“Okay, paano kung you studied law instead? Would you work at your parents’ law firm?” I asked, I’d like to hear Winter's thoughts on this one.

 

“Oh, good one.” she replied, hawak pa rin ang isang can ng beer na kanina pa niya iniinom. Ang tagal naman maubos nun.

 

She began squinting her eyes, as if she were deep in thought, and then she started nibbling her lower lip— I had to force myself to look away, bigla kong naalala nung hinalikan niya ako kanina.

 

That was… intense.

 

That was not something I expected from Winter or myself— it was high adrenaline. Sobrang nakakagulat, and it was wrong at some point, but it didn’t feel wrong, hindi kahit isang segundo.

 

I feel like I’m the one who took advantage of her kasi I kissed back kahit na alam kong wala siya sa tamang wisyo that time.

 

But no, I have no regrets about anything that has happened kanina. Overwhelmed lang ako on how should we discuss it, or should we discuss it? 

 

Ready ba siya para sa usapan na ‘yon? 

 

Ready ba ako?

 

I don’t think so….

 

Yeah, I don’t think so.

 

“Karina? You there?” I heard Winter snap her fingers twice to get my attention, ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagka-init ng tenga ko sa hiya. Sobrang lalim yata ng iniisip ko’t hindi ko na siya halos narinig mag salita.

 

“Oo, sorry! You were saying?” I responded, unable to meet Winter’s eyes out of embarrassment. Napunta tuloy ang tingin ko sa leeg niya, nanlaki ang dalawang mata ko nang makita ang malaking pula sa gilid ng leeg niya. May isa pa sa baba nun.

 

Kill me now.

 

I made those? Oh God, ang embarrassing!

 

“Ang sabi ko— Teka, okay ka lang ba? Bakit ang pula mo?”

 

Don’t ask!

 

“Me? Mapula? Baka dahil sa beer.” I reasoned out, obviously a lie kasi hindi ko pa nga halos nagagalaw yung can ko.

 

“But Rina, hindi ka pa kaya umiinom.” 

 

Busted.

 

Winter abruptly stood up tsaka lumapit sa ‘kin. Napa lunok ako nang dumampi ang likod ng kamay niya sa leeg ko.

 

“Ang init mo, Rina!” she pointed out, ginawa niya rin ito sa noo ko tsaka nagpakawala ng buntong-hininga.

 

She took a few steps back para kausapin ako, “Parang lalagnatin ka pa yata, bakit kaya? Naulanan ka kanina? Or is it your work?”

 

Gaga, dahil sa halik mo ‘yan!

 

“I’m okay, really.” I tried to brush it off, para kasing kukunin na ni Winter ang stethoscope niya at emergency kit dahil sa pag-aalala. 

 

Nang hindi siya gumalaw sa kinatatayuan, hinila ko na siya nang tuluyan paupo sa katabing upuan ko. Sa tapat ko kasi siya nakaupo kanina.

 

“Win, seriously, okay lang ako.” I tried, again. Gently squeezing her shoulder to reassure her. “Sagutin mo na lang ulit yung tanong ko kanina.”

 

It took some more effort on my part before she finally sighed and dropped the topic. Now, I felt bad kasi hindi naman talaga ako lalagnatin dahil naulanan ako or sa pagod, lalagnatin dahil sa halik niya siguro p’wede pa.

 

“Ayon nga, if ever man na law inaral ko, sa law firm pa rin ako ng parents ko mag t-trabaho.” she started.

 

“Nepo baby.” I teased na naka kuha ng mahinang tawa kay Winter. “Sira, siyempre if I’m qualified enough para mag trabaho doon, why not? If I studied law, I want to learn more from the best, which are my parents.” dagdag pa nito na tinanguan ko.

 

“Aren’t you afraid of criticism and high expectations?” curious na tanong ko pa.

 

Umiling siya bago inubos na finally ang beer niya. “Eh, kahit naman saang field may criticism and high expectations, those have never bothered me naman. Kung ang tingin lang nila sa ‘kin ay anak ng Senior Partner at Managing Partner ng firm, sa kanila na ‘yon.” 

 

I nodded nang tumingin siya sa gawi ko para i-paalam na nakikinig pa rin ako, “Kasi hindi ko naman kailangan patunayan sarili ko sa kanila, if anything, I should be proving to my parents that I am qualified for the job.” she added, smiling as she did so. “Dedma sa mga basher, nakakabawas ng ganda ‘yan.” patuloy pa niya na kinatawa ko.

 

Ilang segundo pa ang naka lipas and she looked at me, her look was filled with admiration habang naka titig lang siya sa ‘kin, I could almost feel my heart burst for her longing stare.

 

“Kaya ikaw, Rina, continue to work harder and improve for yourself and yourself only.” Winter said this as her gaze shifted from my eyes to the gleaming streetlights visible through the glass window. “And know that I’m always proud of you.”

 

Seriously, how can Winter say something so casually? Pero, God, I want to hear that from her again and again.

 

That she’s proud of me.

 

Because, for all you know, I’m proud of her too.

