My Last First Love

My Youth

March 2013

 

Mark Lee  was a transferee from Vancouver and everybody had a hard time talking to him because he barely spoke any Korean but not Haechan, he tried his bestest to talk to Mark even if sometimes he doesn't understand himself anymore.

 

Their first encounter was clumsy. Haechan was lying on the ground under the shade of a tree, trying to nap when his best friend, Jaemin ran towards him and was panting when he got to sit beside him. 

 

“Why are you running, Jaem?” he asked, eyes closed.

 

“Come on! The new student’s here.” Jaemin exclaims, still catching his breath.

 

“What new student?” Haechan asks, not really paying attention to his friend.

 

“Aren’t we having a new classmate? He just arrived and Mr. Lee is asking you to welcome him and give him a tour.”

 

Haechan groans and leans back on the tree then turns his head to face his friend. “And why should I do that? Why not President Chenle?”

 

“Because he’s busy being a teacher’s pet now, let’s go!”

 

Haechan groans and moves to lay his head on Jaemin’s lap, looking up at him. “I’m sleepy, it’s lunch time and I’m supposed to be sleeping. Why is he late, anyways? Do schools not start in the morning for them?”

 

Jaemin looks down then lightly flicks Haechan’s forehead and Haechan rubs it while pouting up at his friend, “You know that Canadian whose covers you watch on Youtube?”

 

“What about him?”

 

“He kind of looks just like-”

 

“Nobody looks like Mark Lee. He’s the only one-”

 

“Mark Lee?” Jaemin cuts him off then grins cheekily before throwing his head back while laughing. “Such a small world, huh? Our new classmate’s name is Mark Lee.”

 

Haechan suddenly sits up, making him dizzy but what Jaemin said made him forget about that. “What did you just say?” he asks, excitement evident in his voice. “Na Jaemin, what did you say?”

 

“I said, the name of our new classmate is Mark Lee.” Jaemin repeats and covers his ears when Haechan suddenly screams.

 

He picks up his things and pulls his friend with him.

 

“Dong- I mean, Haechan! Stop pulling me!” Jaemin complains but doesn’t make any move to pull his hand away from Haechan’s hold. Haechan likes to call himself Haechan because he claims that he will shine bright uprightly, therefore also making everyone else call him by that nickname. Most of them do, but his best friends prefer to call him by his real name.

 

“Just walk faster, I have a new classmate to give a tour to!”

 

“You can just go alone, why drag me-”

 

Haechan suddenly stops walking, making Jaemin lose his balance and bump into him. “YA LEE DONGHYUCK!”

 

“Hi.” The guy in front of them greeted them in English and Haechan wanted to melt into a puddle, it was really Mark Lee. The Mark Lee whose covers he watches on Youtube, the Mark Lee whose voice comforts him when he’s down, the Mark Lee who he thought was impossible to reach, the Mark Lee who he has a crush on. That Mark Lee. “I was just wondering if any of you know Haechan? He was supposed to be giving me a tour of the campus.”

 

Jaemin looks at Haechan, confused as he didn’t know how to answer because Mark was speaking in straight English that it was confusing him. “I…I have a headache!” was what he managed to say and just turned his back on the two of them to run back to their classroom. Mark looks at his retreating figure then faces Haechan.

 

“That was weird.” Mark says then repeats his question, “I really need to find Hae-”

 

“I’m Haechan!” Haechan exclaims, surprising both of them.

 

“Oh, well, hi. My name’s Mark.” he says and reaches for a handshake which Donghyuck eagerly takes.

 

“Hi Mark Lee! I’m a fan.” he says, shaking Mark’s hand before letting it go immediately, afraid that he might not be able to if he holds onto it longer. Mark had soft hands.

 

“Really?” Mark asks, Haechan immediately nodding. He waited for this day to come and he was very ready. He didn’t have time to be shy.

 

“Oh, I hope I don’t make you feel awkward. It’s just that, I watch your covers on Youtube. I never really imagined meeting you in person.” Haechan said and it made Mark smile. Haechan was sure he’ll be falling in love by the end of their school year.

