# 4

Magician
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"This is incredible."

Hyukjae looks up. He's on the floor. He just made a huge poster calendar. Because Donghae asked for it.

"Is it what you wanted?" Hyukjae says. He's grinning proudly. His legs kick lightly in the air.

"It's exactly what I wanted," Donghae says

He lies on his stomach too. Right beside him. They're wearing their matching PJ sets. Hyukjae's are lime green. Donghae's are pink. It was Hyukjae's choice.

Donghae's brought his markers. His notebook. He flips through it to the right month. Hyukjae shifts closer.

"You look so cute," he whispers. Kisses Donghae's cheek.

Donghae smiles. Warm and pleased. He pecks Hyukjae's lips.

"So do you, Hyukkie." He hands one marker to him. "Now. You're gonna write down what you need to do throughout the week, and I'll write down what I have to. You can put in the time too."

"Okay," Hyukjae says. "Why are we doing this?"

"Because," Donghae says. He chuckles at how Hyukjae looks. Adorably confused. "I've got some meetings I need to schedule, so I want to make sure I'm not away when you're doing something important."

Hyukjae blinks. "Like... a doctor's appointment?"

"Yeah."

"But you mean when... when they're going to use needles?"

Donghae chuckles. Kisses his cheek.

"Yes. I'd like to be there with you."

"To hold my hand."

"Yes."

"Mama Park holds my hand and Papa Park held my hand too."

"Okay, so it's my turn."

Hyukjae giggles. "I'm not gonna cry anymore so I don't need my hand held. I'm a pro now."

"Well, I'm gonna hold your hand anyway," Donghae says.

Because according to Leeteuk: Hyukjae cries a lot before. Or he cries a lot after. But he definitely cries. It makes Donghae's heart clench.

"Okay," Hyukjae says. Smiles. He fills in a block on the calendar. Mama Saeron 2pm. Then he gasps. Turns to Donghae. "Hae!"

"What? Oh, your writing is so neat -- do you want to write mine too?"

"Oh!" Hyukjae's eyes light up. He takes Donghae's marker. "Of course! You have gym at the same time I'm seeing Mama Saeron, right?"

"That's right," Donghae says. He rests his head on his arm. Watches Hyukjae. His full cheeks. Protruding lips. The delicate way he writes. "What were you going to say, Hyukkie?"

"Oh, right! Hae, I don't know when I'm going to the doctor because when I cried a lot, a-and the Parks told me how important it is to get my shots, we decided that they'd never tell me because I'd get too scared to go! So they just take me out and we go for ice cream or the river or we go to the mall -- it's always a surprise! So then I can't come running home to hide because it will worry you and I don't want you to worry about me and miss your work so this way, if I find out just minutes before, I'd have to toughen up and take it and hope it's over fast!"

Donghae closes his eyes. Sighs.

"Hyukjae..." he says. "Please don't worry about worrying me..."

"Why?" Hyukjae pouts.

"Because I worry anyway," Donghae says.

"But that's not good!" Hyukjae says. Moves closer. Shoves his head into Donghae's chest. Donghae falls on his back. Laughs and holds him.

"Why's that not good, baby?"

"It's just not good," Hyukjae mumbles.

Donghae his hair.

"Okay, but Hyukkie, I called Mrs. Park and I know when your appointments are. With the needles."

Hyukjae raises himself.

"You do? B-But you can't tell me!"

"Yeah, I know," Donghae says. Hyukjae won't sleep for days if he knows. Donghae moves Hyukjae gently. Pecks his lips. Turns to the calendar again. "That's why we're doing this. I'm gonna have to find the time to take you out and then surprise you with a doctor's visit, so you never see it coming. Wait--" He glances at Hyukjae. "Do you not feel worried whenever the Parks take you out, then? Like, anytime they're here, it could be for the doctor?"

"No..." Hyukjae shakes his head. "Or um, a little, but we have so much fun and we do a lot of things so I forget about it."

Donghae laughs. He has to pinch his cheek. "Oh, you're so funny."

