'There is no use getting annoyed over it.' I told myself. 'They're only trying to show their affection for us.' I would repeat again and again in my mind. Truth be told, at first, I never saw anything wrong with accepting gifts from fans. I felt awed, flattered, honored even, that there were people willing to invest money on us apart from official merchandise. However I quickly realized that the bigger Red Velvet got, the bigger the responsibility we had to bear and the scarier the possibilities that we had to face.

Apart from the nice, loving fans that fortunately populated most of our fanbase, as with any fandom, there were the rotten apples. The ones who ignored basic requests and basic rules as a means to gather our attention.

"Wendy, we're here." My manager said, breaking me out of my thoughts, tone dead and monotone, obviously tired himself. I raised my head as I was leaning against the van's window, looking again at the gift right by my feet. Right, I shouldn't be upset. There was a thin line between feeling disrespected and feeling ignored - my past wishes of no gifts being completely disregarded. To add to that, by ignoring my request it was also not for me. It sounded selfish, but I felt disappointed.

Getting up, I took the bag with me. It was here anyways, I should just give it to Irene unnie when I can. The fan had said that it was for her, so. Slowly, I got out of the van, exhausted from the day's activities. It wasn't a particularly busy day, just my Youngstreet schedule and a few other business meetings regarding my solo live performance for the October music fest, Slow Life Slow Live… But everything that's been building up these past few days was getting a bit… too heavy for me to handle.

I disliked it. How every single day is just spent thinking about how tired I am in the back of my mind. Behind the greetings and the usually chipper attitude I show everyone, I'm drained. There was the Be You performance recently from the Philippines as well, and aside from the few accidents concerning our privacy there, it was actually a blast. PH Luvies were as energized and as excited as we were about meeting them; it was a shame we barely visited, since the Philippines is probably one of the places where we heard one of the loudest cheers that we’ve ever encountered.

And yet once again, there were people who seemed to not appreciate the rules set in place for them. It was disheartening; this kind of attention no longer felt flattering. It was a hassle and an annoyance for all the parties involved.

"It’ll get better." My manager uttered when I finally stepped out. "I know you haven't been feeling the best these days. Cheer up, you’re a professional. It’s as you’ve always said, ‘You wouldn’t trade this for the world.’"

I tried to show him a smile, though I knew it came out crooked with how his features didn’t lighten up. He was worried, him being the sole witness of my gradual decline in morale. When me and the members used to always see each other every single second of every single day, they were the ones who I could lean on the most. But now, everyone had their own thing and as much as it scared me, it felt like we were drifting apart. Before, we were all at the base of the tree, sat at the same trunk. But as the tree grew, we started separating, going on our own branches. It was nice, to pave my own path. Yet as time passed by, I found myself missing the constant togetherness that I took for granted during our earlier years of promotion.

“I wouldn’t trade this for the world.” I mumbled that he almost couldn’t hear it. Bowing as we bid our goodbyes, I closed the door and finally went inside, hearing the van drive off behind me. As I entered the building, I went up the elevator before I arrived at the dorm, finding it as usual to be quiet.

After Yeri and Seulgi moved out, I moved back in when my parents returned to Canada. Irene unnie and Joy were the only ones left, and Joy barely came in with her filming her new drama and Irene unnie filming her own show.

So it was just me.

As the automatic door closed behind me I took off my shoes and replaced them with slippers, putting them on the small cabinet right by the entrance. “I’m home.” I said in a small voice like I was expecting someone to welcome me. At the thought, I remember a similar memory years before.

-

”Oh, welcome back unnie.” Yeri said, barely looking up from her phone. I rolled my eyes as I approached, the other sofa right across from the youngest coming into view.

”Why are you late? Did you bring it?” Joy petulantly pouts before coming to me with her long arms wide, quickly hugging me as I groaned and squealed at the cheesy greeting. I couldn’t stop the smile though, as I nodded and petulantly replied. 

”Yes, yes, ma’am. I brought you your new foundation. You’re welcome, by the way.”

