FEATURING: HSS

where one gambles and wins, another one loses

 

[ Now Playing: Easier by 5 Seconds of Summer ] 

 

Where Hyo-seob Shin realizes he's gambling under the most dangerous vice of all; love. 

 

Basketball. 

 

Yun ang naging buhay ko simula nung mapasok ako sa big league nung highschool, at dun ko narealize na may passion pala ako sa sports na akala ko hindi ako magkakaron ng pwesto. 

 

So I trained and trained and trained na walang katapusan, kasi yun yung naging passion at libangan ko sa buhay at siyempre, I was striving for a scholarship para sa college hindi kami magbayad ng tuition. 

 

Ayun, nakapasok ako sa collegiate basketball team pagkatapos ng ilang taong pag-eensayo at pagpupunyagi. 

 

Sa isang maliit na university nga lang, at for the first two years of my life in that college lagi akong bangko o pinapasok lang kapag last few minutes na ng game na hindi crucial. 

 

Pero sakto lang naman, kasi at least I can put this in my resume and just train harder, diba? 

 

So I did. 

 

I worked my off training endlessly na naaadik na ako sa pagtetrain day by day, never missing any practice even if I was just a bench player for a long while, and soon coach noticed the talent I had for persevering to do better. 

 

Captain Ball. 

 

Tignan mo nga naman. 

 

It was an insane decision made by the coach and I knew that—to declare me, a bench player, Captain right after the former one graduated the year I became a third year, but he made it happen and I'm always in his debt. 

 

I worked harder than ever, but now something was different. 

 

Now, my eyes are stolen by her. 

 

Naglalakad lang naman siya kasama ng dalawa niyang kaibigan papunta sa kung saan man na hindi ko alam, but somehow I feel like I should go to her. 

 

Rather, my feet are taking me to her without me even thinking about doing it, at bago ko pa marealize na nagawa ko iyon ay natawag ko na pala siya at nasa harapan na niya ako. 

 

"A-Ah…" I nervously said, but nevertheless she smiles at that, making me at ease. "I was wondering if I could get your number…?" 

 

I smile a little as I hear your companion squeal and even push you towards me, pero sinamaan mo lang siya ng tingin and then smiled at me again.

 

"I don't use my number to text, but let me tell you my name nalang so you can find it on Facebook," she says, and I nod giddily at that as she offers her hand for me to shake. 

 

"My name is Joy Sooyoung Park," she says, shaking it once or twice, and I smile at her. "Nice to meet you." 

 

"Hyo-seob Shin," I said. 

 

"Can I just tell you that you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen?" 

 

"Bolero," is all she says as she's walking away, but the smile on her face tells me that somehow, even with the awkwardness that I have in front of her, I'm on the right track. 

 

If only I knew back then. 

 

You gave me the happiest moment when you told me na I could court you, but somehow after just a month or two you tell me to stop.

 

“I’ve fallen in love with someone else,” you said, and even if you didn’t tell me a name, alam ko kung sino.

 

Alam na alam.

 

Kasi kahit nanliligaw ako sa’yo, kita ko kung pano ka tumitig sa best friend mo eh. Kita ko kung pano mo siya tignan na hinding hindi mo magagawa sa akin, that even if you tell me right now that you love mo so much, hindi ako maniniwala because I know it’s not there.

 

Because how can I beat someone that’s been there for you longer than me?

 

“I’m sorry for making you wait sa akin kahit wala namang kasiguraduhan.” you say, and I notice that you can’t even look at me while uttering those words, like you’re here just to apologize kahit na half hearted pa yun.

 

Eto naman si ako na tanga, siyempre tatanggapin ko.

 

Ikaw yan eh.

 

Ang Ligaya ko.

 

So I say, “Okay.” 

 

Kahit hindi naman talaga bukal sa loob ko and God knows that I don’t want to quit halfway or even just at the start of the fight for your heart, sinabi ko nalang na payag ako kasi wala naman akong magagawa kung sasabihin mong talo na ako eh.

 

“Are you alright? I’m really sorry, Hyo-seob.” tanong niya, and I do everything not to snap and answer her with anger at that moment and instead just put up a tight lipped smile kahit na alam kong parang dinudurog mo na ang puso ko sa simpleng pagtingin mo sa akin.

 

“Okay lang ako,” I said, the lie eating through me and overwhelming me so much but I’m forced to believe that lie and pretend in front of her. “Huwag ka mag-alala, I’m fine.” 

 

In a spur of the moment move, nagsabi pa ako ng katangahan.

 

“Go get your girl, Joy,” I said, and I found myself balling my fists with the next words I said. 

 

“If she hurts you or you find yourself having nowhere else to go, I’m here. You can come to me.” sagot ko, and I can see her frown with that.

 

“Hyo-seob,  you don’t have to—”

 

“But I want to.” I said, smiling sadly at her. “I need to.” 

 

“Pero hindi ako papatahimikin ng konsensya ko kung hahayaan kitang mastuck sa akin, Hyo.” sagot niya, and I shake my head as I put two hands on each shoulder of hers, assuring her that everything is alright.

 

For her, it is alright.

 

“I’ll wait, Joy. Maghihintay ako, kahit gaano pa katagal iyan, because I’m willing to be your safety net if it means that this is how I’d get to love you, even if it hurts.” 

 

“Hyo…” she says, whining as I hug her one last time, but she does not hug back—dun palang alam ko nang maghihintay ako ng matagal.

 

Ang hirap naman ng may kahati sa puso mo, at alam kong maliit lang ang binigay mo sa akin na parte ng puso mo na kahit ilang try ko ata hindi ko makukuha.

 

Kahit gaano pa yan katagal.

 

Kahit ilang taon pa abutin.

 

Basta, nandito lang ako.

 

“Goodbye, Joy.” I said, smiling as I saw her walk away, knowing that she’s going to be in the arms of another.

 

Arms that wouldn’t be mine.

 

Hay. 

 

Parang ayoko na agad.

 

Mga dalawang buwan lang ang tinagal ng pag-alis mo at isang araw ay nakita nalang kitang kumakatok sa pinto ko, your cheeks stained with the tears na mukhang kanina ka pa umiiyak.

 

“What happened?” Is the first thing that I utter out of my confusion, but you don’t answer me.

 

Instead you put your arms around me an