 

Sa dami ng napag-usapan namin ni Winter ngayong gabi, hindi na siya nagulat nang biglang napunta sa buhok ang usapan namin. At this point, we could be talking about anything, ang funny lang.

 

“Ikaw? Gusto mo mag pagupit?” tanong niya na agad kong tinanguan. “But why? It’s perfect.”

 

“My hair?” It is now her turn to nod. “Oo, bagay sa ‘yo yung ganyang hair length.” dagdag na saad pa nito.

 

Edi okay, sige, hindi na ako mag papagupit.

 

“Ewan, parang gusto ko mag bangs.” banggit ko naman na kinalawak ng ngiti ni Winter. I can still see the joy on her face when I dyed my hair purple nung summer, first year pa ako nun sa Law School, may bangs pa nga eh.

 

Gustong gusto niya yung bangs sa ‘kin, bagay na bagay daw. She used to call me Ateng purple-haired or Crushiecakes pa nga back then, ang adorable lang.

 

“Ulit? Tara! Gupitan kita.” excited na sabi naman ng kasama ko.

 

“Out of nowhere?” I chuckled, hindi naman nag-patinag sa narinig si Winter. Malawak pa rin ang ngiti nito at may kinang sa mga mata, medyo mapula rin ang mga pisngi niya.

 

Ang baba talaga ng alcohol tolerance.

 

“Oo!” she said, nodding excitedly as she did so. I took my first sip of beer with a small smile on my lips, naririnig ko pa ring mag pilit si Winter. Pinipigilan ko ngang tumungin sa gawi niya dahil alam ko na agad ang makikita ko.

 

Winter na naka puppy eyes. Akala mo naman ay makukuha ako sa paganyan niya.

 

Oo, ano bang akala niya, matatag ako? 

 

“Rina, please! Magaling naman ako mag gupit, I’m a surgeon!” dagdag pamimilit pa niya na kinatawa ko. Mukha ba akong flesh at lamang loob?

 

“Unlike that, it’s totally different, Win.” natatawang banggit ko dito bago nilingon siya sa gawi niya.

 

Wrong move, nakasimangot na ang kasama ko.

 

Her frown deepened when our gazes met. Imbes na maawa ay muntik pa akong matawa, ang pababy kasi!

 

“Fine.” sagot ko na lang nang nag puppy eyes na nga siya, para naman kasing hindi ‘to titigil hangga’t hindi napag-bibigyan sa gusto eh.

 

Akala mo naman hi-hindi ako sa kanya, nag papabebe lang naman ako pero papayag pa rin.

 

Winter purposely forced me to sit in a position without a mirror in front so that I could only see the result once finished. Malaki naman ang tiwala ko sa kanya kaya hindi ako kinakabahan sa magiging resulta ng ginagawa namin.

 

Ilang minuto pa ang naka lipas at nilapag na niya ang hawak na gunting at suklay, she gently tapped the side of my head twice before finally handing me a round mirror.

 

Okay, not to brag or anything pero ang ganda! I look great in it!

 

“So? How do I look?” I asked her, kailangan ko pa rin ng acknowledgement niya siyempre. Mamaya gandang ganda ako sa sarili pero hindi naman pala bagay.

 

“Beautiful.” comes her breathless reply.

 

I smiled at that, na-boost tuloy ang confidence ko dahil sa narinig mula sa kanya.

 

“Seryoso? No joke?” sunod-sunod kong tanong para i-sigurado. Nararamdaman ko na naman tuloy ang pag-init ng mga tenga ko.

 

“Mag sisinungaling ba ako sa ‘yo, Rina?” sambit nito na mas kinalawak ng ngiti ko.

 

We returned to the dining room, and I watched Winter open another can of beer. Mukhang kaya naman niya i-handle ang alcohol niya kaya hinayaan ko na lang muna, hindi ko alam ang buong nangyari but I know she’s had a difficult day at work. Sa katunayan, kanina pa ako nakakaramdam na gusto niyang simulan mag kwento sa ano ang buong nangyari pero pinipigilan niya lang.

 

Baka kasi hindi pa niya kaya so naiintindihan ko naman, for one, sensitive rin kasi yung topic, ayan ang alam ko. O kaya hinihintay niya ako mismo ang mag tanong, hindi ko rin kasi talaga sigurado. Mahirap siya basahin pag dating sa mga ganito.

 

I let a few more moments to pass in silence while I watch her every move. As a Lawyer, I’m skilled at interpreting body language, at kanina pa hindi mapakali si Winter sa kinauupuan niya. Rinig na rinig din na bumamounce ang leg niya dahil sa sapatos niya, that’s a sign na she’s bothered by something.

 

Kanina pa ako nag aalala.

 

I brushed aside every negative thought I had and summoned the courage to finally speak up and ask her. Noong una ay kinakabahan pa ako dahil ang aggressive ng reaction niya kanina ukol dito pero sinubukan ko pa rin.

 

“Win, are you ready to talk about it na ba?” subtle  kong simula, ayaw ko naman maging straight forward dahil nga pinapakiramdaman ko pa rin siya at ang magiging reaction niya ngayon. Sana ay hindi na gaya ng kanina dahil medyo challenging ang pakalmahin siya.