”Hehe, you’re the best unnie.” The hug stopped when Joy pulled away, taking the bag with her, running off to her room with the newly acquired foundation. I jokingly yelled about how she’s only nice and approaching me when she has something to gain from me, to which she merely laughs before closing the door to her room. I turn back to Yeri. 

“Where are Seulgi and Irene unnie?” 

At that second, Seulgi emerges from her room, rubbing her eyes. “Aigoo.” I let out. “Were you that tired? You barely did anything today.” Seulgi ignored my blatant attempt of getting her riled up, collapsing on the spot Joy previously occupied. 

“My body aches.” Seulgi sadly said. 

“Really? Should I hug you to make you feel better?” At that, the mischievous glint in her eye that we often shared whenever we were messing around with each other appeared, and she smirks slightly, putting her hand up as if to gesture a stop sign.

“I would rather die.” 

“Then I guess you’ll live.” As soon as I heard that voice, a huge weight off my chest lifted as I turned slightly to see Irene unnie, free of her makeup. I chuckled as me and Irene unnie had the exact same idea before pouncing on Seulgi, making her groan out loud at the added weight on her. Ignoring her cries of abuse, we called for Yeri who continued to ignore us, before Joy suddenly appeared again, her foundation all messed up causing the four of us to crack up. Joy picked up Yeri despite her yells and screams of defiance, the two of them landing right on top of the three of us.

The poor couch barely managed to fit us all, but none of it mattered even as it creaked. 

As Seulgi cried out in being squashed with Irene unnie patting the top of her head as a means of consolation, Yeri made fun of Joy for butchering her foundation. I looked at all of them and thought:

“I wouldn’t trade this for the world.”

The four of them looked at me before I realized I said that out loud. Yeri then proceeded to loudly mock me, crying and rubbing her eyes as Joy and Seulgi joined in, much to my dismay. I reddened, much more to their amusement. 

“Me too, Seungwan-ah.” Irene whispered to me amidst their jests. And I knew then that no matter what, I would always stick with these rascals. No matter what. Because we will always be five.

-
 

That memory resurfacing right as I enter the empty dorm is a jab and a cruel joke. As I approached the living room, Yeri wasn’t there on her phone, Joy wasn’t there on the couch, Irene unnie wasn’t gonna come up and Seulgi wasn't sleeping in her bed about to wake up due to the ruckus. 

I chuckled bitterly before going to the rooms, going over to unnie’s door before putting the gift there. It was a silent rule that if the owner of the room wasn’t present, no one was allowed to enter out of respect for their privacy. The rule could only be revoked when the owner was present. But alone as I am, I just quietly put the gift in front of her door before leaving to enter my own room. I sighed audibly the moment I saw my bed, wanting to just get this night over with, hoping that I would feel more energized tomorrow. After changing and starting my skincare routine, I fell on my bed with a face mask still on. I get my phone out, not having the energy to look at Twitter or anything else other than my messages. Everyone was busy living their own lives, and despite being a big part of my members’ lives, I knew that this wasn’t gonna be a forever; as much as I wanted it to be, it’ll only be a matter of time until we can’t promote anymore because Red Velvet as a group would be nothing new. 

A part of me whenever I come to this thought always gets cynical. There were groups out there that have kept using only one concept and yet are still successful - what about us? Now that it’s branded on us that we keep trying something new, trying something new is no longer a surprise. It is expected of us, and by that is no longer surprising. It is quite ironic. 

I don’t like crying. Among my members, me and Irene unnie share the trait of never crying that much. We’re the ones who comfort our members during a rough patch. But my sentimentality doesn’t stop with just me. The thought that someday we’ll be old news and that someday is probably coming soon breaks my heart. I don’t want this to be over. I don’t want to be old news. I want to be Red Velvet forever.

