“Not allowed”
“Not permitted”
“Prohibited”

 

Every possible synonym of it, I have heard it all before. I know, it’s not news to us. It is all clear ever since the beginning.

 

YOU CANNOT DATE YOUR CO-WORKER.

 

But..

 

No buts, Yoo Jeongyeon. 

 

But what if..

 

Stop it Jeongyeon! No! No what ifs too! Here we go with my buts and what ifs again. I cannot keep reasoning myself out of this.

 

I gotta stop daydreaming and go to work.

 

-

 

“Annyeong!” 

 

“Annyeong manager-nim! What are we shooting today?”

 

“Since we’re on our second day of shooting for the group’s new single, we will be doing subunits today. You know who you’re with right?”

 

Units.. Sub-unit?? !!

 

“Jeongyeon-chan!”

 

“Hai! Minari, you’re here early!”

 

“Well, when I found out we’re doing our units today, I couldn’t wait to film with you!”

 

Damn. Who wouldn’t fall for that? 

 

No. Stop it!

 

“Stop it, if you keep doing this to me you know, something might happen.”

 

“Why not let it happen..” she winked as she walked away to the dressing room to get changed.

I.. was it.. Isn’t it too hot today?

 

See? How can anyone not fall for that human being? How can someone stop themselves from loving that woman? As for someone who barely has any self-control, I literally have non-existent control when it comes to her.

 

But yes, I know, I know. Echoing in my brain, the words of our company. 

 

Not allowed
Not permitted
Prohibited

 

So, I gotta stop ting myself and fantasizing that one day I will be able to be happy with the love of my life because it is such a reach for the moon.

 

-

 

I was told by our manager that we will be having a behind the scenes interview first before the actual shoot. Nothing really much to do since it’s just clips while waiting for the props and background to be set up.

 

I enjoy doing this kind of filming since it’s just chill and I can just be myself. It’s just extra hard today since I will be doing it with Mina and my stupid self cannot contain its feelings.

 

“Mina, how was the filming of the MV so far?”

 

I looked at Mina and tapped her on her side since she was eating tteokbokki and manager-nim was directly asking her. She looked up at me, tteokbokki stuffed inside with sauce on the side of her lips. 

 

My instincts just went ahead and wiped away the sauce on her lips.

 

I felt some kind of electricity the moment my finger accidentally brushed smoothly against her lips. We both looked eye to eye.

 

Manager-nim cleared and thankfully it broke the silence.

 

“Ahm.. Well.. It has been really really amazing to be filming with the girls again. It has been awhile since we had to take a break but it is truly refreshing to try new concepts everytime.. It’s also..”

 

I stopped listening while I’m still listening. Does that make any sense? No? Well that’s okay since I never make sense. It doesn’t make sense how I am so obedient to our company but will be willing to defy that one rule.

 

One rule that will forever hold me by my neck. It’s all amazing to be doing what I love, singing and performing on stage.. to be doing my dream ever since I was a child. 

 

I am happy but I know I can be happier.

 

That face, those gestures, how she smells, how she speaks, how she moves, how she says my name. Oh how my name sounds so beautiful when she’s the one who calls me.

 

I can’t. I can’t keep doing this to myself.

 

“Jeongyeon-chan! Hey, are you okay? Manager-nim has a question.”

 

“Oh I’m sorry I was zoned out for a little bit.”

 

“Hahaha that’s okay. You probably slept late. Anyway, I was asking, what is the hardest thing to do at work?”

 

Hardest thing to do at work would be trying not to fall in love with Mina.

 

Well of course, I’m not going to answer that.

 

“Hmm.. probably during filming, not being able to express myself as I am? Well you know because we are kind of portraying a character even in music videos but it is beautiful how I can continuously work with my members. We get to be ourselves behind the scenes anyway and I cannot express how much I truly love them.”

 

I stared at Mina while I said those last few words. 

 

I love her.

 

I love you, Myoui Mina.

 

There, I said it. 

 

It is truly the hardest thing to do at work, not being able to love you. Being permitted to love you. 

 

It’s hard but I’d take it. Seeing you this close, being able to touch you, admire you nearly, I am okay.

 

“Aw.. I love you, too.” Mina blurted out as she winked again.

 

I know she meant it differently for the camera but I know she meant it as I understood it to be the same time. 

 

I know, she knows. We both know it.

 

That’s all that matters.

 

The hardest thing to do at work?

 

Is to not love you.