there's no wrong in loving you (there's no right in loving you) by BangMind

Please note that this review is subjective and belongs to the opinions of one person. It isn’t spoiler-free.

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First Impressions

Good titles set the tone for the story. Your title is eye-catching and hints at the internal conflicts of one or both main characters. Frankly, I have no qualms with long titles or unconventional titles that have parentheses, though beware it may turn off readers.

The well-written description elaborates on the internal conflicts of Taeyong. Most importantly, it is memorable. I have nothing to add.

Writing Content

Plot Advice: Write a story worth telling.

Don’t fret over plot because your story is character-driven. Character-driven stories are equally as great. Plot happens to characters and forces them to develop, for better or worse. Characters who are driven by internal conflict make decisions that change the narrative.

That being said, our main protagonist Taeyong is conflicted about his FWB relationship with a woman who he’s in love with but who doesn’t love him back. Taeyong also knows the FWB will eventually come to an end. The time-constraint with the job offer is hovering above his head, but his heart wants to stay with Sooyeon and her daughter.

The only issue I have with the story events is the random dinner scene. Random because there was no build-up to it. Where’s the context? What is Sooyeon’s relationship to Taeyong’s parents? How were they introduced? How long have they’ve known each other? I guess I don’t know how any of the characters met. I can only assume that they met as neighbors and became friendly.

Grammar Advice: Avoid overusing absolutes and adverbs.

I counted 17 uses of “always” and 27 uses of “never.” While I wouldn’t advise you to completely eliminate these words, you should use them sparingly. The same applies to adverbs, including but not limited to “suddenly,” “actually,” and “really.” (Major props to you for using “suddenly” only once.) Adverbs exist to strengthen an action or description, but if the sentence can convey the same meaning without the adverb, it’s unnecessary. Too many adverbs can clutter a sentence, so you have two choices: 1) Replace the adverb with a stronger verb. 2) Rewrite the sentence.

Original: Except he always thinks too much ahead of time and there's always some sort of miscalculation from the very first steps.

Revised: Except he thinks too much ahead of time and there's some sort of miscalculation from the very first steps.

Revised: Except he overthinks and miscalculates from the very first steps.

I continued the active voice after the conjunction “and.” It has a nicer flow, in my opinion.

Advice: Enhance readability by making ideas flow logically, cutting out irrelevant information, and using clear, plain language.

Original: "Noona," Taeyong says, cupping her cheeks and wiping two more droplets of tears off her beautiful, beautiful eyes.

We don’t need to know the specific number of tears he wiped. It’s such an odd detail.

Yes, Taeyong thinks she has beautiful eyes, but all I can picture is Taeyong sticking his thumbs into her eyes and drying tears that haven’t spilled yet.

Revised: "Noona," Taeyong says, cupping her face and wiping more tears off her cheeks.

…

Original: Temperate with how he tries to make sense of this ill fate as much as he wants to, he blocks his mouth from making any more whimpers, in perhaps futile effort to convince Sooyeon he is asleep earlier than usual and, by some miraculous chance, she will just go back home.

Temperate? What is this sentence trying to say?

Grammar Advice: Don’t string together prepositional phrases in a sentence.

Original: Enough to remember he usually spends this time of the day every week to change the water, and tend to his precious friends— who have been with him soon after he gets promoted as the head