Hyukjae's pouty lips fatten though. He blinks away. To the calendar.

"Baby?"

Hyukjae mumbles something.

"I'm sorry?"

Hyukjae looks back at him. "But Hae, you can't take me out like the Parks do all the time! Papa Park doesn't work everyday and Mama Park doesn't work all day, so they can do it. But you said you have to work at least five hours everyday so you don't fall behind! At least! You said you have to send work to the author!"

"W-Well, yes, I did say that, but it's not... a definite rule," Donghae mutters. "I could work three hours and then work seven hours another day--"

"But Hae! Then we can't cook dinner together and watch movies together and then you can't sleep in on the weekend or go out!"

"It's just a few days here and there," Donghae reassures. "We'll order food, Hyukkie, it's okay, I'll figure it out--"

"But you still have to cook your protein shakes!" Hyukjae says. "I don't know how to cook protein shakes! You won't have time!"

Donghae laughs again. "I don't cook the protein shakes. It's a blender, Hyukkie, it just mixes things--"

"I-I know what it is," Hyukjae says. He blinks at the calendar. His cheeks have reddened. His ears too. "I m-meant... I don't know how to mix it -- but I can learn! Yeah, I'll... learn how to..."

"I know you can learn," Donghae says. He brushes Hyukjae's hair back. His brows are furrowed. "But you don't have to. I'm sure I'll have time to cook my protein shakes."

He doesn't get a smile out of Hyukjae. The other's chewing on his lip. He's written down a few more notes. He looks through Donghae's agenda. 

"Baby..." Donghae says. "Is there anything... you want to tell me?"

Hyukjae glances at him. Quickly shakes his head.

"N-No..." Hyukjae says. "Why?"

Donghae scoots closer. Takes his marker. Closes the cap.

"Hyukkie..." Donghae says softly. "Remember when I called you after I left my brother's house?"

"O-Oh... when Koongie couldn't poop?"

"Yeah," Donghae says. "You said you wanted to tell me many t

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Author's Thoughts
sujul33
Wanted to add some Hyukjae POV.
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OdetteSwan 924 streak #1
Chapter 19: He's trying to find his purpose now that he isn't restrained.
Thank you so much for the update.
yanHae15 136 streak #2
Chapter 19: Oh! Hi! It's been a while! I miss them!
But Hyukkie is sad and struggling. I hope he doesn't see what they're doing for him as something negative. They do it with pur intentions and so, if there's any problem, it will be better to communicate. He shouldn't keep everything to himself 🥹🥹
fullofwish 1532 streak #3
Chapter 19: Hyukjae is struggling with so much. Seems like he feels bad whether he keeps it to himself or shares it, so it's understandable he's not sure what the best thing to do is. He and Donghae are really so considerate of each other, to a fault. Half of the issue is that they just want to please the other person at the possible expense of what they themselves want. Not sharing the things that are unpleasant. Hyuk now has more awareness and is worried that's what Donghae is always doing, but he is doing it too by not really sharing his true concerns. Worried Donghae will feel more responsible or burdened to find a solution for him.

Still think they can work through things best together, though. At least, Hyukjae seems more lost and afloat when he retreats into his lonely mind and the insidious draw of more powerful magic between the difficult memories and realizations. Even though Hyuk is better at self-regulating than he was when he would literally transform to protect himself whenever overwhelmed or threatened, he still needs trustworthy people to keep him grounded and remind him to tread safely, and Donghae has been that constant person he needed for a while. Maybe Hyukkie needs to express the things he needs that are different now, if that's the case. Like Donghae being more open with his own wants and needs instead of only prioritizing Hyukjae.
HelenDamnation #4
Chapter 19: Well from the sound of it, it may be the only parenting he got growing up was the time with Hazel. The rest of the time there's a whole lot of trauma he needs to recover from on top of his entire world basically having disappeared.