 

April 2013

 

They have been classmates for a month now and Mark was still shy and didn't really open up to them. Haechan kind of adopted him to his group of friends and because it was him who first talked to him, Mark was comfortable with him and leaned into him more than their other friends.

 

"GOOD MORNING BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE OF 11-2!" He greets his classmates in English, with them greeting him back, and sits beside Mark, smiling at him. "Good morning, Mark Lee." Haechan greets and Mark just says a quiet "Morning." and continues with his readings.

 

Mark loved to read with his headphones on and when he's in that zone, Haechan does not disturb him. Although sometimes, he couldn't help doing so.

 

"Mark…" Haechan calls and taps on Mark's shoulder to catch his attention; Mark puts his headphones down and faces him.

 

"Yes?" he asks, giving Haechan his full attention.

 

Haechan was kind of lost in his eyes for a while until something fell from somewhere that had him coming back to reality. "I, well, we were thinking of going to a karaoke room after classes since it's a Friday. Would you like to join? We don't have self study tonight."

 

Mark was taken aback, Haechan's English was getting better and he was actually sort of proud with his progress although he wouldn't say that to Haechan; afraid that he might offend him.

 

"Oh, sure." he says simply, "I'll just let my parents know so they wouldn't worry."

 

Haechan just nods and smiles at Mark and lets him get back to his music and reading while he turns the other way to face Jaemin. "NA JAEMIN!" he screams into Jaemin's ear. Jaemin, who was just finishing his homework jumped in surprise when Haechan screamed, he instinctively hit the other on his back that had him whining in pain–out loud.

 

"That hurt!" Haechan exclaimed.

 

"You surprised me!" Jaemin screams back and writes the final words in his essay and places it aside, giving Haechan another smack in the arm. "Why are you screaming? It's early in the morning." He glances at Mark and sees he seems to be unbothered. "Mark's lucky he's wearing headphones. You're so loud, Hyuck!"

 

"Sssshhhhh!" Haechan places a finger on Jaemin's lips. Jaemin slaps his hand away.

 

"Don't touch my lips!"

 

"Don't call me Hyuck!"

 

"But that's your name!"

 

"But I'm Haechan, here!"

 

Jaemin groans and just yields, it was too early to argue with Haechan.

 

"Your real name suits you, though." Mark says out of the blue, Jaemin and Haechan staring at him in disbelief. Did Mark really just join in on their random conversation?

 

Haechan just stares at him and says "Thank you." in Korean and wasn't able to say more when the bell rang. He sits properly and frozen on his seat until their teacher enters the classroom and he tries his best to focus in class. Mark just complimented him randomly, he felt butterflies.


 

May 2013

 

"Jaeminnie…"

 

Haechan and Jaemin were in Haechan's bedroom, laying side by side and resting after they played random games with his XBox 360 for 5 hours straight–they were getting cross eyed.

 

"Hmm?" Jaemin hummed, eyes closed. He really did feel the strain of playing too much.

 

"I think I like Mark." Haechan confesses and covers his face with both hands, suddenly embarrassed to be confessing this to his best friend.

 

Jaemin slowly sits up and faces Haechan, smiling down at his friend. "I know."

 

Haechan peeks at his friend through his fingers, "You…know?"”

 

Jaemin nods and goes back to laying beside Haechan but now he is facing him. "Isn’t he Youtube Mark Lee, your crush?" he says playfully.

 

"Well, yes. But I don’t think this is just “he’s my idol crush” or something, anymore." He gasps, "Do you think…?"

 

Jaemin laughs, shaking his head. "I know, I know and nah, I don't think he knows. You're pretty friendly with everyone so I don't think he'll know."

 

"But how did you know?" Haechan asks as he lays on his side as well, facing his best friend.

 

"Lee Donghyuck, please, you're my best friend. I know you inside and out. I know you better than you know yourself." They stare at each other for a while then laughs with Haechan moving to lay his head on Jaemin's tummy when Jaemin lays flat on the bed again.

 

"You think it's okay?" Haechan was suddenly scared. He's never been open about his crushes before; mostly because he likes guys and people will discriminate against him if they ever knew. Also, he never really liked anyone like how he likes Mark. Mark makes him feel happy with just his presence, he also makes him feel safe without even trying.

