Dosie knew she shouldn’t have slept over at Goeun’s house. The moment she walked through the door her parents were waiting on the other side despite her hoping so badly they wouldn’t be home. Just her luck that the one day she stayed out all night was the night her parents were home. She wasn’t looking forward to whatever they had to say.

 

“Welcome home Eunseong. Your mother and I weren’t aware that you were gonna be out all night.” Her father states. His voice is calm but it’s laced with venom.

 

“Care to explain where you’ve been?” Her mother asks her as she stares down her own daughter.

 

Dosie quickly gets nervous at their tone of voice and their ice cold glares. Her mind blanks and she can’t think of a response. So she doesn’t say anything and just keeps shut while staring at the floor. She’s hoping they’ll let her off easy and she can just go to her room and hide.

 

“You better say something before we take away your phone and laptop. You know we hate it when you don’t answer us.” Her mother is starting to get irritated.

 

Dosie slightly panics at this threat for fear of not being able to talk to her friends outside of school. Dosie may have been able to stand up to Jieun’s parents but not to her own. Deep down she knew that while Jieun’s parents weren’t the best, they still provided their daughter with what she needed and would never physically hurt. Dosie however doesn’t trust that her parents wouldn’t raise their hand on her and they never bothered giving her anything she needed. Dosie’s had to fend for herself for most of her life.

 

“I…was studying w-with a friend…” she begins to slightly sweat “we have this project coming up a-and it got late…so I figured it was better if I j-just spent the night.” Her voice is shaky as fear racks her body and consumes her mind.

 

Despite her best efforts Dosie knows her parents can tell she’s lying. She’s afraid of what they might do and braces herself for it.

 

“Are you serious? You're going to try and lie to us?” His voice very quickly begins to raise in tone and is filled with anger.

 

“You know what happens when you lie right? You're lucky I’m in a good mood right now. We won’t take your phone or laptop but we will shut off the WiFi for a week.” Her mother states as she scoffs at her daughter.

 

This relieves Dosie while she won’t be able to do much. The lack of WiFi won’t affect her texting the rest of the girls as all she needs is signal. Unfortunately she wasn’t out of the woods just yet as her parents continued to rip into her.

 

“I seriously can’t believe you! You stayed out all night and then you come in here and try to lie directly to us!”

 

“I-I’m s-sorry! I-I d-didn--” Dosie begins before very quickly being cut off.

 

“If I were you I’d keep my mouth shut until your father is finished speaking! I don’t understand how we ended up with you as our second daughter!” Her mother stated with annoyance.

 

“Exactly your sister is only in her second year of university and she's already the top student yet here you are barely breaking the top 3 as a senior in your highschool! On top of that you can’t even show us basic respect as your parents mean while your sister is never rude to us!” Dosie’s father continues to berate her.

 

“I don’t even know why we keep trying with you. You’ll never be like your sister!! The fact that your father and I keep having these conversations with you should be proof enough that you’ll never change.” Her mother scoffs at Dosie and waves a dismissive hand at her as she turns her head away from her.

 

At this point Dosie’s anxiety is kicking in hard. She starts to tear up and in less than a minute she’s balled herself up on the floor with her eyes shut tight and covering her ears with her hands.

 

“What are you doing now?! Is this another supposed anxiety attack? You know we’re only trying to look out for you, that's why we keep telling you all these things!” Her mother is nearly shouting at her

 

“Your sister never had these anxiety attacks that you apparently always seem to have!!! Come on Eunseong cut the act we’re just trying to help you!”

 

Dosie couldn’t take it anymore as nothing she did pleased her parents. She’s 3rd in her highschool out of every student there. The only ones above her were Goeun and Jieun. Yet no matter what she did they only saw her as a screw up while her sister was a perfect child to them. Soon enough her mind was filled with intrusive thoughts.

 

“It’s always my sister this and my sister that. She’s always so perfect to them…my sister…I hate my sister…they all hate me. All three of them hate me because she’s better than me.”

 

Eventually Dosie’s had enough of them comparing her to her sister.

