening – but he knows he was hoping it was Kyungsoo.

 

‘Tonight is the night y’all astronomy and astrology lovers have all been waiting for! Halley’s Comet will be appearing in the starry skies tonight! Come on out and open y’all windows as we witness the 200-year old comet bless us with its grace and beauty!’

 

Chanyeol had forgotten that he turned the TV on by habit the moment he came home from his and Baekhyun’s dinner and drinking shenanigans. Finally agreeing and giving his best friend his time and a chance to chill out a bit from his heartache. 

 

They went out to eat at their favorite seafood place right after work. Chanyeol had missed their lobster rolls, the fresh clams and the very juicy crab meat that they had. He missed how much he enjoyed the food there, and the moment he had devoured a piece of his favorite blue marlin, he felt like he immediately went on cloud nine.

 

“I have never tasted this for so long and it still tastes oh so good!” He recalls what he said the moment his tongue had processed the taste of the food. Baekhyun across from him was laughing heartily, downing his own food as a wide smile crossed his face at the sigh of Chanyeol looking so happy.

 

“See? I told you enjoying life isn’t so bad after all. Seeing you smile once again suits you, Yeol. This is what Kyungsoo wanted for you.”

 

Chanyeol clicks the call button once again for the nth time that hour, Baekhyun’s words echoing in his mind as the sound of his TV was drowning, and all he can hear repeatedly was his best friend’s exact same words.

 

 

‘This is what Kyungsoo wanted for you.’

 

 

Of course, of course he knew that Kyungsoo wanted nothing else in the world but for him to be happy. Whether it was with or without him, Kyungsoo would always do anything to put his happiness first before his.

But how can Chanyeol be able to live his live happily and to the fullest, when the one person he had hoped to live his life with is already gone?

 

He sighs deeply, his headache sort of resided a bit, although the feeling of lightness from the alcohol was still there. He wasn’t sure or couldn’t really remember how many bottles had he and Baekhyun had consumed that night, but all he can muster up with his hurting brain cells is that they both went down to the nearest bar right after dinner, bought probably five or more bottles of the beer they would frequently drink in the past and the rest was history.

 

The phone continued to ring, the TV host continued on to ramble about how the Halley’s Comet might be a blessing and also a curse especially to those who firmly believe in astrology and the zodiac.

 

Chanyeol wanted to stand up and listen to what the host had to say, but he felt like his body was too heavy to even get up. The idea of even wanting to open the windows and witness the comet was an even impossible task in his current predicament, and as much as he wanted to witness the phenomenon itself, as someone who loves astronomy, he was too wasted and too depressed to even lift a finger from where he is lying at the moment.

 

**BEEP!!**  

 

The ringing finally stopped and the sound of a voice message system has finally came to place, Chanyeol felt a little irritated at how it got him three or four repeated calls that night just to reach the voicemail option. 

 

“Hi Soo. I am a little drunk, went out with Baekhyun today. I wanted to enjoy life a bit like you said I should.” He started speaking, once again to the empty receiver at the other line.

 

“The TV host says that the Halley’s Comet will be up in the sky anytime now. I wish you were here to see it with me.” With the remaining strength he has, he finally forces himself to sit up, his head still a little bit wobbly as he tries to stand up from the bed, walking towards the large glass window that was a few distances on his bedside.

 

In the end, he still couldn’t resist. He would still want to witness the comet despite his state of drunkenness.

 

He swung the curtains to the side, the slightly bright light coming from the moon had Chanyeol to squint for a bit, but his eyes soon widened at the sight of the sky that was filled with so many visible and beautiful stars.

 

“Wow, Soo! Can you see this from where you are? The sky is so beautiful! The moon is in full bloom, and there are so many stars in the sky!” The more he kept pretending that he was talking to Kyungsoo, the more he had forgotten that he was trying to cure a headache, that he was trying to fight the tipsiness that he was feeling.

 

He slides his glass window open, the breeze of the night was cool, one that calmed his nerves, the wind that felt close to home. 

 

“I wish you are able to see this Kyungsoo. Maybe God can let you watch this from where you are right now.” Chanyeol softly says, walking back to sit on his bedside, his eyes never leaving the speckled and mesmerizing heavens. 

 

Back then, he used to go stargazing with Kyungsoo every weekend, and they often do it either at the rooftop of Kyungsoo’s apartment or at a nearby park as they go on a picnic in the afternoons. Those times were one of the happiest for Chanyeol, as he would usually lay down on the picnic mat with his boyfriend, and as the stars would start to show visibly in the night sky, he would often direct Kyungsoo to the many constellations that they would be able to catch with their eye, and some stars and planets that Chanyeol have been very knowledgeable of as well.

 

And Kyungsoo would listen, he loves listening to Chanyeol as he talks about his love for astronomy, outer space, NASA and all those other geeky stuff that are related to the celestial heavens above.

 

And Chanyeol misses that. He misses that a lot. 

 

He misses Kyungsoo. He always does.

 

“Let’s watch the comet pass by together, Soo. I may be tired and have a really bad headache right now – ” He lets himself fall on the bed, his back flat on the foam, his head a little lowered so that he may still hold sight of the window right in front of him.

“But I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” His head lies comfortably on his pillow, as his eyes finally caught sight of the comet falling from the sky, his dark orbs sparkle, the celestial phenomenon slowly passing by his window. Such a beautiful sight, a once in a lifetime event.

 

‘Halley’s Comet has finally come to pass! Did all of y’all make a wish? They said that if you make a wish under the comet, it will come true!’

 

Chanyeol did not only see the Halley’s Comet passing by his window, what amazed him the most was that there were little other comets rushing to fall, following the trail of the larger comet that had come earlier. He smiles, his grin wide from cheek to cheek. His dimples, for the first time was seen deep and pretty – he has never smiled that much since Kyungsoo’s passing.

 

“Do you see it, Soo? They’re so pretty from where I am. I hope they shine the same way on yours.” Chanyeol suddenly feels the heaviness of his eyelids, he was getting tired despite only using a little bit of energy from watching the comets pass by his window. He then let’s himself, quickly closes his eyes shut, slowly losing his consciousness as he starts to give in to his slumber.

 

“They say to make a wish once the comet has passed by, what was your wish, Soo?” He asks drowzily, as if the empty void on the other end of the line would answer for him.

 

Chanyeol felt like time was getting slower, he could feel the breeze of the night flow towards his direction at a slow yet steady pace, the sound of the TV Host’s voice on the TV was not found, his ears seem to not hear anything but the sound of a ring which, to which he doesn’t know where that came from.

 

He was too tired to move, let alone too tired to open his eyes and wonder what was up.

 

He could feel his body grow lighter, maybe he was already half asleep, entering a deep slumber soon enough if he lets himself, but Chanyeol was still eager to talk to Kyungsoo, despite no one really answering nor replying to him at the other end of the call.

 

“You know what I wished for?” Chanyeol continues to speak, in a hushed and deep tone as he continues to close his eyes, he feels like his chest was lifted up from the bed, feeling as though he was floating, feeling like he was laying up in the clouds that night.

 

“I wish you were here, Kyungsoo. Alive and well —”

 

There was a moment of stillness, Chanyeol finally kept his quiet as he let himself be taken by his sleep this time, feeling as though that was the last of his spent energy to say those wishes to Kyungsoo. His hand was still gripping tightly on his phone, still tucked comfortably on his ear, as his mouth was slightly agape, ready to welcome himself to his newly found dream land and what other scenarios does his subconscious have in store for him. 

 

But apparently that wasn’t the case.

 

Because the moment he decided to sleep, the moment he decided to let his consciousness sip away from his body was the exact same moment his phone started beeping for the second time around.

 

** BEEP!! BEEP!! **

 

Chanyeol’s brows furrow in question, he was still pretty much sleepy, his eyes still closed shut. He wondered why the other line started to beep once again, his thoughts maybe that Kyungsoo’s phone finally was in low battery, or maybe there was another person attempting to call his number but no one was there to answer for him. He was so confused as to why that happened, and that was even the first time it did, so he waited for the beeping to stop.

 

But this time, it was a beep that even Chanyeol was too caught off guard to process what was going on.

 

** BEEP!! BEEP!! TOOT!! **

 

It only took about one a half second when the tone finally stopped. There was another second of silence when suddenly – 

 

“Hello?”

 

Chanyeol eyes opened wide, so wide that the whites on his eyes were now even wider than his pupils. He immediately sat up, his headache instantly gone.

 

Chanyeol was too stunned to speak.

 

“Hello??? Yeollie? Are you still on the line?”

 

Chanyeol could feel his heart beating so fast, it was going so fast that he feels like it was about to explode inside his chest, that maybe this time, if sci-fi movies were real maybe heart explosions were real after all and he was the next in line in losing 95% of his life span at the familiar sound of his lover on the other line.

 

Chanyeol doesn’t understand what he was feeling at the moment. 

 

He feels too shocked, at the same time ecstatic, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He thinks he indeed was asleep and is just dreaming, and that Halley’s Comet probably heard his wish and took him to a better dream land where Kyungsoo was still alive and he was talking to him on the phone at this very moment.

 

 

“Yeollie, did you fall asleep by chance?”

 

 

Chanyeol couldn’t believe it.

 

It’s Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo’s voice. On the other line.

 

Still unconvinced, Chanyeol tries to slap himself in the cheek really hard, one that could pass as a punch in the face if he exerted more force on his palms. He could feel the excruciating swell and the pain that was starting to rise, his cheeks red from the contact. 

 

“Ow, ow, ouchhhh.” He whispers lightly, rubbing his cheeks in return from slapping.

 

“Park Chanyeol, did you slap yourself in the face? What the hell are you doing?” 

 

Kyungsoo had been trying to get an answer from the man, but it seems as though Chanyeol still thinks the world was playing with him. He thinks he had gotten crazy and guessing from the many phone calls he had been doing every night, he thinks he might have finally been hallucinating all of this.

 

And so, he proceeds to pinch his thighs so hard, that the cloth from the worn-out jeans that he was wearing crumples, his nails sinking into the fabric as he tries to hurt himself even more, just wake from the reality of it all.

 

“Chanyeol, why are you not replying to me, are you drunk?”

 

Yes, the pinch was painful, he was groaning from the hurt that he was feeling –

 

But no, the voice that he was hearing wasn’t a dream at all.

 

It really is Kyungsoo on the other line.

 

“I. . . .Ugh, I drank? A little bit?” He finally answers his question, his mouth shaking, unable to process what and how did all of this even happen.

 

“Aishhh, you drank with Kyoong again did you?”

 

This was no joke. Kyungsoo was the only person who had ever called Baekhyun by his childhood nickname, and no other friend of his would call his best friend that but only his lover.

 

His supposed to be dead lover.

 

Chanyeol was so confused.

 

“S-Soo?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Is, is that really you?”

 

There goes that heart-warming yet breathy laugh that only Kyungsoo can make. One that Chanyeol had missed hearing a lot, the laugh that Chanyeol can visualize as Kyungsoo’s eyes turn into crescents and his lips into a heart shape.

 

“Chanyeol, you’re drunk. Go get some water before talking to me. I’ll hang up now.”

 

“W-Wait no! Please, Kyungsoo. Wait a bit, please?” The taller immediately stands up from his bed, rushing outside of his room, grabbing a small glass from the coffee table as he marches towards his small kitchen to drink some water.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t anything, but did what he was told. He waited for Chanyeol to finish gulping what seemed to be three glasses of water and a moment of deep breathing before the taller could even respond to him once again.

 

“Okay, I am done. I drank water and. . . . I am sober?”

 

“That’s good. Why am I not informed that you drank with Kyoong today?”

 

He calmed himself first. His back leaning on the counter, his head lowered as he tries to process everything that has happened tonight. He takes four, or maybe five quick breaths, before finally able to even utter a word to Kyungsoo once more.

 

“Soo?”

 

“You’ve been calling my name a lot today, what’s up?”

 

With an ample amount of courage and another set of deep breathing –

 

“Is this really, really you? ”

 

“Chanyeol, for the last time, YES! This is me? Your Kyungsoo! Is there something in the alcohol that made you this confused?”

 

So everything right now is real. Chanyeol couldn’t believe that Kyungsoo is real.

 

But how did this even happen?

 

He would have to figure this one out, one way for another. 

 

Chanyeol has had a long day of happenings and unusual results, he best let the sleep talk to him for a while and solve all of these mysteries when he has an even clearer mind the next day.

 

But for now, he wouldn’t really mind having Kyungsoo, seemingly alive and breathing, talking to him in the wee hours of the night.

 

He misses this after all.

 

“I, ugh, no. My head is just a little fuzzy that’s all. Me and Baek drank probably about four bottles each.” Chanyeol moves to the living room, finding the couch a much more comfortable place to lie on. 

 

“You didn’t tell me you went drinking earlier; no wonder you weren’t replying to my texts.”

 

‘Texts? I have never sent any texts to Kyungsoo after he – ’

 

Again, Chanyeol had to remind himself that it would be best to dissect all of these by the morning and just enjoy whatever hallucinations and/or sleep walking he probably is having at the moment, real or not, at least he gets to talk to Kyungsoo, even for a little while.

 

“Sorry about that, sweetheart. I thought I left you a message, maybe it didn’t go through.” He could feel a certain warmth in his chest, one that he hasn’t felt for such a long time. The feeling of being assured and safe, knowing that he has someone he could look forward to the moment he wakes up, or that feeling he gets when butterflies start to swarm on his stomach, the things that only Kyungsoo himself could trigger.

 

“That’s alright, Yeollie. I was just worried about you earlier. But I am glad you called. That’s enough for me to know you’re safe.”

 

Chanyeol feels like Kyungsoo’s voice has turned all too foreign to him, considering he hasn’t heard this for almost a year.

 

“Anyway, Soo, I think I may need to sleep. It’s getting late and we have work by the morning don’t you think?” Chanyeol pretty much didn’t want this night nor this conversation to end, but reality calls and responsibilities are still as important, so he really has to take this night off for another day’s work.

 

“Ahhh! Right. I forgot about the time, I was too engrossed with the new episode of the drama I was watching. Didn’t think it was late already.”

‘New Episode? Didn’t that drama end like a year ago?’ Skeptical about Kyungsoo’s reply, Chanyeol chose to take a mental note of it, hoping that tomorrow he might be able to find the answers right away.

 

“What did I say about staying too late in the night? Didn’t we promise to sleep early from now on?” Chanyeol laughs, trying his best to pretend that this was any other day when Kyungsoo was still alive.

 

“Yeah, but I can’t help it! The new episode was about the two siblings finally confronting the villain! It was epic!” 

 

Chanyeol smiles softly, he proceeds to close his eyes as he shifts his body to the side, the sound of Kyungsoo was such a lullaby to his ears, and he thinks he might have a really good night sleep right after this.

 

“Are you sleepy already, Yeollie?” The innocence in his voice made Chanyeol’s heart beat eratically steady but so full of feeling.

 

“Yeah. I think the alcohol made me sleepy a bit, sweetheart. I am sorry if I couldn’t stay longer.”

 

“That’s alright! We can meet tomorrow at lunch time, yeah?”

 

Chanyeol finds it weird for a soul who doesn’t have a living body, ask him out for lunch the next day. Despite the many signs leading to all of this being real, the taller still thinks he’s pretty much hallucinating due to the beer intake.

 

But he also thinks this is an even greater opportunity to prove if this indeed was real or was just all in his head from the beginning.

 

“Sure, Soo! Let’s meet tomorrow. Same time and place?” 

 

“Hmmm! Same time and place. I’ll come to your office, okay?”

 

Even better, that way Baekhyun would be able to see Kyungsoo as well.

 

“Alright, sweetheart. You get some sleep too, okay?”

“Yes, love! I will sleep when I turn this call off.”