And as I think that, I remember that time I almost didn’t pursue being a singer. I wonder what would’ve happened then. I wonder if I decided to stay in the US after graduating, what would my life have been? I probably would’ve ended up as a chef, and I would’ve… loved it. In my loneliness, I daydream about what could’ve been. About if I never came back to Korea so that I wouldn’t be worrying about this. Would I be happy? Would I be already married? Would I have children? 

Tapping on my phone, I typed in the group chat.

”I love all of you. Let’s meet soon, I’m lonely.”

I watch as Seulgi and Joy see it. After I send a meme of me with hearts and then blue heart emojis, yet none of them still reply. This time, both Yeri and Irene unnie have also seen my messages. Their silence normally doesn’t bother me, but my heart breaks even more when they just seen me when I'm feeling sensitve. Aggravated, I put down my phone beside me as I stare at the ceiling. I didn’t even realize when I felt drowsy and sleepy, as soon, my eyelids flutter close.

° ° ° ° °

When I wake up, it’s day. I hear someone calling me from downstairs and I groan as I toss and turn. I want to sleep in, to not work. I miss having breaks. For once, I miss not being Red Velvet’s Wendy. Before my mind could wander back to the could’ve beens and the what ifs, I realized.

Someone is calling me from downstairs? I live in a dorm, there is no downstairs!

I sit up immediately, and my jaw drops as I scan the room and I recognize where I am. 

Why… am I in my room in Canada? This is my room! In my house! In Canada! A whole different continent away from Korea!

My face crinkles as I survey my surroundings. The room doesn’t look new, like I’ve been living here for years. My room is usually kept clean and whenever I visit it’s neat if not a little dusty due to no one being here to occupy it. But… my room looked like it’s always been like this, like I’ve always been here.

I slowly get out of bed, noting how there were some changes in the room that I’ve always thought of changing. The ugly green curtains I’d always complained to mom about were replaced with blue ones, the big table that had a broken foot by my vanity was gone and all the posters I had of artists I liked were torn off. I never did so, I wanted a sign of my past self to remain here when I moved to Korea, knowing I’d be a different person when I come back to visit. This room, which was a different to what I remember it to be, was unrecognizable - in a grown up way. Like the girl who’d lived here grew up here too. 

“Seungwan-ah, it’s time for breakfast!” I was more startled to hear my mom’s voice. Was I dreaming? Maybe I was just missing my parents so much after being caught up in all the stress? There would be no other logical explanation than this being just a dream anywho; I was in South Korea, Seoul, in the dorm I shared with Irene unnie and Joy. There was no way I could’ve traveled all the way to Canada overnight. 

“What is this?” I mumbled, unsettled with how vivid and realistic everything seemed. Dreams were supposed to be vivid, but this was different. I felt like I had memories of doing things in this room, like it’s always been this way. Then, I came to the realization.

If this is a dream, then… that means I can do whatever the hell I want without having to think of the repercussions! I can go out and do whatever I want without having to fear of a new article dropping tomorrow! 

With that in mind, I grinned before racing downstairs, running as fast as I could. The flight of stairs made me notice just how unfit I had become, my pace slowing down as I neared the final step, huffing and panting as I ran out of breath. I put my hands against my knees as I breathed in and out, and my mom walked by from the kitchen to see why I was looking like a sweaty chimpanzee after finishing a 2 hour workout session. Her face had the ‘what are you doing’ look, and I came to a second realization; I didn’t know how much I missed her since she and dad left Korea.

“Oof!” She huffed as I barrelled towards her, putting her off balance at the force of which I hit against her. I wrapped my arms around her neck, making my mom panic as she was holding a spatula that was practically dripping with oil. Mom had always been the type to put too much oil in the pan.

“I missed you so much~” I said against her chest, squeezing her once more.

“You’ve never hugged your mom like that since you were in elementary school. What about my hug?” My dad suddenly popped up, and I didn’t hesitate before I went over to give him his hug as well, much to his surprise. 

“I didn’t expect to actually-” My dad wheezed as I squeezed him, and he laughed, surprised at my strength. “This is not usually like you.” He said when I finally let him go, rubbing his side to soothe himself. I cocked an eyebrow, confused. I was always like this with them. Other kids may find it embarrassing to return their parents’ affection, but not me. I’ve spent more than half my life living away from my parents, I showed them affection every chance I got. 