 

“Just leave me alone” she whispers at first. Her parent’s voices sounded like they were distant.

 

“Get up from the floor Eunseong and pull yourself together, you look like an idiot!”

 

“Please just leave me alone” she says again louder. She begins picking herself up from the ground. Her parent’s voices sounded further this time as memories with her sister began to resurface.

 

“Come on, your sister never would’ve done this, why can't you just be more like her?!” Her mother may be yelling but Dosie can’t quite tell anymore.

 

“LEAVE ME ALONE! PLEASE JUST LEAVE! ME! ALONE!!!” she shouts at the top of her lungs. Memories came rushing back. Memories she tried to forget. Memories she buried so deep down began to resurface. Memories of her sister and her parent’s laughing at her when all she wanted was their approval. She tried to fight them off and bury them again but to no avail as her mind was thrown back in time to a memory she wanted nothing more than to simply forget.

---

*Flashback*

 

“Mom! Dad! Look at this picture I drew of our family!” A young Eunseong excitedly presented the drawing to her parents.

 

“This is supposed to be our family?” he starts to laugh. “This is so bad your sister could’ve done so much better.” Her father continues to crueling laugh at his own daughter.

 

Her mother takes the photo and begins to laugh along.

 

“You're not wrong there. I can’t even tell who is who here.” Her mother snickers.

 

“But I’m really proud of it. I tried so hard to draw it.” she whispers on the brink of tears.

 

“That is a totally epic drawing. It totally looks like you gave it your all.” she says sarcastically to Eunseong.

 

Eunseong then tears the drawing from the hands of her mother and runs to her room sobbing in the process.

 

*End flashback*

---

 

Dosie gets up and runs to her room where she locks the door behind her. Even though her room is cramped and she can’t stand being behind a closed door she keeps her door closed and locked at all times to keep her parents out. Soon enough they start banging on her door but she ignores it. She’s only after one thing in her room. Her vision tunnels as sweat is nearly pouring down her face. She’s starting to hyperventilate as she stumbles around her room making her way to what she’s after.

 

“Need..to get…it. Stay calm…don’t panic…you’ll be ok”

 

Dosie makes her way to the book shelf in the corner of her room where she has all her favorite books that she reads to escape her parents. There’s a banging on her door but it sounds far too distant for her to notice it. She gets on her knees to reach the bottom shelf. She removes one of the books and pulls out a pill bottle. The label on the bottle says “Xanax.” She opens it and takes out the last two pills. She makes a quick mental note to get the prescription refilled as soon as possible. After taking the pills she balls up on the floor with her eyes shut and her hands covering her ears once more. She wants nothing more than to fall into a deep sleep. Not that she would ever be able to and even if she could she’s afraid to. Especially while her parents are around. After what felt like forever her parents stopped and she heard them talking.

 

“Just leave it alone dear she’s never gonna be like her sister anyways.” Her father states with disgust leaking in his tone of voice.

 

“You're right I’m glad she’ll be coming over tomorrow so we should get the house ready for her. Let’s just ignore Eunseong for now. Maybe her sister can talk to her and straighten her out during her visit.” Her mother mentions acting like Dosie was someone who needed to be fixed.

 

At that moment Dosie’s blood ran cold and she immediately tensed at her parent’s words. She internally panics slightly as her mind races with thoughts.

 

“She’s coming over tomorrow? No…no…no why now of all times?! This can’t be happening. Please tell me I’m dreaming…I just had the best night of my life and now this?!?!”

 

Despite her fear of her sister returning for a visit she felt some relief. With her sister here, their parents will leave her alone for the time being. However she was also feeling another sensation of relief only…she didn’t know what was causing it or why she was feeling more relief than she feels she should’ve been.

---

The next day Dosie went to school. It was clear as day that Dosie didn’t get much sleep…if she got any at all. Like always, nobody bothered to ask if she was feeling alright. That was until Goeun saw her and called out to her.

 

“DOSIE! OVER HERE!” Goeun exclaims, excited to see her friend after the sleep over the day before.