 

How his boyfriend said the word sleep made Chanyeol’s chest ache a bit, the sound of that coming out from Kyungsoo’s lips makes him feel that maybe he won’t be able to wake up the next day, or that he won’t be able to hear his voice anymore, proving that all of these were just fresh from his imaginations.

 

And if he was being honest, he didn’t want any of that. 

 

Chanyeol wanted the idea of Kyungsoo being alive to be real.

 

“Good night, Kyungsoo.” Was the only thing he could muster up.

 

“Good night, Yeollie! I love you!”

 

Oh yes, he really must wish this was all real.

 

“I love you so much sweetheart. Always.” Tears were starting to brim on his eyes, the curve of his lips soon turned into a frown, his eyebrows once again crumpled as Chanyeol could feel as though Kyungsoo was literally saying goodbye to him this time.

 

“You sound so emotional today, I think it’s the alcohol. But that’s okay, I love that in you. Sleep well my Chanyeollie! See you tomorrow!”

 

The call finally ends, Kyungsoo dropping it as soon as he said goodbye. Chanyeol turns his phone off, placing it in the edge of the couch, as he lets his tears stream down on his cheeks, his eyes closed as he curls himself up in safety.

 

“Please let this be true. Please let me see Kyungsoo by the morning.” Was what he repeatedly chanted until he finally fell back into sleep.

 

He wouldn’t say he wasn’t looking forward for the next morning, but he would also be lying to himself when he says he isn’t at all excited either.

 

Chanyeol hopes that the morning will greet him kindly, and even more so, it’s Kyungsoo that he wants to hear, the one he wants to tell him a good morning indeed.

 

*** ** - 07:30 AM

 

Chanyeol wakes up early as per usual. 

 

His headache had probably resided ever since he drank water that night to sober up.

 

More like, Chanyeol woke up even before his alarm was up. He couldn’t really sleep comfortably knowing that he was on the couch.

 

And he never forgot about the fact that Kyungsoo was alive (?)

 

So he quickly gets off the couch, proceeds to head to the shower, making sure he is well-dressed and handsome for the occasion. A few minutes after, his alarm finally rings, somewhere around the corners of the couch – he then comes out with a tower on his head, his boxers intact as he runs to look for it to turn it off.

 

After finding it on the very bottom of the seat, the clicks button on the side to snooze the alarm, but something was awfully unusual about the day. He stood there for a while, trying to figure out what it was he was missing, but he couldn’t really point out what it was.

 

All he could muster up in his messed up morning head was the fact that the temperature was way bit colder than he expected summer to be.

 

“When the did it become this cold?” He shivers, folding his bare shoulders close to his chest as he prances toward his bedroom to get some fresh change of office clothes. 

 

A few more minutes of preparation, finally wearing a neat suit that he carefully picked up from his wardrobe, he adjusts the tightness of his tie before finally picking up his bag from the rack near the door.

 

As Chanyeol puts on his shoes, he stops for a moment, sitting on the floor as he looks up at his window in thought.

 

“Please be true. Please let me save you.” He whispers to himself before putting his right shoe on, tapping the tip as he leaves for another day at work.

 

The moment he goes out of his apartment though, he was welcomed by a sudden feeling of uncertainty, more so the moment he looked around his surroundings, he had to double take to make sure he was not seeing things.

 

Cherry blossoms were flying and floating all over the place, people walking around still wearing thick coats, explains why the temperature was a little colder today. 

 

“Cherry blossoms?? In summer?” Chanyeol burst out in stupor, dumbfounded even as he looks up into the horizon, raising his hand to catch some of the petals. When one successfully lands on his large palm, he examines it closely, making sure he wasn’t dreaming again.

 

It was real. The cherry blossoms looked pretty much pink and fresh from the winter’s bitter cold. It looked like it was the first blood of Spring, one that he and Kyungsoo enjoyed the most amongst all the other seasons throughout the year.

 

“Okay, I think I need some downtime. How about I go to the office without trying to keep everything on notice and maybe Baekhyun would help me figure out this fiasco.” He shakes his head, trying to snap out of the shock and the questionable things that he was starting to feel at the moment. He walks down the aisle, marching towards the bus stop, doing breathing exercises as he tries to compose himself. 

 

He waits for the bus to arrive alongside all the others that were waiting their turn. He looks around, making sure everything was normal and nothing absurd or unusual was going on.

 

At a breath of relief, everything was normal.

 

Just like any normal working day for Chanyeol.

 

He has to immediately talk to Baekhyun about this or else his brains might explode in the middle of the road.

 

*** ** - 10:48 AM

 

If Chanyeol thought reaching the office was his form of relief, that was exactly where he was wrong.

 

“I don’t understand, Chanyeol. Did you step on a bar of soap today for you to say awful things like these?” 

 

Baekhyun was sitting on his swivel chair, arms folded, his one leg on top of the other, an eyebrow raised as he looked at Chanyeol in disbelief.

 

Chanyeol, on the other hand, was flabbergasted by what Baekhyun had just told him.

 

“Awful things? What are you talking about Baek? I literally am telling the truth!”

 

Baekhyun scoffs, looking away from his best friend, he couldn’t believe whatever the taller was telling him, the fact that Chanyeol out of all people were to say such ridiculous terms, he thinks that the man was playing a prank on him.

 

“I’m sorry but what did drinking last night do to you? You sound like a false prophet, Chanyeol, it’s making me feel uneasy.” Baekhyun tries his best to hush his voice as lower as possible, so as to not attract any of their other co-workers who does nothing but eavesdrop on other people’s conversations.

 

“But what I am telling you is true! Even I couldn’t believe what I heard last night. It was the first time in a long time since I heard Kyungsoo’s voice!”

 

“Chanyeol, you know how stupid you sound right now? How could you say something like this to Kyungsoo?”

 

Chanyeol was starting to get frustrated, he couldn’t understand why Baekhyun was suddenly sounding so hostile towards him, towards the topic at hand. He couldn’t understand why Baekhyun thinks he was making things up, like he was some crazy man who walked in the office just to make up stories.

 

“Whu – What? I don’t get why you’re like this, Baekhyun. I don’t understand? Did you suddenly wake up with amnesia or something?”

 

“Am I supposed to ask that question to you? Did you wake up from the mental or did you happen to be another Chanyeol from another dimension, hmm?” 

 

Chanyeol lightly slams his body on the backrest. He looks up into the ceiling, trying his best to stay as calm as he could, his best friend was seriously testing his patience. He takes a moment, inhales and exhales before looking back down at Baekhyun who still was patiently listening to him despite also the irritation showing on his face.

 

“Baek, I don’t understand, what do you mean by awful things? What is awful about what I said?”

 

 

“Chanyeol, where the did you get the idea or who the told you Kyungsoo was dead?”

 

 

Chanyeol felt like he got hit by a moving truck the moment Baekhyun had finished his question.

 

He thinks his mind is flying off the handles. 

 

Chanyeol feels like he was out of his mind.

 

“I-I’m sorry, what did you just say?” His lips were trembling, his whole body was internally trembling in general.

 

“How could you say such a thing about your boyfriend, Chanyeol? Were you that wasted last night?”

 

Chanyeol just froze on his seat. He didn't know how to react or what to say about that bit of information.

 

Was he still dreaming? How long is this dream going to keep him riled up? Does he need an even harsher slap in the face?

 

Maybe he does.

 

“Baek, could you punch me in the face?”

 

“I – What the ? Why – No??”

 

“Okay, don’t punch me in the face, how about you slap me instead?”

 

“Are you ing serious? What has gotten into you?” 

 

“Just do as I say, please.” 

 

And Baekhyun, the mischievous man that he is, without hesitation, smacked his palm really hard on Chanyeol’s cheeks, causing the taller to scream loudly than he should have.People’s heads were turning to their side, some popping up from their cubicles wondering what was going on.

 

“Nothing to see here! There was a bug hanging out on his face so I had to slap it off!” Baekhyun announces, causing everyone to smile and some giggle at the statement. In a matter of seconds all of them turned back to their usual schedule, and worked their asses off once again.

 

Chanyeol was still trying to recover from the blow, rubbing his pained cheek, his forehead scrunching in agony. 

 

“What the that was way too hard than I expected.”

 

“You asked for it. Now, are you awake?”

 

“Yes, I definitely am.” Chanyeol looks up at Baekhyun, the smile of success drawn on his face, slapping his best friend back to reality was such a good thing to do in the morning.

 

But for Chanyeol, his mind was now filled with more dread and overthinking.

 

‘What the hell is going on here? Baekhyun has no memory of Kyungsoo gone?’

 

‘Kyungsoo?? Alive? All this time?’

 

“It’s not a dream at all.” Chanyeol says, looking down on the tiled floor as he tries his hardest to put a finger on the fact that things have changed right after the comet had fallen to the sky that night –

 

It was Spring season, that was already one takeaway and the other, that being Kyungsoo is still alive and breathing at this time, and it seems as though all those months of Chanyeol grieving and hurting were worthless.

 

There were two more things he needed to ask, and these two will be the deciding factors for Chanyeol to prove that he indeed was not insane and everything around him is real.

 

“Baek, I know all of this will sound weird for you, but be a good friend and answer me this alright?”

 

“Alright, what is it you wanted to ask?”

 

As he was about to utter a world, his phone suddenly vibrates in his pockets. At first he thought it was just a text message, but the continuous vibration indicated that it was a call he had to take with no excuses.

 

“You know what, can we talk about this later? Let me just pick this one up.” 

 

To which Baekhyun nods lightly, moving his chair back to his seat as supposed he already knew Chanyeol might need to take the call in private.

 

He fishes out his phone, quickly turning it on to see who was calling.

 

His eyes widened, as he stares at the caller name displayed on his screen.

 

 

‘Kyungsoo is calling.’

 

 

Took him a while to process this, but then proceeds to answer, clumsily putting the device close to his ear.

 

“H-Hello?”

 

“Yeollie! Good morning! Did you sleep well last night? How is the headache?”

 

Chanyeol feels like he was about to faint.

 

“The headache is gone now, sweetheart. I am feeling alright. How about you? Did you sleep well?” He still manages to articulate his words without stumbling, his heart fluttering once again at the sound of his lover’s voice.

 

“I had a really good sleep! Didn’t have any dreams though.” 

 

“As long as you slept comfortably, that’s what matters. Are you preparing to leave?” Chanyeol looks down on his wrist, his favorite gold watch indicating that there was an hour left before lunch time, before their supposed meet up.

 

“Yeah! I am just going to eat toast and leave to get some coffee for a bit. Would you like me to bring you anything, love?” 

 

Chanyeol purses his lips, his eyes were starting to water, the overwhelming feeling of yearning and loss has taken over him once again. It had been a year since he last saw the face of the person that kept him alive, that kept his dreams afloat.

 

“It’s fine. I just want to see you today. That’s all I want.” He replies gently.

 

Baekhyun turns to see the expression on Chanyeol’s face, one that made him question what exactly happened the night before, he felt like something was really off about him, and that concerned him a lot.

 

Chanyeol was in tears, one that Baekhyun has never really seen in his entire life clinging to the man he has been in a long-term friendship with. The taller looked like he had lost a loved one, like the loss had changed him entirely as a person.

 

That was the first time Baekhyun had seen his best friend wearing such a mournful expression. Chanyeol was never in that level of sadness, he was always the ray of sunshine for anyone that walks into his life, himself included.

 

But how did all of this even come to be?

 

Baekhyun mentally reminds himself to talk to him if he has the chance, it may not be today, but he will definitely find out one of these days. But for now, he thinks it’s best to leave Chanyeol as is, thinking that maybe he might be still in the height of emotions and he is still trying to grasp everything at once.

 

“You sound really sweet but sad today, are you sure you’re alright, Yeollie?” Kyungsoo asks in a worried tone.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I am alright, Soo! I just miss you, that’s all.” He lets out a raspy laugh, as he wipes the tears away from his eyes, turning his chair to face his computer so that no one would see.

 

“It’s only been a day, Chanyeol! You see me almost everyday. You really are my baby.” Kyungsoo giggles, making Chanyeol smile a little, the tears still kept flowing, kitting the caps of his keyboard but it doesn’t really matter at this point anyway.

 

‘You don’t know how much I’ve missed you, it had already been a year since I felt your presence.’ Chanyeol speaks at the back of his mind, laughing away the heartache and the pain of his grieving that still was a fresh wound in his chest.

 

“I will always be your baby, Soo. See you?”

 

“Yes! See you later, love!”

 

As the call ends, Chanyeol places his phone on the side, as he continues to weep silently within the four walls of his cubicle. 

 

If the world truly wasn’t playing with him, and if his wish really did come true –

 

Then will the world also give him the opportunity to save his Kyungsoo?

 

*** ** - 12:00 PM

 

[ From: Sweetheart 𖹭 ]

 

12:00

 

I am already here! I’ll wait for you at the lobby. ^ w ^

 

Chanyeol was feeling extra nervous, his palms were sweating and his limbs were starting to shake a bit, standing in front of the restroom mirror.

 

“You can do this, Chanyeol. Buckle up!” He slaps his cheeks lightly, trying to compose himself before finally meeting Kyungsoo for the first time once again.

 

What he was feeling was similar to when he and Kyungsoo had officially become a couple, and he felt so anxious when they decided to go on their first ever date together as lovers. 

 

He feels like he will be seeing Kyungsoo as fresh as how he first fell in love with the man, all over again.

 

He washes his face for the fifth time, as if that would keep his worries away.

 

“Here goes nothing. You got this, Chanyeol.” He assures himself one last time before finally leaving the premises, hurriedly walking down to the elevator as he braces himself for what is to come in the next few seconds.

 

He internally reminds himself that it’s just Kyungsoo, that he has been with Kyungsoo for so long, he shouldn’t even feel like this. But his heart probably has a mind of its own, one that won’t bend against his will.

 

** TIINGGG!! **

 

The elevator finally gets him to his destination, and as the doors slowly open to the lobby, he takes deep breaths, waiting for everyone to leave first before he gets out last.

 

“Okay. I can do this.” It’s not like he was going to propose, even if he had planned to in the past but couldn’t seem to get the timing right, Chanyeol finally walks out of the elevator, seemingly looking around the lobby for any sign of his boyfriend anywhere.

 

“Where is he?” There were a myriad of people coming in and out of the vicinity, it was lunchtime after all. Baekhyun decided to eat lunch at the office cafeteria, saying that was way too lazy to come down and meet Kyungsoo, that he’ll have to leave it to Chanyeol to take care of that matter and maybe schedule a meet up for the three of them some other time.

 

He turns around, still looking around the many people at the entrance coming in and out, wondering where had Kyungsoo gone. He fishes his phone out of his blazer, turning the device on and was about to text where he was –

 

 

“You’re not looking where you need to be, I’m right here.”

 

 

To which Chanyeol immediately raises his head to, and at a really fair distance, there he was, standing amongst the crowd.

 

Chanyeol really felt like it was the same as how he had met Kyungsoo the first time.

 

Kyungsoo was standing a little closer to the lobby lounge, a heart-shaped smile already plastered on his face, his eyes turning into crescents the moment he has caught sight of his tall boyfriend. 

 

Chanyeol remembers so well how Kyungsoo loved that sweater so much, colored in blue and white stripes, despite it being too large for him, he still loves wearing it due to the fact that it was Chanyeol who had bought that for him on his birthday two years ago. His hair was parted to the left, one that Chanyeol found really charming about him, aside from that one time he went all bald because he was due for military service, and that the taller pretty much enjoyed how he would rub his large hand on Kyungsoo’s small head, annoying the heck out of him but was too adorable to even be taken seriously.

 

And yes, Chanyeol’s eyes were starting to tear up once again.