 

"Well, why not, right?" Jaemin says although he, too, wasn't sure. Maybe as long as Haechan doesn't say anything to Mark? "Just, don't say anything to Mark, I guess?" he finally says.

 

"Oh my god, Jaemin! I would never!" he rolls on his tummy, resting his chin on his friend's tummy. "I can like him in silence, don't worry."

 

"Are you sure? I mean, you're getting closer these days." Jaemin looks down at his best friend, concerned.

 

"Yeah, well, that's because I'm still teaching him proper Korean. He doesn't seem like he's eager to learn, really, but he's trying." Haechan says, thinking of the times he tutors Mark. "My English is improving too, thanks to him."

 

"Did he tell you, though, why his parents sent him here?"

 

He did. Mark told Haechan his parents sent him to South Korea because they wanted Mark to learn about the culture and language and they wanted him to experience living in South Korea and away from them. To teach him how to be truly independent. Haechan can see that Mark wasn't having a hard time being independent; he has been to his apartment lots of times and he can keep his place clean and cook his own meals. He was really just having a hard time because when he arrived, he only knew how to speak the basics.

 

"Oh, how is he doing, though?" Jaemin asks after Haechan telling him about why Mark was studying in Korea instead of Vancouver.

 

"He's doing alright, I guess. He doesn't really go out much, he prefers to be at home and read. He keeps his place clean and he can cook. So I guess he's doing well so far."

 

Jaemin props himself on his elbows and looks down at Haechan again. "Are you really okay, though? With just liking him in silence?"

 

Haechan smiles up at him, nodding with his chin still on Jaemin's tummy. "What if he's, like, strictly straight and gets disgusted by me? I really like my friendship with him, though."

 

"Mark doesn't seem to be that kind of person. He's from Canada, afterall. Pretty sure he's open-minded. But Hyuckie, what if you're just confusing your feelings  with your closeness? And you’ve liked him for a long time, you know, as a Youtuber."

 

"I actually thought about that, but I don't feel that way. I mean, I don't think it would be right to say I love him already." Haechan cringed and so did Jaemin but they both chuckled, nodding as they understood each other. "He just makes me really happy. Like, my heart is always happy when I'm with him."


 

June 2013

 

"Would you like to go on a vacation with me?"

 

It was a hot summer afternoon and Haechan just stared at Mark as if he said something unbelievable. Well, it really was.

 

"Vacation?" Haechan chuckled, passing Mark a slice of pizza as he got one of his own, "Okay, but where?"

 

"Well, my parents were asking if I wanted to come home during Summer." Mark sits on his bed, leaning back on his headboard as he takes a bite of his food, "And I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?" he says, mouth full. "I can ask your parents for you, or ask my parents to call yours?"

 

Haechan wanted to melt into a puddle. A summer away…with Mark? He could feel butterflies in his stomach. Both from excitement and worry.

 

"But, what if my parents say no?" Haechan asks as he sits by the foot of Mark's bed, facing him.

 

"But what if your parents say yes?" Mark grins as he sees the excitement on Haechan's face.

 

"Wait… wait!" he bounces on the bed excitedly, "You've already asked my parents, haven't you?"

 

"I might've…" Mark says, wanting to sound mysterious as he finishes his pizza.

 

Haechan squeals so loud that Mark's dog from the living room barks like there was an intruder.

 

"But wait…what if I didn't want to go?"

 

"Don't you?"

 

Haechan grins and leaves his food and crawls up to sit beside Mark, grinning excitedly at him, "Of course I want to go!"

 

Mark then just suddenly stares at Haechan's happy face, making the younger self-aware.

 

"Uhm, Mark? Is there something wrong with my face?"

 

"H-huh?" Mark shakes his head and playfully shoves Haechan's face away then crawls to the foot of the bed to get himself something to drink. "You have pizza sauce around your mouth." he says, trying to sound calm as he can.

 

"O-oh!" Haechan turned his back to Mark because he knew his face was red, he could feel it heating up and just wiped the corners of his mouth even though he was sure there wasn't any mess since he barely ate his slice.

