This chapter got a bit too long so I decided to break it into two parts. Enjoy!
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Xuan slowly opened her eyes as the morning light greeted her. She groaned and she sat up from her bed, stretching her body to wake herself up. She grabbed her phone and checked the time. “10:15 am. Holy , I must’ve been exhausted.” 

 

Xuan quickly got up from bed and exited her room. She went out to the diner room and saw a plate of food and a cup of water for her as well as a note on the dining table. She walked over and picked up the note. Xuan smiled as she read the note. It’s not cooking if we use the microwave hehe eat breakfast and drink lots of water. -Chaeryeong

 

“Well, at least it’s not the stovetop.” Xuan giggled as she put down the note and sat down at the table. She thanked and prayed for the food and began to eat while scrolling through her social media. Her phone dinged as she received a text from Lia. She clicked on the message

 

[Xuannnnn I want donuts]

 

[What’s the magic word?]

 

[I’m your unnie, I don’t

need to say the magic word.]

 

[You’re older by one month >.> Say the magic word or I’m cooking cucumbers for dinner]

[WAIT I’M SORRY]

[please… because really, really me, I’m

a cherry on top, yeah :p]

 

Xuan shook her head and smiled at Lia’s antics.

 

[Fineee I’ll get donuts. I’ll buy them before I go into the practice room. Do the other girl’s want anything?]

 

Xuan continued eating her food while waiting for a response. After a few minutes, Lia finally texted her back.

 

[The others are fine. Except Ryujin. 

She wants mocha bread.]

 

[Okay! Sounds good. I’m gonna finish breakfast and run errands. I’ll see you girls soon]

 

[See you Xuan! Take care!]

 

Xuan smiled and put down her phone. She quickly finished her meal and went over to the sink to wash her dishes. Afterwards, she went into her room and grabbed her showering essentials and her speaker (she likes to listen to music when she has the dorm to herself).

 

After grabbing what she needed, she headed to the bathroom that she shares with Yeji and Yuna. Xuan turns off the shower and while it warms up she turns on the speaker. Her phone immediately connects to it and she starts playing her music.

 

(Song: Moon Rider by Jai Wolf feat. Wrabel)

 

After the shower warmed up, she hopped in and vibing to her music. Soon the lyrics came on and she starts singing her heart out.

 

Your head right on my

shoulder

I swear l'Ill be a soldier

Just keep on let me closer

And if our days are numbered

We'll find eternal summer

I see it all in bright color

 

After the first song finished, the next song played and she continued to vibe and sing like it’s no tomorrow.

 

(Song: Beautiful Now by Zedd & Jon Bellion)

 

I see what you're wearing,

there's nothing beneath it

Forgive me for staring, forgive

me for breathing

We might not know why, we

might not know how

But, baby, tonight we're

beautiful now

 

After she was done showering, she got out and dried herself off. Then, she wrapped the towel around and did her morning routine: brush her teeth and skincare routine. When she was done with that, she headed toward her room and put on her clothes. 

 

Her outfit was simple, a white v neck shirt, red bomber jacket and dark brown pants. She wore her favorite ring and necklace. Once she was set, she grabbed her keys, wallet and phone and put on her white air forces. She locked the firmed and headed out to the nearest bus station.

 

Xuan sighed. I really need to learn Korean soon so I can take my goddamn drivers license test. It’s such a hassle to take the bus everywhere. The bus soon arrived and Xuan paid the fare and rode to the nearest grocery store.

 

After getting off and entering the grocery store, Xuan pulled out her phone and looked at the list she made. “Hmmm maybe I should make something Vietnamese. I haven’t had Vietnamese food in a while.” Suddenly, she remembered her mom’s cooking which made her realize how much she misses her home. She quickly shook her thoughts away. “Alright! Spring rolls it is!” Xuan went around the grocery store and grabbed some ingredients for Vietnamese spring rolls and other dinner essentials for the week.

 

After she was done, Xuan went over to the nearest bakery. She went in and (tried her hardest) ordered glazed donuts and mocha bread. After paying and getting the stuff, she headed to the bus station and waited for the bus to come. Once it came, Xuan quickly got on and made her way to the dorms. She arrived at the door and struggled to open the door. She got it opened and put all the bags onto the floor in the kitchen.

 

Xuan put away the groceries and then looked at her watch. “1PM… the girls don’t come to the dance room until 2PM.” She thought for a while. “I guess I can do some notes while I wait for them.” Suddenly, she felt her phone vibrating.

 

She picked it up and realized it was Thi video calling her again. She answered it and smiled. “Hey Thi!”

 

“Hello Xuan! How are you, ?”