 

“K-Kyungsoo. . . .” He faintly calls out, slowly walking closer to him, Kyungsoo standing still, waiting patiently for him.

 

“Hi, Yeollie! Did you miss me – ?” Kyungsoo was taken aback as Chanyeol swiftly enveloped him in a tight hug. He had to tiptoe though, Chanyeol was raising him a bit from the ground, but he didn’t really mind that much, his shocked expression softens as he felt the warmth around him, leaning his head the taller’s shoulder.

 

Chanyeol could feel him. His presence, his physical body. 

 

Kyungsoo is there. He really is.

 

“Kyungsoo, my Kyungsoo. . . . I missed you so much.” He body was starting to shake, tears trickling down his face as he grips his arms tighter on Kyungsoo’s body. It was a mixture of relief and pain, one that he felt so happy that Kyungsoo is indeed alive and the other, where he could still feel the ache of the loss, the lamenting that he felt for a year was still there and he had to get it all out.

 

“Chanyeol, slow down. Why are you crying? I am here, am I not? ” It’s as if Kyungsoo has read his mind, letting go of the hug as he tries to console Chanyeol, his hands on his cheeks for comfort. His thumbs went on to wipe the tears away from his eyes, his face showing nothing but love and affection towards the other.

 

He wishes that was the case, he wished the Kyungsoo knew that was running on his mind and for him to say these words had touched Chanyeol’s breaking heart intensely, and all he could ever do was cry even more.

 

“Yeollie, don’t cry! Awww, my poor baby giant, don’t cry. Did you miss me that much? Did something bad happen yesterday? It’s okay, I’ll make it better! How about we eat at your favorite Japanese resto? Hmmm?” As much as it sounds like baby talk, Kyungsoo didn’t really care what people thought of it, nor did he even have regard if there really are people eavesdropping on their conversation. What mattered to him was that he was able to put a smile on Chanyeol’s melancholic state, as he continues to shower the man with kisses on his face, giving a peck on his lips as the last. 

 

‘Oh, Kyungsoo if you only knew.’ Was what Chanyeol wanted to say, but didn’t seem to let it out.

 

“I bet their sashimi special tastes so good right now.” Chanyeol replies as he tries to sniff away the bawling he had been doing earlier. He pulls out the small hankie that he always kept in his pockets, wiping all the excess tears that were still visible on his face, trying keep a decent look after breaking down in front of Kyungsoo.

 

At the very least, he had finally confirmed that Kyungsoo was indeed real. And yes, he was ecstatic about it, how the Halley’s Comet did eventually make his wishes come true.

 

But there were still a lot of loopholes that he needs answers for, and he hopes that maybe Kyungsoo will be able to answer them throughout the hours that they are spending for lunch.

 

“Then we head there! Today will be my treat, alright? To make my Yeollie feel extra better! No flashing of credit cards on the table, you got it?” Kyungsoo cutely threats Chanyeol, poking the latter’s nose as he intertwines their hands together. Chanyeol finally laughs, one he hadn’t done in almost a year’s time, as they walk out of the building to grab to go for their lunch date for the first time in such a long time.

 

*** ** - 12:30 PM

 

One thing that Chanyeol liked about this particular Japanese resto, was the fact that the service was fast, convenient and the food was oh so good. It was only a block away from his office, he and Kyungsoo enjoyed spending their time so much here that even the chef became their friend along the way. 

 

“Here’s the house special sashimi and Kyungsoo’s special ramen as per request. I hope you guys enjoy the food as always.” Junmyeon was his name, and he would always be the one to go out and serve the food for the two lovebirds, one that even the waiters would find really endearing as the head chef would really go out his way to do this for customers he loved the most.

 

“Thank you for always having us, Junmie! Your dishes are always the best!” Kyungsoo excitedly picks up his chopsticks, giving the chef a wide and contented smile before gazing down at how good the food being served looked like.

 

“You never really fail to serve the best Japanese dishes out there. I hope we’ll be able to hang out outside of work soon!” Chanyeol gives the man a pat in the back, Junmyeon replies with the same gesture, he was red in the face, blushing as he still isn’t used to a lot of compliments despite the fact that they have been friends for quite a while now.

 

“Anything to keep my two favorite people happy and full!” The head chef took a bow, proceeding to then give them both a pat in the back before leaving them to enjoy, going back to the kitchen where he would be able to show more of his magic. 

 

“His ramen will always be the best in the block, no competitions! This is why people swarm in here because he cooks with so much love.” Kyungsoo digs in, sipping through the noodles despite it being piping hot.

 

“True, you can see it in his food, how much he takes really good care of it, the plating, the preparation, everything.” Chanyeol takes a bite of the sashimi, he hadn’t had this in such a long time, the last time he has ever visited the resto was also during Spring last year, where he and Kyungsoo were never able to find another place to have their lunch on. 

 

But ever since Kyungsoo passed, Junmyeon had never seen Chanyeol visit the resto ever again. And although as much as it saddened the head chef, he understood the feeling, with what also being a widowed man, his husband himself that had left him for paradise first due to an incurable disease. It took Junmyeon even more than four years to recover, and that was the moment he had found love in cooking, making the best Japanese dishes his hands could lay on.

 

They enjoyed their time together, Chanyeol trying his best to ask questions that don’t seem obvious, ones that scream he was trying to catch up with the lost time, and Kyungsoo would always indulge, despite having a weird feeling that some of the queries were somehow odd, but he answers all of them anyways.

 

“Have you seen Halley’s Comet last night? It was so pretty.” It was so weird for Chanyeol to open a question such as this, one that he has already assumed Kyungsoo doesn’t know the answer to.

 

“Chanyeol, there was no news about the Halley’s Comet coming. As far as I remember, the last headline about it was a week ago, where they said it might come next year. What are you talking about?”

 

That was the first indication that Chanyeol knew, he wasn’t living in the same time as yesterday.

 

The more he inquires, Chanyeol finds out that everything seemed to be normal. Kyungsoo was the same as he was, working in an interior design studio from nine to five like how Chanyeol does accounting work, nothing out of the ordinary for his lover, and that everything Chanyeol knew about him was the exact same.

 

What Chanyeol needs to find out is something that he hasn’t pondered into for a while, and he needs to know if he is indeed in the right dimension to ask for it.

 

“Soo?” He finally puts down his cutlery, there was still sashimi left on his plate, but if he left this far too long he might not be able to ask of it anymore.

 

“Yeah? What’s wrong?’ Kyungsoo tilts his head cutely in wonder. One that Chanyeol couldn’t help but smile for.

 

“Nothing’s wrong but I just wanted to know, what season is it right now?”

 

“Pfffttt, Chanyeol what kind of question is that?” Kyungsoo giggles, putting laying his chopstick on the side of his bowl, amused at how Chanyeol formulated the question.

 

“I know it’s Spring, but I just need confirmation if it is indeed. . . . Spring?”

 

Kyungsoo bursted out in laughter.

 

“Chanyeol, if it makes you feel better, yes, it’s Spring season. You’ve been asking a lot of questions than usual, is something up?”

 

Chanyeol didn’t know how to respond to that.

 

Yesterday was June 12th, his and Kyungsoo’s anniversary. And June meant that this was the time for Summer season, the fact that during that month the breeze became warmer than usual and the sun was more frequent in the afternoons, confused the out of Chanyeol.

 

‘How did it move back to Spring?’ 

“I just wanted to ask random questions, to keep our memory in check.” He finally finds an excuse, one that Kyungsoo didn’t even doubt, and just nodded happily.

 

“What date is it today?” Was the last determining question that he had to let out, just to make sure Chanyeol’s hypothesis was true and never null.

 

“Chanyeol, are you okay? I mean these questions really have very obvious answers.” 

 

“I am alright, I just want to confirm something, and I want it to come from you.”

 

Kyungsoo didn’t fully understand what that meant, but since he had his full trust on his lover, he shrugs the feeling of doubt away and just went on to reply as he asked.

 

 

“Today is May 1st. The start of cherry blossoms blooming! How can you not remember that? It’s our favorite time of Spring.”

 

 

‘Bingo.’

 

Finally getting a hold of what was going on, Chanyeol finally comes up with a probably answer, his hypothesis to have been proven true at last.

 

The wish he made last night under the Halley’s Comet came true.

 

But the problem is, he isn’t living in the present, explains why the morning he came out of the shower it was colder than usual, and the sudden appearance of the cherry blossoms once again.

 

Now Chanyeol realizes two things, being that Kyungsoo isn’t back from the dead, he is still pretty much gone, moving forward to the future. 

 

And Chanyeol is just going back in time, a year before the supposed present that he was living in, the one where Kyungsoo was already dead –

 

 

A month before Kyungsoo’s fated death.

 

 

The world probably is giving him a chance to save his lover, and he hopes he does the best he can, only within a span of the month that he has been given.

 

He internally prays really hard, hoping that the world would grant him his wish of altering Kyungsoo’s future, a future where he and Chanyeol live, happier and lively.

 

“Of course I remember it, sweetheart. I was just playing with you. You’re so cute when you’re annoyed.” He adds, trying to find a way out of the weird conversation they were having, to which Chanyeol knew he had succeeded, seeing Kyungsoo’s cheeks were starting to puff.

 

“I knew it! You were just trying to annoy me with obvious questions! Stop doing that!” Kyungsoo’s cheeks turn red in irritation, but he wasn’t entirely feeling that way, he knew that Chanyeol was playful like that. and despite it sometimes that he seemingly looks pissed at it, Kyungsoo is simply embarrassed about it, how he easily becomes gullible under his lover’s power.

 

But this is just simply because he loves Chanyeol very much.

 

So much so that he would be willing to give the stars in the sky to him if he was given the chance.

 

Their lunch ended with them having a full stomach and an enjoyable company with each other. Chanyeol takes Kyungsoo back to his design studio, just a 7-minute walk from the resto, and before Kyungsoo could go back to the premises, he gives the taller a tight hug and a goodbye kiss, his arms clinging tightly onto Chanyeol’s neck.

 

“Thank you for lunch today! I’ll see you later after work?” Kyungsoo asks, eyes sparkling like a child excited to go to an amusement park he has never seen before.

 

“Of course, I’ll see you later, Soo!” Chanyeol gives Kyungsoo one last kiss in the forehead, the latter finally letting go of his hold, waving the taller his farewell before entering the studio.

 

Chanyeol starts walking back to his office, his mind still in deep thought about his current time-travel situation. 

 

What is even more intriguing about the issue is that, Chanyeol realizes that what is happening right now, is not the same as how it was before. He remembers very well how the first of May went for him and Kyungsoo last year, the couple went out on a picnic for lunch at a nearby park just across Kyungsoo’s office, and they never really met after work, as Chanyeol is presumably supposed to go out with Baekhyun for a drink tonight.

 

“The things and the events are not what they seem to be.” Chanyeol whispers to himself as he passes by the convenient store, an indication that he was a few more stores closer to his building.

 

“Why is this though? Is this from another dimension?” He was trying to formulate another hypothesis, one that he is sure he might be able to get the answers at a later time, but won’t be able to figure it out soon enough.

 

“If this is another parallel, then something should be different.” He makes this a conclusion, because as far as time-travelling is concerned, he remembers a cartoon that he had been watching as a kid, and even though this was solely based on fiction and never reality, it still was a plausible factor in his current dilemma.

 

“If I was living in a parallel world, Kyungsoo and I won’t have the same job as before, I should probably be working somewhere or something else, or even so, Baekhyun should not be my best friend. But here, everything’s just the same.” 

 

Chanyeol was a very sensible and rational man, even though he was on his high, in a bliss that Kyungsoo is alive, he still needs to have room for discussion within himself, he just couldn’t let himself be carried away by such things and leave out the rest for the world to decide.

 

This time, he was given the chance to choose and dictate what future he wanted for himself and for Kyungsoo, and he didn’t just want to lay back and be happy for what he has been given, he needs to fight back for his own future.

 

There were so many more questions that were starting to spiral down on his head, but discerns that all the logical theories would need an amount to answer, and so he must be patient to wait for the best opportunity.

 

And so, Chanyeol goes about his day, like any other day he had on a weekday.

 

The only difference was, Kyungsoo was around.

 

He needs to keep that intact.

 

May 19 - 10:35 AM

 

Chanyeol lays in bed, focusing his eyes on the TV as watches the male protagonist rush to catch up to the female, who is now leaving the country and is nowhere to be found at the airport.

 

He really finds dramas like these too cliche, it wasn’t really his taste. 

 

“Kyungsoo likes these ones a lot. Especially romantic comedies.” He narrates, as if talking to someone in the room, probably one of his pillows.

 

Two weeks has passed since the supposed time-travel situation he was in had happened, and so far everything was just pretty normal, everything was the same, except for the fact that there were days that were oddly different than the last, like an opening suggestion that he had the freedom to alter whatever it is he wanted to do that day. He feels more at ease now, with what his only goal was to try and save Kyungsoo from the inevitable future that is still about to come if he doesn’t do anything about it.

 

He really needs to get up now though.

 

He sighs, turning the TV off as he gets off from the bed, extending his arms upward in one full stretch as he walks towards his wardrobe once again, checking what clothes he’s going to wear today.

 

Today is the same day that he and Kyungsoo would go out to watch the cherry blossoms once again, he remembers this was the time that they went out to the mall, Kyungsoo surprising him with a scarf he personally made, in the color of roses.

 

Chanyeol never forgets moments with Kyungsoo, and if there is anything he has always been good at, it’s remembering every little thing he and his lover has done during their years together.

 

He wonders if things will also change once again today.

 

To defy the usual script, he takes out a different set of clothes to wear, he remembers wearing a comfy white sweater and a beanie to this occasion, and so he decides to wear the exact opposite of those, dark colors and he wouldn’t even probably wear a hat for this one too.

 

 

[ From: Sweetheart 𖹭 ]

 

10:47

 

Are you all dressed up? Ready to go? 

 

10:47

 

Will be waiting here outside the bookstore! It’s kinda cold but it’s the nice kind of cold. > w

 

 

Chanyeol smiles, it’s endearing how Kyungsoo really loves to update him often, even with the little things that he finds or experiences.

 

But that’s the thing though, Chanyeol almost every time knows what Kyungsoo is doing, what Kyungsoo wants and what Kyungsoo is thinking of, entirely if looking into the big picture, he knows would know exactly who Kyungsoo really is already, years and years of being together, from being the best buds in the block to being inseparable lovers, he should be able to know his boyfriend like palm of his hand.

 

He may know almost everything about Kyungsoo but –

 

Does he even know what Kyungsoo truly feels?

 

Is he hurting on the inside? Is he pretending? Putting up a facade so that everyone around him would think he is fine but in reality he never was?

 

These are still the things Chanyeol is yet to uncover. 

 

He hopes that he will be able to find out soon.

 

May 19 - 12:30 PM

 

Chanyeol rushes through the crowd, didn’t really expect the traffic jam that lasted for almost 45 minutes during his bus ride on the way. He has already messaged Kyungsoo, apologizing for being late due to the circumstances, but his boyfriend was always so kind enough to be patient with him.

 

‘No biggie! I just went into the bookstore and I found really interesting stuff to read! Will probably buy them on pay day.’ Was what he replied, putting Chanyeol at ease at the very least, but that doesn’t give him an excuse to not march his way towards Kyungsoo as fast as possible.

 

When he finally arrives at his destination, Chanyeol suddenly feels as though everything around him went meek, one he couldn’t understand how and why. He was still trying to catch his breath, bending his legs a bit, his hands holding onto them for support. He gives himself time to adjust before finally standing up to greet Kyungsoo once again.

 

 

“You’re finally here! I have been waiting for a while. I’m glad you came.”