 

"By the way…" Haechan faced Mark when he was sure his face was already back to its normal color. "Your Korean has improved so much. I should stop talking to you in English." he grins playfully, reaching for his food and decides to finish it before it turns completely cold.

 

"What? No!" Mark answers in English, suddenly panicking. "I don't know much of your slang. You should actually teach  me more of that so I can sound more fluent, you know." Mark pouts and Haechan just wanted to squeeze him but he couldn't do that. Even if he and Mark became close right away, they weren't very touchy with each other unlike Haechan with most of his best friends.

 

Haechan just laughs and reaches for his pizza, nodding and replies in English. “Fine. Let’s watch a movie? A Korean, please. You need to impress your parents when you visit them.”

 

Mark groans and nods, sitting beside Haechan at the head of his bed, reaching for the remote to turn on the TV and lets Haechan choose a movie for them.

 

***

 

Haechan and Mark arrive at the airport 6 hours before their expected departure.

 

"What if the plane leaves us? It's my first airplane ride and I don't want to miss it!" Haechan scolds Mark because he suggested they leave about 4 hours before their departure, giving them ample time to eat and go around the airport and buy souvenirs for Mark's parents.

 

"Fine! I'll let you decide on this because it's your first time, but when we get back…I don't want to be this early, okay?"

 

Haechan frowns but nods, he was thankful Mark was letting him decide for the both of them even if it was his first trip outside the country.

 

Haechan checks on his phone the moment they finish checking in and dropping their bags. He takes a seat as Mark leaves him to buy them some food so they wouldn't be bored with waiting.

 

He chuckles when he sees his phone was bombarded with messages and missed calls from his bestf riend. He video calls him.

 

"LEE DONGHYUCK WHY AREN'T YOU RESPONDING TO MY MESSAGES? WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING MY CALLS?"

 

"Sshhh, Na Jaemin! Relax!" Haechan grins and sees his friend breathe in and breathe out, being overly dramatic. "We just finished checking in, Mark is just buying food. Do you miss me already?"

 

Jaemin rolls his eyes, making Haechan laugh. "Hey, you and Mark…" he suddenly says then Haechan looks around to make sure Mark wasn't anywhere near. He fishes his bag for his earphones and puts them on just in case Jaemin says something he doesn't want anyone else to hear. "You're going on a vacation, away, with Mark. Are you and him… you know…?"

 

Haechan just laughs, shaking his head. "Don't be silly. We're just friends. I think he wants to introduce to his parents the person who was responsible for making his Korean better."

 

"Really? And they'll really spend thousands of dollars just to thank you? Oh please, Lee Donghyuck, I think Mark likes you."

 

Haechan could feel his face heating up but he responds by laughing again. "You're really being silly, Na Jaemin. He's just really nice, and so is his family. I don't think they have money issues."

 

"Money isn't the issue here, Hyuckie. I'm just…you know… Mark is taking  you away and we've been friends for so long and we've never been on a trip like that so I just…"

 

"That's because we don't have the money to spend on trips like this, Jaem." They both laugh because that was partly true. "Awww, is  my best friend jealous?"

 

"Yes." Jaemin admits with a pout. "We promised we'd take our first out of the country trip together."

 

"I know…I'm sorry, Jaeminnie. I'll make it up to you. Let's go somewhere after this school year? We'll save, of course, since we're not Mark Lee."

 

That had them laughing and suddenly Haechan was telling Jaemin how excited and nervous he was for his first plane ride and how he was looking forward to going around the city Mark grew up with.

 

"We'll bring you home lots of maple syrup, Jaem." Mark says as he sits beside Haechan, waving at Jaemin. Haechan keeps his earphones so Mark can hear Jaemin. "Don't worry, I'll bring Hyuckie back to you."

 

"Oh keep him!" Jaemin says and just waves at them as they hear Jaemin being called by his mom. "Keep me posted, okay? Everyday. I want you to tell me everything."

 

Haechan nods and waves to Jaemin as they end the call.

 

"Here…" Mark hands Haechan his burger meal and he puts their drinks on the free seat beside Mark.

 

"How did you know what I wanted to eat?" Haechan asks as he takes a bite of his burger, humming at how good it was.

