Chapter 20

[The Heaven Upstairs]

The moment Jung Soo announced that the meeting was over, people swarmed out of the Bluebeard Chamber. After all, besides ensuring their lives remained within their bodies, they had no other purpose in such a fake social gathering.

Jessica, surprisingly, was one of the very few that chose to stay a little longer there. After knowing about Seohyun and Shindong’s deaths, Jessica’s grandmother had allowed the Jung driver to stand by in Seoul Opera Building. Jessica could go home if she wanted to, but instead, she decided that it would not hurt to accompany her first.

“Are you alright?” Jessica let the question hung in the air as she approached the balcony.

Yoona slowly pulled herself from the balcony’s railing of Seoul Opera Building. She was mildly surprised with Jessica’s concern, as the later was infamous for the lack of it. But the Im girl supposed that she should not have considered Jessica to be that flat. Sure, Jessica might have been dubbed as the Ice Princess, but that did not mean she was someone who had to act cold all the time. Jessica was just a shy person who tended to mask her embarrassment with icy attitude, Yoona concluded. However, after that night in their childhood park, after Jessica knew the truth about her past, Yoona knew that her unnie had opened a part of her heart more to her.

Casting a reassuring smile, Yoona replied, “Are you worried about me?”

Much to Yoona’s prediction, since being considered as someone with warm heart was something Jessica found to be annoying, she denied it. “No.”

Yoona laughed. “I’m fine, Unnie. I’ve talked to my parents. The other members of Der Märchenclub also stopped treating me as a criminal after Sungmin-sshi explained my situation to them. And the stalking… has stopped, I guess.”

“Hm.”

“How about you?”

“…Fine.”

Yoona was not sure if Jessica was telling a completely honest answer, but she decided to just believe her. “That’s good. Unnie, just remember that –”

“Yoona,” a man’s voice called and the two girls looked up to see Donghae was approaching them.

It happened for a split of second, but Jessica saw it. The way that Yoona’s shoulders flinched, the way that Donghae suddenly looked as if he did not want to do, the way that Yoona hid what was obviously an awkward situation with a cheeky smile… Jessica witnessed it all.

“Hi, Oppa!” greeted Yoona cheerfully.

“You should go home,” Donghae said as he stole a glance to Jessica. Yoona had told him that Jessica already knew about the brother-sister relationship he and Yoona shared, so Donghae found it acceptable to speak his next line, “Father is worried. Your mother has also been calling me, telling me to remind you to go home.”

Though being rebellious at heart, but Yoona knew she should not have caused more worries to her parents. To her mother, to her non-blood related father, to Donghae and her real father. “I understand. I’ll go downstairs. You’re not going home?”

“I…” Donghae hesitated as he glanced again to Jessica. “I’ll go home after I talk to Jessica-sshi.”

Yoona nodded in comprehension. “I’m leaving then. See you later, Unnie, Oppa…”

Donghae stared at Yoona’s back as the girl descended down the stairs. Only after making sure that Yoona was completely out of his sight that Donghae spoke to Jessica again, “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“…To hide all those past from you. I thought it was for your own good. But perhaps… Yoona’s right. You have the right to know. You are stronger than you were years ago…”

Jessica exhaled an exhausted breath. “It doesn’t matter now.”

“…Perhaps you’re tired to hear this all over again, I’m sure Yoona has spoken the same thing, but your parents’ death is really not your fault.”

She was mildly annoyed at how Donghae made her remember again. She appreciated his concern, she really did. But sometimes Donghae was even more annoying than her grandmother. “You don’t know the truth. You were not there in the accident.”

“You’re right. Accident. It has nothing to do with you. You were just unlucky enough to witness it with your own eyes…” he hesitated. “But you are alive. That’s something you should –“

“I wish I was dead,” she told him. “That would probably make everything easier.”

“No,” Donghae shook his head. “That would definitely not make my life easier.”

Jessica stared at Donghae. Suddenly, irritation filled her dark brown eyes. “Make up your mind, will you?”

He was baffled. “I’m sorry?”

“Make up your mind,” Jessica repeated. “You haven’t answered Yoona’s confession. Now you’re acting like you care for me. You’re toying with both of our feelings.”

Donghae was at lost for words for a few seconds. He did not know how the conversation could go from him showing his care for her to this. Perhaps it had something to do with women and their unstable mood, he did not know. When he finally found the words, he muttered them at such disbelief of Jessica’s judgment. “I don’t merely act as if I care for you. I truly care for you. You are important to me –“

“But you have feelings for Yoona.”