“What do you mean?”

“You’re usually like your sister.” My mom said before she pinched my cheek. “Come on, I cooked bacon and eggs.”

Any prior confusion dissipated at the mention of food. I let the topic go the moment I smelled the delicious scent of fresh, crunchy bacon; I sat down immediately, my dad following suit and my mom putting my fork and spoon by my plate. I mumbled a thank you, making mom give me a quizzical look as I took a bite of the bacon, biting back my moan of delight. 

“’Thank you’?” Mom repeated. I slowly nodded, confused as to why she looked like a million little shining stars had just aligned. I almost squeaked in surprise when she suddenly put a hand against my forehead, checking my temperature. “You’re not sick, are you?”
 

“What?” I eyed her, confused, and she eyed me too, suspicious. She pulled back, squinting her eyes at me, before sitting down beside dad, digging in herself. I dropped the topic again, focusing on my food. A few minutes went by in silence as we all ate in peace, before dad piped up.

“Are you planning to work today, sweetheart?” 

I didn’t even think about it. “No.”

Silence met my answer, before the sharp clash of a fork meeting contact with a plate made me look up in worry and confusion. Both my parents stared at me with wide eyes.

“Oh my God,” My dad said.

“Has Hell frozen over? Seungwan Son, not working?” My mom finished. 

I rolled my eyes. They always loved to do this. It’s not my fault I like getting things done! “Yeah, yeah,” I was in Canada, with my parents, and seemingly free. I’m not gonna spend this worrying about Youngstreet or practice sessions. This was a dream anyway. I’m gonna do whatever I want before I wake up!

My parents continued eating, but they still looked at me with this expression. Like they almost didn’t recognize me. They were starting to creep me out. “So… any ideas on what to do on my one day off?” I said slowly, wanting to divert the topic. That seemed to snap the both of them back as they cleared their throats.

They mumbled to each other about how I was breaking my “streak” and “perfect attendance” or something before turning back to me. “We’re proud of you for finally taking a break, hon.” Mom said. Why was she acting so weird…?

“I heard there was a carnival being held today. Maybe you could go?” My dad suggested.

I hummed at the idea, practically breathing the food presented to me. My mom clicked her tongue. “Slow down, you’ll choke!” I didn’t listen, making her sigh before preparing me a glass of water. I said thank you as a natural instinct when she sat it down beside me, and once again she gave me one of those weird looks she’d been giving me all morning. I don’t think much of it, but still, nothing about this dream has seemed normal.

Then again, I’m probably just imagining things.

° ° ° ° °

That afternoon, I drove the half-an-hour drive to the carnival.

I stretched after I stopped to park the car. I took in a deep breath as my obvious excitement couldn't be masked. A free day alone after so long - this is just what I needed. I was gonna enjoy today’s carnival no matter what. Red Velvet activities have led me to experience more things than I ever thought I would, but as time went by the ability to do simple things like attending a carnival became a hassle and a safety hazard. Who would've thought that becoming famous would hinder you from going to public places?

It was also weird that I wasn't with my members. I know Joy had been wanting to go to one after we'd gone to that fair so many years ago, but none of them were here in Canada and I don't seem to have their numbers on my phone, which is even more odd. In fact, their numbers have always been my emergency numbers. When I'm unreachable, people would usually contact the others. But I can't, for the life of me, recall any of them. Even Irene unnie’s, of which I memorized like my life depended on it, because (no offense to the others) she was the most dependable, and I knew that no matter what she was doing, if I was in trouble, she would drop everything and come to my rescue.

Shaking my head, I will myself to stop thinking of them. I love them, but they're too associated with work in my head; we only see each other during schedules these days so it's kind of bringing me down. 

I got out of my car before looking around the busy area.

There were so many things to do, how could I possibly choose what to do first? 

