I feel

25 autumns



11. "I almost lost you" kiss



I feel


Even though he tried, Sunggyu couldn't control how he felt about his partner.


He tried to ignore that feeling and managed to hide it very well for 2 long years. Until one night, when the two of them celebrated the success of a mission together. A few bottles of alcohol were enough to get lost in a sweet kiss from Woohyun and end up in bed with him.


When he woke up, Sunggyu felt as if everything had fallen apart. He almost convinced himself that this was nothing to worry about, but Woohyun couldn't bring himself to do the same. His partner looked uncomfortable, as if he was afraid that Sunggyu would blame or reject him at any moment.


And Sunggyu wanted to be able to assure him that everything was fine and that he loved every second of that night, but it was hard to admit everything out loud. Their work was serious and they couldn't stay behind what they felt.


“Do you even feel something for me, hyung?” Woohyun asked, when they were alone in a car. Sunggyu stared at him in surprise, unable to pay attention to his surveillance.


Woohyun's tired look was painful to notice. Sunggyu didn't want to deny it, but he didn't know exactly what to say. His silence seemed to be the answer Woohyun didn't want.


He smiled sadly, slowly opening the car when another policeman called for backup. Sunggyu followed him, very slowly, as he thought of his words.


“Woohyun, wait,” Sunggyu asked, pulling him by the arm. Woohyun stared at him and his eyes looked red from the tears he was holding back. Sunggyu was tired of seeing him like this. “Let's talk later.”


Woohyun didn't respond, just looking away. Sunggyu should have noticed. He should have noticed a different movement, but it was too late.


Everything happened very fast. Sunggyu only felt the moment Woohyun pulled him, wrapping him in a protective, tight hug. Sunggyu's eyes widened as the shot hit his partner's back and he grunted in pain, falling to his knees.


Sunggyu couldn't remember how he had the strength to pull out his gun and shoot the gangster. All his mind registered was the moment he hugged Woohyun tightly, begging him to hold on a little longer. Woohyun looked too pale, making an absurd effort to stay awake.


That night felt like a nightmare. Sunggyu took a while to accept what happened until they took him to the hospital. Not even when Woohyun was rescued in the hospital wing did Sunggyu wake up. His hands were shaking, stained with blood. Woohyun's blood.


Sunggyu remembered the words he didn't say. He was scared, afraid of what might happen to his precious Woohyun. His world was there and Sunggyu didn't care about anything but him.


His visits were constant at the hospital. Sometimes Sunggyu would show up only to see Woohyun motionless, feeling too dirty to touch him. Other times he had an absurd need to kiss his forehead or his hands, asking him to wake up soon. One night, when no one was around, Sunggyu would cry, begging Woohyun to come back to him.


He spent days without being able to eat properly or even sleep. His friends tried their best to get him away from the hospital for a bit, but Sunggyu felt bad, nervous that Woohyun would get worse and he wouldn't be around. He was even given a leave of absence from work, with his boss believing he was shaken by guilt.


“Woohyun-ah,” Sunggyu muttered with a sad smile as he arrived at the hospital to spend the night there. He sat in front of Woohyun and held his hands affectionately. His eyes were heavy with sleepless nights. “Today your doctor said you might not wake up anymore. This left me a little frustrated.”


He watched Woohyun's breathing for a few seconds. Sometimes he seemed to breathe heavily, as if he heard Sunggyu's outbursts and it hurt him too. Doctors had dashed Sunggyu's hope that this would be an improvement, saying it was common for comatose patients to move involuntarily.


Still, Sunggyu preferred the idea that Woohyun was listening to him and trying to move his fingers because he wanted to hold his hand back even though he didn't have the strength to do so. Tears welled up in his eyes as he watched Woohyun.


“Remember when you asked how I felt?” Asked Sunggyu, bringing one of his hands to Woohyun's sleeping face, caressing it with affection. Sunggyu pressed his lips together before continuing. “The answer has always been yes.”


Woohyun's fingers moved again, this time squeezing Sunggyu's hand more tightly than usual. Sunggyu looked up in surprise, watching Woohyun slowly shake his head and his eyes start to slowly open.


Hyu…Hyung…” His voice was broken, as if he was having a hard time, but he was still trying. Sunggyu couldn't believe it.


“You woke up…” Sunggyu muttered, smiling as tears of happiness fell. He felt Woohyun hold him tighter.


It was exhausting having to make any movement, but he tried his best. All because of wanting to admire Sunggyu longer.


“Is it true that…” he muttered, pausing for a long time, “you feel something... for me?”


Sunggyu let out a short incredulous laugh as the tears fell harder. He held Woohyun's hands, meeting him in the eyes before admitting, quietly.


“I'm sorry,” Sunggyu said, leaning over Woohyun to caress his face. “I always felt.”


“That's… so good to hear.” Woohyun gasped with squinted eyes, although he had a big smile on his face. He raised his hand to feel Sunggyu's face so he could dry his tears. Sunggyu's heart warmed just from that and he made sure to hold Woohyun's hand against his face. “That's all… I ever wanted to hear.”


“Please don't strain,” Sunggyu asked, noticing that Woohyun seemed to be trying to get up to get closer. “I'll take care of you now. I won't let you get hurt again.”


Woohyun still tried to get up, but Sunggyu held him by the shoulders, keeping him firmly on the bed. Woohyun was flustered, wanting to hug Sunggyu and even tell him not to blame himself for what happened, although he relaxed when his partner fondly caressed his face.


Sunggyu approached slowly to unite their lips in a long and warm kiss. The way he kissed him made Woohyun feel truly loved. He held him by the back of his neck, pulling him closer, wanting to make it clear to Sunggyu's trembling body that he was there in front of him and that he would not move away again. And for him, Woohyun would sacrifice himself as many times as necessary.


I am here. Woohyun thought, smiling as Sunggyu pulled his lips away just to hug each other softly. I will no longer leave your side.


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