 

"You're seriously asking me that question? Dude-" Mark laughs as he instinctively reaches for the side of Haechan's mouth and wipes the sauce with his thumb and on it as he takes a bite of his own food. "This is what you always buy when we go to Burger King!" he continues as if he didn't do something to make Haechan freeze.

 

And Haechan froze, his burger just floating in-front of  his face. When a sound from somewhere catches his attention, he clears his throat and carefully places his burger down. "I… I need to go to the toilet." Haechan nervously blabbers in Korean and Mark just nods and goes through his phone as Haechan leaves; purposely leaning his head lower so Haechan wouldn't see how his face has become red.


 

Haechan calls Jaemin on the way to the toilet and he doesn't realize that he videocalled him.

 

"Hey! I don't plan to just stare at your ear, Donghyuck!"

 

"What? Oh, sorry…" he groans as he faces Jaemin through the video call. "I think… Wait… I don't think so, but…"

 

"Hey, you're making me nervous. What is it?"

 

"So…uhm…" he looks around to make sure no one would hear it, especially Mark. He kinds of curses himself in his mind for forgetting his earphones. "So, yeah, I and Mark were eating."

 

"You always eat together."

 

"Yeah, but, well… He, uhm… You see, we were talking and I was eating my burger, yeah? And he suddenly reaches for the side of my lips and he kind of…kind of… AH JAEMINNIE!" he groaned, he was suddenly embarrassed to tell Jaemin what happened. It was something shallow, why would he tell Jaemin this.

 

"Lee Donghyuck, continue! Or I swear I'll-"

 

He sighs, "He wiped the sauce and kind of on his thumb like….NA JAEMIN!!!"

 

"Stop screaming!"

 

"Sorry, okay so yes. That's what he did and he didn't even flinch! He his freaking finger! With sauce from my mouth and–"

 

Jaemin's smile stopped Haechan's monologue. "What? What's with that smile?"

 

"Me thinks Mark Lee likes you, Lee Donghyuck." Jaemin says, his smile creeping Haechan.

 

"Why did I ever call you?" he groans, leaning on the wall and sliding down a bit.

 

"Why? You like him, right? What if he likes you? You wouldn't like it?"

 

"Of course I would!" Haechan exclaims and bows to the few people who turned their heads to him, he moves somewhere quieter. "But yeah, I don't like getting my hopes up? Maybe he's just comfortable with me. You know, I do that to you too?"

 

"Uh, no! You shove tissues on our faces when we eat messy."

 

"Na Jaemin, help me out here."

 

"Help you with what? I told you Mark likes you. Why do you keep denying it?"

 

"Because you're just speculating and I need to go back. He might wonder where I went."

 

"Fine, go back to your boyfriend!"

 

The comment made Haechan's face feel warm and he scolds Jaemin before he ends the call. He finally goes inside the restroom to freshen his face and goes back to where Mark was seated. He grabs his food and quickly takes a bite although a bit more careful to not get messy. He didn't want things to be awkward with him and Mark.

 

"Long line?" Mark asked, handing Haechan his drink.

 

"Uh-huh." He nods and sips on his Coke, "Would you like more?" He offers Mark his burger and he politely declines, going back to reading his book that he started when he finished eating. "You should eat it, I know how you get hungry easily."

 

He hides a smile but Haechan doesn't miss it because he playfully hits Mark on his arm, pouting as he finishes his food. He shouldn't really be hoping Mark likes him, too. Maybe it's just the familiarity? He nods to himself, hoping Mark didn't notice.

 

***

 

It's been two weeks since they arrived in Vancouver and Mark has been showing Haechan tourist spots and the places he usually goes to. Even though Haechan was enjoying the tour, he honestly didn't mind where they went as long as they were together.

 

During their vacation, Mark has been getting extra touchy and being more mindful of Haechan. They were staying in one room since the guest room was so occupied with a lot of things Mark's parents weren't able to take them all to the garage.

 

"It's fine, Mrs. Lee." Haechan had said with a smile. It was actually fine if they had him sleep in the living room. Bringing him outside of Korea for a vacation was more than enough.