He's very helpful and considerate. He seems to be having trouble that realizing that is actually worth a lot. But he's at the age, isn't he, based on your notes, to be thinking that if he doesn't do something big then none of it counts. It would probably help if somebody explained to everyone in this story that constantly treating someone like they're fragile and about to break into a million pieces is going to be destructive to their mental health, even when you mean in the best way possible. :-)
ldh2013 #5
Chapter 19: Everytime Hyukjae felt threatened, he retreated into becoming a mannequin. It's no wonder that everyone, especially Donghae, has been trying really hard to make sure he feels safe. Being constantly worried over can be trying and Hyukjae appears to be feeling guilty about it. Adapting to the current world isn't that easy. Technically, Hyukjae doesn't have that much experience living (not being a manniquin). I think his only "work" experience was ever as a helper but the people around him now don't really "need" him to help them.
HelenDamnation #6
Chapter 18: So Hyukjae feels like he doesn't belong where he is, which is natural to have to process...but then in MM&YxMagician, he finds out there are DonghaexHyukjae couples everywhere he looks...so maybe that'll help? Help him feel he's where he's supposed to be?

Edit: I really, really like how you're showing some things many people experience that rarely get talked about in fiction, if ever. Like the sense of grief and loss when you get old enough to realize that you can't actually read all the books there are or learn all the things, much less do them fast enough. Or the fact that there's a lot to do with where you really can't fully imagine how it feels until you try it, which can create some shocks, both good and bad ones -- I've never seen that covered in conventional publishing (or at least only the ic surprises, never the reverse). I've been reading fanfiction for less than two years, but I'm constantly impressed at how fanfiction authors just go right ahead and cover what is missing from print media that really needs to be said and portrayed.
kiwicolada 1592 streak #7
Chapter 18: And here I'm sitting and thought that Hyukkie already coped amazingly with his past. I really thought he was fine living in the present, with Donghae and the Parks. That he's still suffering inside and feels lost in place is sad to read. Thinking about it, he lost so many time while he was surviving as mannequin during the centuries. And when we think twice there must be a century old between him and Hae. No wonder he feels out of time. But he did so well and everyone made sure to tell him this. But sometimes it's normal to feel this way, not belonging to this place and time when we think where Hyukjae's coming from.

I'm amazed that Hyukkie could feel Hae's biggest fear. That he could turn into a mannequin again. This shows how strong their bond is. Even the century old . A deep and strong love. As if they're destined to each other. Like it was his fate to sleep as mannequin until he could meet Donghae. Aside from all the horrible experiences Hyukkie did in the former century, I like the idea that Hyukkie and Hae were meant to be. But the deep sadness in Hyukkie is hard to handle for Donghae. The thing is Donghae can do what he wants, he can't heal Hyukjae from this sadness. Not alone. And deep inside there will always be a tiny piece of sadness that will reminds Hyukkie's that he's a surprise from another century.

It's been a while a chapter went so deep. Thank you for writing and sharing this ❤️
fullofwish 1532 streak #8
Chapter 18: So curious (worried) about what Teukie is worried about. Hope it is just because Hyuk sent him some possibly weird or sad texts before and not anything more.

The way Hyukkie's feeling is understandable. He's always so bright and energetic, but the more he grows and learns the more he comes to terms with reality. How could he not feel out of place? He's literally from the past, with magic no one else (that we know of) has, and has a lot of uncertainty still. It must feel so lonely and hard, no matter much Donghae and the Parks love and take care of him. It's no one's fault. It will just take time and patience for Hyukjae to figure things out and really find his place. To not be so harsh on himself for not being good at everything right away. As much as it breaks Donghae's heart to see him upset and struggling, it's a relief he's opening up about this.

♡
Kethryveris #9
Chapter 18: Hyuk, s'inquiète et se sent mal, j'espère que Hae va vite lui rendre sa joie de vivre. Merci 💙
kiwicolada 1592 streak #10
Chapter 17: Hyukkie is such a sweetheart. All concerned about the safety of Donghae's work. Even kisses have no priority in that moment. What a cute weatherman. And Donghae is all happy and forgot about that horrible night before. This is how their trip should be. I like this chapter a lot ❤️ Thank you for sharing and a belated happy new year ^^
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