 

“Good! Glad to see you’re still insulting me you .” The two girls laughed. “Isn’t it night time for you?”

 

“Yeah but you know me. I don’t sleep until like 4am hehe.”

 

Xuan sighed. “I don’t get you. How can you still function while running on fumes? It’s hard for me to get anything done without proper sleep.”

 

“To be fair, you are a manager and to a popular group I might add.” Thi smirked and Xuan rolled her eyes. “What are you up to now?”

 

“I just finished doing some grocery shopping for the girls and I. I’m making Vietnamese spring rolls tonight because…” Xuan was fighting her tears. “I miss Vietnamese food… I miss my mom’s cooking… I miss you guys.”

 

“Awwww don’t cry Xuan. Being soft doesn’t look good on you.” Thi laughed while Xuan just glared at her. “But in all seriousness, we miss you too Xuan. Sometimes it feels like it’s not the same without you. I miss my carpool buddy. You know how expensive parking is?!”

 

Xuan chuckled. “So I was just being used for money. Okay I see how it is.”

 

“We both know how expensive college is and we gotta save. Plus, I miss you driving me.”

 

“Surprised anyone let’s me drive let alone you and your car.” Xuan smiled, “But I really do miss you guys. And I miss Hien… is she doing okay?”

 

Thi sighed. “She’s doing fine. Still working in the back of the store per usual. She still hasn't said a word to me.” Thi clicked her tongue, “I’m starting to not like her petty attitude.”

 

“She’s not being petty!” Xuan angrily yelled which startled Thi, “Sorry, sorry… it’s just… I just want to talk to her. Can you please convince her to at least respond to me?”

 

Thi rolled her eyes. “Just break up already! Aren’t there cute girls over in Korea? Go flirt with them. Hell, I wouldn’t oppose you flirting with the Itzy girls.” Thi smirked.

 

Xuan blushed. “T-Thi! That’s super inappropriate! Plus I’m their manager. I’m pretty sure that would be super looked down upon if word got out that I made any relationship with one of them. In addition,” Xuan rubbed her neck and looked away. “… they don’t know I’m gay.” Xuan said quietly.

 

There was a moment of silence between the two girls. Thi blinked her eyes at Xuan who was still averting her gaze. “Wait so… the girls don’t know you’re gay?” Xuan shook her head. “Why? Aren’t you a proud gay?”

 

Xuan sighed. “Yes but it’s hard when you’re working in a conservative country. Maybe the girls might be supportive but I work with the other managers and the marketing team with my vlogs so there is a chance they would be against me. I could be fired at any moment.”

 

“I mean yeah but aren’t you close to the girls?”

 

Xuan thought for a moment. “It’s hard to tell because I just recently started living with them and stuff. But maybe one day, I will tell them. But that’s still too personal.”

 

“You know what they say: sharing secrets brings people closer. At least how I see it. Who knows, maybe they can help you find some pretty girls at their events. Or… Itzy can help you themselves if you know what I mean.” Thi smirked.

 

Xuan blushed as red as she can be. “I-I’m ending this call before it gets more inappropriate than it should be. Good night Thi!” Xuan quickly hung up the call and went straight to the bathroom. 

 

She splashed cold water onto her face to cool herself down. She looked at herself and saw that she’s red as a tomato. She sighed. “I swear to god Thi, you say the most inappropriate stuff at the wrong time.” Xuan looked at her watch. “1:15… Notes! That’ll help keep my mind off.”

 

Xuan dried off her face and quickly went into her room. She sat at her desk and opened her laptop. “Okay! Just do some notes. Doing notes will help you calm down. No need to work up a storm.” Little did Xuan know, notes will absolutely not help at all.

 

Xuan laid her head down and groaned for like a good while. “Screw you Thi and your dirty mind.” Xuan looked at her desk clock. “1:55PM… almost time to meet up with the girls. Maybe I should change into something more comfortable.” Xuan got up from her desk and changed her clothes. She changed into black joggers and a dark long t-shirt. After she was done, she packed her laptop into her backpack and exited her room. She went into the kitchen and grabbed the donuts and mocha bread as well as some water bottles for the girls in case they needed it.

 

After checking that she had everything, she looked down at her watch. “2PM. The girls should be at the practice room now. They’re probably stretching right now.” Xuan left the dorms and headed straight to the practice room.

 

Xuan opened the door to the practice room. “Hey girls I’m here for your-” Xuan froze mid sentence at the sight. She saw the girls had changed into their practice outfits and they were surprisingly tight. All of them were doing stretches.

 

The girls paused from their stretches and smiled as they saw Xuan. “Hi Xuan!”

