I woke up ng madaling araw

 

Naramdaman ko na may mainit na katawan pa rin nakalapat sakin

 

When I opened my eyes, I've seen Winter's arms stilll wrapped around my waist

 

Dahan dahan kong tinanggal yung kamay niya making sure na 'di siya magigising

 

Saglit kong tinitigan ang mukha niya at hinalikan siya sa labi

 

This is probably going to be the last time na I'm going to see her and feel her hug

 

I quickly wiped the tears that starting to form in my eyes and grabbed my bag

 

Dahan dahan akong lumabas ng kwarto, making sure na there will be no footsteps to be heard

 

Nang makadaan ako sa dining area and saw the countertop, nag flashback pa ang nangyari samin kagabi

 

Ako pala ang dessert sa date namin

 

I shook my head para makapag focus ako

 

I went back to my place to get all my belongings na para makauwi na ako before makauwi ang parents ko

 

Binuhos ko na lang ang luha ko sa byahe

 

I checked yung mga pictures namin together on my digicam

 

I've also put a check dun sa "Go on a Date"  for my bucket list while I crossed out naman ang "Get Laid" 

 

What happened with us ni Winter is what I want from my heart, hindi dahil sa bucket list lang

 

I want her to be my first and she made everything special for me, she was gentle and sweet the whole time we're doing it

 

Nag simula na naman mag flashbacks ang oras na mag kasama kame sa Batangas from zipline, dates, and when we did it

 

Tuluyan ko ng nilabas ang lungkot na nararamdaman ko I don't really care about my surroundings anymore

 

Buti na lang it's only Tuesday pa lang so hindi pa officially holiday, wala pa masyadong tao sa bus

 

I'm also seated at the very corner para naman maka todo iyak na ako at walang masyadong makapansin

 

I didn't regret anything na nangyari samin, in fact, sobrang saya ko pa nga kasi she was with me for my remaining days. 

 

Kahit at the same time na gu-guilty ako kase in a way, pinaasa ko siya kahit alam kong hindi naman dapat

 

I just can't help nga lang that for the very first time I wanna do something for myself

 

I wanna have something for myself at si Winter yon

 

I feel so hopeless, I wanna live longer pa

 

Kahit noong una ay tanggap ko na talaga yung fate ko

 

She changed me and made me want to embrace her warmth nang sobrang tagal

 

Pero like what I mentioned,  I just can't help, I'm helpless

 

Wala naman na talaga akong magagawa

 

 

 

 

When I got back home, naligo muna ako and tried to cover with make up yung namumugto kong mata with concealer

 

Tinanggal ko na din yung bandage sa left hand ko at pinalitan ng band aid

 

I don't know pero hindi ko matapon yung bandage, instead tinago ko 'to sa cabinet kahit madumi na siya

 

I charged my Iphone muna to check my unread messages later

 

Kahit dito na ko lumaki sa bahay na 'to, I've tried to savor every nook of each rooms

 

My photo albums caught my interests that's why I wasted my time looking at my pictures with my family and friends

 

Habang nilipat ko ang page and seeing my happy memories saved on film, mas lalo akong naiiyak

 

Narinig ko yung Nokia phone ko na tumunog 

 

Sweetie, we're near na, mga 5 mins na lang 'to

 

Ingat po!

 

 

I've tried to practice kung paano ako aamin pero I can't compose any words in my brain

 

Parang nag kabuhol buhol ang veins sa utak ko at hindi maka function ang brain ko properly

 

It is true that regardless na ia-accept nila ako will no longer matter

 

But of course, I want to get their acceptance and genuine love before I die

 

I've checked myself on the mirror again to check if I look like

 

I think the concealer was effective but there's some limitation it can fulfill

 

The tired eyes and me losing a bit of weight is kind of obvious na make up can't cover up

 

When I heard them knocking, I tried to fake a smile before going outside of my room

 

My parents hugged me tightly when I welcomed them sa front gate pa lang

 

"I miss you Mom and Dad"

 

I kissed both of their cheeks before I let go of the hug

 

"Baby, bakit parang pumayat ka?"

 

I remained mum, I honestly don't know how to answer her question

 

My mom made me twirl while looking at my body

 

"Sabi mo you went out for a vacation, I was happy pa naman to hear that but it seems like hindi ka nakakain masyado"

 

My dad also stared at me for a bit while getting some bags sa trunk

 

"Don't worry anak, we bought a lot of pasalubong you like"

 

He lifted up the bags as if he's showing off his pasalubong

 

I felt my mom gently caressed my left cheek

 

"Mugto yung mata mo anak, is there a problem ba?"

 

Lumapit na rin ang dad ko to stare at my face

 

I quietly went inside the house and sumunod din naman sila

 

Although, I can't see their face since nasa likod ko sila

 

I can still feel them being worried and sad, I feel like ang lamig lamig ng likod ko

 

Kahit hindi naman mahangin parang giniginaw ako

 

Pinag papawisan na rin ako ng malamig, I feel sweaty all over my body na

 

We went in the living room, nang umupo ako sa sofa, they followed through sa katapat na sofa

 

"I would like to confess po sana Mom and Dad"

 

They didn't said anything and I can see in their eyes na they were waiting for what I'm going to say

 

"I think I'm a lesbian po. Actually, I know I'm a lesbian po"

 

I closed my eyes waiting for their violent reactions but instead I heard them sigh

 

It sound like it's a sigh of relief, napamulat ako sa narinig ko and I saw them smiling back at me

 

"Baby naman, akala ko pa naman kung ano na yung sasabihin mo, you sounds so serious kase"

 

Lumipat ng upuan si Dad at tumabi sakin and hugged me tightly

 

Lumapit na rin si Mommy and hugged me also

 

"If somehow there was a time na you felt that you can't tell us everything then I'm sorry baby"

 

My Mom said while combing my hair with her hand and kissed me on my cheek

 

"I really thought it was serious na baby, akala ko something bad happened na during your vacation, it was your first time being alone pa naman and wala kami sa Pinas, we were really worried but you barely go out of your room so we were happy na you wanna go to province and pumayag na lang"

 

"So it's okay na I'm into women po?"

 

"Of course naman baby"

 

My mom said while I saw my Dad nodding naman

 

I can't help but to cry because I feel so love, medyo nahiya pa nga ako sa sarili ko

 

Why did I even doubt their love for me?

 

I was overthinking lang pala

 

"I really thought po kase you will be mad because you always set me up with guys po if you have the chance"

 

"That was because we didn't know you're into women, if I only know sa babae kita irereto anak. we were just being concerned kase you're not getting any younger pero par