Without any designated direction in mind, my legs started moving on their own, and I watched like a wide eyed child as I passed attraction after attraction, game after game, and I had to notice that the organizers of the carnival had a really big budget. They’d installed a few rides as well, not anything big, but the most notable one was definitely the Viking and the ferris wheel. No way in hell was I riding the first one though. 

The more I looked around, the more I got frustrated with myself that I couldn’t just choose anything. I was indecisive, but to be fair, everyone in Red Velvet was. It’s just that in these cases, Irene unnie was usually the one who set the anchor. In pirate terms, she was the captain. The one who confides and asks us for input before making the final decision; and while I was the loud mouth, the TMT, I was also one of the driving forces of giving ideas. Irene unnie and me were like the yin and yang of decision making - I would lay out possibilities, and she would pick which we’d go with.

But now, as I stand in the middle of loud cheering from kids, families, and couples, I was at a loss. There was no one who could anchor me, to pull me back down. I was alone.

About to sigh in annoyance at my current predicament, I spot a small cotton candy vendor loudly passing out candy to anyone who came by. I fixed my posture as I finally realized what I should do; I can think about doing something else after I’ve had something sweet. It helps me focus, just like how Yeri always loved to eat something sugary before a performance. I walk over quickly, lining up before giving the vendor money before receiving the large, blue cotton candy. 

“Just like my color.” I smile before taking a huge bite. 

Feeling rejuvenated, I trek down the path further to find something else to do. As I walk, my eye catches sight of a decently sized stuffed toy of a brown bear tied up with other prizes like a minions doll, a small unicorn that funnily enough looks similar to the one from Despicable Me, and some others. The bear was the one that I liked most though. It’s like if Manen was a little smaller, though the Unicorn looked more fluffy and made of white fur.

“Seulgi would love that.” I giggled, eyeing the bear before approaching, standing right by a mother watching her daughter play the game, which was just one of those ring toss scams you’d often see on TV shows. I watch as she tosses ring after ring, but none of them just catch onto the bottle until she throws her last one, and I physically stop breathing as the ring turns round and round. For a second, I thought it’d gone in, before the ring flew away and my shoulders sagged along with her. 

“Mommy, I really want the unicorn,” She starts crying.

“I know dear. Maybe we’ll get it next time, hmm? There are other games here we could try..” The guy who ran the stand in his clown get up put on some act of sympathy before waving the kid and his mom goodbye. I hesitate, knowing exactly how these carnival games scam players. I was about to leave, thinking it wasn’t worth it when I heard the guy say to himself: “Boo hoo, mommy I lost the tossing game, now I can’t have the small unicorn~” He says in a mocking voice, poking fun at the girl. I stopped, it triggering a memory.

-

”Unnie, they should be here by now.” I said as me and Irene unnie exchanged worried looks. Irene unnie bit her lip; she usually puts on this calm demeanor so that she can help calm us down whenever we panicked, but her distress was starting to show no matter how much she tried to hide it from me. “They’re not picking up their phones.” 

Turns out, sneaking into the fair near our dorms past curfew hours would be a bad idea. Despite it being around 12AM, the throngs were still thickening and due to it being so, service was bad, messages and texts seldom went through, and communication became sparse. Seulgi, Joy and Yeri had gone off on their own after we got separated because of the crowds despite our plan to stay together. The three said in the group chat that we should just meet up later, finding it too much of a hassle to try to regroup in a crowd as dense as this. 

I stared at Irene unnie, knowing that she was probably about to suffer a heart attack as her mind went wild with all sorts of possibilities as to why the trio weren’t responding. It was subtle, like everything about Irene unnie. But the way her pupils shook, the slight trembling of her hands, and the way her teeth wouldn’t let her bottom lip go were obvious signs of Irene unnie’s anxiety.

“Unnie, I’m sure they’re fine.” I mutter softly, taking her hands in mine. 

“ I- I know.” Irene unnie stutters, making me doubt her. She shudders, closing her eyes before she exhales shakily. “They have to be.” She whispers. 

