Hi there! If you're still accepting requests, I'd like to make one (and you can take your time, this story is completed but is being gradually reuploaded with revisions. So you can get to it when you can if you're interested)
Title: MAMACITA: Secrets of San Mar Valley
Characters: Ensemble cast including Original Characters and special appearances
Genre/s: Wild West/Western, Romance, Action, Drama, revenge, minor comedy here and there (This is a dramatized novelization of the mv characters and plot entwined with my own characters and plot). There's the goal to stop the main villain, the process revealing everyone's dark/troubled pasts that will become relevant to the main plot.
Chapter 1: Hi! I want to write again and would like to see my story from fresh eyes and a different perspective! That way I can edit it and prepare for upcoming chapters. The story I'd like to be reviewed is called Vengeful Romance and it stars Yongguk from BAP and my OC. It's a revenge, romance, slap and kiss type story.
Chapter 2: Thank you for your review! I credited the shop in the story foreword and also promoted in my feed and made a blog post (I will probably delete the blog post after a while- maybe in 2 months or something if that's okay with you!).
Here's some of my thoughts after reading your review:
First Impressions:
I'm glad you find the title fitting for the story, and that the description is memorable enough ^^
Writing Content:
'The only issue I have with the story events is the random dinner scene. Random because there was no build-up to it. Where’s the context? What is Sooyeon’s relationship to Taeyong’s parents? How were they introduced? How long have they’ve known each other? I guess I don’t know how any of the characters met. I can only assume that they met as neighbors and became friendly.'
-> I tried to hint Taeyong's parents knowing Sooyeon in this sentence "To none of his surprise, his parents pulled up the initial repetitive conversation of gratitude towards Sooyeon for playing a huge part of helping him on his career path until now". I didn't want to delve much into explaining because I thought it didn't matter much. But I definitely could have elaborated it better. I guess I still have a long way to go to successfully tell a story readers can enjoy- like explaining things more in detail instead of glossing over it as though my readers can understand the situations just as well as what's inside of my head.
Grammar Advice:
Original: Temperate with how he tries to make sense of this ill fate as much as he wants to, he blocks his mouth from making any more whimpers, in perhaps futile effort to convince Sooyeon he is asleep earlier than usual and, by some miraculous chance, she will just go back home.
Temperate? What is this sentence trying to say?
-> Honestly, I have no idea either. What was I trying to say here? jfc. Another reminder for myself to re-read my stuff at least ten times before posting, and stop trying to use complicated words without actually knowing how to T-T
'Again, we don’t need the exact number (of fishes) because it’s unimportant.'
-> I disagree! Taeyong would be so offended to hear. He even have names for each of his pet fish!! XD joking aside, I guess I tried to show how cute he is with this little detail (the real Taeyong is known to other fandoms as a fish surgeon haha), but there must be better ways to subtly hint it so I'll keep this in mind!
Final Impressions:
'The spicy moments didn’t do anything for me. And the angst didn’t hit me in the end because I couldn’t sympathize with the characters. I could blame that on this being a short story, but I’ve read my share of short stories that made me feel something. Maybe it’s because these characters are a little too nice. There’s no push and pull. There’s no friction. There’s no heat. Even though there is a clear problem, I couldn’t emotionally invest in your story.'
-> I would be lying if I say I'm not saddened by this, because what I wanted most was for readers to relate to the characters and their feelings. But as much as I am sad, I'm grateful that you pointed out things that I need to work on. I agree with you that the characters are too nice for sure lol. Giving characters flaws is something I always struggle to do :<
Once again, thank you for taking the time to read and write this helpful review for my story and for being so quick at that! I'm super grateful for the grammar and writing style suggestions, since I will rely on them as I write my next stories. If there's a chance, I will make another request in the future as well ^^
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