 

Xuan gulped and shyly waved. “H-Hey girls.” Damn it! I stutter. Why am I getting nervous all of sudden?! I’ve watched their practices many times. Why now?! I blamed Thi for this. Xuan took a deep breath and smiled as she calmed down. “Lia. Ryujin. I have your items that you requested.” 

 

Ryujin was the first to get up and walked over to her. Xuan grabbed the mocha bread from her backpack and gave it to Ryujin. “Thank you Xuan unnie. You’re the best.” Xuan just smiled and patted the shorter girl. Ryujin went back to her spot and happily ate her mocha bread.

 

Lia finished her stretches and happily skipped over to Xuan. “Where are my donuts?” Lia said with a slight pout.

 

Xuan laughed. “Geez I’ve been here for only a minute and I don’t even get a ‘how are you’ saying.” Xuan clutched her heart pretending to be hurt.

 

Lia rolled her eyes. “You’re so dramatic sometimes.”

 

Xuan stuck out her tongue. “Yeah but you gotta deal with it. I deal with your girls and your craziness so it’s only a fair trade off.” Xuan grabbed the bag of donuts from her backpack and gave it to Lia. “There are three in there. One is for you. One is for me. The last one is your dessert after dinner.”

 

Lia pouted. “Why can’t I have both now?”

 

“Because donuts taste better after you earn them.” Xuan giggled as she petted Lia’s head. “Now go and do your practice. I will be at the corner and doing some work.” Lia smiled brightly at Xuan and went back to her practice while eating her donut.

 

Xuan sat at the corner of the room and pulled out her laptop. She turned it on and looked at her spreadsheet for the schedule. “Hmm, the girls have dance practice until 5pm. Good, we can still have dinner together. I know Yuna tries not to eat after 8pm so it’ll be enough time. Let’s see what’s for tomorrow.” Xuan pulled up another spreadsheet. “Okay since tomorrow is the fan sign event and it starts at 12pm, we have to be at the venue by 11am. Hmmmm, what should I cook for the girls for breakfast?”

 

Xuan worked on the schedule for tomorrow as well as other days while the girls practiced for their world tour. After an hour and a half of doing work, Xuan decided to take a break and do her notes for her class. She took out her notebook and pulled up her class lectures. “Damn it. Midterm season is coming. I hope I don’t fail any of my classes.”

 

Suddenly, a certain song came up to the playlist for the girls practice. Cherry. Xuan gulped as she heard the song and looked up from her notes. Xuan's face became red as she saw the girls practicing. why now?! I’ve seen this at least a hundred times. Why now?!

 

Xuan grabbed her water bottle and drank some water to calm and cool herself down. Suddenly, Thi’s words came to Xuan’s head.

 

Itzy can help you themselves if you know what I mean.

 

Xuan unconsciously squeezed her water bottle tightly, making herself choke on the water and spill on her laptop and notebook. “!” Xuan cursed as she tried her best to clean her laptop quickly. 

 

The girls stopped in the middle of practice and quickly turned their heads as they heard Xuan cursed. They walked to her side as fast as they could as they saw Xuan frantically cleaning her laptop. 

 

“Xuan are you okay?” Lia asked.

 

Xuan sat down and waved her hand. “Y-yeah everything is fine. I just uh.. spilled some water on my laptop and notebook.”

 

“Your notebook! It’s soaked.” Yeji said as she pointed at Xuan’s ruined notebook.

 

Xuan sighed and shoved the ruined notebook into her backpack. “It’s alright. I can just redo my notes when I have free time.”

 

“Your face is red though. Are you feeling alright Xuan?” Ryujin said as she pointed at Xuan’s face.

 

Xuan nervously rubbed her neck. “I-It’s nothing! I’m okay, girls. Don’t worry about-” Xuan was cut off as Chaeryeong suddenly put her hand and her forehead onto Xuan’s forehead.

 

Xuan gulped. She has never been this close to any of the girls. She feels her face heat up quickly. Chaeryeong moved away from Xuan which made Xuan calmed down a bit. “Your face is warm but it’s not a fever.” She said. 

 

Yuna looked at Xuan with concern in her eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay, Xuan unnie?”

 

“I’m really okay, girls. Maybe I’m just getting warm from this room.” Xuan quickly stood up. “I think I’m gonna get some fresh air. You girls take a 15 minute break and I’ll come to monitor the rest of practice.” Xuan quickly exited the door and went outside of the building.

 

Xuan sighed as she threw her head back against the building wall. She took some deep breaths as she tried to call her… hormones. Xuan lightly slapped her cheeks. “Calm down Xuan. Please calm down…” Xuan looked down in disappointment. “God I really miss her…” Suddenly, Xuan’s head was filled with memories of her and Hien’s intimate moments.