“NOOOOOOOO!” As soon as she said that, we heard an all too familiar voice cry in agony right beside us. I couldn’t even get another word out before Irene unnie dashed towards it, dragging me along with her. I gasp in surprise, tightening my hold before she abruptly stops, making me bump against her back. I rub my nose, confused before I look over her shoulder. I see the common sight of Joy and Yeri cornering Seulgi, head bowed and her hands together, like she was being scolded as they bicker about the last shred of their coins being spent on the ring toss game they were making a fuss in front of. I could basically see Irene unnie shake in absolute rage with smoke coming out of her head as she watched.

I smack my forehead with my palm. Of course they would be right by the games, losing. Why didn’t I think of it earlier? 

I shake my head in disappointment before I let Irene unnie’s hand go, knowing that I was the last defense standing in front of them and her wrath. Whatever Irene unnie had in store for them, they completely deserved with how careless they’ve all been. Moments later, Irene unnie had hit all of the dumb Three Amigos in the back of the head. They whine before Joy hisses, about to bark some insult before she recognizes Irene unnie and zips shut. 

Never had I ever seen Irene unnie so mad before. Joy and Yeri stood beside Seulgi, all three now doing the bowing with hands together pose as Irene berated them, talking about responsibility and how worried she’d been. It was all understandable; if anyone had even recognized them, things would escalate really quickly and could turn this crowd into an attention hungry mob. Anything could’ve happened to them, and as soon as her anger dissipated tears welled up in unnie’s eyes. 

“Can’t… can’t you all be at the very least, careful? Can’t you please respond before I die of worry thinking about what’s happened to all of you?” Her voice breaks as a tear slips down her cheek, quickly wiping it off.

“We’re sorry, unnie.” Joy says saddeningly, teary. 

“We would have contacted you earlier, but the service always stopped my texts and calls,” Yeri added, wiping her own cheek. I smiled as they all just silently cried, standing there like weird statues. And I totally wouldn’t have done anything until I saw that there were some people looking at us, making alarm bells sound in my head. Using my tiny arms, I gathered the four babies, forming a little huddle. 

“Aigoo~” I teased, wiping off Seulgi’s tears with my sleeves. “Look at all these babies crying. We’re at a fair, you guys. We should be having fun! We’ve all made mistakes, but we’re all okay now. However,” I stop, eyeing the three. “No one is allowed to go anywhere, okay? We stick together. Where one of us goes, all five go.” 

Yeri sniffs, before quickly hugging me, making me laugh. “Omo, omo.” I giggled, getting a little teary eyed seeing my members like this. Maybe the stress of being in this packed environment plus our separation all took a toll on us. Irene unnie sniffles, before finally collecting herself, feeling much more relaxed now that we’re all together. 

“You’re right, Seungwan. Now that we’re together, I can finally enjoy this fair in peace.” She sighs, looking better after letting it out. 

“We’re really sorry, unnie.” Seulgi says in a low voice, and Irene smiles, hugging her tight. 

“It’s okay. Let’s just stick together from now on, okay?”

Seulgi nods, before Irene unnie turns towards the game they were all bickering about earlier. “Now, what were you guys doing?”

“We were trying to win that duck.” Joy replied, pointing over to the headsized, yellow duck. “I like it, but we’re all really bad at playing.” 

“Good thing Irene unnie is good at games.” I said cheekily, elbowing unnie a little in encouragement. She rolls her eyes, reddening a little at the compliment before she scans the stand.

“Ring toss, huh.” She mumbles, that familiar competitive glint in her eye that I’d grown really fond of seeing appearing.

“But this game’s rigged, unnie.” Yeri intercepts before I could take out my wallet to get some money for Irene unnie to try. “The ring will always fly off the bottle. We’ve all tried it! Seulgi unnie didn’t even try. It flew all the way there!” Yeri said like a younger sister telling on her older sibling, pointing all the way towards the food stands. 

“Hey!” Seulgi growled, and I laughed mirthfully.