 

"You're too sweet, Donghyuckie. Please, call me auntie." Haechan smiles and nods, bowing as Mrs. Lee goes to the kitchen and leaves him and Mark in the bedroom. He let Mark's parents call him by his real name because he felt silly to be explaining to them about his chosen nickname.

 

"Hyuck!" Mark calls out to Haechan, who was sitting on a bench in a park while watching children play, as he walks over to him with iced coffees.

 

"Thank you." Haechan says with a smile and takes a sip on his cool drink.

 

"Are you tired?" Mark asks, facing Haechan and leaning against the backrest of the bench.

 

"Not really. Are you?"”

 

"Kind of. But we can go to more places if you like. We only have a week, you know."

 

Haechan pouts, feeling sad that their vacation was coming to an end. "Well, are there more places to go to?"

 

"Well, tourist spots, we covered most of them. Hmm, would you like to see one of my favorite places? I promise it won’t be as crowded as most of the places we’ve been to.” Mark reaches over to brush Haechan’s bangs out of his eyes, making the latter blink up at him, confused. “S-Sorry. It’s just that…it’s covering your eyes. Sorry…” he looks away and faces the park, watching the children playing as if they were suddenly interesting.

 

Haechan was sure Mark could see the way his face turned red but chose to ignore it, not wanting things to be awkward between them.

 

“Ehh…” Haechan chuckles as he playfully hits Mark’s arm, poking his side once. “Why are you so defensive? It was actually bothering me, you just beat me to it.”

 

Mark couldn’t help but smile; Haechan always knew what to do when things were about to get awkward.

 

“So, let’s go to that favorite place of yours? I honestly just want to relax now, maybe we can do that there?” Haechan was already standing up when Mark did the same as he nodded, “We can just walk from here, it’s not that far.”

 

Haechan nods as he follows Mark closely from behind, biting back a smile incase Mark turns back to look at him. They were talking about how their vacation was so far when they arrived in-front of the river just near the park they were at. It was a workday afternoon so there weren't many people outside.

 

They take a seat on the wooden walkway near the big rocks and just stare at the river, thankful that it wasn't really that hot.

 

"Hyuckie…" Mark calls out softly and Haechan responds with a soft hum as he faces Mark and before he knew it, Mark's face was close to his and Mark's lips were pressing on his own pair. He blinked a couple of times until Mark pulled back, looking at Haechan with wide eyes. "Fu- I'm sorry! Donghyuck, I'm-" he covers his face and Haechan just sits there, frozen.

 

"Mark-" he says after a while, still unmoving but was now looking at Mark.

 

"Yeah?" Mark looks up at Haechan, face red although half of it was still covered by his hands.

 

"Can you do that again?" Haechan asks.

 

"Huh?"

 

"That…can you kiss me again?"

 

Mark didn't need to be told thrice. He was still surprised by his own action but Haechan wanted him to kiss him and he was not gonna deny him that. He leans close to Haechan again and presses his lips against the others, kissing him softly while Haechan moves his hands to hold onto Mark's shoulders. They keep the kiss soft and innocent until they both pull back slowly, faces red.

 

"I like you, Lee Donghyuck…" Mark confesses before he gets nervous again.

 

Haechan smiles even though all he wanted to do now was melt and fall in the river and disappear; even if Jaemin told him that Mark liked him (he was just speculating!), it still felt unreal. They've only known each other for a few months but they've become so close and now they like each other.

 

"I…I like you too, Mark…" Haechan replies, voice soft that it didn't even sound like him. It made Mark laugh.

 

"You're cute when you're shy." Mark says and Haechan hides his face in his hands. "No teasing, Mark Lee!"”

 

Mark was still laughing as he pulled Haechan into a hug, burying his face on the other's shoulder. "We should go back, it's getting late."

 

Haechan just nods and stays in Mark's embrace until they need to get up and go home. His heart was so happy he felt like he was floating on cloud 9.


 

July 2013

 

Mark and Haechan returned to Korea with the promise to keep their relationship a secret because they were afraid about how other people would react. Although Haechan didn't really care about other people, he cared about Mark's concerns and they were all valid. But of course, he had to tell Jaemin and Mark consented to it.

 

Haechan was on his bed, watching a movie when his phone received a notification from Jaemin.