 

 

Time slows down for them, Chanyeol notices, but isn’t entirely sure if it was just him or something else. Kyungsoo was walking leisurely towards his direction, he couldn’t help but notice Kyungsoo was also wearing a whole different style of clothes today, remembering he was supposed to wear a comfy sweater today as well.

 

Nevertheless, Kyungsoo looked so beautiful still, the smile on his face never fading, his eyes only speaks of love the moment he gazes at Chanyeol.

 

“Sorry for being so late, the traffic jam was so bad, I guess there was a commotion on the road I didn’t really have the time to check.” 

 

“It’s alright! I had a great time looking into new titles in the bookstore. Oh! By the way, I brought something for you, it’s a gift!” Kyungsoo was holding a paper bag, one that Chanyeol was sure is where the scarf is going to come to place.

 

“A gift? What is it then?” Chanyeol excitedly asks, despite the fact that he already knew what it was, he didn’t want to ruin the fun for his surprise.

 

Kyungsoo picks up the gift from the bag, it was folded neatly in a pink colored gift wrapper, one that had cute hearts on them. Chanyeol has always known that Kyungsoo loved pastel colors, most especially the color of blossoms, the reason why his favorite season was always Spring. He extends his arm holding the gift, signaling Chanyeol to take it.

 

“Here! I want you to open it!” Kyungsoo chirps, making little bounces with his feet. Chanyeol takes it, gave it a good look first before starting to slowly unwrap the decorative paper around it, and when he had finally caught a glimpse of the item, he was equally taken aback and surprised at the same time.

 

It wasn’t a scarf.

 

Chanyeol finally tears open the wrapper, only then to see that Kyungsoo did not make him a red scarf this time, it was a pair of gloves, albeit in the same color of red, the item was different from the one he had expected to receive.

 

“They look so pretty, Soo.” 

 

“You think so? I made those myself!” Kyungsoo proceeds to cup Chanyeol’s hands in his, they were smaller compared to his, but nevertheless, they fit perfectly like how the moon and the stars.

 

“I am glad you like them, Yeollie! I worked so hard to make them pretty. It took me a week! Let’s try it on you.” Kyungsoo gently takes the gloves from Chanyeol, rubbing them together to warm up, he then holds one glove on the wrist part, getting ready to let his boyfriend wear it.

 

Chanyeol smiles at the gesture, he finds it cute the way Kyungsoo tries to fix things for him.

 

Although, his smile slowly fades the moment his eye has caught something else, and it surely wasn’t the glove.

 

He felt like the blood on his face rushed down to the pit of his stomach.

 

As Kyungsoo was trying to fix the glove on Chanyeol’s right hand, the taller had noticed a red mark on Kyungsoo’s lower wrist, his boyfriend’s sleeves riding up to the middle of the arm as the jacket that he was wearing was just the right size for his petite body. The more the sleeves were out, the more Chanyeol had a glimpse of what those marks were on Kyungsoo’s wrist.

 

His eyes were starting to water once again.

 

The marks on Kyungsoo’s wrists were fresh wounds, not one, not two, but so many slashes, starting from the bottom of his wrists, a little bit closer to his vital sign, downwards to a small visible part of his forearm.

 

Chanyeol couldn’t take the heartache that was growing on his chest, it felt as though he was being stabbed by the exact thing that Kyungsoo had used to harm himself, may it be a knife, a blade or any object that was deemed sharp.

 

Kyungsoo wasn’t able to put the glove on to Chanyeol, as the taller instinctively then grabbed his wrist, a little harsh but not to a point where Kyungsoo would flinch as his boyfriend’s hands slightly caught contact with the slashes on his wrist. He was caught off guard, he didn’t realize that the one thing he was hiding for such a long time would appear to have revealed itself, on that Kyungsoo had been dreading for Chanyeol to know the most.

 

“C-Chanyeol, what are you –”

 

“Kyungsoo, what are these?” He could hear the trembling of Chanyeol’s voice as he asked the question, Kyungsoo’s mouth was left slightly agape, not entirely sure how to respond to that, lowering his gaze, he couldn’t look at Chanyeol in the eye.

 

“I-I got this while I was trying to fix some furniture around the house! Y-Yeah, I got this yesterday, I was about to tell you but –”

 

“Sweetheart, how long have you been doing this to yourself?”

 

Kyungsoo turned silent, whatever other excuses he was formulating, and whatever ideas that were running through his head immediately scattered away from him the moment Chanyeol eventually found out the answer without even further questions.

 

“I-I don’t know.” Were the only words Kyungsoo was able to make out. His voice cracking, he was about to breakdown.

 

But Chanyeol knew better.

 

He may feel hurt, he has been all this time, but he didn’t want Kyungsoo to have the same pain as he does. He could feel Kyungsoo start to quiver, his wrists were turning cold. He knew the latter couldn’t look at him, he could feel that Kyungsoo was struggling to air out what he feels, anxious that maybe Chanyeol would look at him differently if he ever opened up.

 

“Sweetheart?” Chanyeol calls out gently. His grip on Kyungsoo’s wrist is softer and more comforting.

 

“I d-don’t know. I’m sorry. P-Please don’t leave me.” Kyungsoo’s vision blurs as tears start to flow down his cheeks, dropping down on concrete in large drops. He curls his free hand into a fist, so as to control the growing panic and the trembling that he was starting to feel.

 

Chanyeol was calmer this time. He could feel the ache in his chest grow even more, how painful to hear that Kyungsoo thinks he could leave him just for this. He didn’t realize that behind that happy and heartwarming smile of his, Kyungsoo was vulnerable, and all the while he was sometimes weak on the inside, one that he was trying to hide from Chanyeol, thinking that the taller might not love him the same if ever he had found out.

 

But Chanyeol’s love for Kyungsoo never wavered. The more he gets to know this side of him, the more his heart grows more affection for him.

 

“P-Please, please don’t leave me. I am sorry, I-I’ll do better. I –” Kyungsoo’s stuttering suddenly came to a stop when something gentle made contact with his forearm, causing him to slowly look up to see what it was.

 

Chanyeol was softly kissing Kyungsoo’s scars, one by one.

 

Kyungsoo was confused, but his gaze never left the scene, watching as Chanyeol gave light pecks from the wrist down to the forearm. When he was done, the taller placed his hand tenderly on it, patting it lightly as if he was trying to keep the kisses he gave intact.

 

 

“I kissed every single one of those scars, to remind you that even though you’ve been hurting for so long, I will always love you the same.”  

 

 

Chanyeol then proceeds to kiss the back of Kyungsoo’s palm, placing it on his cheek as he looks up at Kyungsoo with a smile despite the tears trickling down his face.

 

 

“That even if I don’t understand, and that even if you don’t have the courage to tell me anything yet, it’s okay. Whatever it is you are struggling for, it matters. You are loved, Kyungsoo.” 

 

 

Kyungsoo’s cheeks were starting to turn red, his brows crinkling as his eyes began to water once more, the relief that he felt as Chanyeol gave him the assurance. His chest heaving deeply, sighing as he tries not to make any noise as he started crying again.

 

 

“You will always be loved, Kyungsoo. And I will never leave you. I will always be by your side, whatever it may be.”

 

 

Kyungsoo then comes closer to Chanyeol, giving the taller a tight hug. The latter reciprocates, his arms wrapped around Kyungsoo’s waist, raising him up a bit once more like he used to do.

 

“I love you, Chanyeol. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry –” Kyungsoo breaks, his knees were starting to grow weak but Chanyeol kept him in place, his strong arms making sure he was secured and safe around him.

 

 

“Never think you are alone. If you are hurting I’ll be there. If you want a shoulder to cry on, I will run to you immediately. Kyungsoo, I love you, I always did.”

 

 

The day is long and the hours go by, Spring is soon ending and Chanyeol had only a few weeks left to help Kyungsoo out from the destiny that he was going to be in.

 

But he thinks he has a chance, despite only starting from here, from scratch, it didn’t matter. 

 

He will work hard to keep Kyungsoo. To make him feel that life is more beautiful when you see how much love is there for everyone to keep going.

 

There’s still time, even if it was little, Chanyeol thinks it’s more than enough.

 

May 25 - 11:20 AM

 

** The person you are trying to call is unavailable or out of coverage area, please try again later. **

 

It has been about four hours since Chanyeol tried to call, but still to no avail.

 

It had been weeks since the incident between him and Kyungsoo, and while his boyfriend was slowly opening up to him the following days after and Chanyeol was more than willing to embrace whatever it is that his boyfriend was struggling to face, a week wasn’t enough for the both of them to meet in the middle, and there were still a lot of things they had need to compromise on.

 

Like that one time on a Wednesday morning when Chanyeol visited Kyungsoo’s apartment by surprise, and as much as he was delighted to have him around, Chanyeol noticed that his boyfriend wasn’t in the mood to talk, he was being aloof, and when the taller tries to ask questions he easily gets irritated, even to a point where Chanyeol stepped up and asked if he could help with the cooking and Kyungsoo pushed him away a little hard that the bowl he was suppose to use to put the food on broke down the pieces the on the floor the minute after.

 

Chanyeol was confused of course, but that didn’t stop him from being patient enough to try and still understand Kyungsoo’s situation. And instead of responding angrily at what Kyungsoo had done, he instead went to get a broom and dust pan, gently asking his boyfriend to step aside as he swept the broken pieces away, so as to not let any form of porcelain go to any of their socked feets. Kyungsoo that day finally let loose, softened up and tried to coo Chanyeol with feathery kisses and a really delicious home cooked meal to ease the tension between them.

 

Chanyeol is yet to fully understand what has been going on in Kyungsoo's head, but he tries, he tries his hardest anyway.

 

“Ughhhh, he turned his phone off, really?” He lays his head on the table, defeated but he has not completely given up just yet. He was simply exhausted for a bit, one because he had a lot of deadlines on his plate knowing it’s the last day of work for the week and his mental was wearing him out because of his growing worry of what had happened to Kyungsoo.

 

“Are you alright, loverboy? You seem tense.” Baekhyun goes into his space as usual, checking his best friend out just to make sure he was doing okay.

 

“Have you ever tried time-traveling?” He suddenly asks.

 

“What the are you talking about? Did the numbers finally go into your head?” The beagle pulls his chair towards him, settled himself as he slides his way more closer to his best friend, like a child playing car with a swivel chair that they have seen for the first time.

 

“Maybe, or somehow I am trying to keep it together because Kyungsoo turned his phone off and I have no other means of reaching out to him because surely he won’t be opening any of his social media either.” He groans in frustration, his face flat on the polished wood of the table. 

 

“Anything going on with you and him lately? You guys finally got into a major fight? Did you say something that caused him to be upset?”

 

“Have you ever experienced being in the grey of things?” Chanyeol sits up, leaning his body on the comfort of his backrest, giving his full attention to Baekhyun.

 

“In what sense do you mean by grey of things?”

 

“You know, you either see only black or white, and there is no in between. That’s how I see Kyungsoo right now.”

 

“Why so?” Baekhyun was hooked, he thinks this is some sort of new progress in their relationship that he has never seen before, because as far as he remembers, these two lovebirds were almost always happy, they never really showed any signs of aggression or hate towards each other, nor have they ever even went into really messy arguments during their years together as a couple, and seeing that Chanyeol does not perceive Kyungsoo as a person filled with colors was an interesting take coming from the man who is in love with the latter.

 

“He told me that his emotions were always all over the place, and he had been like that since then, even before we met. He said there will be times he’d be okay but most times he would pretend to be fine. We’ve always known him to be this cute ball of sunshine but ever since I found out he was doing self-harm –”

 

“SELF-HARM?! Kyungsoo has been hurting himself?!?!” Baekhyun shrieks, but wasn’t a loud one at the least, he tried to scream in whispers, only his breath coming out from his throat and not the entirety of his voice.

 

“Yeah. I didn’t even think he did until I found out about it. He said he had been doing that for such a long time now, and it kinda makes me feel bad that I have noticed it too late.” 

 

“Dude, that’s concerning, how is he now, is he doing okay?” Baekhyun crouches, his elbows leaning on his thighs as he drowns in thought. He may never had seen Kyungsoo for a while since he had other agendas going on in his life, but knowing that his close friend was experiencing something mentally, he was alarmed.

 

“That’s the thing, Baek. When I found out about this, he tried to be open about it, and the more he told me about it, the more I could see that the happy-go-lucky person that Kyungsoo is, isn’t his true self.” Chanyeol covers his face with his palms, rubbing his forehead lightly as he sighs heavily.

 

“So, he’s been struggling mentally and emotionally?” Baekhyun pats him on the shoulder for comfort.

 

“I don’t think the word is struggling, he’s been suffering from it. And me who has been his lover for quite a long time was not able to see the signs sooner. I am such a bad boyfriend.”

 

“Ya, ya, yaaaa! Don’t you ever say that! You have been a really good partner to him and even me, a third person can justify that. I just think that maybe Kyungsoo didn’t really want you to see that side of him, maybe he felt like if you did you would think less of him.” 

 

“Why am I to think less of him? Does he not trust me enough to rely on me when he needs support? I have always been ready to be there for him, why can’t he see that?” Chanyeol hisses a bit, a little upset and sad that maybe that was what Kyungsoo thinks about him, that he was only ever useful only for the good times but Kyungsoo won’t ever want him to be there in the bad. He might have enjoyed too much in his boyfriend’s company that he had forgotten that maybe Kyungsoo was only trying to fulfill Chanyeol’s needs, and Chanyeol might have missed the opportunity to realize that he needed to also be the one giving the same.

 

But how is he able to give what Kyungsoo wants when it’s Kyungsoo himself who has kept this hidden from him for so long? He isn’t a fortune teller, let alone someone who has the power of foresight to see what happens next in the far distant future.

 

“Am I really not a good partner to him? Am I not enough?”

 

“Chanyeol, I know you’re worried and all, but I hope you also understand that Kyungsoo’s view of the world might be different compared to how you see yours.”

 

“How is that so?”

 

“Chanyeol, I think you’re forgetting that before I became who I am now, I was exactly the same as Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun cupped his best friend's chin to look up at him, the spark of the beagle’s eyes suddenly disappears as a wave of sadness reflects on them, a sad smile plastered across his face.

 

“Remember how I lost my parents, and how much my aunt despised me to the point that she won’t even give me any room to sleep on or she would only give me the leftovers her kids had for me to eat? If not because of you finding me at the top of the school building, I would’ve wished I was dead. ” 

 

Chanyeol was at a loss of words, and it dawned to him that yes, he had always wondered why and how did Kyungsoo and Baekhyun ever click instantly the moment they met –

 

And he realized that maybe it is because Baekhyun was also in a similar situation where Kyungsoo is in now, and that both of them knew what it felt to suffer alone, and despite that there were people around them to give them support, their minds would still immediately formulate that they are still going to be left behind the moment they show weakness.

 

Which comes to a conclusion that Baekhyun and Kyungsoo do have one thing in common – and it was that both of them refuse to ask help from anyone, and that even at their most desperate times, they would still keep it to themselves, even if their life was already on the line. 

 

“We, never see the world in color. Everything for us is dark. Any small amount of light, we would grab what we can get, we don’t beg for more than that because we think we don’t deserve to be given a bigger cut , that’s because we think we are a disappointment to the world and we deserve to disappear.” 

 

“Baekhyun. . . .” Chanyeol extends a hand to his best friend, clutching on the small of his wrists, squeezing it as a form of solace.

 

“Be strong, for Kyungsoo. I know you are stuck in the middle of it right now and you don’t know what to do, but even if he pushes you away many times, don’t let go. That’s just really his trauma speaking to him. He thinks of himself as a bother, but don’t take it to heart, that’s just him asking for someone for help.”