“When has unnie ever let us down?” With full confidence, I gave the man running the game some money, all of us watching as Irene unnie got the rings. I crossed my arms, my suave demeanor disappearing as unnie lined up her shots. My faith dwindled little by little when unnie couldn’t toss the rings into the bottles, all of them just missing by a few inches, falling beside the targeted bottles, forming a small circle. I watched nervously like a worried mom as Irene unnie tossed ring after ring to bottle after bottle, and before I knew it, she was on her last one, with none of the bottles having a ring around them. 

“You can do it, unnie!” I encouraged, and I swear I saw her smirk before throwing her last ring. The ring perfectly lands on a bottle; it was so precise it was like a blanket slowly falling to the floor. No trouble, no overdramatic spins, just a flat landing. 

“YES!” Seulgi cheered before grabbing the duck toy, and I wipe the sweat I didn’t even know was forming on my forehead as Joy grabbed the toy as well, and a semi tug-of-war ensued. Yeri got her phone out, about to film the upcoming wrestling match before I took Irene unnie’s hand again. 

“Never doubted you.” In my usual greasy tone, I winked at her. Unnie rolled her eyes, but intertwined our fingers, making me blush. 

“I had to make sure this booth could stay in business. You know, as a thank you for leading us to these three.” She whispered, and my eyes widened as I realized she’d done it on purpose. 

“You could toss all of those correctly if you’d wanted to? How?”

“I can’t share every secret, Seungwannie.” Unnie grinned. “Just that, If you’re fighting for something, it allows you to do things even you thought you couldn’t do.”

I cocked an eyebrow, confused, urging her to continue.

“You’ll know when you know.” Winking at me, she pulls me along as Seulgi, Joy, and Yeri already found something else to put their attention on, and not wanting to be left behind, Irene rushed to keep up with them, dragging me too.

I couldn’t keep my mind off of it.

Just what did she mean?

-

I clenched my hands into fists as I watched the mom and her daughter’s figures become smaller as they walked away. I could still hear the daughter crying before I turned to the guy, putting down a ten dollar bill to play. “I’d like to try, please.” I say through clenched teeth, getting a bad vibe from this man, who I just saw mock a girl who’d probably had her whole carnival experience ruined because of this rigged booth.

“Here you go.” The guy gave me the 24 wrings with a slight sneer, and I just knew that if Irene unnie were here she would’ve torn this guy a new one. Keeping my composure, I tried to picture Irene unnie in my mind, and mimic her movements when she was the one throwing these rings. Irene unnie just seemed so mysterious, powerful, like she was in complete control. 

She missed all 23 rings on purpose so she could shoot just 1 to get the prize. Even if I tried, I probably wouldn’t be able to do that.

“If you’re fighting for something, it allows you to do things even you thought you couldn’t do.”

Swallowing my thoughts, I started tossing. To be expected, I was absolute crap. My rings were flying out of obscurity, and instead of ring toss, it seemed that the game was for the man in charge of the booth to dodge my tosses instead. I kept trying though, my thoughts going from Seulgi, Joy, and Yeri’s hopeful expressions, to Irene unnie winning, to the small girl crying earlier.

I slowed down, taking my time. It was on my 20th toss when my heart started pumping harder. 

Toss. Miss.

“Come on..”

Toss. Miss.

“Please…”

Toss. Miss. 

“Get… in the damn… bottle!”

Tossing my final ring, I watched with wide eyes as everything seemed to slow down, the ring falling to one of the bottles. My chest was starting to physically hurt with all the adrenaline pumping through my veins; with scary focus, I watched as the ring twirled around the bottle’s neck, just on the tip of flying off, before it settled and slowed down, dropping to the bottle’s body to the floor.

“OH MY GOD!” I shrieked, earning some weird looks from others, but I didn’t care as I dove for the unicorn stuffed toy. Even the guy in charge looked at me with surprise, before nodding, admitting to his defeat. 

I felt amazing. 