 

"Lee Donghyuck, when are you going to meet me? You've spent three weeks away from me and you've been spending most of your time with Mark when you've already gone away together. I'm sulking. Show me some love!"

 

Haechan laughs at the message and just calls Jaemin as a reply.

 

"Come over, please?" was what he immediately said when Jaemin picked up.

 

"On my way now!" Jaemin drops the call and he was at Haechan's house in less than 30 minutes.

 

"That was fast!" Haechan says when the door to his bedroom opens, his best friend was frowning.

 

"I know you just got back but I missed my best friend so much and I need details!"

 

Jaemin slumps beside Haechan and doesn't give Haechan time to whine because he was forcing the information out of his best friend and Haechan just did as Jaemin wanted. He told him all about the vacation and how he and Mark got together. The thought still makes him blush.

 

"Do you kiss a lot?" Jaemin asks and Haechan immediately covers his mouth, looking at the door.

 

"Ya, be careful. My mom might suddenly open the door." He waits for Jaemin to nod and he was suddenly nodding too, face turning red instantly and Jaemin couldn't help but squeal.

 

"How does it feel like?"”

 

"Jaeminnie-"

 

"Oh c'mon, Hyuckie!"

 

"Ugh, fine! It just, uh, it feels good. It makes you feel good goosebumps and uhm… it feels sweet." he smiles at the memory of kissing Mark, he felt like giggling.

 

Jaemin frowned. "Okay…I can't really imagine what that feels like but I am so happy for you!"

 

They look at each other and squeal then continue talking when they've both recovered.



 

14th February 2014

 

"What were you doing with her, Mark?"

 

Haechan and Mark were at Mark's bedroom, with Mark sitting on the bed but facing the window and Haechan standing by the door, unable to approach the other.

 

"I told you, she just asked me to accompany her–"

 

"Accompany her and kiss her? Mark, I'm not blind and I am not dumb. I just want you to be honest with me."

 

"I have nothing to say to you, Donghyuck."

 

Ever since they got together after their trip to Canada, they've always called each other "love" when they were alone. They couldn't even remember when was the last time they called each other by their names.

 

"Oh, okay." Haechan wanted to punch Mark in the head and just leave him be, he wanted to tell him so many things but the tears threatening to come out of his eyes were making him freeze; afraid that if he'll move or talk, they'll just fall down.

 

"You…you could've just told me if you didn't like me anymore." Haechan finally says, letting his tears fall down and his voice crack, it was the end, anyway. "I wouldn't force you to be with me if that's what you're worried about."

 

"Will you stop that, please?" Mark turned to face Haechan and he regretted it the moment he laid eyes on his boyfriend's slumped figure, leaning against the wall and silently crying. His head was down so Mark wasn't sure he even saw him turn around. "I only kissed her because she was getting suspicious of us."

 

Haechan looked up and he was now just crying and didn't even care anymore how he looked in-front of Mark. "We promised to…to not deny if ever someone asks. Mark-" Haechan stops himself and shakes his head, furiously wiping his eyes. "It's okay. Actually, it's okay. I understand. This is a first for both of us, and I understand if you decide this is not what you really want. It's okay."

 

Mark sighs and stands to walk to Haechan but he steps back, one hand on the door knob. "No, Mark, it's okay. You don't have to say more. I understand, I do. I'm sorry if I got you all confused."

 

"Donghyuck, please, will you listen-"

 

"I know that wasn't just one time, Mark. I heard a lot of stories and I chose to ignore them because I wanted to trust you. But I saw it with my own eyes, Mark. When were you ever going to tell me?"

 

Mark fell silent. He was afraid that he and Haechan were going to be found out. He was suddenly afraid they'd be bullied and Yoo Jimin threatened she'll tell the whole school if Mark doesn't go out with her.

 

"Hyuck, please. Listen, Jimin was threatening me."

 

"And you couldn't tell me that because? Just admit it, Mark, you like her. You realized you're into girls and you just confused our closeness and I understand! Mark please, just…" he gasps a breath and runs outside of Mark's room, he was suddenly feeling suffocated.

 

"Hyuck!" Mark runs after Haechan but Haechan was already out of his apartment.

 

He didn't run after him.

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