 

Chanyeol clearly understands now, he might not be able to grasp all of it in an instant 100%, but because of Baekhyun he was able see an even wider spectrum of what Kyungsoo was going through, knowing how his best friend also fought a lot of his inner demons in his younger years before finally able to afford therapy.

 

“Don’t give up on Kyungsoo. He needs you. I know having a mentally unstable partner is stressful as , but do know that the reason why Kyungsoo is trying to keep you away from it is because he loves you. He doesn’t want you to go through the pain he will cause if he ever opens up more to you. Just let him feel you are there no matter what.”

 

Engraving Baekhyun’s words into his clever mind, he nods at this best friend before standing up, giving the beagle a warm and reassuring hug.

 

“I know talking about your past lies heavily in your heart, and I know it wasn’t easy. But thank you. Thank you for always being such a good friend to me, Baekhyun. Thank you for existing, and for being strong. You being here and alive means that you have overcome your past, and I am so proud of you. ”

 

He couldn’t stand it any longer, Baekhyun then breaks down, his face nuzzled in Chanyeol’s chest as he cries to his heart’s content. 

 

“That’s all I wanted to hear. I have never heard of it after my parents died. Thank you.” He embraces his best friend tighter, Chanyeol didn’t mind that his inner polo would be soaked in tears most probably, but because Baekhyun needed it, he would let him.

 

The same way he would let Kyungsoo.

 

He would be there, and he would make sure of that. 

 

For Kyungsoo.

 

May 25 - 7:30 PM

 

Chanyeol rushes down the sidewalk, he was lucky that there weren’t a lot of people around the area at this time, as most of them were already at stations and bus stops on the way back to their humble homes. He didn’ really care if he was already drenched in sweat and was overly exhausted from the workload he had today because what mattered to him was that he was able to reach his destination.

 

He has to reach Kyungsoo’s apartment as soon as possible. 

 

When he saw a familiar convenience store that was up ahead, he sighed in relief, noting that he was close. 

 

It had been a whole day, yet Kyungsoo was still nowhere out of reach. The more Chanyeol got worried, the more he was getting impatient, hoping that time would be on his favor and move faster for him to time out, but alas a day should be spent as per business as usual, so instead Chanyeol had to drown himself in a lot of work just to pass the time and distract himself as well.

 

His heart was pounding fast, there were so many scenarios running through his head, his anxiousness already at the top of his skull, he was shaking, but even though his legs were about to give up, he continued running and he will keep doing so until his body runs out of steam.

 

‘Where is he right now? Is he at home? Did he hurt himself again? What if something bad happened to him?’ These were the things that kept running through his mind, one that he was having such a hard time trying to process as he was physically exerting effort on the other hand.

 

He didn’t want to think of that one thing he was dreading that might happen. He didn’t even want to mentally say it to himself, the more he thinks about it, the more his fear of it was starting to grow.

 

“Please, please not this time, please not too early, please.” He repeatedly chants like a prayer, finally reaching the building to Kyungsoo’s apartment.

 

He rushes towards the entrance, off to the long flight of stairs, his long legs striding two steps at a time. Kyungsoo’s apartment was on the third floor, and he didn’t really care if it would make him lose his breath, his head was growing hazy from the anxiety and the lack of oxygen due to the running but he kept pushing on.

 

Finally, standing at the door of his lover’s apartment, he takes several deep breaths. He didn’t want to faint there and then as he still had an agenda to do. Leaning his back at the wooden door, trying to keep it all together. A few more minutes, when he was already recovered from all the running and the gasping, he turns to look back at the door, quickly knocking it, waiting for the man to respond.

 

“Soo, I am here. Are you alright?”

 

There was no answer.

 

Chanyeol knocks again, this time he made sure he did three knocks, to make sure Kyungsoo had heard it.

 

“Soo? Sweetheart, I haven’t heard from you the whole day. Your phone was off and I am worried, what happened, are you alright?”

 

Still, there was no answer. 

 

Chanyeol was finding it difficult to swallow his saliva, he feels like there was a rock stuck on his throat, beads of sweat were still dripping down his forehead, his heart thumping even faster.

 

He goes to hold the knob, expecting that it was locked, he was surprised to know that the moment he held on it, the knob twisted open. Chanyeol swiftly opens the door wide, letting himself in the apartment, his legs making long steps, his eyes quick to roam the place, the living room and the kitchen was only illuminated by the light coming from the moon, Kyungsoo had left his large balcony windows open.

 

He was nowhere to be found.

 

Chanyeol proceeds to walk towards his bedroom, he tries to twist the door open, but this time it was tightly shut. 

 

“Oh no.” He starts to panic, his hands shaking as the pessimism starts kicking in. 

 

“Soo?!?!?! Kyungsoo? Please, answer me. Please tell me if you’re in there.” His hands were shaking, but that did not stop him from knocking the door continuously, tears were b on his orbs once again, his lips quivering from the fear that something bad has happened to Kyungsoo.

 

There was still no response from his partner.

 

He felt like all of his blood went south, all he could hear was the ringing in his ears. His hands were cold, his spine was freezing.

 

He doesn’t know what to do at this point, if he finds that he was too late to save Kyungsoo yet again, he feels as though he might be the one to go next in line.

 

Because even his sanity couldn’t take this any longer.

 

He didn’t want that to happen anymore, this was his only chance, and yet he was a little too late again. 

 

What is he going to do now? He couldn’t find the keys to Kyungsoo’s room, let alone have the energy left to kick down the door.

 

Chanyeol instantly bawls his eyes out, tears never stop flowing down his cheeks, his voice cracking as he wails in painful sorrow. He was emotionally collapsing, he is at a loss, not being able to know what to do after this, nor does he even know what else is he supposed to do to protect and keep Kyungsoo safe from harm, or away from the future that is to come to him.

 

What else does he need to prove?

 

“Soo, please. Please be okay.” He continues to knock, albeit weaker, as he lightly bumps his forehead on the door, continuously crying, hoping that isn’t the case, and that Kyungsoo might have been sleeping or has not heard him out yet.

 

“Soo, please don’t leave me. Let me take care of you. Let me –”

 

 

“Don’t.”

 

 

Chanyeol’s eyes suddenly turned into boba the moment he heard the sound of Kyungsoo’s voice emanating in the other side of the room

 

“Soo??? Soo? Are you alright? Are you okay? Do you need something? Do you want me to come in and help?”

 

“Don’t go in, please. Just stay where you are, Chanyeol.” 

 

Kyungsoo sounded like he just finished crying. Chanyeol could here the silent hiccups his boyfriend was having, he would typically hear those whenever they both watch romantic dramas together.

 

“Are you sure? You don’t want me with you?” Chanyeol clears his throat, sniffing as he tries to wipe away the tears on his eyes, his ears close to the door for him to listen in.

 

Kyungsoo on the other side of the room, was sitting on the floor, his back against the door and he was hugging his knees closer to him. His head burrowed in between his thighs, sniffing away his emotional and traumatic turmoil. His bedroom was a mess, earlier that night he had been thrashing his pillows just about anywhere, his comforter was all over the place, and even his plates and his designs were thrown into different directions, some works were still intact while some were already torn apart.

 

Kyungsoo chest tightens, hearing Chanyeol’s voice crack as well as cry earlier, made him feel like he was giving the man a hard time. He didn’t want any of this, all he wanted to give to Chanyeol was nothing but pure happiness, the sole reason why he was so adamant in trying to hide his mental instability, he was too afraid that the taller might grow tired of him.

 

He was having a meltdown, and today was one of his lows. He didn’t have the medication to intake for it, since he had mostly forgotten to buy at the drugstore before coming home. He was too engrossed with working on the living room design that was assigned to him earlier that he didn’t realize he wasn’t able to put this into his reminders for the day.

 

He might need to get more pills soon or else things might get worse for him.

 

“Sweetheart?” He hears Chanyeol's voice once again on the other side.

 

He didn’t know what to say. He always never really knew what to say especially when it was about confronting his feelings.

 

Chanyeol decided to sit on the floor as well, his back leaning against the door, as he looks up at the ceiling, realizing that Kyungsoo still has those glow-in-the-dark stars stuck up there, the ones he gave to him as a birthday gift 2 years ago.

 

“I’m right here, Soo. You can tell me anything. You don’t need to pressure yourself though, I’ll wait here to listen.” Chanyeol says sweetly, in a little bit hoarse yet faint voice. He closes his eyes, trying to make himself relax from the intense emotions that he was feeling earlier, focusing more on his breathing as he patiently waits for Kyungsoo to answer.

 

It probably had been about 10 minutes or longer, Chanyeol was patiently sitting on the floor, it still was a given chance for him to rest his senses for a bit, he was even resorting to taking a nap there just so he could recover. 

 

“Yeollie?” Kyungsoo calls out, his meltdown had probably resided, making him sound like his usual self. Chanyeol sat straight, trying to keep his eyes open as he was already feeling the exhaustion seeping into him.

 

“Yeah? What’s up, sweetheart? I am here.”

 

“C-Could you sing me a song?” He was shy to do such a request, but all Kyungsoo ever wanted to do right now was to hear his boyfriend’s voice and that was it.

 

Chanyeol on the other hand, gave himself a pause for a bit as he tries to process the request in thought. It had been a long time since he last sang, let alone sing as he hasn’t been able to anymore due to work. 

 

Of course, Chanyeol knows how to sing, he was the heartthrob of his section a while back in high school, always bringing his guitar around the campus as he sings songs that he made or ones he usually likes to make his own covers of. He used to sing alongside Baekhyun back then, but sometimes their voice don’t really match that well due to the fact that his best friend loves to sing more stronger, theatrical songs, whilst Chanyeol on the other hand loves mellow and light ones more. 

 

But with Kyungsoo, Chanyeol was able to find his perfect pair the moment they started singing together during college. Their voices matched perfectly like how the clouds and the blue sky make a beautiful scenery, his low and raspy voice with Kyungsoo’s soft and melodic one, they both fit perfectly in tune and in song.

 

“Alright, Soo. What kind of song do you want me to sing?”

 

“Hmmmm. . . .”, Kyungsoo finally lifts his head, a small smile appearing on his face as he tries to think of a song that he wants Chanyeol to sing.

 

“I have nothing in mind right now. My head’s too empty to comprehend. How about you sing something that comes into yours?” He adds, this time laying his head on his knees, feeling weary and at the same time sleepy. Both he and Chanyeol probably had little to none energy and social battery left to even try to move a muscle. 

 

“I have something in thought. Do you want to hear it?” Chanyeol quickly finds a song that he thinks would fit the mood, his gaze looking towards the window where the moon was shining brightly.

 

“Yes, please. Let me forget the pain for today. That’s enough for me.”

 

Chanyeol takes a deep breath, giving himself a little bit of time to compose himself first. He looks back up at the glowing stars in the ceiling, he could hear the instrumentals of the song playing in his head, waiting for the right time to sing.

 

One that also describes the worries of his emotions and his heart.

 

 

“I could never find the right way to tell you,

Have you noticed I’ve been gone?

‘Cause I left behind the home that you made me

But I will carry it along.”

 

 

Kyungsoo closes his eyes, letting the song get through him, wanting to feel that message that Chanyeol wanted to convey.

 

 

“And it’s a long way forward, so trust in me.

I’ll give them shelter, like you’ve done for me.

And I know, I’m not alone,

You’ll be watching over us.

Until you’re gone.”

 

 

Chanyeol hums the remaining parts of the song, like a lullaby to put Kyungsoo in a relaxed state. Back then when they used to share the same dorm room, he would often sing the lullabies to the latter just to calm him from panicking, he remembers how his boyfriend used to go on a frenzy especially when his plates were nearing a deadline.

 

“Thank you, Yeollie. I think I feel way better now.” 

 

“Anything for you, sweetheart. Anytime.” 

 

“Can I ask you something?” Kyungsoo was about to stand up, probably deciding to fix his messy room and call it a night when he remembered something that he might’ve wanted to ask Chanyeol for a long time now.

 

“Of course, what is it?”

 

Kyungsoo hesitates at first, his head lowered to the floor, collecting a little bit of courage to speak.

 

“Don’t you ever get tired of me? Being like this?”

 

Chanyeol had to think through what to say as a reply. Of course, he will never get tired of Kyungsoo, but knowing that the man is currently in his sensitive state, any wrong form of words or phrases might upset him, taking him back to probably another breakdown if he wasn’t careful enough.

 

“Why would you think that, Soo?” He tries to be communicative, giving open ended questions to find out how Kyungsoo currently is feeling at the moment.

 

“I dunno. I feel like the more I show you this side of me, this ugly side of me. I feel like you’ll get tired, and sooner or later you’ll leave me. Just like everyone else.”

 

Come to think of it, Kyungsoo never really told Chanyeol the entirety of his past. As far as Chanyeol remembers, Kyungsoo is the son of parents who own a law firm, and he was born to a very happy family with an elder brother whom he was really close with. He also remembers that Kyungsoo mentioned he had a best friend during high school by the name Jongdae, whom he had never seen after going to college because his comrade opted to take his education overseas. He didn’t even know if they still are talking up to this day or have fallen out of the friendship due to the distance between them even. 

 

Kyungsoo never really mentioned anything apart from the good memories he has of the past, but the bad? He doesn’t know, none to mention.

 

But Chanyeol thinks it’s alright, with what respecting Kyungsoo’s privacy and boundaries are still his top priority, and he is willing to wait for a long time until his boyfriend is finally able to warm up to him and trust him to share these things.

 

“But I am not like everyone else, sweetheart. I am your boyfriend, your best friend and your partner. None of the things you are doing right now are reasons for me to leave.” 

 

“Then what if one day you find yourself tired of dealing with this? Dealing with me? I am a horrible person. All I do is shut people out of my life when I feel like I burden them with this, this unwanted sickness I have? For how much long are you going to stay here and suffer with me? I don’t deserve you, Chanyeol.” 

 

Judging by the change in tone, Chanyeol feels like Kyungsoo was starting to cry yet again. Baekhyun was right, people like him would often blame themselves for everything, even if it wasn’t their fault in the first place. Even if it wasn’t in their control to have such mental and emotional problems, even if all these were caused by external factors and trauma, people like his best friend and Kyungsoo would still rather but the burden on themselves, probably telling themselves it’s them who need to be purged out of the world.

 

 

“I don’t think there will be any other person who deserves you as much as I do, Kyungsoo.” 

 

 

Kyungsoo was caught off guard with the response he got from his partner.

 

Chanyeol continues on.

 

“We’re humans after all. People get tired, sure. I get tired myself because I have work in the morning, I have figures to balance and I have a personal life out of this relationship to deal with everyday. Being tired is just part of being a person, Soo.” Chanyeol looks down on his hand, opening and closing them into a fist as he tries to express more of what is in his heart and soul.

 

“But being tired doesn’t mean I will stop loving you. It doesn’t mean I will leave you either. It just means that sometimes, the Park Chanyeol needs a break, maybe needs an hour, a minute or second to process things that I can’t fully understand yet. Being tired doesn’t mean I am giving up on you.”

 

Kyungsoo turns to the door, placing his hand on it as if wanting to hear the vibrations on Chanyeol’s voice on the other side.

 

“If I did, then why am I here right now? I am tired from running, from catching my breath and from walking up those steps just to get here. But I haven’t even given up on you. I have never once thought I would.” Chanyeol smiles, his dimple out in the open for the first time in a long time, he has never smiled that widely for a year.

 

“I love you, Kyungsoo. You may not think my love is enough for me to stay with you. But do know that you existing, you being here, and you being alive and well is more than enough for me to keep loving you even in your ugliest times, in your lowest times and in your worst times.”

 

Kyungsoo covers his mouth, trying to not let out any form of noise, he doesn’t know how many times he had cried that night, but one thing he knows is that he probably would wake up tomorrow with really puffy eyes. He felt warm, hearing all of those coming out from Chanyeol, feeling so blessed to have such an understanding and loving partner beside him. 