At that moment though, I felt like someone was watching from behind me. No, I felt like they've been watching me for a while. As I turned, I found no one. Confused, I looked back at the man, thanked him, before saying goodbye, forgetting that I was still holding my cotton candy in my free hand, making it slip from my grasp, falling to the ground. “Oh crap!” My slow reflexes couldn't save the poor candy from meeting a sad fate on the dirty dirt road. I bit my lower lip, before sadly picking it up by the stick and going to some trash can, throwing it away before rushing off to the direction the mom and the girl went. It was like retracing my steps, as I went towards the part near the parking lot where my car was.

I saw them ordering some cotton candy instead from the vendor I'd just bought candy (and lost, but we don't need to talk about that) from earlier, the mother trying to console her daughter before I approached sheepishly. “Uhm, hello,” I greeted, attempting to get the mother’s attention first to give the toy to her daughter so I wouldn’t look like a creep. “I saw your daughter trying to get this earlier, so I got it for her. Please give it to her,” I said while the cotton candy vendor was making small conversation with the girl, distracting her.

The mother gasped. “Oh no! You give it to her.” She said, touched. Embarrassed, I laughed awkwardly. I nodded though, before gently trying to get the girl’s attention.

“Hi,” I greeted. When the girl turned around and saw the unicorn I had in my hands, her eyes shined before she gasped, quickly pulling at her mom’s clothes, and I couldn’t be prouder of myself. 

“Mommy, mommy, look! It’s the unicorn!” She said excitedly.

“Mr. Unicorn here said that he liked you. He said he wanted you to keep him company forever. Will you accept him?”

“She’s a she!”

I laughed again, this time less out of awkwardness but out of amusement. “Is that so?”

“Yup! And yes, I want to be with Lady Unicorn forever!”

“Lady Unicorn would be honored.” I played along, before finally giving the toy to the girl. The mom smiled gratefully, saying how thankful she was. I dismissed it, saying it wasn’t such a big deal. Plus it wasn’t that hard to win anyways, which was a total lie, but she didn’t need to know that I gambled my hopes on that little unicorn too. 

After saying goodbye, I felt really good. It was nice to know I probably made that girl’s day, and that with little things, I could do good in this world. Even if I may never cure huge problems like poverty or global warming, just knowing that for one day, I made someone happy was enough to make me happy.

This was what I missed. Making others happy while being Red Velvet’s Wendy was something I would never trade for the world, but making someone happy even though they didn’t know who I was is different. I can’t describe it, but it’s different. 

When they were completely out of sight, I realized that all that adrenaline had made me really need to use the bathroom, so quickly searching and finding one conveniently just beside the cotton candy vendor, I went and relieved myself. I signed in relief, feeling more relaxed. After washing my hands, I came back out, the vendor of the cotton candy stand approaching me.

“Excuse me, someone left these for you.” He said, giving me another cotton candy. My eyes went wide when I saw the familiar big bear stuffed toy. “The candy is paid for. Enjoy the rest of the carnival.” He said before leaving me briefly. 

I eyed the items. On one hand, I had some cotton candy that was the exact same one that I’d dropped. On the other, I held the toy that I was originally gonna get. Both things were given by someone I didn’t know.

Anyone else would’ve thought that this was suspicious, and I did, but this was a dream anyways. What’s the worst that could happen? A stomach ache? I can’t die from eating cotton candy in my dreams, that’d be silly.

So without further precaution, I took a bite and continued with my time in the carnival, excited to see where my feet will lead me. 

° ° ° ° °

“I’m soooo tired.” I groaned, spent, collapsing on top of the sofa.

“Did you have fun at the carnival?” Mom said by the kitchen, making dinner. It’s kind of funny how everytime I’ve seen her in this dream it’s just her in the kitchen cooking. Very accurate, brain.

“Yup. It was fun. I did so many things.”

“Oooh~” She mused as I heard a few clinks and clanks as mom prepared the plates on the table. I knew I wasn’t one to go out often outside of work schedules, but mom was treating this as if