 

“Hmm? Oh hey Goeun unnie. How are you?” Dosie asks calmly and with a straight face. Inside she felt warm at the use of her new chosen nickname even though she didn’t show it.

 

“I’m fine just got her-woah are you ok? Your eyes are so dark you look like you haven’t slept at all.” Goeun asks concerns as she observes her friend’s tired and dark eyes. She looked like she would knock out standing up.

 

This caught Dosie off guard. In fact it caught off guard enough that some expression slipped through her straight face but she quickly covered it up. After all she’s used to people ignoring her but she thought of an excuse as to not worry Goeun or the rest of her friends if they happen to notice.

 

“Uh ya I’m fine I was just up late doing school work. You know it being our senior year we should stay on top of things” She claims hoping her unnie wouldn’t see through the lie.

 

“That is true but hey maybe you can ask Jieun for help. She has a tendency to stay and study after school in the library. Maybe she can help you get things done faster so that you can have time to sleep.” Goeun swears to herself she saw a bit of shock on Dosie’s face but writes it off as Dosie just trying to stay awake as she suggests to Dosie to ask for help.

 

“Maybe I don’t want to bother her though.” Dosie says uneasily and she scans around the space in search of Jieun. It was clear that she’s lost in thought.

 

Deep down Dosie was praying that Goeun would continue trying to convince her to ask Jieun for help. If asking Jieun for help meant avoiding home with an excuse that was true then she’d take it. She didn’t want to deal with her sister or parents. She didn’t want more buried memories to resurface again.

 

“You should still ask. You know how Jieun is. I'm sure she wouldn’t mind helping you. Besides, it might help her feel more like she’s part of the group and she isn’t just on the side following us around like a lost puppy.” Goeun giggles as she says the last part as she imagines Jieun’s face and how her eyes light up whenever the girls introduce her to something new she’s never seen before.

 

“Ya…ok I’ll ask her for help. Thank you Goeun unnie.” Dosie says still distracted by other thoughts.

 

Suddenly the school bell rings indicating it was time to go to class. Before Dosie went to her respective class she caught Jieun before she walked into hers.

 

“Jieun unnie, I have a question.” Dosie looks down unsure of herself.

 

“Hmm what is it, Dosie? And are you ok? You look really tired. Did you sleep at all last night?” Jieun asks her with concern in her voice and worry written all over her face.

 

“I’m ok, I just had a lot of school work. That's what I wanted to ask you about. Do you think you could help me study after school? Goeun unnie suggested I ask you for help so I can get my school stuff done quicker. Maybe we can hangout a bit once we’re done as well?” Dosie quietly asks her unnie.

 

Dosie felt her heart beat increase and her breath catch as she waited for Jieun’s answer. Every fiber of her body was begging Jieun to say yes.

 

“I’d love to Dosie but I won’t be able to today. I lost one of my notebooks and I need to go buy another one after school. Tomorrow I can though and I’d love to hang out a little bit after we finish our assignments tomorrow.” Jieun states with a bright smile on her face.

 

Dosie doesn’t know what came over her. She doesn’t know if it was from relief or happiness that she pulled Jieun into a tight hug and buried her face in her shoulder. She caught Jieun completely off guard. So much so that Jieun only returned the embrace after about 10 seconds after Dosie initially hugged her.

 

“Whoa. Ok I’m gonna be honest Dosie I was already surprised you asked me to hangout with you after we finish studying tomorrow but this? This isn’t like you” Jieun nervously chuckles as she tries to comfort Dosie from whatever she thinks must be bugging her.

                                                                     

“Are you ok? I mean I won’t lie, I don't mind this side of you but it does have me worried.” Jieun claims as she pulls back from the hug to look at Dosie.

 

“...Thank you unnie. You don’t know how much this means to me.” Dosie states as she faces the floor.

 

Soon enough the bell rang and Dosie turned to head to class. All the while she keeps her head down to keep the tears on her face from being seen. She couldn’t be more grateful for the friends she’s found this year. Much like Jieun she feels the girls are her chosen family only for her it is a little different. The girls weren’t just her chosen family. They were her home. For once in her life she finally felt home.