 

 

“You could rest at ease, sweetheart. Your Yeollie is not going anywhere. I’ll be here for you. Always.”

 

 

Chanyeol hopes that all his words would be enough, he doubts that sometimes it may not go through, but he still prays to the stars and comets, hoping that he would finally be able to get into Kyungsoo, to establish enough affection and bond for his lover to accept that he won’t be going anywhere even if the worst come to worst. 

 

Chanyeol closes his eyes, he thinks lying on the door was an okay position for him to get about 8 hours of sleep before he goes back to battle against ledgers and journals the next morning.

 

 

“You’re enough. You have always been enough for me. I love you , Kyungsoo.”

 

 

He dozes off, he found the breeze coming out from the window a comforting blanket for him to keep calm and cool. Soon, he unconsciously proceeds to lie on the carpeted floor, a few distances away from the door as he curls, sleeping soundly and contently.

 

Kyungsoo finally comes out the room, probably wondering why Chanyeol had stopped talking, he takes a peek for bit, and when he finds his giant baby of a boyfriend sleeping serenely on the floor, he giggles a little, he beams tenderly at him, his smile forming a heart once again.

 

A minute after, Kyungsoo fully comes out of his bedroom, carrying the comforter he threw into the air earlier, as he gently covers Chanyeol’s body with it. He then goes to pick up a pillow, slowly placing it under the taller’s head so as to not wake him up. He tucks him nicely to sleep, turning the AC on to a balanced temperature, just so Chanyeol could get enough sleep for his tired body.

 

“Thank you for coming. Thank you for always loving me.” Kyungsoo kisses his cheek and his temple, caressing Chanyeol’s curly brown locks, the glow of the moon slightly illuminating his pleasant face.

 

“See you by the morning, Yeollie.” He gives him one more kiss on the cheek before surrendering for the night as well, walking back into his room, giving Chanyeol one last look before closing the door, deciding to also get some shut eye after all the commotion that night.

 

The night was calm, despite the chaos, the stars were still shining brightly despite the gloominess. Chanyeol in his dreams still thinks that the darkness within it is just temporary, for sooner or later Kyungsoo will be able to find the light in things, not in small amounts nor in pieces. He will eventually reach the end of the rainbow with a smile on his face, with a brighter tomorrow ahead of them.

 

June 6 - 12:30AM

 

[ From: Sweetheart 𖹭 ]

 

12:30

 

Let’s meet at the park! I already have the basket of goodies!

Please bring a blanket, the blue one if you will hihihi >

 

12:31

 

Alright, sweetheart. See you there. 𖹭

 

 

Chanyeol was getting ready to leave, wearing really comfortable clothes fit for the weather – a white turtleneck and a blue denim jacket. The weather wasn’t turning too hot since the seasons are still slowly transitioning to the summer. 

 

It had almost been about a month since he has went back in time, and so far all his efforts were going according to plan. After the last emotional meltdown Kyungsoo had, there was a significant progress in their relationship, something that Chanyeol didn’t even think would have happened in a span of only a month. Kyungsoo started to become more open about his situation, he and Chanyeol making compromises, and how Chanyeol would be able to deal with his sudden breakdowns or at times where he Kyungsoo would opt to isolate from the world for a while.

 

It wasn’t an easy road though, there were times where Kyungsoo suddenly just shuts off like before, or his mood suddenly changes instantly especially when something goes on at work or within their family’s situation, and although Chanyeol still gets pretty scared that his partner suddenly is out of reach, he tries his best to keep himself calm first, proceeding to travel to Kyungsoo’s apartment to check on him as usual. There are certain times where he suddenly finds Kyungsoo on the ground, wrists fresh with new wounds and slashes, some deep and some are just a little close to the vital part – but Chanyeol nevertheless, despite probably growing a heart attack seeing how ugly and painful it looks, still keeps his mind and heart collected, picking up Kyungsoo’s already abused and bloody wrist, gently applying first aid and making sure his partner was in a comfortable spot so as to not heighten the discomfort he was already feeling.

 

Other instances Kyungsoo would suddenly break, during their movie viewing whenever he finds a scene relatable to his situation or just randomly when he sits beside Chanyeol in bed and suddenly cries out the blue due to overthinking, the taller was always ready and equipped with all the creative and affectionate ideas to keep his boyfriend feeling loved and assured. He would wrap his body up in a blanket, carry him bridal and would take him to sit on the couch as Chanyeol feeds him with his comfort food, be it ice cream, sushi or the one that Junmyeon makes exclusively for him. He has always found the right words to tell Kyungsoo how much he loves him, how much all his emotions, his thoughts and his feelings were valid and how Chanyeol will always be there to hold his hand whenever he needs him.

 

It was such a long process ahead, yet Chanyeol thinks he has slowly been able to keep himself on track, making sure he would give Kyungsoo the best support system that he needs, just to make him feel that he won’t have to do it alone anymore.

 

He sits quietly at the bus stop, waiting for the next bus to come in maybe a minute or two. There weren’t a lot of people waiting as it was a weekday and some were probably at work. Chanyeol took a day off just for this occasion, visualizing Baekhyun fake crying as he calls him many names for leaving him with all the workload for the day. 

 

‘You leaving me again with all the work? Is this what our friendship is to you? Ohhh, how sad, how very very upsetting, I cry, I cry!’ Chanyeol silently chuckles as he could hear his best friend’s dramatization at the back of his head.

 

The bus finally arrives, Chanyeol and a few others then start to get in one by one. He finds a comfortable seat at the very back, making sure he sits close to the window as he really loves to view the places around him despite already knowing what buildings he would pass by or what establishments would come to view, he just simply found doing this therapeutic and calm. 

 

He sends a text message to Kyungsoo saying he is coming, and his lover sending back a sticker of a penguin that has a big OK sign at the back, Chanyeol indulges himself as he watches people walk from different directions, cars rushing to and from places and vicinities that were taller than your ordinary one-floor building. He thinks that there is really so much to love about the world, seeing through the beauty despite the cruelty and the struggles around the society is what keeps the world revolving, and people to continue to grow out of the pressure, out of the abundance of problems that they have in a week or even in a year. 

 

And Chanyeol hopes, that Kyungsoo would one day surpass his own personal struggles. It may take a really long time, but he was willing to wait until his boyfriend finally finds the peace he has been longing for.

 

June 6 - 02:45 PM

 

 

“I know who you are.”

 

 

Chanyeol was seemingly surprised by what Kyungsoo had just said – he was still enjoying his slice of club sandwich when Kyungsoo suddenly blurted out a really odd phrase, one that made Chanyeol raise an eyebrow as he tries to finish chewing his food.

 

“I’m sorry, what?” Chanyeol wipes the crumbs that were left on his mouth, crumpling the tissue that was wrapped on the sandwich as he was finally done eating, placing it on the basket so as to not cause a mess or litter around the park.

 

They were sitting below a large tree near the lake, the branches extending far and the leaves many, just the right spot for a good shade from the rays of the afternoon sun. Not to mention the wind was also very breezy as well, it was a cool day with the right amount of temperature.

 

“I know you’re not Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo reiterates.

 

“W-Wait, what? What do you mean by that, Soo? Of course, I am Chanyeol! Where did you get the idea that I wasn’t?” Chanyeol was utterly confused, he wondered where and how did Kyungsoo even get to that conclusion.

 

Kyungsoo just smiles, gazing at a group of ducks, the mom and her babies, were paddling together, swimming to the other side of the lake. He hugs his legs closer to his chest, his chin comfortably leans on top of one of his knee.

 

 

“What I mean is, I know you are not the Chanyeol of this time.”

 

 

Chanyeol froze, his eyes wide in surprise. 

 

How did Kyungsoo find out that he wasn’t the Chanyeol of this timeline? What had gotten him caught? What did he do that has given that thought away?

 

Chanyeol was speechless, he didn’t know what to say.

 

Kyungsoo looks back at him, his soft expression never changing, his smile still sweet as usual.

 

“Technically, you still are Chanyeol, but not in this timeline. Do you wanna know how I knew?”

 

“How?” Chanyeol scratches his head.

 

“Remember that one time you asked me about Halley's Comet?” 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“And that was the same time you asked about what season it was?”

 

“Yes? How did that become a take away? I thought I wasn’t even being that obvious.”

 

Kyungsoo laughed at his boyfriend’s reply, a really hearty laugh that Chanyeol had missed seeing on his face for the past few weeks.

 

“Chanyeol, I know you. And I can see how your face was filled with unanswered questions when you asked that day. I knew something was different about you.”

 

There was a moment of comforting silence, Kyungsoo looks back at the lake to find the ducks had already crossed, and is now walking on the grass, probably going back to their humble nest.

 

“But the biggest take away was the night when you were drunk.”

 

Chanyeol remembered that night, alright. That was the night he was way too drunk to even comprehend what was going on right after the comet had passed and he made the wish. He even thought the gods were probably playing tricks on him, but it turned out everything was real.

 

“How so?” 

 

Kyungsoo decides to rest his back on the trunk of the tree, his focus now up in the leaves as he stretches his hand, making the small rays of the sun his his palms, making pretty angel rays with his hands.

 

“The night I was on call with you, the Chanyeol I knew suddenly got caught off, like some sort of static just happened to pass, and a few minutes after, that’s when I heard your voice.” 

 

“Was there a difference in our voices?”

 

“Don’t get me wrong, you both sound the same, of course because you're the Park Chanyeol. The difference was because that was the night me and you just finished having dinner at Junmyeon’s restaurant.”

 

“Oh.” Chanyeol blinks, dumbfounded. His mouth was slightly agape, his eyes were looking down on the remaining snacks that they had for the picnic. He was totally out of it, he didn’t know what even to say or explain next.

 

“Yeollie, it’s alright! It doesn’t change the fact that you still are my boyfriend, and besides, you still treat me as your lover. That’s just proof that maybe in your time, I really am your boyfriend.” Kyungsoo moves closer to give Chanyeol some sort of comfort, leaning his head on the man’s shoulders as he wraps his arms around his waist.

 

Chanyeol gives in, letting himself lean his head on top of Kyungsoo’s, watching how fast the lake rushes to the other side, and how the sun was glowing on the clean waters, the light sparkles, iridescent and breathtaking.

 

“Were you surprised to suddenly hear me drunk?” 

 

“Yeah, I was caught off guard when you said you missed me when we only met a few hours ago, but I still gave in, glad I didn’t sound too shocked.”

 

“That means you’re a good actor, maybe someday you might want to try auditioning for that.”

 

“I have stage fright and I hate being the center of attention, Chanyeol. Cut me some slack.” 

 

They both laugh in unison, their foreheads touch as they spend their afternoon happy and with each other. Chanyeol picks up a cupcake from one of the boxes Kyungsoo prepared for them, taking a bite at the vanilla flavored one.

 

“How was I like in your timeline?” Kyungsoo asks, looking up at Chanyeol with curiosity in his eyes.

 

Chanyeol wasn’t sure what to say to Kyungsoo, he was finding it hard to swallow his cupcake now, as he tries to think of an answer.

 

‘How am I going to tell him?’ He was mentally pressured, he doesn’t even know how he is able to describe that the Kyungsoo in his time was already gone, and that the reason why he is here is because he wanted to make sure that does not happen in the future anymore.

 

“Well, you’re still the bubbly, cute and very loving Kyungsoo that I know. Still like to hold my hand, go to picnics and eat at Junmyeon’s place.” Chanyeol narrates, even if most of what he is saying are true to Kyungsoo as a person, all of these are all gone and in the past, as Chanyeol in the future was already living a life without his boyfriend in the picture. Trying to live day after day, breathing on air that he didn’t want to taste no more.

 

“Was there anything different? Like compared where you are now?”

 

“Hmmm. . . .” Chanyeol thinks, if he was being honest, the only obvious reason was because Kyungsoo is alive. But he had to be creative, thinking back on all of the original past memories that he had before the time-travel, taking note of the big differences of the past he experienced before and the one he is in right now.

 

“Well?” Kyungsoo listens attentively.

 

“I guess the difference is, you’re more open now than the last time I knew you were. The you from my time would hide everything away with a smile, it kinda hurt alot.” 

 

Kyungsoo pouts, his head looking down on the picnic blanket. It was checkered and in blue, this was his most favorite because of the color and how comfy it was to sit on during picnics.

 

“Then, did you ever give up on that Kyungsoo?”

 

Chanyeol places a kiss on his forehead, a really soft and long one. He cups Kyungsoo’s face, his thumb gently on his cheek.

 

“Never. Never did I once ever thought of giving up on him. I love him a lot, and even though he may think the world is against him, I would always be there to remind him that he isn’t alone, and that whatever happens, I will always be here. Always.”

 

Kyungsoo gives Chanyeol a kiss, a little longer than their usual pecks, but one affectionate and meaningful one. He let’s go first, gazing up at Chanyeol, his eyes sparkling, brown orbs reflecting under the rays of the sun – filled with love and admiration for the taller.

 

“Then I guess that Kyungsoo was really happy to have you in his life. The same way I am happy you are still here.”

 

Chanyeol only had about a week left before the intended day of Kyungsoo’s supposed attempt, and even though his days spent were fruitful and he was able to make changes, he still couldn’t deny the fact that he still feels afraid of what is to come, and what is to happen. He still hopes, and still prays to the stars and the heavenly celestials that all his hard work will be paid off, and that he has finally proven to them that Kyungsoo is worthy to live, still has a lot of dreams to reach and still has a beautiful life that he has to enjoy.

 

He hopes that when the day comes, he would be able to hold Kyungsoo’s hand, and that he would be able to see the smile on his face until their hair grows white someday.

 

June 12 - 09:25 AM

 

Chanyeol was diligently working, making sure to hit the deadlines early, typing away all the necessary information and figures that were needed to input for the day.

 

Or more specifically, he was trying to distract himself once again for what is to come in the hours later.

 

He already knew the narrative that would happen, he should be heading to the cafeteria with Baekhyun to eat lunch, Kyungsoo would call him in about 15 minutes and that is where everything will come to a start. 

 

But Chanyeol thinks maybe he could change that, that maybe this time, things will be different, and that hopefully it goes the way he wished it would.

 

“Hey Dumbo! Do you wanna eat lunch together at the cafeteria?” That was his cue. Baekhyun exactly asked the same questions as he remembers it at the exact time, popping above his cubicle as he awaits for the taller to answer.

 

But instead of agreeing to it, Chanyeol had something else in mind.

 

“I’ll pass, Baek. I’ll be eating lunch with Kyungsoo today.” He says nonchalantly, his eyes never leaving the monitor as he was trying to finish the last page of his report. 

 

“Where to? Junmyeon’s again?” Baekhyun shrugs, didn’t really mind if his best friend went out, all he was eyeing for that day was to make sure he gets to be the first in line at the cafeteria to grab the croissant special that they were serving as a dessert, and he has been wanting that kind of pastry for a while know, considering the company’s cooks were making the best croissants he has ever tasted.

 

“Maybe something different this time, and you? Wanna come with?” Chanyeol still invites him anyways, despite knowing that he will turn it down, but the taller knows better, and he never forgets to invite Baekhyun on outings, even Kyungsoo makes sure he gets invited every time.

 

“Nah, it’s croissant day! I wouldn’t miss it for the world! You and Kyungja enjoy though! See you guys after work.” Baekhyun then disappears, drops down from his chair as he goes back to work, humming a love song as he tries to check on the finances for the third time that morning.

 

When Chanyeol was finally done, he quickly picks his phone up from the side, opening the phone app to call for Kyungsoo.