 

“Xuan… you know I’m very sensitive to touch. I get very ticklish.”

 

“I know… that’s what makes this fun to do. Don’t you agree?” Xuan leaned in and was about to bite Hien’s neck.

 

Xuan yelled in embarrassment and slapped her cheeks again. “THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF TRYING TO CALM DOWN.” Xuan sighed and squatted down. She opened her phone and looked at her messages from Hien. Still no response nor any read receipts. Xuan sighed and thought for a while. “I really love her… but it has been months since our last contact.”

 

Xuan remembered the scene of what happened before she left.

 

“You’re leaving me?” Hien said with her arms crossed. Xuan was sitting in Hein’s living room while her head was down. “How can you leave me on short notice?!”

 

“But babe it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and experience. Shouldn’t you be more happy that I’m taking this. Plus it’s only for a year. I want to make the most of it.”

 

“I don’t care!” Hien yelled. “Didn’t you consider my feelings before making that decision.”

 

“I did and it still hurts me that I will be far away from you but I want to do this.” Xuan sighed. “Why can’t you be more supportive? I was willing to be a long distance with you when you go to Singapore to study art!”

 

“That’s different! That was planned ahead of time. Even when we became friends and before we got together, my plan to go to Singapore for art was set in stone.”

 

“So how’s me going to Korea for work for a year any different than your plan?”

 

“Because this is very short notice!” Hien yelled with tears in eyes, startling Xuan. Hien looked away and wiped her tears. “I wasn’t prepared…”

 

Xuan sighed and got off the couch and hugged Hien tightly in her arms, kissing the top of her head. “Hien, I am sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I am sorry for leaving so soon.” Xuan moved away and looked into her eyes, “But I will be back soon. It will only be for a year. I promise to come back after the one year. I will be back in your arms.”

 

Hien just looked away. “You should get going…”

 

Xuan widens her eyes. “B-But Hien…”

 

“Just go… you need to prepare for your flight.”

 

Xuan sighed again and let go of Hien. She turned around and found her way to the door. “I love you Hien…” Xuan said before she left Hien’s house.

 

Tears were streaming down Xuan’s face. “I love you so much Hien…” Xuan’s alarm went off on her phone. She wiped her tears away and turned it off before going back into the building. Xuan entered back into the practice room and saw the girls immediately go back to their dance routine. She smiled and went back to her corner to continue working on her notes. 

 

After a while, Xuan closed her laptop and walked over to the girls. “Alright ladies! You did a good job at practice today! That means you girls deserve a special treat for dinner.”

 

“Ohhhh what kind of treat, Xuan unnie?” Yuna said excitedly.

 

“Vietnamese spring rolls! The way my mom cooks it back at home.” Xuan smiled happily, “I thought it would be nice to cook you guys some food that I had growing up. You know, as a way to learn about myself.”

 

Chaeryeong happily clapped her hands. “I love Vietnamese spring rolls! I’m so excited for dinner.”

 

Xuan giggled, “Glad you’re excited. Now you girls go back to the dorms and wash up. I’ll be there soon. I just have to finish some last minute stuff.”

 

“Okay!” The girls said and they gathered their stuff and left the practice room.

 

Xuan waited a moment before she knew the girls were away from the room. Xuan lied about the last minute stuff. She needs to be alone to do her own thing to calm herself down from stress or her hormones are out of whack.

 

She…

Dances! Xuan dances to make herself feel better. Whether it’s to kpop songs, pop songs or to her rave songs, Xuan finds that dancing is the best way to calm herself down. She may not be the best but she still has fun trying to dance.

 

Xuan got her phone out and connected it to the room’s Bluetooth speakers. Xuan was deciding what kind of song to dance to. She finally decided on doing a specific dance that helps her relieve her uh… excited mind.

 

She chose the song by Jason Derulo feat. 2 Chainz and decided to dance to the choreography made by 1MILLION dance studio. Xuan took off her shirt leaving her in her sports bra. She began dancing her heart out and relieving her stress.

 

After she was finished, she sat down and took a deep breath. “… not enough. I need something else.”  She decided to dance to Titanic by Jackson Wang feat. Rich Brian.

 

As she started dancing, Xuan didn’t realize that a certain girl walked into the dance room. When Xuan turned around, she gasped and fell to the ground as she saw Chaeryeong standing by the door. Xuan quickly grabbed her shirt and put it on and fumbled to turn off the music.

 

Xuan looked at Chaeryeong who had a surprised expression on her face. There was a moment of awkward silence between the two girls. Then Xuan cleared .
“H-Hey Chaeryeong… "