Chaewon Pov

Trigger warning: suicide attempt

You realize that what you did was selfish. You let Minju go when all she wanted was to be with you, but you took that away from her. How pathetic is that?

For you to do something that pains her so out of your own selfishness is something you never imagined carrying out. No– you were supposed to be with her, you were supposed to love her, and yet you chose to “protect” her. 

Maybe it was your selfishness that led to you floating in the coldness that is space, alive. In pain, but alive.

Massive boulders float all around you, debris from every town and city in Paridiy along with it. Nothing remains no matter where you look. To your left, wood, stone, dirt. On your right, more wood, stone, and dirt. Looking down, you see your sweater is covered in dust and has lost half a sleeve, your shirt has small rips, and your cargos are covered in dirt. Looking above, you have to put a hand over your mouth to prevent yourself from vomiting. Bodies upon bodies. With blood stained clothes, they float lifelessly.

Survivors' guilt is the best way to word what you’re feeling, but it doesn’t explain it well enough. Then, there’s that burning hatred you feel for Raeix, and you don’t know how to get rid of it.

Everywhere you look is lifeless. That’s what it looks like, at least. You’re not sure how anyone could survive such destruction like this. You’re not even sure of how you survived.

Perhaps it is karma from your selfishness that Minju is dead because of you. While it hurts, you take a breath out to keep your composure, except it doesn’t work. Why is there a need to keep yourself composed, when there is no one around to judge? 

Tears fall relentlessly, and you’ve lost count on the amount of times you’ve cried today. Your lips quiver, and all in your mind is Minju. Your girlfriend, your lover.

Why, universe? Why did you have to take away your love? Why did you take her away when you were trying to let her live? Why is it not you that is dying in the frigidness of space?

You sob, but you can’t hear a sound. After all, sounds are nonexistent in the cosmos. 

You cover your eyes, hating the scene in front of you. You can’t look at your home, you can’t look at your people, even if they once hated you.

Your planet, your home. It was all taken from you within a blink of an eye. Your friends, your love, gone in an instant.

Your love.

Tears continue falling as your hands clench into fists. You’re angry. For what reason did the Raeixans do this to your home? Did they feel so entitled to do this? Even if they felt that, it still doesn’t explain why. Did Paridians trouble Raeixans that much? Impossible, for Paridians are forbidden from entering Raeix’s atmosphere.

Why, Raeix? Did the universe tell you to do it? Did the galaxy? What did Andromeda tell you? Did she tell you to paint the solar system in blood? Did she justify mass murder? 

Did they tell you to keep you alive?

You can’t. Your breath hitches, and you hold out your hand, pointing it towards yourself. You sob, and tears don’t stop falling. Then, you start to do it.

Serapha flows into your skin and enters your lungs. It pulls away the air remaining in it, and you can feel your head begin to get heavy. Black spots impair your vision, and you can feel your thoughts begin to become incoherent. 

Universe, you took away Minju. Raeix, you took away Minju.

Now you will take away yourself.

But then you stop, because that’s when you see it. That oh so familiar white and gold flag plastered onto whatever metal you couldn’t care less to identify. Your hand drops, and air somehow makes its way back into your lungs.

Scarlet red eyes glow.

You saw the uniforms of the seraphs. Why else would they wear that unless they intended on causing damages? Actually, damages is an understatement. They caused a catastrophe. But, it’s clear that the government sent them. They made their attack official.

You are left with nothing, because they took everything. They took your love.

Your jaw clenches, and you can only see red. 

Everything is their fault. Everything happened because of them. Everything. They can’t just get away with it. Your friends, your girlfriend, they can’t just… die like that. They can’t die as if their murders were justified. No, you can’t let that happen.

You have to do something. 

You bring your hands down, not caring that they’re shaking violently. Glowering at the ship, you can only think of one thing.

You want revenge. You want them to feel your pain. You want them to suffer, to see them with nothing.

You want to watch Raeix fall.

Even if it pains you, you take a deep breath out and you push yourself forward. You fly past the chunks of rocks and the debris from buildings of your home planet. You soar past the bodies of your people, and you choke back another sob from the sight. You tear your eyes away from it, preferring to stare blankly at the people that took away everything.