 

** Rriiiiinggggg. . . . Riiiinggggg. . . . Riiiinnggg. . . . **

 

He patiently waits, although his heartbeat was starting to thrum a little faster, he tries to play with the rhythm by nervously tapping his foot, already praying that Kyungsoo would answer.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t seem to respond. 

 

Chanyeol takes a deep breath. Taking into consideration that Kyungsoo might still be busy at work, hence the reason why he couldn’t take the call. He’s probably try calling after an hour or so.

 

And so, he goes back to work, typing away all the worries at the back of his head.

 

June 12 - 10:20 AM

 

** Rriiiiinggggg. . . . Riiiinggggg. . . . Riiiinnggg. . . . **

 

He starts to call once again, about an hour has already passed, and Chanyeol was still tapping on the same foot, trying his best to keep calm about the situation.

 

Still, there was no response.

 

Okay, he would lie to himself if he said he was fine, but he honestly was getting extra anxious. He knows today is one of those busy days Kyungsoo has at work, but there are times that whenever his boyfriend finds him miscalling, Kyungsoo immediately calls back if he had the chance.

 

This time, there was nothing. 

 

Chanyeol had only called him twice in a span of an hour, and he thinks he might just be overthinking things.

 

“Okay, Chanyeol, calm down. He’s at work right now, so we have to understand he might be designing something or having a meeting. Let’s keep things cool for the meantime.” Once again, Chanyeol inhales and exhales deeply, closing his eyes as he tries to meditate and look for inner peace. 

 

He puts his phone down once again, and proceeds to pick up some paperwork to divert his attention to. 

 

He silently wishes yet again, that Kyungsoo was alright.

 

June 12: 11:45 AM

 

** Rriiiiinggggg. . . . Riiiinggggg. . . . Riiiinnggg. . . . **

 

It was 15 minutes 'till lunchtime, and Chanyeol calmly sits on his chair as he waits for Kyungsoo to pick up the call.

 

“Soo, c’mon, please answer.” He didn’t drop the call this time, patiently waiting despite his anxiety rising to the pit of his stomach.

 

He closes his eyes, trying to manifest something, a miracle or just anything that could happen, something that could hear his prayers.

 

“Please, please don’t let this end. Please let Kyungsoo live, please please –”

 

 

“Yeollie! Happy Anniversary!!”

 

 

Chanyeol sighs in collective relief the moment he heard Kyungsoo’s voice. Beaming and seemingly happy, Chanyeol took this as a sign that Kyungsoo was in a very good mood today.

 

“Hey sweetheart! Happy Anniversary. How was work today?” 

 

“It was super busy! We got a new client who wants us to design their whole mansion! Ohhhh sorry for not calling back, love. We were in a meeting and I had to take down notes. I wasn’t able to excuse myself because there was a lot of important information to take.” Kyungsoo on the other line was scratching the back of his head in apology, holding his clipboard with his free hand as he walks back into his office, inspired and ready to start making design boards and lists of things he has to prepare for the project. 

 

“No problem, Soo! It’s alright. I just called earlier to make sure you were okay.” Chanyeol replies softly, spinning his chair around as his heart grew lighter, as if a burden has finally gotten off of his chest.

 

“Thanks for always being there, love. You’re the best.” 

 

“Anything for the love of my life.” Chanyeol smiles as he says those words. His white teeth showing and his dimple deep.

 

“Do you have any plans for lunch, Yeollie?” Kyungsoo holds the phone by his shoulder, both his hands were busy trying to arrange the design board alongside his ideas that he already has up his sleeve.

 

“Hmmm, I was wondering if we could eat lunch at the newly opened Italian resto just a few blocks from your office?” Chanyeol remembers that the fancy Italian restaurant was opening on a weekday, a large poster he and Kyungsoo had seen one weekend as they were walking to the mall. 

 

“OH! Yeah that resto, I saw that people were swarming! But how are we able to get a reservation though? There’s a ton of people in line outside.” Kyungsoo goes ahead to take a peek at the large balcony window of their office, noting that there was a long line of people waiting their turn.

 

“Not to worry about that, I’ve already got it covered.” Chanyeol proudly states.

 

“No way? You got a reservation?” Kyungsoo's smile was so wide that even his co-workers giggled at how cute he looked when he is at his happiest. Even they haven’t seen Kyungsoo this happy in such a long time.

 

“Yeahp! I called the resto early this morning and made sure I got in and I was lucky enough to get a seat for the both of us, isn’t that great?” Chanyeol had already pre-planned this, right after seeing the poster of the newly opened establishment. After knowing that it was to open on the day of their anniversary (and the day of Kyungsoo’s supposed death), he told himself why not change things a bit, as he wanted to make sure he could keep Kyungsoo safe and away from that incident from happening – that was his goal upon coming back from the near future after all.

 

“You’re such a champ, Yeollie! Aaa I love you so much! This is the best anniversary ever!”

 

Chanyeol thinks he has done such a great job in this life, that for once he has finally made something right, and that was to help Kyungsoo overcome his demons, trying to be the best support system his lover ever had and to always be emotionally available whenever he needs him.

 

Chanyeol feels like the world is finally giving him something to hold on to, something to look forward to everyday – 

 

And finally, waking up to Kyungsoo being there all the time now.

 

His wish has been fulfilled, and he couldn’t thank Halley’s comet and all the heavenly celestials of the galaxy enough for giving him and Kyungsoo another chance in this world, and that finally they will be able to pursue their hopes and dreams together now.

 

“Anything for you, Kyungsoo. Of course, you deserve nothing but the best.” 

 

“I am so excited! I’ll just finish up my stuff here and meet you at the intersection. See you, love?”

 

Chanyeol’s smile widens from cheek to cheek, standing up from his seat as he tries to stretch all the stress and tension from work away. 

 

“I am looking forward to seeing you as well. See you, Soo!” 

 

Kyungsoo drops the call, and Chanyeol silently jumps for joy in his tiny cubicle, he mouths a small ‘YES!’ as he tries to arrange the paperworks on the side of the table, making sure it is straightened and organized before leaving for lunch.

 

“Today is a good day indeed. Thank you so much!” He whispers to himself, looking up at the ceiling as if the comet or the stars were there to hear his gratitude. He then proceeds to fix his tie, picking up the hanging at the back of his chair, as he wears it on his back, ready and excited to leave.

 

Chanyeol has never been this happy, and he feels like this has been his happiest, and hopes that he would continue to be in the following years to come with Kyungsoo.

 

June 12 - 12:30 PM

 

Chanyeol walks toward the intersection, seeing that there were less people around, he walks on faster strides, excited to see Kyungsoo.

 

“I hope he’d like what I will give him.” He clutches onto something deep within his coat’s pockets, holding it tightly as if his life depended on it. A smile drawn across face as he was already imagining scenarios in his head as to how he would be able to give this to Kyungsoo.

 

He stands beside the traffic post, pressing the walk button for him to cross the road on. 

 

 

“Yeollie! Over here!”

 

 

As he waits for the countdown to finish, Kyungsoo comes to view, across from where he was standing, on the other side of the road. Kyungsoo waves enthusiastically at him, his eyes turning into full crescents, his smile, wide and heart-shaped, only for Chanyeol to see.

 

Chanyeol smiles back, waving back to his lover. He watches as Kyungsoo happily prances towards the pedestrian, walking swiftly as the walk sign has finally lit up.

 

Chanyeol started walking to meet Kyungsoo in the middle when suddenly —

 

** BEEEPPP!! BEEEPPP!! BEEPPP! BEEEPP!! **

 

Chanyeol turns to his right, eyes wide and his body frozen for a bit. His smile faded instantly, staring at the large truck that was running faster than the speed of light, coming their way.

 

Kyungsoo froze in the middle of the road as well, his eyes growing big at the sight of the vehicle, turning back to Chanyeol with a nervous look. 

 

Chanyeol didn’t know what to do, he was panicking, his body couldn’t move and his mind was all empty, turning back to look at Kyungsoo as well in the same expression of terror in their faces.

 

** BEEEPPPP!! BEEEPPPP!!! **

 

The truck was getting even closer, a few more inches and it would hit Kyungsoo drastically. Chanyeol’s body was trembling, his legs shaking and his mind blown and out of any ideas on what to do. He couldn’t move, all he could ever do was watch as Kyungsoo stay still in the middle, vulnerable and capable of being hurt —

 

 

‘Would you risk losing Kyungsoo to death once again?’

 

 

But Chanyeol’s mind snaps back to reality, blinking back his consciousness as he swiftly rushes towards Kyungsoo, crossing the pedestrian with no further explanations. He didn’t need anymore other reasons to stop himself and just watch. Chanyeol was tired of watching, was tired of letting life do as they pleased, losing Kyungsoo once was an enough wake up call for him that he didn’t want

 

He could feel time slow down around him as he was nearing Kyungsoo. The latter’s face looked like he was in distress, seemingly scared of dying. The look on Kyungsoo’s face, the face losing his life in a matter of seconds, and the face not wanting to let go of this precious lifetime that he wants to spend with Chanyeol can be shown deep within the expressions of his face, the downward curve of his lips and the within the soul in his eyes.

 

And because of that, even just for a brief moment, Chanyeol gently smiles. Kyungsoo being afraid of dying, was an enough indication that Kyungsoo this time, wanted to continue living. The color of his face, the determination in his eyes and the want to be saved and to breathe the same air as Chanyeol’s, that was an enough comfort for him to know that it was okay to risk his life for Kyungsoo.

 

That this time, it was okay to let himself go, and do what needs to be done.

 

After all, he wished to come back in time to save Kyungsoo.

 

In the fleet of the moment, Kyungsoo felt heavy arms on his chest, pushing him away. As if his body became light, he felt like he was thrown away to the side, losing balance as he falls off on safe ground. The last thing he sees before passing out was Chanyeol looking at him, but instead of seeing the look of trepidation, there was no sign of it, not sign of fear or panic. 

 

Chanyeol smiles at him, warmly despite the sadness emanating in his eyes. He looked so peaceful, the sun reflecting at the back of his head seemed to look like a halo around him, that even though they were in the face of danger, Chanyeol looked so brave, so kind and so loving – leaving a lasting impression on Kyungsoo, like he was still comforting him, telling him that everything is going to be okay.

 

 

“It’s alright. You’re going to be okay.”  

 

 

Even if it was a faint whisper, and even though he couldn’t fully grasp of it, Kyungsoo was able to read Chanyeol’s lips.

 

** SCREEEEECCHHHHHHH!!! CRAAAAAASSHHHHHHH!!!!! **

 

. . . . . . . . . . 

 

. . . . . . . . . . 

 

. . . . . . . . . . 

 

**** ** - **:** **

 

Kyungsoo groans, seemingly finding it hard to wake up, but he blinks the drowsiness away nonetheless, opening his eyes to a dark room, a plain white ceiling was in sight. 

 

“Where am I?” He asks himself, trying to sit up. 

 

He turns to look into his surroundings, finding that place oddly familiar, realizing woke up in a comfortable couch. He sees the table in front of him with nothing but 3 unwashed mugs that smelled of dark coffee, something that Chanyeol really likes.

 

“Oh, Chanyeol!” He remembers he wasn’t supposed to be here, he was supposed to somewhere in the middle of the road, they were on the verge of being hit by a truck —

 

But was it him who got hit?

 

‘Tonight is the night y’all astronomy and astrology lovers have all been waiting for! Halley’s Comet will be appearing in the starry skies tonight! Come on out and open y’all windows as we witness the 200-year old comet bless us with its grace and beauty!’

 

 

Kyungsoo hears the echo of the TV from the room just right in front of him. The door was slightly open, the flicker of light coming from the appliance was an enough indication that someone was there.

 

 

‘Halley’s Comet has finally come to pass! Did all of y’all make a wish? They said that if you make a wish under the comet, it will come true!’

 

 

He slowly walks toward the room, reaching for the door. He pushes it open, slowly but surely, his head peeking out to see who was inside.

 

There he sees Chanyeol, lying flat on the bed. He was in his drunken state, his body turned to the direction of the large open window on the side, his cheeks flushed and his clothes disheveled.

 

It seems as though the taller did not feel nor notice Kyungsoo’s presence, taking it as a chance for him to go inside and walk closer to where Chanyeol is, curious why he was looking out on the window.

 

Kyungsoo passes by the TV, causing his intrusion to make a small static effect, he takes a good look at the news, realizing that the host was not the usual person he would see in that show, he remembers that it used to be a pretty female who was the one leading this section of the show. 

 

“I wonder why it changed.” He tilted his head in question, thinking that maybe the female host was picked for a different section this time. He continues to walk towards Chanyeol, standing on the bedside as he takes a good look at him.

 

 

“Do you see it, Soo? They’re so pretty from where I am. I hope they shine the same way on yours.” 

 

 

He notices that Chanyeol was holding a phone to his ear, as if he was talking to a certain Kyungsoo that clearly wasn’t him. He was really confused, wanting to voice out or ask who he was talking to, but stopped as he realized that him standing right beside Chanyeol was an enough hint that the man could not see nor hear him.

 

Instead, he looks out of the window, trying to catch a glimpse of what Chanyeol was looking at.

 

Chanyeol did not disappoint when he said it was pretty.

 

Above the night sky, a huge comet passes by, followed by a few more little comets alongside it, the stars were twinkling extra brightly, the moon full and serene, as if celebrating the welcome of these celestial beings on Earth.

 

“Halley’s Comet! That’s so pretty! Yeollie, it’s so pretty!” Kyungsoo turns to look at Chanyeol, beaming at him despite his lover not being able to see him.

 

 

“They say to make a wish once the comet has passed by, what was your wish, Soo?” 

 

 

Kyungsoo goes deep in thought, even though he wasn’t to be heard, he still pretends to act as if he and Chanyeol were having a conversation, as it sounded like it really was, judging by how the flow of questions were.

 

“Hmmmm, I wish we’ll be able to build our dream house in Japan! And that I’ll be able to live happily with you of course!”

 

There was silence. Kyungsoo turns to see Chanyeol closing his eyes, he seems to be sleepy. He proceeds to walk towards the bed, comfortably letting himself sit beside the laying giant. He giggles, finding Chanyeol’s drunk face cute.

 

 

“You know what I wished for?” 

 

 

Kyungsoo still felt like he was being talked to, attentively listening like what he used to do.

 

“What is it, Yeollie?”

 

 

“I wish you were here, Kyungsoo. Alive and well —”

 

Kyungsoo’s mouth was left slightly agape, his eyes wide as it finally dawned to him what this scene right in front of him was.

 

“This is the time when Chanyeol made the wish. Halley’s Comet, in his time. This is his full wish.”

 

“ – even if it means losing my life. I wish Kyungsoo nothing but a happy, promising and beautiful life. Alive, breathing and well, with or without me.”

 

There were tears trickling down Kyungsoo’s face, one that would probably last a lifetime, drops that would not stop coming out from his eyes. 

 

And Kyungsoo knew what it meant. 

 

He knew what that wish meant.

 

Chanyeol was such a selfless man, up until the very end.

 

June 13 - 07:45 PM

 

“Soo? Kyungsoo? Are you waking up?”

 

Kyungsoo groans, finding it difficult to wake, but he tries his hardest, blinking his eyes open, trying to clear his vision. 

 

He sees a plain, white ceiling, but the light above was too bright, causing him to squint a bit. There was a shadow on his right, a person was waiting for him to wake. 

 

 

“Kyungja? Oh my god, Kyungsoo! Nurse! Nurse, he's awake! He’s awake!”

 

 

“B-Baekhyun?” Was the first thing Kyungsoo mutters, finally able to see better, the man holding his hand tightly, never leaving his side.

 

“Oh my god Kyungsoo, I am so glad you’re okay! You were out since yesterday, I was so worried that you might not be able to wake up.” Baekhyun gives him a tight hug, he could see that he had been crying, a lot , eyes puffy and his nose red. 