 

“Ano po?” taas kilay na tanong nito at tuluyang tumingin na sa ‘kin. Tunog clueless naman talaga ang sagot niya kaya nag patuloy na lang ako. 

 

“About what happened, Win…” I cautiously added, hinihintay ang magiging reaksyon niya. Winter’s eyes widened, and her cheeks were already a fiery red color, lalo lang ako nag alala nang makuha ang ganitong reaksyon mula sa kanya.

 

This is not the reaction I expected. Parang somehow mas okay pa sa ‘kin maging agresibo siya kesa sa ganito, hindi ko mabasa eh.

 

“Win?” tawag ko sa pangalan niya, “Come on, now. You’re scaring me.” dagdag ko, hinihintay pa rin ang sagot niya.

 

“Are you?” 

 

Napakunot ang noo ko sa narinig.

 

“What?” lost na tanong ko, “I don’t think I understand, Win…” patuloy ko, salubong pa rin ang dalawang kilay.

 

“Nung minomol kita—”

 

“No, not that!”

 

Turn ko naman tuloy para mamula, hindi naman kasi ‘yon ang gusto kong pag-usapan— wait, gusto ko pag-usapan pero hindi ngayon! Hindi nga ako handa. Ano ba naman ‘to, universe?

 

“Ay, a-ano ba?” Winter asked, hindi ko na maipinta ang mukha niya.

 

“About what happened sa Hospital, Win!” I cleared it up, nahihiya pa rin dahil sa sinabi niya kanina, at yung ginamit niyang term, grabe!

 

Minomol? Minomol!

 

Where did she get that word? 

 

“And… And your patient.” subok ko pa ulit, “What’s his, uh, name?”

 

Winter’s demeanor shifted slightly. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung tama bang tinanong ko pa ‘to or napaka wrong timing, nag aalala lang naman ako sa kanya.

 

“Wallace.” she answered soon after, “He was— He’s a friend.” pag sisimula niya. I can tell she’s struggling to share this with me, but she’s making an effort, and I appreciate that.

 

“Unang patient ko siya sa peds unit, nag assist ako sa i-ilan niyang surgeries kaya napalapit na yung bata sa ‘kin.” pag papatuloy pa nito. “Bright kid, napaka galing sa Math, he was always asking me to teach him Math kaya sobra na lang ang pagka-amaze ko sa bata.”

 

She took a deep breath before proceeding, “Simula yata naging Doktor niya ako, wala na siyang ibang bukambibig kundi ang birthday niya, he never fails to tell me what he wants for his birthday.” she chuckled, a very sad one at that.

 

“What does Wallace want for his birthday, Win?” tanong ko sa kanya, her sad eyes met my concerned ones. “Binoculars, he was into astronomy too…” 

 

Nakita ko kung paano bumagsak ang mga balikat ni Winter nang sabihin ‘to. “Bought him one, I never had the chance to give it to him, let alone wish him a happy birthday.” Winter’s voice cracked, and I felt a tug on my heart when I found out that it was Wallace’s birthday today, and that he should be 11 by now.

 

“Who said you couldn’t?”

 

I stood up as I said that, kinuha ko na rin ang susi ko sa countertop ng kitchen, ramdam ko nga ang titig ni Winter habang tinatahak ko ang maikling distansya ng kusina at ng lamesa.

 

“Let’s go.” yakag ko sa kasama, nakita ko ang bahagyang pag kunot ng noo nito.

 

“Where to?”

 

“To Wallace, let’s give him your present.” Winter’s lip quivered when she heard that. “But Rina… he’s— he’s at the morgue, I can’t… I can’t look at him habang nandoon siya, I don’t want to.”

 

My expression softened sa narinig, pero I figured that she would say that, ayaw ko lang kasi na ang last memory ni Winter of Wallace ay nung nasa OR ang bata, alam kong masakit na makita si Wallaca sa morge pero it’s a better memory than him dying at the table.

 

“It’s Wallace’s birthday, Win, and he’d like you to be there.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

It took the entire car ride to persuade Winter to return to the Hospital. I slightly thanked the alcohol when she finally mustered the courage to open the entryway’s glass doors. Naka sunod lang naman ako kay Winter habang patuloy siyang nag lalakad. 

 

Surprisingly, we haven’t met any of her friends, which I think is a good thing dahil sa tingin ko ay hindi pa sila kayang kaharapin ni Winter ngayon. 

 

She’s still at her breaking point, and I can tell she needs closure with Wallace and his parents, and maybe, just maybe, if I tried hard enough, I could give Winter closure with the Chief too.

 

Pero kung hindi naman kaya ngayon, sa susunod na lang. This day has already been exhausting and painful, and I don’t want to add salt to the wound.

 

Winter is a good Doctor— great even. She follows the rules and her morals. I know it was never her intention to yell at the Chief—but given what he’s done, I might do the same, if not, it’ll be way worse than that.

 

Look, I understand that what she did was somewhat wrong, and that she did not have the authority to yell at her boss, but she did well, and I will g