January 2024

Karina stared into the mixtape. Kanina pa sya nakauwi sa bahay, magdamag na rin nyang tinititigan ang iniwan ni Winter sakanya. If she was being honest, she does not want to listen or read what's left of Winter. 

Aaminin nya na for the first few months, she was so sure na her best friend is alive. They buried an empty casket. Sabi ng ibang Marines, they can't recover the corpses. Yung iba naging abo na kasama ng sinasakyan nilang chopper.

Karina even thought of a theory na baka bumalik sakanila si Winter bilang isang Iron Man. It was tough. She was hoping for the better, but as time goes by, she realizes na it will keep getting worse, until the day she accepted defeat and give up Winter.

Pero she is not sure if today is that day. Kinuha ni Karina ang Walkman nya na bigay ni Winter noong 10th birthday nya. 

She played the mixtape and closed her eyes. Sumandal sya sa headboard ng kama nya, waiting for the tape to play. She hears humming, and then Winter started singing. 

"My favorite singer in the world is not Harry Styles, nor Ariana Grande. It is you, Rina. I have always loved that deep yet soothing voice of yours." Karina felt her cheeks getting wet. Umiiyak na naman sya. She misses Winter so much.

"You're my favorite too," bulong ni Karina sa hangin. Winter chuckled.

"I guess you are saying na ako rin yung favorite mo. Well, I know. It's you and me until the end, no?" Karina nodded her head. 

"But good things are bound to end, Rina. If you are listening to this mixtape, then I am probably gone. I am probably not existing in your world anymore," Winter chuckled dryly before continuing with her speech.

"After recording this, I would most probably leave the key kay Chaewon. Speaking of that brat, can you take care of her? She can be so hard sometimes. And for sure, she'll be mad once I'm gone." Karina wiped her tears and laughed with Winter. Chaewon is a really hard person to care for. 

"Oh before I forgot, tanda mo pa ba yung ring na binigay ko sayo?" Winter paused for a moment. Siguro she was anticipating Karina to answer, kahit na hindi nya nakikita ang dalaga.

"Of course," sabi ni Karina at pinaglaruan ang singsing na suot nya. Hindi naman nya hinihubad ang singsing na bigay ni Winter, lalo na simula nang mawala ito. 

"I told you na it's a backup plan, diba?" Karina nodded her head. She has been thinking about it. Ano bang klaseng backup plan? Kapag ba wala syang hawak na singsing at gusto nyamagpropose, ito ang gagamitin nya? She does not really know. 

"Well, I guess I need to ask you now." Karina paused the tape and sighed. Ready na ba talaga sya na pakawalan si Winter? 

"I guess I have to listen now," bulong ni Karina sa sarili at pinindot ang play ng Walkman. She hums. 

"Karina Yu, please marry me when we turn 30 and we have no one." Napakuyom ang kamay ni Karina. Niloloko ba sya ni Winter? Bakit naman magppropose si Winter sa goodbye mixtape na ginawa nya kay Karina?

"Well, sana umabot ako sa part na ikakasal na tayo, or better after building a family. Sana, pero you don't love me like that kasi, Rina." 

"I ing love you like that, moron!" Sigaw ni Karina. Wala na syang pake kung magmukha syang tanga at baliw. Mag-isa lang naman sya sa bahay nya.

"Akala ko dati it was because of my job kaya wala akong nahahanap na love life. When in fact, it was because I only have my eyes on you and I keep hoping na sana single ka pa rin when you turn 30," napairap si Karina. Who would have thought that the Captain of the Marines is so afraid of confessing her love?

" you, I'll turn 30 in a few months, stupid!" Sigaw nya ulit. 

"Anyway, I love you for all my life, Karina Yu. And I hope you never get to listen to this tape. I love you, dumb dumb." After the last part, a song played. 

Napatingin si Karina sa letter na nasa may bedside table nya. The tape has spent her mental and emotional health for the day. Kailangan nya muna siguro ng oras para madigest ang nangyari. She needs time to think. 

After all, their feeling was mutual. But for some reason, no one dared to confess and took a risk. No one was comfortable enough to risk their beautiful and painful friendship for something more. Something that will give them the happiness that they deserve. 

Before she listened to the damn tape, she was plain cold sober. She is supposed to get her gold chip. Mag-dadalawang buwan na sana syang sober pero she chose to go back to 1. She has no medicine or treatment for her pain right now. 

Regret is such a painful disease.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kinda want to write a 2Kim Spinoff sana pero tinatamad ako huhu.