You have to make this convincing. How? You don’t know. You can’t think. You don’t know what you’re doing at all. However, that doesn’t stop you from speeding towards the massive Raeixan ship, from slamming into the cold, hard metal. Most of all, it doesn’t stop everything from going black once more.

“She’s– breathing.”

“–a pulse, surprisingly.”

“How did– here?”

Your mind is awake, your body is too, but your eyes don’t open. You can only listen. Every part of your body is unbearably numb. The pain on your chest isn’t there, but it’s replaced by a strange buzzing. Your head too, there’s a buzz.

“From— Paridiy?”

“No— dead.”

A gasp, and you can finally move. You sit up as red eyes open in surprise. You bring a hand to your chest, and you can feel how fast your heart is beating. Everything is blurry, making you unable to see your surroundings.

“Wh-Where am I?” You ask cautiously to what seems to be no one, but then, who was just talking?

“You are on a Raeixan ship, heading to Raeix, Ma’am,” A voice answers you. It confirms your suspicions. You made it onboard, but now what?

“Raeix?”

“Yes, my crew and I found you floating, unconscious,” The man, presumably the captain, speaks in an authoritarian voice. A few seconds pass by, and no one says a word.

“...Do you know what happened to me?”

The first serious lie is in motion. It’s easier than you expected it to be, to lie. You don’t feel yourself shaking like during past attempts, but you are nervous. Lying is anxiety inducing and stressful, and you’ve always hated doing it. But, why would you feel remorse for the people that took everything? You can only feel hatred.

“We were planning on asking you that, Ma’am,” Your vision clears. The pain in your head begins to subside, but with the amount of force you put into hitting the ship, you won’t heal as fast as you’d like. You look to where the man spoke and are met with narrowed eyes. His hair is brown, and his eyes are an eerie black. He stares at you blankly, hands crossed over his white and gold uniform, ‘Hong’ plastered on the fabric over the heart. You can only assume that it is a name. “Do you remember anything?”

You remember everything, of course, but should you say it?

No— It could be dangerous. If the seraphs killed the entire population of Paridiy, what would they do if they found out you’re a Paridian?

They would most likely kill you too.

“I…” A breath, and a sharp pain to your chest. “I was on a ship with my— my family.” Eyebrows crease upward, and scarlet eyes glow. Your family is gone. Your friends didn’t deserve that.

“What happened to the ship?” Another seraph questions you. This one doesn’t have a name on their uniform.

You bring your hands close to your chest, feeling as vulnerable as ever. Too many people are staring at you, but what were you expecting? This is a government ship. You were bound to get questioned sooner or later. It just so happened to be sooner, and you couldn’t be any less prepared

“Everything was going fine, but then there were crashes and screams and—” You pause, and the last memories you have of your friends flash before your eyes. Tears brim your eyes. 

“Crashes from what? Do you remember what happened after you heard them?” ‘Hong’ asks another question, and his eyes narrow. The pain in your head returns.

“She went to protect— protect me, but things just went wrong, and there were more screams, and everything caught on— on–” 

You choke on your words. Thoughts of Minju rush to your head, and you’re reminded of how much you hate Raeix. You remember her warm touch, her voice, the way she made you feel. Your hands shake and tears start to fall. You miss her, so much that it gives you a pain so strong you think death would be better than this.

“Ma’am, we need you to–”

“That’s enough. Can’t you see she’s distressed?”

Your eyes snap towards the new, feminine voice. Dark gray hair is tied back into a ponytail with some loose strands of hair framing her face. She wears the same white and gold bodysuit. You read ‘Miyawaki’ on the fabric over the heart.

“But we need to know if she’s telling the–” ‘Hong’ is cut off with a hand that stops a few centimeters from his face. He stands still, his lips pressed into a thin line.

‘Miyawaki’ pulls her hand away, bringing it back down to her side. Everyone is quiet, especially the other seraphs. Your eyes meet hers as she walks towards the table you sit on. She stands in front of you and leans near your ear. Your muscles tense.

“Are you telling the truth?” She whis