“She’s my sister!” he hissed. “Whatever feelings I might have for her, I know my limit. And she should have too! And oh, by the way, I have answered her confession. I rejected her, remember?”

“Still,” Jessica insisted. She did not even know why she insisted. Was she jealous? For what? For Donghae? Whatever feeling did she have for Donghae anyway? “You have feelings for her.”

Donghae chuckled darkly. “Again. You’re being difficult, again.”

Perhaps she was, but somehow she still believed that Donghae was still one of the causes of her own ‘difficultness’. “What do you want from me, Donghae?”

“What do I want from you?” he repeated, more confused. “Could you stop treating me as if I have hidden agenda for you? Can’t you accept my honesty?”

“If you’re so that honest, then tell me. What are you intending with all of these? You want to treat me as your young sister? As your friend? As your lover?”

Under normal circumstances, Jessica would probably curse herself for acting like that. She was not Donghae’s girlfriend or sister or anything. She was simply his childhood friend. Jessica knew she should not have expected anything from him.

But…

Perhaps, once, when they were little… she had fallen for him.

And perhaps… just perhaps, she had fallen for him again.

Suddenly, Jessica felt like she needed to slap herself. She was being ridiculous. It was beyond being ‘difficult’, she was being ridiculous. She was being irrational. And Jung Jessica was anything but irrational.

Sighing, Jessica just walked away. “Forget what I said. But you should stop acting as if you care and –

He caught her wrist and pulled her back to him. His action was abrupt, she stumbled on her high heels and she found herself on him. Her face on his chest, her arms around her waist. He embraced her tight. He was strong, he vowed to himself to protect her. She should have been pleased, should have realized that if only she chose not to be stubborn, it actually could welcome her to a new level of happiness.

But it was rather the contrary for her.

Suddenly, it felt painful.

“Let me go.”

“What do you want me to say, Sica?”

“Let me go,” she said as she pushed his chest away from her, as she kicked his shoes.

He ignored the pain she caused her. He refused to let go and only drew her closer. “What do you want me to say? I’m not the one who should make up my mind, am I?”

She looked up to him. He was staring down at her. His eyes, for the rarest time, were unreadable. Donghae’s musky scent infiltrated her nostril and she was reminded at their proximity. Uncharacteristically, she felt heat surging up her body. She pushed him more.

Donghae pulled her more.

“Let go!” she screamed.

He did. But only momentarily. The next thing she knew, she found his finger around her chin and his head descended down.

She slapped him.

Donghae had a look of surprise on his face. Surprised of Jessica’s slap, surprised of his own earlier attempt to kiss her. “I…”

“You are a bastard,” she spoke in ire. “Don’t make me… don’t make me…” she was at lost for words.

Don’t make me have the slightest hope on you.

Jessica did not continue her words and she ran from him.

Donghae was stunned. He wanted to go after her, but more than anything, he felt the urge to punch himself first.

Jessica ran the water from the tap and washed her face. Her eyeliners might have been the finest quality, but she had washed her face in such an exaggerated manner that her eyeliner and mascara left ugly black blot beneath her eyes. She locked herself inside Seoul Opera House’ ladies restroom again. Her cell phone was ringing noisily and she glared at the device. She had decided to ignore it, but the ringing did not decease.

At one point where she found the ringing to be unbearably annoying, she picked up the call. “What?!”

It was her old driver. Stuttering as he was greeted first thing first with her young mistress’ wrath, he hesitantly asked, “You’re not coming down, Miss? Your friends have gone home. It’s not safe for you to stay there.”

“I’m alright.”

“Let me go upstairs and pick you –“

“Just stay where you are,” her mandate did not need to come with shouting or anything, but the coldness of her voice still tinted its vibe. “I’ll go downstairs later, but I need time to think now.”

“But Miss –“

“Stay. There,” she warned and immediately turned her phone off. There was something unsettling, something she did not like, that was building up inside of her. She gritted her teeth to fight the sensation, and her fingers itched –she just wanted to damage something. It was not like her, she reminded and chanted to herself. But the more she tried to suppress whatever emotion she was feeling inside, the more it became unbearable.

Before she realized it, something that she later concluded as a repressed anger took the best of her, and irrationally she slammed her cell phone to the floor.

The loud sound the crash made her shudder. It brought her back to the reality, to the realization of what she had done.

A d