 

“W-What happened?” Kyungsoo tries to clear his kind, trying to clarify what had happened, wasn’t really sure what was going on or just wanted to confirm if he was still in the same timeline.

 

“You don’t remember?”

 

“I mean, my head is still in a bit of a daze, Kyoong. What happened?”

 

Baekhyun was hesitant to speak, pursing his lips in thought, but realized at the end of the day, Kyungsoo will eventually still have to face the reality of it.

 

 

“Soo, you got into an accident.”

 

 

Kyungsoo turns white, whiter than he usually is. 

 

Yes, he still pretty much is in the same timeline.

 

“S-So, I passed out?” He jitters, his anxiety was starting to rise. He wasn’t worried at all about himself, his heart was beating really fast, the only thing he was worried about —

 

He was worried about what happened to Chanyeol.

 

“Yeah, you passed out, but luckily, there weren’t any grave injuries or concussions on you, you just fainted from the impact probably.”

 

“W-What about Chanyeol? What happened to Chanyeol, Kyoong? Where is Chanyeol?” 

 

Baekhyun was too stunned to speak. Even more so, he was too nervous to answer. He lowers his head, his eyes focusing on the white tiles, trying to catch some courage to say anything to Kyungsoo.

 

But he didn’t need to, as Kyungsoo has seen Baekhyun’s eyes start to water as faster as the waterfalls he has seen in his life, he knew what it already meant.

 

“N-no. . . . No, it can’t be. No!!!!” Kyungsoo immediately breaks, tears spilling down his eyes, his hands grabbing onto his hair on each sides, as if pulling them all off will make a miracle happen, as if that would ultimately bring Chanyeol back.

 

Chanyeol is gone.

 

Chanyeol is no more. 

 

“Soo, I am so sorry. Please calm down. I am so sorry.” Baekhyun hugs him tightly once more, trying to stop the latter from hurting himself, from trying to physically injure himself, caressing his hair softly as leans chin on Kyungsoo’s head for support.

 

“No. . . . Chanyeol, no. It can’t be, he’s not dead, no he’s not!! Baekhyun he isn’t dead, he’s still there. He’s still here! Baekhyun please. . . .” Kyungsoo weeps bitterly, violently convulsing as he tries to hold on to Baekhyun’s arm as his last resort of support. Baekhyun sobs uncontrollably with him, feeling the pain of such a heartache of Kyungsoo losing the only person he ever loved – and the only best friend Baekhyun ever had. 

 

“H-He got hit pretty bad. I-I’m so sorry, Kyungsoo, he tried to save you from the blow.” 

 

Even tears weren’t enough to take away the pain that Kyungsoo was feeling. He felt as though the world cheated on him, betrayed him and played him. The only person who kept him back on his feet, his cheerleader and ultimate pillar of love and support, was now gone from this world.

 

He isn’t sure how he will be able to move on from this point forward.

 

June 19 - 03:30 PM

 

Kyungsoo didn’t go to the burial. 

 

But of course, he was present in the wake, receiving and greeting guests, relatives and friends that had come by to visit Chanyeol. He also attended the program before the burial, but he was excused of making any form of speech in front of the people because he might not be able to say anything distinctly in words, he might just bawl his eyes out all throughout.

 

So, he opted instead to visit Chanyeol’s apartment, simply to clean off and pack whatever his lover had left behind, bring it to his own apartment and keep it. He didn’t know what to feel, he was entirely empty for the whole day, and he was wearing such an unreadable expression, no one could even figure if he was still okay.

 

He picks up the remaining clothes Chanyeol has on his closet, picking up the other ones that were mostly office attires scattered on the floor. He places all of them on the bed, folding them neatly one by one as he lets the heat of the sun touch his tender face. 

 

“Soo?” He hears a voice coming from the living room. He stops folding, but doesn’t respond. He waits for the person to simply find him sitting on the bed, quickly knowing it was Baekhyun as a wave of brown hair appears at the side of the door.

 

“Hey Kyoong.” He says faintly. 

 

“I knew I would find you here. Folding his stuff?” 

 

Kyungsoo nods, gently touching the fabric of one of Chanyeol’s favorite winter coats. 

 

“Well, since you’re already at it, I want to give you something.” Baekhyun walks toward Kyungsoo, the latter noticed that he was holding a relatively large coat, one that surely isn’t Baekhyun’s size. 

 

“Here. This was the coat Chanyeol wore during the accident. I sort of dry cleaned it for you. I thought you might want to keep it.” Baekhyun extends an arm, Kyungsoo taking the coat from Baekhyun with ease. He takes a good look at it, and proceeds to draw the clothing closer to him, nuzzling his face on the fabric as years start to flow. He doesn’t know or remember how many times he cried for days, didn’t even care if his eyes were already aching from the puffiness.

 

“I’ll be with you always, Soo. I know he didn’t want any of this to happen. But know that he loves you a lot to save you. If you need anything, just give me a call okay? I’ll leave you to your privacy, I think you need it.” Baekhyun leans to kiss Kyungsoo on the forehead, a little bit of warmth that would lift Kyungsoo even just for a while.

 

Not long after, Baekhyun leaves, he made sure Kyungsoo was in a safe and secured state first before walking out of the premises. Kyungsoo was all alone once again. He didn’t mind the quiet though, as the beagle’s suggestion was right, he probably needed it.

 

As he was neatly folding the black coat Baekhyun gave, he suddenly felt a slightly hard object at the right pocket of the clothing. His face scrunched up in confusion, wondering what it might be that was left inside Chanyeol’s pockets.

 

He takes it out, and notices that it was a small black box, still intact with no signs of wear and tear. Kyungsoo takes a good look at it, turning it around with his fingers before slowly opening to see the contents.

 

The first thing he sees was a folded paper, evenly and neatly placed at the top. He doesn;t know how Chanyeol managed to actually put such a stationary inside the box, he picks it up and puts it on the side. 

 

In the middle of the said box, a pair of rings sat close to each other, one in a smaller size than the other. The ring wasn’t fancy, it was just plain expensive silver, but what caught Kyungsoo’s attention were the sound waves that were engraved above it, wavelengths that were in different curves and heights.

 

He puts the box to the side, picking the paper back, unfolding it to see the contents. 

 

It was only the beginning of the letter, but Kyungsoo was already tearing up.

 

 

[ To the Love of my Life, 

 

To Kyungsoo:

 

Thank you for existing. Thank you for being born in this world. Thank you for being a part of my simple, yet memorable life, because you are in it.

 

I am not really good with words, but it’s just so amazing how I always find the right ones whenever I talk to you, or even in times when you need comfort, I am so surprised to see how I can make you smile, laugh and immediately turn the blue into a full-fledged rainbow. 

 

All I want for you is nothing but pure happiness, I hope the heavens will be able to make it come true, even just for me. I know having what you have, the mental struggles and the inability to heal from the past, I may never know all of them, but I can see how much you are trying to move past all those, and I am so proud of seeing you trying not only for me, but for yourself.

 

Kyungsoo, I wish for a life that treats you kind, a life where you don’t have to see either black or white. I wish for a life where you see colors, the red in love and the blue in sadness, the yellow in friendships and the orange in sunsets. I wish that you will be able to see what I see, how life despite the cruelty around us, has so much beauty that people forget, focusing more on their adversities rather than seeking through the beauty beyond it. 

 

I have always longed to see you live a life in the fullest of its form, I want to see you grow old, until your hair grows white and grey. I want you to see that despite life being hard on you, know that it is not and never your fault. Life sure is hard, but that’s just because it’s preparing you for a bigger challenge, one that can surely take you a path filled with nothing but happiness and love, and know that I will be there to take you, every step of the way. 

 

Know that you are not alone, you will never be alone.

 

I am always with you, sweetheart.

 

Always remember that I love you, I love you in your most precious and happy times, I love you in your worst and ugly times. I will always be by your side, the same way you were always on mine, always putting a smile on my face, beaming, caring.

 

I only wish for my Kyungsoo to live a fruitful life, with or without me. I wish Kyungsoo to move forward without regrets, to never look back and just keep looking ahead. 

 

I am so proud of what you have become. I am so proud of you.

 

Baekhyun is so proud of you too. Thank you for being an important part of our lives.

 

Please, don’t take your precious life away. I wish Kyungsoo would learn to love himself the same way Chanyeol has loved him unconditionally.

 

I love you, sweetheart. Thank you for taking care of me. 

 

This time, I want you to take care of yourself. Please continue to love others, the same way I continued to love you, even in your last remaining days in my timeline.

 

I know you’ll be okay. You’ll be alright.

 

P.S. If ever you lose your way, just look over the ring I prepared for you, scan the wavelengths on your phone.

 

I love you, sweetheart. Thank you for being alive. 

 

With love,

 

Park Chanyeol ]

 

 

He puts the letter close to his chest. His body shaking as he continues to cry for the loss of his lover, his one and only Chanyeol. 

 

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”  He whispers to himself, despite the bittersweet tears, Kyungsoo has finally learned to smile once again, it was small, but despite that, it was a start, something akin to a new beginning for Kyungsoo, and that it was a sign that the road ahead of him might be tough, but he knows he will be able to surpass it in flying colors.

 

He takes the ring out of the box, the one with the smallest size, knowing too well that it was perfectly made for him. He wears it on his left ring finger, despite his blurry vision due to his tears, he could still see how stunning the piece of jewelry looked on him.

 

“I’ll continue to live on for you, love. It may be difficult, but I know I’ll be able to make it.” Kyungsoo kisses the silver ring, it was cold, but it felt like Chanyeol’s presence was there, instilling warmth and affection all throughout Kyungsoo.

 

Chanyeol was right. 

 

Kyungsoo wasn’t alone at all.

 

Kyungsoo will never be alone. 

 

Chanyeol will always be there for him.

 

June 12 - 12 MN

 

‘Tonight is the night y’all astronomy and astrology lovers have all been waiting for! Halley’s Comet will be appearing in the starry skies tonight! Come on out and open y’all windows as we witness the 200-year old comet bless us with its grace and beauty!’

 

 

Kyungsoo already knows this line, he has heard of it once before in a dream. He doesn’t even think it was a dream – it was more like a scene in sci-fi movies where two timelines collide, one seeing the future of the other, or one seeing the present of another.

 

He smiles, as he comfortably sits on the balcony window, holding a cup of warm coffee, his head up high as he watches the stars glow brightly at night, and the moon glistening with its beauty.

 

“You excited to see this? You’ve seen this once , Chanyeol. Let’s see it again once more.”

 

“Hey Soo! What time does the comet appear? Hold on, let me get my telescope so that I could see it better!” Baekhyun’s head pops out from the side, his hair a mess as his pajamas disheveled, he probably just woke up from his alarm that didn’t from repetitively playing earlier.

 

“A few more minutes, Kyoong. You’ll miss it if you slow down!” Kyungsoo yells just to make sure the beagle hears him, giggling as he finds it adorable he has always been a few minutes lates in these types of occasions.

 

It had been a year since Chanyeol passed, and Kyungsoo, despite the many adversities that he had to go through, was finally able to reach a part of the happiness that his departed lover had told him of in his letter.

 

He was finally living away from their home country, bought a house somewhere in the outskirts of Kyoto and was living his best life as an interior designer in Japan. It wasn’t exactly the dream house he and Chanyeol had hoped for, but it was a heartwarming one, it may be smaller compared to what Kyungsoo had thought, but because of his design boards and inspirations, he was able to make it look exactly how Chanyeol would’ve wanted it – also adding his and Baekhyun’s elements in the design as well.

 

When Baekhyun heard that he was moving, the beagle did not hesitate to pack his bags and leave with him. It confused the out of Kyungsoo at first, but Baekhyun told him that as Chanyeol’s best friend, it was his responsibility to always be with Kyungsoo, the same way Chanyeol had been with the both of them for years.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t say no to that. He thought having a friend that is more like a brother to him was an enough company he needed in the land of the Rising Sun.

 

They both have been living happily together ever since.

 

“And it’s a long way forward, so trust in me.

I’ll give「You」shelter, like you’ve done for「Me」.

And I know, I’m not alone,

You’ll be watching for us,

Until you’re gone.”

 

 

Kyungsoo listens to the song Chanyeol sings from the soundwave ring he was wearing, his phone close to his ears. He closes his eyes, feeling as though Chanyeol was there, surrounding his whole being, hugging him tightly for comfort.

 

 

“I know you’ll be okay. You’ll be alright, sweetheart.

I love you. Thank you for being alive.”

 

 

He listens to another recording, this time this was Chanyeol’s coming from the larger-sized ring. One that was supposed to be his lover’s ring. 

 

He still feels the ache of the loss, a year isn’t an enough time for Kyungsoo to move on from losing Chanyeol, but Baekhyun around and all the hard work he had put through to fulfill Chanyeol’s wishes, he thinks he is able to keep striving, with his head high without looking back – only looking forward.

 

 

‘Halley’s Comet has finally come to pass! Did all of y’all make a wish? They said that if you make a wish under the comet, it will come true!’

 

 

The moment the TV host has finally announced, Kyungsoo looks up, like seeing for the first time, Halley’s comet passing by the night sky, followed by a wave of little comets that beautifully fall from the sky.

 

“Oh my god! They all look so pretty, Kyungja!!! The scenery is much more beautiful here since we’re closer!” Baekhyun finally rushing out, sitting beside Kyungsoo as he focuses his telescope up in the sky, seeing how beautiful the comets were.

 

A few more minutes after the event, he and Baekhyung sit silently on the balcony, Kyungsoo still holding on to his cup and Baekhyun staring at the far end of their shared bedroom.

 

“Did you make a wish?” Baekhyun curiously asked, placing his telescope on his side, his attention now fully focused on Kyungsoo.

 

“Hmmm, you know what, I did.”

 

“What did you wish for?”

 

Kyungsoo thought for a second, looking down on his half-full cup that was getting cold. He was trying to formulate the words that he wanted to say before letting it all out.

 

“Well?” Baekhyun asked once again, folding his legs as he hugs them closer to his chest.

 

“I wish that we live a life happy and without regrets, Kyoong. Just like what Chanyeol wanted for us. I want us to live a life doing what makes us happy, what makes us feel loved. Just like what Chanyeol always wanted.”

 

 

Baekhyun smiles cheerfully. His teeth out in the open, white and shining like the stars.

 

“You’re right, Soo. Let’s spend our remaining days together, a memorable one, one that we won’t forget. One that surely Chanyeol would smile upon up there. ”

 

Kyungsoo nods, as they both look back up at the night sky. He silently gives thanks to the heavenly celestials, for giving Chanyeol to him, for taking Chanyeol back in time to save him from the future he was supposed to have. He thanks them for giving him a selfless and loving man, a man who would do anything to make Kyungsoo happy without regrets, for giving him Chanyeol who made him realize that despite the cruelty, the world was still a place worth living for, beautiful and still susceptible to changing effortlessly like a butterfly in metamorphosis.

 

Kyungsoo knows he won’t be able to bring back the time when Chanyeol was still alive, but he knew he was in a better place, in a better paradise. The face of Chanyeol smiling flashes on his mind on the day of the accident, despite a painful memory, Kyungsoo realized that even Chanyeol didn’t want him to wish he was alive —

 

Because Chanyeol knew he had already fulfilled and accomplished his mission, his wish to save and finally, see Kyungsoo alive and well.

 

Now, it was Kyungsoo’s turn to fulfill his wish.

 

 

 

 

[Author Notes]

 

P.S. This fic is actually, heavily inspired on what I am currently struggling on in real life. I hope this reaches people who need it the most. I know I may not be able to have it or even have a taste of it, but I made sure to write everything down beautifully for you guys to feel you are valid. You belong and you matter.

 

You are loved.

 

Thank you for being alive.